Fic: One and Only (unfinished)
I did part of a thing and never finished it but someone brought it up for Sparktober so here?
Major angst and character death warnings.
Rodney and Radek were in full-blown ecstatic geeking when Elizabeth arrived at the lab the search team had discovered. An enormous machine dominated fully half of the room. It was oddly shaped, with a large space that looked like a 7 foot tall egg cut out of the middle. She waited for a moment, scanning the text visible on the machine, before asking the dynamic duo the obvious question. "So, what is it?"
They ignored her. Elizabeth glanced at Teyla, who was watching the two scientists with a mix of amusement and exasperation.
She waited a beat and then tried again, a bit louder. "Gentlemen?"
Radek broke off first. "Yes?"
She waved a hand at the device.
Radek looked at Rodney, who looked like he was about to launch into a long explanation, but then he sighed. "We don't know."
"There is theory that this was part of their research on ascension," Radek began excitedly.
"A theory with absolutely nothing to back it up!" Rodney rebutted. "For all we know it's a room-sized popcorn popper."
"No lid," Radek pointed out. Rodney glared at him.
Elizabeth stepped closer, squinting. Some of the text looked familiar, Radek was right about that. It talked about "other places." Or was that "other spaces"? She followed the writing, unconsciously moving to see better.
"I was simply offering Dr. Weir one of our theories," Radek muttered to Rodney behind her. Elizabeth ducked down, crouching near the floor and shifting forward to keep reading.
"Well we've got a lot of those right now," she heard Rodney snipe back. "Were you ordering them in any particular way or did you just randomly decide-"
There was a bright flash of light that completely blinded her. More than blinded her, she realized when she fell unceremoniously to the floor, dizzy and slightly nauseous. She closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath. With her eyes closed, she realized something was very wrong.
Normally, when she fell down, someone tried to help her up.
Or at least said her name, in surprise or alarm or concern. The first one should have been Rodney while Radek and Teyla would've had the other two covered.
Elizabeth opened her eyes. She was on the floor under the machine's arch, in the lab. But all the lights were off, and the lab was empty.
A chill of fear swept up her spine that she tried to push off. She was in the lab, still. But this was very strange.
She got up, pausing until her legs stopped shaking enough to walk, and headed for the door. There was no sign of anyone in the hallways either.
Her scalp began to prickle. The hallways were dark, like they weren't entirely powered. Had she fallen asleep somehow? Her nightmares often started like this - Atlantis cold and empty except for her.
No, she was awake. Something had happened with the machine in the lab. Perhaps time had passed? A lot of time, she amended, walking towards the city center. It was a stretch but meeting a 10,000 year old version of yourself opened up the mind to distant possibilities.
She ran through one scenario after another. If she'd been somehow inside the machine for a while, the lab should've been full of people trying to recover her. Unless it had been a very, very long while and they'd given up. Her watch said it was only a few minutes since she arrived at the lab, but then again her watch had gone through the same thing she had, so what use was it?
Or she had gone backwards in time, a thought far more disturbing. What if she was here before her own team arrived? Elizabeth wasn't sure she could handle living in the submerged city alone. Not while she was awake. The mere idea made panic begin to rise within her and she forced it away. Get to the control room, that was her priority.
And then panic.
She picked up her pace, her boots echoing through the empty corridors, until she was nearing the center of the city. A voice abruptly called out to her, "Who's there?"
A sentry was posted, meaning she wasn't here alone at least, thank God. "It's Dr. Weir," she called back, walking forward more quickly, her hands in plain sight. She rounded the corner and saw a Marine she didn't recognize, standing with his weapon pointed in her general direction.
His face was completely ashen. "Doctor Weir?" he whispered, looking at her like she was a ghost.
"Yes," she said slowly. "I'm sorry, I don't seem to remember you?" The momentary relief that she wasn't trapped in Atlantis by herself faded as another wave of uncertainty hit her.
The Marine suddenly snapped his rifle up and pointed it at her heart. "Don't move."
Elizabeth froze, her hands in the air.
He grabbed his radio. "This is Phillips. I need backup, right now. And get Sheppard down here ASAP."
Sheppard. Elizabeth's heart slammed against her ribs. Him? How?
The Marine snarled at her. "If this is some fucking Replicator trick, we're not going to fall for it."
Elizabeth struggled to breathe as the heavy sound of booted feet came toward them and five more armed men spilled into the corridor, their guns raised and ready.
Every single one of them faltered when they saw her. Some of them were familiar to her, but before she could say anything, more footsteps came pounding down the corridor. She looked behind the armed men and began to tremble.
John and Rodney were running towards them.
John.
"What have you-" John started to ask the question and then stopped dead. All the color drained out of his face. Rodney didn't look much better.
There was a moment of silence. "Elizabeth?" John whispered.
"John?" she said back, her mind spinning helplessly.
"It can't be," Rodney also whispered. He glanced around, as if to confirm he was seeing the same thing everyone else was.
"What's going on here?" she demanded of everyone and no one. This wasn't possible.
John was dead. Elizabeth had taken his body home. She'd spoken to his brother, his ex-wife. It was only later, in the privacy of a hotel room and leaning against Ronon's shoulder, that she had finally cried for him.
But he was standing in front of her, staring, looking as bewildered as she was. Elizabeth noticed even through the dim light that his face looked tired and more lined than it should, and there were flecks of gray hair at his temples.
John started to go towards her but Rodney grabbed his arm. "We need to take her to the infirmary first." Rodney didn't seem to want to meet her eyes. "If she's a Replicator, she could infect us."
Elizabeth froze in shock. They thought she was a Replicator? Memories of waking up, being told by Carson what they'd done to keep her alive flared within her. It must have made her look guilty, because John's expression hardened slightly.
"Elizabeth?" he said again. "Is it really you?"
"Yes, it's really me. I'm not a Replicator. Of course," she bit her lip for a moment. "If I was, I would say that, wouldn't I?"
The two of them smiled just a little.
"You can run whatever scans you need to, but I'm not a Replicator. I was in a lab with Rodney and Teyla and Dr. Zelenka a minute ago, and now I'm here." She was pretty sure what had happened to her, but it might take slightly longer for them to catch up.
Rodney looked like he was about to start peppering her with questions but John nodded briefly. "Okay, let's get you to the infirmary."
***
Dr. Keller ran the scans on Elizabeth which showed only the remaining inactive nanites in her system, and tested her DNA. When the doctor pronounced with certainty that this was indeed Elizabeth Weir, the announcement was greeted with a strange, hollow silence. Dread began to coil inside of her at the way John and Rodney were looking at her. She could see the grief in their faces, and she was almost afraid to know what it was that had happened here.
By the time she was cleared by the doctor, Mr. Woolsey had appeared and Elizabeth got the shock of a lifetime when she realized he was in charge of Atlantis. It flashed through her mind that surely this was some kind of hell-version of her reality? Woolsey in charge of her city? Woolsey passing judgment on John and nagging Rodney about his research? And where were Carson and Teyla?
There wasn't much time to ask questions, though, before Rodney started interrogating her about the laboratory and the device they had found. In short order, Elizabeth found herself walking them back down the dark corridor to the empty lab.
"I must have gotten too close to the device and activated it," she finished, sheepishly. How many times had she lectured everyone about the need for safety around Ancient devices of unknown origin and she went poking her nose around and ended up like this?
She was waiting for John to point this out with his usual smirk, knowing he'd just love the fact that she had made such a silly mistake. But he didn't say anything. He was still staring at her, but his face had gone cold and hard and every so often he glanced at Rodney until they arrived at the lab. The lights came on, probably in reaction to John's presence.
Rodney also looked markedly thinner than he should. His face was somewhat sad, even more than it had been during the siege. The device was impossible to miss, so she pointed out where she had been standing and what had happened.
Dr. Simpson arrived a few minutes later. The young woman also did a tremendous double-take at Elizabeth before moving to join Rodney. Elizabeth wanted to ask where Radek was, but her head was still throbbing from the machine and the unanswered questions. She stepped to the side. "John, what is going on here?"
He looked down. Elizabeth saw the flash of sorrow that crossed Rodney's features as he looked at them.
"Elizabeth," John started, and his voice was rough with a pain she had never heard there before. "You died eight months ago."
***
There had been a time in her life when Elizabeth would've simply stared in confusion when someone started talking about multiple realities and quantum theory. Now, though, the truth of her situation had sunk in well before Rodney speculated that the device was some kind of portal that could shift matter between different realities.
"So, if that's the case, the obvious question becomes-" Rodney said, but Elizabeth finished his thought for him.
"How do I get back to my reality?"
John winced, looking away.
"Exactly."
"How long, McKay?"
Rodney was watching John, his face apprehensive, but he licked his lips and waved. "I need a couple hours at least to determine if I'm right that this is something like the quantum mirror back on Earth."
John nodded once and then turned and began walking towards the control room. He stopped short, glancing over his shoulder at her. "You should probably come with me," he said to her, his voice strange.
Elizabeth followed him, wondering if asking for the details of her death in an alternate timeline would qualify as being morbid or not.
She was dreading the questions about her own reality. She wasn't sure if she should disclose John's death to him. Learning about her own death was unsettling at the least. She didn't want to inflict that on him.
John didn't offer any explanations, just walked back to the control room. The closer they got to the city's center, the more people they encountered. There was a lot of staring and whispering and pointing at her. John ignored it, heading for his office, but Elizabeth was distinctly uneasy by the attention, not to mention her ongoing headache and the shaking feeling in her limbs.
Inside his tiny office, which Elizabeth never remembered her John using much, there was one familiar object. The urn John had given her for her birthday was on his desk.
Elizabeth folded her arms. "What happened?" she blurted out.
John didn't sit down, and neither did she. He just stood there, looking at her. His voice was flat and empty and she knew even this version of John Sheppard well enough to know he was removing himself from what he was saying to get through saying it. "We went off-world to negotiate for some plants to add to our food supplies. The government of the planet had been fighting with rebel religious leaders and they hadn't warned us. We were ambushed and you were shot."
John's eyes weren't seeing the inside of the office. She shivered, knowing he was reliving the experience. "We got you back through the gate as quickly as possible, but it was too late. Beckett couldn't save you. Simple gunshot wound to the chest."
His eyes rested on her body and Elizabeth felt a swamping wave of confusion. She had no idea what to do right now. Offer condolences on her own death? She wasn't even sure what she was feeling, other than the headache and a lingering feeling of nausea. She rubbed her forehead wearily and John's expression turned contrite. "You should see a doctor."
***
Elizabeth lay on the gurney, eyes closed and trying not to fall asleep. They'd given her something for her headache and started an IV. She was almost glad to have the time to just sit and try and process what was going on. Alternate reality, where her counterpart was dead. Dead in a totally useless and stupid manner, no less.
John - who was dead in her own reality - was waiting with her. She was grateful that he was keeping quiet, but at the same time questions kept racing through her mind that she wanted to ask. Such as where were Radek and Carson? What about the Wraith?
She could hear Rodney - her Rodney - speaking in her head, adding that this reality might not be entirely identical to her own in other ways as well. "John?"
"Yeah?" He was standing next to the bed in a moment.
"The urn on the desk in the your office?"
"I gave it to you, on your birthday, our first year in the city," he said quietly.
"What else happened that day?"
He seemed to guess what she was looking for. "We found you, in a stasis pod, in an empty lab. I guess that was the original you," he added, the ghost of a smile crossing his face.
She tried to smile back, but that experience had never been something she could joke about. It was unsettling to think about different selves, all of them mostly or just like her. Which one was the real one? The Elizabeth who'd slept alone in the city for all those millennia? What about the woman who'd died here, in this infirmary, a few months ago?
Which John Sheppard was the real one?
"What is it?" John whispered. He was watching her, his face furrowed like it always was when he was worried.
She started to shake her head and then stopped as that threatened to bring her headache back. "This is just... hard to get my mind around."
He reached out to take her hand, but the doctor came back and he pulled away.
***
In the morning, her head hurt less but not much else had improved.
Teyla came to the infirmary. Her hair was shorter, and she was dressed in what appeared to be an Earth-made t-shirt over her BDU pants. Like most of the rest of the city's population, Teyla stared at her for a moment too long before speaking. "I stopped by to tell you that Dr. McKay could use your assistance in the lab after you've eaten breakfast."
Even here, it was hard to really rattle Teyla, apparently. Elizabeth nodded. "Breakfast sounds good, actually."
They walked to the mess together. Elizabeth supposed she would get used to the staring eventually. "I gather Rodney's been hard at work most of the night?"
Teyla smiled slightly. "I believe he slept for a few hours early this morning while some tests were being run."
They collected food and Elizabeth was grateful that Teyla headed for a secluded table off in a corner. She ate absently, wondering if time was passing in her reality at the same speed. If that was true, it was morning there as well. Her Rodney would have probably done the same thing.
"Teyla? Where are Dr. Zelenka and Dr. Beckett?"
Elizabeth had been hoping against hope that both men had simply returned to Earth for some reason, but Teyla's expression dashed that idea to pieces.
"Dr. Beckett was killed during a mission. We were attempting to capture a Wraith to test Carson's retrovirus on." Michael, Elizabeth thought with a harsh stab of emotion. "The Wraith in question broke loose..." Grief clouded Teyla's eyes and Elizabeth felt tears rising in her own.
"Did he... feed?" She honestly didn't know what answer would be worse.
Teyla shook her head. "No, it was a quick death."
That was a very small mercy.
Teyla's face darkened further. "Dr. Zelenka disappeared, along with Major Lorne's entire team."
Elizabeth fought back the instinct to demand to know why she hadn't been told about this. It was hard to remember that she wasn't actually in command of these people. "What happened?" she asked, her mouth so dry she gulped her cooled tea hastily.
"They were off-world, attempting to help a group of people who said they had Ancient shielding technology. The Stargate refused to respond after they had checked in and we have not been able to find any definite answers as to their fate."
Elizabeth recognized bureaucratic speak, even from Teyla. Those men were presumed dead, even if they were only listed as missing.
Her heart ached viciously. Radek, whose quiet humor and kindness had soothed her after too many hours of dealing with Rodney, and Lorne, a man with an easy grin and a pleasant nature that in no way hinted at the strength and resilience of the soldier he was... she couldn't believe they were gone.
And Carson. She shuddered.
Teyla reached out and took her hand. "I'm sorry. I know it can't be pleasant for you to hear this."
It just wasn't in her to deny the truth right now. "No," she said, her voice rough. "It isn't." But she squeezed Teyla's hand back.
***
She spent the rest of the morning in the lab. She went over all the details she could remember from yesterday, though it didn't seem to be helping. Rodney assured her that knowing what the machine did went a long way in trying to figure out how it worked, and her translation of the Ancient writing picked up some nuances the scientists translations had missed.
Still, she felt awkward, standing around watching them try to figure it out. When John showed up around midday and suggested they have lunch, she agreed readily.
But even that was painful. He'd gotten lunch brought to his office, so at least she didn't have to face the stares in the mess again, but he was clearly attempting to be his usual laid-back, joking self. It hurt to see how hard he was trying, and failing, to pretend everything was normal.
Part of her wanted to scream. He'd died. He'd left her alone and he was pretending everything was okay. But he didn't know that. It wasn't his fault.
When lunch was over, he raked a hand over his hair. "Um, I was thinking, maybe you could help me with some of this." He waved at the papers on his desk. "I have a meeting this afternoon with an representative from a planet that has some metal deposits. We're supposed to be negotiating over what to trade for."
She nearly said yes, but again the Rodney-sounding voice in her head whispered something about contaminating the realities. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
The look John gave her could only be described as highly flirtatious. "Elizabeth, I'm man enough to admit you can out-negotiate me any day."
Her cheeks heated and John's happy expression died a second later as he seemed to realize what he had said. She looked away, needing an excuse to compose herself. "I meant as far as the whole parallel realities thing," she said quietly.
"Right," he muttered, standing up. "Maybe not."
She stood up as well. "John-"
"No, it's okay. Why don't you go back to the lab and check on McKay."
He was gone before she could say anything else.
***
{{INSERT PLOT HERE WHERE THEY DISCOVER JOHN'S DEAD IN HER REALITY AND THERE'S MUCH ANGSTING AND MCKAY FIGURES OUT HOW TO POWER THE MACHINE BACK UP AND SEND HER HOME AND JOHN CONFRONTS HER IN HER TEMPORARY QUARTERS THAT EVENING}}
***
"You could stay here," John blurted out.
"John-"
"We need you here. I need you here," he said, his words beginning to tumble out faster and faster. "I don't - I can't go through this again." John grabbed her arms hard enough to bruise. "Don't you get that? I can't deal with this again."
"And you think I can?" She jerked away from him, struggling to get her emotions under control. "Do you think it's been easy for me to see you like this?"
"I get that, but that's all the more reason you should stay. Then neither of us-" he choked off at that point.
"John," she said as calmly as possible. "Think about this. What about Rodney? The rest of them? My city needs me, you know that."
He let her go, but didn't move away. She watched as he tried to get himself under control.
"I'm not dying, I'm going back where I belong," she added gently.
He started to speak and then snapped his mouth shut. They were quiet a moment, staring at each other.
"Stay."
"John-"
"No, I mean… I meant stay here tonight." He traced the line of her jaw with his fingers and Elizabeth saw the hunger in his face. "McKay won't be ready to send you back until morning any way."
Elizabeth felt heat spreading through her body at his touch. She held herself back, though. "Are you sure that won't make it worse for you?"
He moved even closer, nodding. "I'd like to have something good to hold on to. I don't have anything to remember of her."
"I don't believe that."
He looked away for a moment, before finally saying quietly, "It's not enough."
She wanted to say yes. She wanted to give him this, and more than that she wanted it for herself.
"What about you?" he asked, drawing closer. "If it will make it worse for you, then I'll go. Now."
One night didn't seem much to ask of the universe. But she was afraid of what it would do to them both. "I'm not her, John."
"No," he tilted her head up. "And I'm not him."
She understood, then. This wasn't just one night, it was the only night. It was the closest either of them could ever get. This John Sheppard would remain here, with his grief and his responsibilities and this one memory that wasn't even really what he wanted. She would go back to her city (hopefully) and have to face the memories of the man she had lost. The man she had only just begun to realize that she loved.
It was a pretty shitty bargain, but the alternative… John was right. She would rather have this much than nothing.
***
The walk to the lab felt interminable. Her muscles were stiff and sore and Elizabeth wondered absently how she would explain the bruises on her hips and the bite marks scattered over her shoulders and thighs to Carson. Assuming she did in fact reach home.
John paced beside her silently, dark circles under his eyes, his lips pressed together tightly.
She had said a generic goodbye to the people gathered in the control room, feeling awkward at the sadness evident in their faces. The group of people assembled in the lab were even harder to face.
"McKay?" John asked with deceptive calm.
"We're all set."
There was an awkward moment of silence. Then Elizabeth reached out and hugged Rodney. He hugged her back, his big body holding her tightly for a minute, and Elizabeth's heart ached all over again. She let go of Rodney and embraced Teyla, nodded to Ronon and then looked at John.
His face was dark and empty, and it hurt even though she knew why.
But he put his arms around her stiffly. Before he pulled away, he kissed her forehead and she felt his lips trembling against her skin. "Be safe, Elizabeth," he whispered.
She blinked, not wanting to give in and cry now. "You too."
She stepped into the machine and sat down cross-legged on the floor. She looked around at them all and her heart misgave her for a moment. They were her people, even if she knew that there was another set of them elsewhere who needed her too, they were still hers. She hated leaving them like this.
Her eyes met John's, the look in on his face making her heart ache viciously, as Rodney activated the machine. She saw the blinding light and felt the swimming sensation in her head.
"Elizabeth!"
She opened her eyes and found herself looking at Ronon. Rodney and Radek were behind him, along with what looked like the majority of the city's science team. Ronon and Radek reached for her, helping her stand. Her legs wobbled and she winced as the headache hit her all over again. Teyla hit her radio, "This is Teyla. Dr. Weir is back. Dr. Beckett, report to the lab immediately."
There was a babble of questions, "Are you all right? We've been working on a way to get you back. What happened?" She assured them all that she was okay. Ronon was holding one of her hands and she squeezed it gently. "I'm fine," she assured them all. "But I really need to sit down."
Major angst and character death warnings.
Rodney and Radek were in full-blown ecstatic geeking when Elizabeth arrived at the lab the search team had discovered. An enormous machine dominated fully half of the room. It was oddly shaped, with a large space that looked like a 7 foot tall egg cut out of the middle. She waited for a moment, scanning the text visible on the machine, before asking the dynamic duo the obvious question. "So, what is it?"
They ignored her. Elizabeth glanced at Teyla, who was watching the two scientists with a mix of amusement and exasperation.
She waited a beat and then tried again, a bit louder. "Gentlemen?"
Radek broke off first. "Yes?"
She waved a hand at the device.
Radek looked at Rodney, who looked like he was about to launch into a long explanation, but then he sighed. "We don't know."
"There is theory that this was part of their research on ascension," Radek began excitedly.
"A theory with absolutely nothing to back it up!" Rodney rebutted. "For all we know it's a room-sized popcorn popper."
"No lid," Radek pointed out. Rodney glared at him.
Elizabeth stepped closer, squinting. Some of the text looked familiar, Radek was right about that. It talked about "other places." Or was that "other spaces"? She followed the writing, unconsciously moving to see better.
"I was simply offering Dr. Weir one of our theories," Radek muttered to Rodney behind her. Elizabeth ducked down, crouching near the floor and shifting forward to keep reading.
"Well we've got a lot of those right now," she heard Rodney snipe back. "Were you ordering them in any particular way or did you just randomly decide-"
There was a bright flash of light that completely blinded her. More than blinded her, she realized when she fell unceremoniously to the floor, dizzy and slightly nauseous. She closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath. With her eyes closed, she realized something was very wrong.
Normally, when she fell down, someone tried to help her up.
Or at least said her name, in surprise or alarm or concern. The first one should have been Rodney while Radek and Teyla would've had the other two covered.
Elizabeth opened her eyes. She was on the floor under the machine's arch, in the lab. But all the lights were off, and the lab was empty.
A chill of fear swept up her spine that she tried to push off. She was in the lab, still. But this was very strange.
She got up, pausing until her legs stopped shaking enough to walk, and headed for the door. There was no sign of anyone in the hallways either.
Her scalp began to prickle. The hallways were dark, like they weren't entirely powered. Had she fallen asleep somehow? Her nightmares often started like this - Atlantis cold and empty except for her.
No, she was awake. Something had happened with the machine in the lab. Perhaps time had passed? A lot of time, she amended, walking towards the city center. It was a stretch but meeting a 10,000 year old version of yourself opened up the mind to distant possibilities.
She ran through one scenario after another. If she'd been somehow inside the machine for a while, the lab should've been full of people trying to recover her. Unless it had been a very, very long while and they'd given up. Her watch said it was only a few minutes since she arrived at the lab, but then again her watch had gone through the same thing she had, so what use was it?
Or she had gone backwards in time, a thought far more disturbing. What if she was here before her own team arrived? Elizabeth wasn't sure she could handle living in the submerged city alone. Not while she was awake. The mere idea made panic begin to rise within her and she forced it away. Get to the control room, that was her priority.
And then panic.
She picked up her pace, her boots echoing through the empty corridors, until she was nearing the center of the city. A voice abruptly called out to her, "Who's there?"
A sentry was posted, meaning she wasn't here alone at least, thank God. "It's Dr. Weir," she called back, walking forward more quickly, her hands in plain sight. She rounded the corner and saw a Marine she didn't recognize, standing with his weapon pointed in her general direction.
His face was completely ashen. "Doctor Weir?" he whispered, looking at her like she was a ghost.
"Yes," she said slowly. "I'm sorry, I don't seem to remember you?" The momentary relief that she wasn't trapped in Atlantis by herself faded as another wave of uncertainty hit her.
The Marine suddenly snapped his rifle up and pointed it at her heart. "Don't move."
Elizabeth froze, her hands in the air.
He grabbed his radio. "This is Phillips. I need backup, right now. And get Sheppard down here ASAP."
Sheppard. Elizabeth's heart slammed against her ribs. Him? How?
The Marine snarled at her. "If this is some fucking Replicator trick, we're not going to fall for it."
Elizabeth struggled to breathe as the heavy sound of booted feet came toward them and five more armed men spilled into the corridor, their guns raised and ready.
Every single one of them faltered when they saw her. Some of them were familiar to her, but before she could say anything, more footsteps came pounding down the corridor. She looked behind the armed men and began to tremble.
John and Rodney were running towards them.
John.
"What have you-" John started to ask the question and then stopped dead. All the color drained out of his face. Rodney didn't look much better.
There was a moment of silence. "Elizabeth?" John whispered.
"John?" she said back, her mind spinning helplessly.
"It can't be," Rodney also whispered. He glanced around, as if to confirm he was seeing the same thing everyone else was.
"What's going on here?" she demanded of everyone and no one. This wasn't possible.
John was dead. Elizabeth had taken his body home. She'd spoken to his brother, his ex-wife. It was only later, in the privacy of a hotel room and leaning against Ronon's shoulder, that she had finally cried for him.
But he was standing in front of her, staring, looking as bewildered as she was. Elizabeth noticed even through the dim light that his face looked tired and more lined than it should, and there were flecks of gray hair at his temples.
John started to go towards her but Rodney grabbed his arm. "We need to take her to the infirmary first." Rodney didn't seem to want to meet her eyes. "If she's a Replicator, she could infect us."
Elizabeth froze in shock. They thought she was a Replicator? Memories of waking up, being told by Carson what they'd done to keep her alive flared within her. It must have made her look guilty, because John's expression hardened slightly.
"Elizabeth?" he said again. "Is it really you?"
"Yes, it's really me. I'm not a Replicator. Of course," she bit her lip for a moment. "If I was, I would say that, wouldn't I?"
The two of them smiled just a little.
"You can run whatever scans you need to, but I'm not a Replicator. I was in a lab with Rodney and Teyla and Dr. Zelenka a minute ago, and now I'm here." She was pretty sure what had happened to her, but it might take slightly longer for them to catch up.
Rodney looked like he was about to start peppering her with questions but John nodded briefly. "Okay, let's get you to the infirmary."
***
Dr. Keller ran the scans on Elizabeth which showed only the remaining inactive nanites in her system, and tested her DNA. When the doctor pronounced with certainty that this was indeed Elizabeth Weir, the announcement was greeted with a strange, hollow silence. Dread began to coil inside of her at the way John and Rodney were looking at her. She could see the grief in their faces, and she was almost afraid to know what it was that had happened here.
By the time she was cleared by the doctor, Mr. Woolsey had appeared and Elizabeth got the shock of a lifetime when she realized he was in charge of Atlantis. It flashed through her mind that surely this was some kind of hell-version of her reality? Woolsey in charge of her city? Woolsey passing judgment on John and nagging Rodney about his research? And where were Carson and Teyla?
There wasn't much time to ask questions, though, before Rodney started interrogating her about the laboratory and the device they had found. In short order, Elizabeth found herself walking them back down the dark corridor to the empty lab.
"I must have gotten too close to the device and activated it," she finished, sheepishly. How many times had she lectured everyone about the need for safety around Ancient devices of unknown origin and she went poking her nose around and ended up like this?
She was waiting for John to point this out with his usual smirk, knowing he'd just love the fact that she had made such a silly mistake. But he didn't say anything. He was still staring at her, but his face had gone cold and hard and every so often he glanced at Rodney until they arrived at the lab. The lights came on, probably in reaction to John's presence.
Rodney also looked markedly thinner than he should. His face was somewhat sad, even more than it had been during the siege. The device was impossible to miss, so she pointed out where she had been standing and what had happened.
Dr. Simpson arrived a few minutes later. The young woman also did a tremendous double-take at Elizabeth before moving to join Rodney. Elizabeth wanted to ask where Radek was, but her head was still throbbing from the machine and the unanswered questions. She stepped to the side. "John, what is going on here?"
He looked down. Elizabeth saw the flash of sorrow that crossed Rodney's features as he looked at them.
"Elizabeth," John started, and his voice was rough with a pain she had never heard there before. "You died eight months ago."
***
There had been a time in her life when Elizabeth would've simply stared in confusion when someone started talking about multiple realities and quantum theory. Now, though, the truth of her situation had sunk in well before Rodney speculated that the device was some kind of portal that could shift matter between different realities.
"So, if that's the case, the obvious question becomes-" Rodney said, but Elizabeth finished his thought for him.
"How do I get back to my reality?"
John winced, looking away.
"Exactly."
"How long, McKay?"
Rodney was watching John, his face apprehensive, but he licked his lips and waved. "I need a couple hours at least to determine if I'm right that this is something like the quantum mirror back on Earth."
John nodded once and then turned and began walking towards the control room. He stopped short, glancing over his shoulder at her. "You should probably come with me," he said to her, his voice strange.
Elizabeth followed him, wondering if asking for the details of her death in an alternate timeline would qualify as being morbid or not.
She was dreading the questions about her own reality. She wasn't sure if she should disclose John's death to him. Learning about her own death was unsettling at the least. She didn't want to inflict that on him.
John didn't offer any explanations, just walked back to the control room. The closer they got to the city's center, the more people they encountered. There was a lot of staring and whispering and pointing at her. John ignored it, heading for his office, but Elizabeth was distinctly uneasy by the attention, not to mention her ongoing headache and the shaking feeling in her limbs.
Inside his tiny office, which Elizabeth never remembered her John using much, there was one familiar object. The urn John had given her for her birthday was on his desk.
Elizabeth folded her arms. "What happened?" she blurted out.
John didn't sit down, and neither did she. He just stood there, looking at her. His voice was flat and empty and she knew even this version of John Sheppard well enough to know he was removing himself from what he was saying to get through saying it. "We went off-world to negotiate for some plants to add to our food supplies. The government of the planet had been fighting with rebel religious leaders and they hadn't warned us. We were ambushed and you were shot."
John's eyes weren't seeing the inside of the office. She shivered, knowing he was reliving the experience. "We got you back through the gate as quickly as possible, but it was too late. Beckett couldn't save you. Simple gunshot wound to the chest."
His eyes rested on her body and Elizabeth felt a swamping wave of confusion. She had no idea what to do right now. Offer condolences on her own death? She wasn't even sure what she was feeling, other than the headache and a lingering feeling of nausea. She rubbed her forehead wearily and John's expression turned contrite. "You should see a doctor."
***
Elizabeth lay on the gurney, eyes closed and trying not to fall asleep. They'd given her something for her headache and started an IV. She was almost glad to have the time to just sit and try and process what was going on. Alternate reality, where her counterpart was dead. Dead in a totally useless and stupid manner, no less.
John - who was dead in her own reality - was waiting with her. She was grateful that he was keeping quiet, but at the same time questions kept racing through her mind that she wanted to ask. Such as where were Radek and Carson? What about the Wraith?
She could hear Rodney - her Rodney - speaking in her head, adding that this reality might not be entirely identical to her own in other ways as well. "John?"
"Yeah?" He was standing next to the bed in a moment.
"The urn on the desk in the your office?"
"I gave it to you, on your birthday, our first year in the city," he said quietly.
"What else happened that day?"
He seemed to guess what she was looking for. "We found you, in a stasis pod, in an empty lab. I guess that was the original you," he added, the ghost of a smile crossing his face.
She tried to smile back, but that experience had never been something she could joke about. It was unsettling to think about different selves, all of them mostly or just like her. Which one was the real one? The Elizabeth who'd slept alone in the city for all those millennia? What about the woman who'd died here, in this infirmary, a few months ago?
Which John Sheppard was the real one?
"What is it?" John whispered. He was watching her, his face furrowed like it always was when he was worried.
She started to shake her head and then stopped as that threatened to bring her headache back. "This is just... hard to get my mind around."
He reached out to take her hand, but the doctor came back and he pulled away.
***
In the morning, her head hurt less but not much else had improved.
Teyla came to the infirmary. Her hair was shorter, and she was dressed in what appeared to be an Earth-made t-shirt over her BDU pants. Like most of the rest of the city's population, Teyla stared at her for a moment too long before speaking. "I stopped by to tell you that Dr. McKay could use your assistance in the lab after you've eaten breakfast."
Even here, it was hard to really rattle Teyla, apparently. Elizabeth nodded. "Breakfast sounds good, actually."
They walked to the mess together. Elizabeth supposed she would get used to the staring eventually. "I gather Rodney's been hard at work most of the night?"
Teyla smiled slightly. "I believe he slept for a few hours early this morning while some tests were being run."
They collected food and Elizabeth was grateful that Teyla headed for a secluded table off in a corner. She ate absently, wondering if time was passing in her reality at the same speed. If that was true, it was morning there as well. Her Rodney would have probably done the same thing.
"Teyla? Where are Dr. Zelenka and Dr. Beckett?"
Elizabeth had been hoping against hope that both men had simply returned to Earth for some reason, but Teyla's expression dashed that idea to pieces.
"Dr. Beckett was killed during a mission. We were attempting to capture a Wraith to test Carson's retrovirus on." Michael, Elizabeth thought with a harsh stab of emotion. "The Wraith in question broke loose..." Grief clouded Teyla's eyes and Elizabeth felt tears rising in her own.
"Did he... feed?" She honestly didn't know what answer would be worse.
Teyla shook her head. "No, it was a quick death."
That was a very small mercy.
Teyla's face darkened further. "Dr. Zelenka disappeared, along with Major Lorne's entire team."
Elizabeth fought back the instinct to demand to know why she hadn't been told about this. It was hard to remember that she wasn't actually in command of these people. "What happened?" she asked, her mouth so dry she gulped her cooled tea hastily.
"They were off-world, attempting to help a group of people who said they had Ancient shielding technology. The Stargate refused to respond after they had checked in and we have not been able to find any definite answers as to their fate."
Elizabeth recognized bureaucratic speak, even from Teyla. Those men were presumed dead, even if they were only listed as missing.
Her heart ached viciously. Radek, whose quiet humor and kindness had soothed her after too many hours of dealing with Rodney, and Lorne, a man with an easy grin and a pleasant nature that in no way hinted at the strength and resilience of the soldier he was... she couldn't believe they were gone.
And Carson. She shuddered.
Teyla reached out and took her hand. "I'm sorry. I know it can't be pleasant for you to hear this."
It just wasn't in her to deny the truth right now. "No," she said, her voice rough. "It isn't." But she squeezed Teyla's hand back.
***
She spent the rest of the morning in the lab. She went over all the details she could remember from yesterday, though it didn't seem to be helping. Rodney assured her that knowing what the machine did went a long way in trying to figure out how it worked, and her translation of the Ancient writing picked up some nuances the scientists translations had missed.
Still, she felt awkward, standing around watching them try to figure it out. When John showed up around midday and suggested they have lunch, she agreed readily.
But even that was painful. He'd gotten lunch brought to his office, so at least she didn't have to face the stares in the mess again, but he was clearly attempting to be his usual laid-back, joking self. It hurt to see how hard he was trying, and failing, to pretend everything was normal.
Part of her wanted to scream. He'd died. He'd left her alone and he was pretending everything was okay. But he didn't know that. It wasn't his fault.
When lunch was over, he raked a hand over his hair. "Um, I was thinking, maybe you could help me with some of this." He waved at the papers on his desk. "I have a meeting this afternoon with an representative from a planet that has some metal deposits. We're supposed to be negotiating over what to trade for."
She nearly said yes, but again the Rodney-sounding voice in her head whispered something about contaminating the realities. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
The look John gave her could only be described as highly flirtatious. "Elizabeth, I'm man enough to admit you can out-negotiate me any day."
Her cheeks heated and John's happy expression died a second later as he seemed to realize what he had said. She looked away, needing an excuse to compose herself. "I meant as far as the whole parallel realities thing," she said quietly.
"Right," he muttered, standing up. "Maybe not."
She stood up as well. "John-"
"No, it's okay. Why don't you go back to the lab and check on McKay."
He was gone before she could say anything else.
***
{{INSERT PLOT HERE WHERE THEY DISCOVER JOHN'S DEAD IN HER REALITY AND THERE'S MUCH ANGSTING AND MCKAY FIGURES OUT HOW TO POWER THE MACHINE BACK UP AND SEND HER HOME AND JOHN CONFRONTS HER IN HER TEMPORARY QUARTERS THAT EVENING}}
***
"You could stay here," John blurted out.
"John-"
"We need you here. I need you here," he said, his words beginning to tumble out faster and faster. "I don't - I can't go through this again." John grabbed her arms hard enough to bruise. "Don't you get that? I can't deal with this again."
"And you think I can?" She jerked away from him, struggling to get her emotions under control. "Do you think it's been easy for me to see you like this?"
"I get that, but that's all the more reason you should stay. Then neither of us-" he choked off at that point.
"John," she said as calmly as possible. "Think about this. What about Rodney? The rest of them? My city needs me, you know that."
He let her go, but didn't move away. She watched as he tried to get himself under control.
"I'm not dying, I'm going back where I belong," she added gently.
He started to speak and then snapped his mouth shut. They were quiet a moment, staring at each other.
"Stay."
"John-"
"No, I mean… I meant stay here tonight." He traced the line of her jaw with his fingers and Elizabeth saw the hunger in his face. "McKay won't be ready to send you back until morning any way."
Elizabeth felt heat spreading through her body at his touch. She held herself back, though. "Are you sure that won't make it worse for you?"
He moved even closer, nodding. "I'd like to have something good to hold on to. I don't have anything to remember of her."
"I don't believe that."
He looked away for a moment, before finally saying quietly, "It's not enough."
She wanted to say yes. She wanted to give him this, and more than that she wanted it for herself.
"What about you?" he asked, drawing closer. "If it will make it worse for you, then I'll go. Now."
One night didn't seem much to ask of the universe. But she was afraid of what it would do to them both. "I'm not her, John."
"No," he tilted her head up. "And I'm not him."
She understood, then. This wasn't just one night, it was the only night. It was the closest either of them could ever get. This John Sheppard would remain here, with his grief and his responsibilities and this one memory that wasn't even really what he wanted. She would go back to her city (hopefully) and have to face the memories of the man she had lost. The man she had only just begun to realize that she loved.
It was a pretty shitty bargain, but the alternative… John was right. She would rather have this much than nothing.
***
The walk to the lab felt interminable. Her muscles were stiff and sore and Elizabeth wondered absently how she would explain the bruises on her hips and the bite marks scattered over her shoulders and thighs to Carson. Assuming she did in fact reach home.
John paced beside her silently, dark circles under his eyes, his lips pressed together tightly.
She had said a generic goodbye to the people gathered in the control room, feeling awkward at the sadness evident in their faces. The group of people assembled in the lab were even harder to face.
"McKay?" John asked with deceptive calm.
"We're all set."
There was an awkward moment of silence. Then Elizabeth reached out and hugged Rodney. He hugged her back, his big body holding her tightly for a minute, and Elizabeth's heart ached all over again. She let go of Rodney and embraced Teyla, nodded to Ronon and then looked at John.
His face was dark and empty, and it hurt even though she knew why.
But he put his arms around her stiffly. Before he pulled away, he kissed her forehead and she felt his lips trembling against her skin. "Be safe, Elizabeth," he whispered.
She blinked, not wanting to give in and cry now. "You too."
She stepped into the machine and sat down cross-legged on the floor. She looked around at them all and her heart misgave her for a moment. They were her people, even if she knew that there was another set of them elsewhere who needed her too, they were still hers. She hated leaving them like this.
Her eyes met John's, the look in on his face making her heart ache viciously, as Rodney activated the machine. She saw the blinding light and felt the swimming sensation in her head.
"Elizabeth!"
She opened her eyes and found herself looking at Ronon. Rodney and Radek were behind him, along with what looked like the majority of the city's science team. Ronon and Radek reached for her, helping her stand. Her legs wobbled and she winced as the headache hit her all over again. Teyla hit her radio, "This is Teyla. Dr. Weir is back. Dr. Beckett, report to the lab immediately."
There was a babble of questions, "Are you all right? We've been working on a way to get you back. What happened?" She assured them all that she was okay. Ronon was holding one of her hands and she squeezed it gently. "I'm fine," she assured them all. "But I really need to sit down."