The Arounds of Life Got Me a-Down.
"Hey baby, lets go get some food. It'll be like a date."
"No, don't talk to me."
"Come on, it won't really be like a date. I wasn't going to pay for your food."
"Don't talk to me, creep."
"Bitch"
But she was already gone. I decided to let her go and not make the alarm go off so that I could keep her here, like I usually do. I was time to do the rounds. I call them the "arounds" because all it consists of is walking around and counting people and shit. So I pull up my pants and button them, but I don't zip the fly. I start walking around the main study area that is supposed to be real quiet. I walk very slowly and drag my feet, then start whistling a song. I count the number of looks I get, and when it surpasses ten, I start to sing softly. Nobody says anything to me because I work here. Then I start to sing more and more loudly, until someone shoots me a dirty look. When that happens I abruptly stop and yell as loud as I can "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS, BUSINESSMAN!" and throw a flashlight at them. Then I walk out the door and it is incredibly quiet in the room.
I wish they hadn't taken the TV. They took it because a lot of books have been stolen from the library. They think it's because we security guards just sit and watch the TV the whole time we're here, and don't stop people when the alarm goes off. But that's not the reason. I stole the fucking books. I sell them on ebay. If I knew they were going to take the TV away I would have stolen that too.
I never thought that they would consider firing me, because I have been working here forever. I didn't even apply. I just went to the man in charge and said "Do you know who I am?"
"No."
"Then you better give me a job." It worked. I can't believe it. But the other day my boss got fired, and now they're bringing in a woman. I'll probably get fired because of all the "misogynistic" stuff I say. I tell people they're only jokes, but those double X's seem to always get offended anyway.
"No, don't talk to me."
"Come on, it won't really be like a date. I wasn't going to pay for your food."
"Don't talk to me, creep."
"Bitch"
But she was already gone. I decided to let her go and not make the alarm go off so that I could keep her here, like I usually do. I was time to do the rounds. I call them the "arounds" because all it consists of is walking around and counting people and shit. So I pull up my pants and button them, but I don't zip the fly. I start walking around the main study area that is supposed to be real quiet. I walk very slowly and drag my feet, then start whistling a song. I count the number of looks I get, and when it surpasses ten, I start to sing softly. Nobody says anything to me because I work here. Then I start to sing more and more loudly, until someone shoots me a dirty look. When that happens I abruptly stop and yell as loud as I can "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS, BUSINESSMAN!" and throw a flashlight at them. Then I walk out the door and it is incredibly quiet in the room.
I wish they hadn't taken the TV. They took it because a lot of books have been stolen from the library. They think it's because we security guards just sit and watch the TV the whole time we're here, and don't stop people when the alarm goes off. But that's not the reason. I stole the fucking books. I sell them on ebay. If I knew they were going to take the TV away I would have stolen that too.
I never thought that they would consider firing me, because I have been working here forever. I didn't even apply. I just went to the man in charge and said "Do you know who I am?"
"No."
"Then you better give me a job." It worked. I can't believe it. But the other day my boss got fired, and now they're bringing in a woman. I'll probably get fired because of all the "misogynistic" stuff I say. I tell people they're only jokes, but those double X's seem to always get offended anyway.