Selected quotes from the past twenty hours or so
"You should just go."
"Heh, I should just go to let her know that I'm running late?"
"Yeah."
"Hey!"
"Hey, sorry I'm late, I got kinda lost."
"How did you get lost?"
"I was looking for the 8th Street exit but none of the exits were marked 8th Street, so I just kinda turned on one and drove until I hit Main."
"That's not lost."
"Do you like my rose?"
"Yeah, it looks nice."
"It smells nice, too. Smell it."
"It does smell nice!"
"Ok so what did you do before work yesterday?"
"Um...I got up about thirty minutes before my alarm went off for some reason, and I made some coffee, and showered, and made my lunch, and then went to work."
"So you didn't go to Springfield yesterday morning?"
"No..?"
"Oh."
"I don't have any cash on me."
"Oh."
"I never carry cash."
"Well I'll just take the four dollars out of my tips and you can have some wine."
"You don't have to do that."
"You'll make it up to me."
"I saw that movie Sideways but I don't know too much about wine. This wine is from where?"
"It's from Chile." She pronounced it with a Spanish accent.
"Chile the country?"
"No, man," I said, "Chili's the restaraunt. Haven't you ever seen the vineyards they have in the back?"
"My dad and I are going to the Football Hall of Fame later this year."
"Yeah? Cool."
"Yeah, we're gonna spend a whole week up there. Not too many sons who can work with their dads and then spend a whole week of vacation with them."
"Nope, I guess not."
"I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day."
"Want me to get you something?"
"Yeah."
"What?"
"Anything without mushrooms."
"Shit, I just spilled your Jager."
"Hey man, this guy owes me a Jager."
"Heh, sorry, I can get you another. I feel like a dumbass."
"Nah, it's no problem, we've been passing that shot around all night anyway."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, man."
"Cool."
He stuck out his hand. "I'm Adam. Nice to meet you." We shook. He looks like how I picture myself in my head.
"Well I tell you, if it's one thing I hate it's stupid people who get offended by the truth!"
"Mmmhmm."
"I mean I was just telling that guy what we black women talk about in private and he got all, 'Don't touch me,' but I told him I was just making a point."
"Mmmhmm."
"But he got all offended even though I told him I was just making a point. And I was talking about how if you have a white woman and a black man or a black man and a white woman you're gonna have some of the prettiest kids like Halle Berry or Tiger Woods."
"Mmmhmmm."
"But dude there got all mad when I touched him and said that he'd have prettier kids if he was with a black woman or his girl would have prettier kids if she were with a black man."
"Mmmmhmmm."
10 minutes later.
"I didn't mean to offend dude but he was all, 'Don't touch me,' but I was just making a point."
"Mmmhmmm."
"Because you know if you see some black woman with a big ass and some big tits and a small waist that's what men look for, right?"
"Right."
20 minutes later.
"Don't be offended like dude was, I'm just telling you what we black women say behind closed doors, you know. And when people go interracial they have all these ideas about how things are going to be. Because we black women, we're aggressive, we don't take no shit from no man, black or white."
"Mmmmhmmm."
20 minutes later.
"But for every black man that's with a white woman, that leaves two or three black women without a man. See what I'm saying? And the black men, they get with white women because they think they'll be nice and quiet and like a servant and white women get with black men because they hear how big their dicks are, you know?"
"Right."
"And we black women, we don't have a problem with white guys, we just don't want to be treated like no slaves, understand? We want to be put on a pedestal like a white woman and be loved like any other woman."
"Even if white guys have small dicks?"
"I mean you know that's not always true what they say, I didn't mean to say you had a small dick---"
"No, it's ok, I've got a small dick."
"No I didn't mean to say---"
"Seriously I do."
"But no listen, you're not listening---"
"It's microscopic, really."
"You're not listening, I didn't mean to say that, just listen."
"I'm going smoke."
Forty minutes later.
"Because we don't care how big it is, as long as you can give us that orgasm, you know? I mean you give us three, four orgasms, we give you our paycheck, our rent money, whatever, just like DL Hughley says, you know?"
"Ummm..."
"Oh you better believe that's true, that's all we want. Size don't matter, you know, it's how you use it."
"Mmmmhmm."
Twenty minutes later.
"You play pool?"
"No."
"Really?"
"Yeah really."
"Well come on over to the pool table with me, this guy's been trying to get with me all night and wants me to play pool with him."
"I don't really want---" She grabbed my coat and dragged me after her.
"You come stand by me," he said to her, "but I don't need you here."
"Ok."
"I don't need you here, ok? She brings me luck, you don't bring me anything."
"Ok, I just came over because she asked me to." I walked back to the wine bar.
Ten minutes later.
"So don't get me wrong, she's a beautiful red-headed girl there, but if you had kids with a black woman, they'd be gorgeous."
The pool guy said something from a table behind us. I turned when I heard him speak but I didn't catch what he said, so I turned back around.
"Why you looking at me?"
I looked back. "What?"
"I said, why you looked at me like that, motherfucker?" He stood up and walked towards us.
"I didn't look at you any way."
"He's just being chill," she said, "leave him alone."
"You fucking got something to say to me, man?"
"I don't have anything to say man, I didn't mean any disrespect."
"Then why the fuck you look at me like that?"
"I heard you say something and didn't quite understand it, is all."
"Oh no motherfucker, you were looking at me."
"He's being chill, just leave him alone."
"Look, I don't want any trouble, I didn't mean anything by it." I stood up.
"You gonna stand up, motherfucker?"
"I'm leaving now."
"He's not doing anything, leave him alone."
Pool dude's brother walks up and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Alright man, leave him alone."
I started walking towards the other bar.
"You gonna fucking walk away from me? You got something to say to me?"
I sat down at the other bar and the guy walking towards me. He was intercepted by some of the staff. I heard him still talking shit to me.
Five minutes later.
She sat down next to me.
Don't fucking sit just leave me the fuck alone.
"Are you ok?"
"Look, I don't want any trouble."
"Well I don't bring trouble, I just brought your wine that you left over there."
"Thank you, but I don't want any trouble." Just.leave.me.the.fuck.alone.
"There's no trouble, it's chill. Dude just can't handle his liquor, he doesn't know how to treat a lady. You can handle yours though, and you know how to treat a lady."
"I don't want any trouble."
Five minutes later.
The manager brought over Pool Dude. "Hey man, I want to apologize for all of that. I'm just kinda, you know, kinda drunk."
"Yeah, I know."
He grabbed my hand tightly and didn't let go. "So I didn't mean anything, the booze got the best of me."
"It's all right man, it's cool." I shook his hand.
"Don't say it's cool if it's not cool, ok? I know it's not cool." He tightened his grip.
"Alright, man, it's alright."
"Just accept my honest apologies, ok? I didn't mean nothing by it."
"Accepted man, it's no problem."
"I'm being honest here, man."
"I know you are, man, it's ok, honestly. Apology accepted."
"Ok man, I didn't mean anything by that."
"I know, man." He finally let go of my hand and gave me a hug.
"Have a good night, man. Sorry again."
"You have a good night too."
Five minutes later.
"So you gonna walk me to my car?"
"Uh.."
"Well you just got volunteered. I'm a block up the street, want to walk me to my car? With my big tits and tight sweater I don't want to be taken for no streetwalker, you know?"
"Um, I'm kinda with her." I pointed.
"Oh, two bodyguards, great."
"Y'all aren't going to walk me to my car?"
"It's only a block, I can stand and watch from here."
"No, it's ok. Have a good night."
"Have a good night!"
"Can't believe y'all are going to let me walk to my car by myself."
"So what's the plan, Stan?"
"Well my apartment's seven blocks down the road. We're gonna take a left and then a right after the railroad tracks. Simple enough for you?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Look, it's Charlie Chaplin. He used to come to Jacksonville for silent films."
"He's wearing a derby!"
"Indeed."
"I have to pee." She handed me a notepad and a pen. "Write."
"Write? Write what?"
"Write anything."
I wrote.
"Ugh, I don't feel well."
"Did you eat any of that sandwich?"
"A little."
"You had too much wine."
"Yeah." She got up and shuffled off.
I followed and found her lying in her bed.
"You ok?"
"I want some water."
I got her some water.
"Let me tuck you into bed and then I'll go."
"No, I'm too tired to get up and lock the door after you. Get comfortable. That's your side of the bed."
"See where dashes can get you?"
The next morning.
"Sorry I'm late."
"What happened?"
"Short version is, I'm late. Long version is I stayed at a girl's place last night and left at 9 but there was a wreck on 95 that took forever to get through, so I didn't get home until 9:40 and I still had to shower and make my lunch."
He had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.
"Alright man, alright."
"Sorry about that."
"Next time, leave earlier."
"Heh, I should just go to let her know that I'm running late?"
"Yeah."
"Hey!"
"Hey, sorry I'm late, I got kinda lost."
"How did you get lost?"
"I was looking for the 8th Street exit but none of the exits were marked 8th Street, so I just kinda turned on one and drove until I hit Main."
"That's not lost."
"Do you like my rose?"
"Yeah, it looks nice."
"It smells nice, too. Smell it."
"It does smell nice!"
"Ok so what did you do before work yesterday?"
"Um...I got up about thirty minutes before my alarm went off for some reason, and I made some coffee, and showered, and made my lunch, and then went to work."
"So you didn't go to Springfield yesterday morning?"
"No..?"
"Oh."
"I don't have any cash on me."
"Oh."
"I never carry cash."
"Well I'll just take the four dollars out of my tips and you can have some wine."
"You don't have to do that."
"You'll make it up to me."
"I saw that movie Sideways but I don't know too much about wine. This wine is from where?"
"It's from Chile." She pronounced it with a Spanish accent.
"Chile the country?"
"No, man," I said, "Chili's the restaraunt. Haven't you ever seen the vineyards they have in the back?"
"My dad and I are going to the Football Hall of Fame later this year."
"Yeah? Cool."
"Yeah, we're gonna spend a whole week up there. Not too many sons who can work with their dads and then spend a whole week of vacation with them."
"Nope, I guess not."
"I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day."
"Want me to get you something?"
"Yeah."
"What?"
"Anything without mushrooms."
"Shit, I just spilled your Jager."
"Hey man, this guy owes me a Jager."
"Heh, sorry, I can get you another. I feel like a dumbass."
"Nah, it's no problem, we've been passing that shot around all night anyway."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, man."
"Cool."
He stuck out his hand. "I'm Adam. Nice to meet you." We shook. He looks like how I picture myself in my head.
"Well I tell you, if it's one thing I hate it's stupid people who get offended by the truth!"
"Mmmhmm."
"I mean I was just telling that guy what we black women talk about in private and he got all, 'Don't touch me,' but I told him I was just making a point."
"Mmmhmm."
"But he got all offended even though I told him I was just making a point. And I was talking about how if you have a white woman and a black man or a black man and a white woman you're gonna have some of the prettiest kids like Halle Berry or Tiger Woods."
"Mmmhmmm."
"But dude there got all mad when I touched him and said that he'd have prettier kids if he was with a black woman or his girl would have prettier kids if she were with a black man."
"Mmmmhmmm."
10 minutes later.
"I didn't mean to offend dude but he was all, 'Don't touch me,' but I was just making a point."
"Mmmhmmm."
"Because you know if you see some black woman with a big ass and some big tits and a small waist that's what men look for, right?"
"Right."
20 minutes later.
"Don't be offended like dude was, I'm just telling you what we black women say behind closed doors, you know. And when people go interracial they have all these ideas about how things are going to be. Because we black women, we're aggressive, we don't take no shit from no man, black or white."
"Mmmmhmmm."
20 minutes later.
"But for every black man that's with a white woman, that leaves two or three black women without a man. See what I'm saying? And the black men, they get with white women because they think they'll be nice and quiet and like a servant and white women get with black men because they hear how big their dicks are, you know?"
"Right."
"And we black women, we don't have a problem with white guys, we just don't want to be treated like no slaves, understand? We want to be put on a pedestal like a white woman and be loved like any other woman."
"Even if white guys have small dicks?"
"I mean you know that's not always true what they say, I didn't mean to say you had a small dick---"
"No, it's ok, I've got a small dick."
"No I didn't mean to say---"
"Seriously I do."
"But no listen, you're not listening---"
"It's microscopic, really."
"You're not listening, I didn't mean to say that, just listen."
"I'm going smoke."
Forty minutes later.
"Because we don't care how big it is, as long as you can give us that orgasm, you know? I mean you give us three, four orgasms, we give you our paycheck, our rent money, whatever, just like DL Hughley says, you know?"
"Ummm..."
"Oh you better believe that's true, that's all we want. Size don't matter, you know, it's how you use it."
"Mmmmhmm."
Twenty minutes later.
"You play pool?"
"No."
"Really?"
"Yeah really."
"Well come on over to the pool table with me, this guy's been trying to get with me all night and wants me to play pool with him."
"I don't really want---" She grabbed my coat and dragged me after her.
"You come stand by me," he said to her, "but I don't need you here."
"Ok."
"I don't need you here, ok? She brings me luck, you don't bring me anything."
"Ok, I just came over because she asked me to." I walked back to the wine bar.
Ten minutes later.
"So don't get me wrong, she's a beautiful red-headed girl there, but if you had kids with a black woman, they'd be gorgeous."
The pool guy said something from a table behind us. I turned when I heard him speak but I didn't catch what he said, so I turned back around.
"Why you looking at me?"
I looked back. "What?"
"I said, why you looked at me like that, motherfucker?" He stood up and walked towards us.
"I didn't look at you any way."
"He's just being chill," she said, "leave him alone."
"You fucking got something to say to me, man?"
"I don't have anything to say man, I didn't mean any disrespect."
"Then why the fuck you look at me like that?"
"I heard you say something and didn't quite understand it, is all."
"Oh no motherfucker, you were looking at me."
"He's being chill, just leave him alone."
"Look, I don't want any trouble, I didn't mean anything by it." I stood up.
"You gonna stand up, motherfucker?"
"I'm leaving now."
"He's not doing anything, leave him alone."
Pool dude's brother walks up and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Alright man, leave him alone."
I started walking towards the other bar.
"You gonna fucking walk away from me? You got something to say to me?"
I sat down at the other bar and the guy walking towards me. He was intercepted by some of the staff. I heard him still talking shit to me.
Five minutes later.
She sat down next to me.
Don't fucking sit just leave me the fuck alone.
"Are you ok?"
"Look, I don't want any trouble."
"Well I don't bring trouble, I just brought your wine that you left over there."
"Thank you, but I don't want any trouble." Just.leave.me.the.fuck.alone.
"There's no trouble, it's chill. Dude just can't handle his liquor, he doesn't know how to treat a lady. You can handle yours though, and you know how to treat a lady."
"I don't want any trouble."
Five minutes later.
The manager brought over Pool Dude. "Hey man, I want to apologize for all of that. I'm just kinda, you know, kinda drunk."
"Yeah, I know."
He grabbed my hand tightly and didn't let go. "So I didn't mean anything, the booze got the best of me."
"It's all right man, it's cool." I shook his hand.
"Don't say it's cool if it's not cool, ok? I know it's not cool." He tightened his grip.
"Alright, man, it's alright."
"Just accept my honest apologies, ok? I didn't mean nothing by it."
"Accepted man, it's no problem."
"I'm being honest here, man."
"I know you are, man, it's ok, honestly. Apology accepted."
"Ok man, I didn't mean anything by that."
"I know, man." He finally let go of my hand and gave me a hug.
"Have a good night, man. Sorry again."
"You have a good night too."
Five minutes later.
"So you gonna walk me to my car?"
"Uh.."
"Well you just got volunteered. I'm a block up the street, want to walk me to my car? With my big tits and tight sweater I don't want to be taken for no streetwalker, you know?"
"Um, I'm kinda with her." I pointed.
"Oh, two bodyguards, great."
"Y'all aren't going to walk me to my car?"
"It's only a block, I can stand and watch from here."
"No, it's ok. Have a good night."
"Have a good night!"
"Can't believe y'all are going to let me walk to my car by myself."
"So what's the plan, Stan?"
"Well my apartment's seven blocks down the road. We're gonna take a left and then a right after the railroad tracks. Simple enough for you?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Look, it's Charlie Chaplin. He used to come to Jacksonville for silent films."
"He's wearing a derby!"
"Indeed."
"I have to pee." She handed me a notepad and a pen. "Write."
"Write? Write what?"
"Write anything."
I wrote.
"Ugh, I don't feel well."
"Did you eat any of that sandwich?"
"A little."
"You had too much wine."
"Yeah." She got up and shuffled off.
I followed and found her lying in her bed.
"You ok?"
"I want some water."
I got her some water.
"Let me tuck you into bed and then I'll go."
"No, I'm too tired to get up and lock the door after you. Get comfortable. That's your side of the bed."
"See where dashes can get you?"
The next morning.
"Sorry I'm late."
"What happened?"
"Short version is, I'm late. Long version is I stayed at a girl's place last night and left at 9 but there was a wreck on 95 that took forever to get through, so I didn't get home until 9:40 and I still had to shower and make my lunch."
He had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.
"Alright man, alright."
"Sorry about that."
"Next time, leave earlier."