[Fanfic] A Beautiful Mess (Chapter Ten)
I am so happy I was able to updated after a week. :) I am really hoping to update this as fast as possible but RL is getting in the way. :( I am so getting excited with every chapter of this fic. lol. I hope you guys are too! :) Happy reading!
Just like what I said last update, This is unbeta-ed so if there are any grammatical or spelling errors, please let me know so I can make it right. Comments, suggestions, reactions (positive or negative) are gladly welcome. :)
CHAPTER TEN
“Matsumoto Jun, huh?” Nino breaks the tingling silence between him and Yana as they walk through a long path to the elevator. “When did this started? At Shun’s party?” he asked.
He was never the one to gossip or start assumption about other people so he just shrugs off that sight of Jun and Yana walking back from the playground to Shun’s house. He didn’t ask either one of them because he figured that if they wanted him to know, they eventually will. However, after seeing them act so strangely today, he can’t help but ask.
“It’s not what you think. Jun-kun and I are friends, just like what we are.” Yana defends calmly.
“Really?” Nino chuckled. “Then why do you have to whisper to each other in a corner? We never do that sort of things.”
Yana makes a kind of snorting noise and stopped her tracks in the middle of the corridor. Nino turns around to look at her, looking at him with this accusing face. “Are you jealous? Because suddenly, you’re acting like a possessive boyfriend.”
Nino sighed with a smile, wrapping one arm around Yana’s shoulder. “I am not jealous. I am curious.” He clarified and they started walking again. “Besides, Jun-kun’s a good friend of mine and the two of us are starting to get really friendly with each other so I’d like to know if there’s something going on between my two friends.” He stressed out the word ‘friends’.
“Nothing.” Yana firmly said.
“If you say so.” Nino gave up the interrogation but he is still not convinced. “Anyways, do you have plans tonight?”
Nino imagined that this day will be spent entirely with her that’s why he was a little disappointed when she said she’s leaving early.
“Why?” Yana asked.
“Just asking.” Nino says nonchalantly. “Aren’t you supposed to tag along with me the whole day? That’s the plan, right? And I kinda plot in my mind that we are going to dinner together later.”
“Is it a date?” Yana grinned.
“No.” Nino dismissed right away. “Just a friendly dinner. What’s wrong with that?” He was a little defensive with his tone.
“Nothing. I didn’t say it was wrong. Calm down, will you?” Yana pats his back while narrowing her eyes on him. “Unfortunately, I already asked someone to dinner later. We can do it another time. Tomorrow, if you want.”
“Oh… Sure”
And there were silence.
Nino is battling whether to ask if she’s going with Jun. Because he knew for sure that he heard them talking about dinner. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop but his curiously won over.
Yana wanted to say she’s going with Matsumoto Jun but it will lead to more questions. She decided to tell Nino everything since he’s been asking a lot already but not tonight. She need at least until tomorrow to carefully think over what she would say or how she would start or if she’s really ready to disclose everything.
The silence went through until they reached the lobby on the ground floor. Nino quickly changed from the cheerful, giddy boy earlier to this poker-faced, quiet guy.
“Look.” Yana pulled out his arm to make him face her. “If you’re being like this because Jun-kun and I are acting strange-”
“Yana.” Nino softly said asking her to stop attracting attention in this crowded part of the building.
Yana sighed to collect herself before speaking again. “I went through a lot earlier this year. I needed a friend and unexpectedly, he was there for me.”
Nino took her hand, grasped it tightly and pulled her away to a quiet corner before they can attract onlookers.
“Just like how you found me last night, I met him in that same situation.” Yana closed her eyes, this isn’t how she pictured this. She’s supposed to plan everything tonight and tell him calmly and normally tomorrow.
“Believe me, I will tell you everything tomorrow but you acting like this-”
“I’m sorry.” Nino butted in. Realizing that their hands are still tangled, he stared at it for a moment. She’s gripping so hard like she’s getting some strength from it.
“I understand.” Yana leaned over the wall for support. “I’m sorry too.” She looked down on the ground and her long fell down from her shoulders.
“Let’s go. Eri-chan might go berserk if you’re late.” Nino tried to sound cheery. He felt guilty for making her feel down. He doesn’t like that sight of her, eyebrows creasing, mouth pouting and a big frown drawing all over her face.
Yana didn’t move an inch but Nino saw a small smile on the side of her lips. He moved closer, his free hand brushing the hair that’s blocking her face and tucked it in behind her ears. He then tilted her head by raising her chin, she frowned at him. He pinched her nose and she wrinkled it before they suddenly burst out in laughter.
They soon walked through the crowded lobby with smiles on their faces, their hands are still intertwined and they don’t seem to mind it.
---
“So you’re having a date with her tonight?” Sho asked Jun as they reached the building’s rooftop for a quick cigarette break.
“It’s not a date.” Jun smiled and Sho just shrugged his shoulders. “She never mentioned the word date so it’s not a date.”
Sho just smiled before taking a puff from his cigarette. “I needed a friend right now.” He tried to mimic Yana’s voice. “Do you want me to translate that pick-up line?”
Jun softly laughed. “Come on. She’s going through a rough time. She really needed someone, I can see it in her eyes.”
“What are you, some sort of mind reader now? And you specialize on reading her mind?” Sho sarcastically said.
Jun chuckled timidly. “It’s weird, right? Sometimes I feel like I know her so well. To the point that I can actually predict what she’s feeling from the look in her eyes.”
“You’re crazy.” Sho concluded.
“I am.” Jun proudly states. “She makes me crazy.” He grins widely as he stares at the clear blue sky above them.
Sho couldn’t believe he’s witnessing a very much in love Matsumoto Jun.
“Hold your horses, lover boy.” Sho pats Jun’s shoulders. “We all know you’re not the only Arashi member who’s in love with her.”
The smile in Jun’s face slowly fades away. For a second, Sho felt bad for ruining his moment but Jun suddenly broke into another smile.
“Would you believe me if I tell you that I don’t feel jealous of Nino?”
“Huh?” Sho said in shock.
“I told you she makes me crazy.” Jun laughs. “Instead of being jealous, I actually feel relieved that she found a new friend in him. I realize that all I wanted for her is to be happy. And if she’s happy with him, I am happy as well.”
Sho’s eyebrows are starting to cross each other with confusion. “So you’re actually saying that you’re fine even if she ends up with Nino and not you?”
Jun took a final puff on his stick before throwing it to the ground. “I think so. I was actually waving the white flag in my mind earlier.”
“That was so mature of you.” Sho commented.
“I’m weird and I’m crazy all because of her. If this happened in my past relationships I definitely wouldn’t give up without putting up a fight but now all I care about is to make her happy even if it means that she’s not going to be happy with me.”
Sho’s eyebrows are already turning into an inverted arc with the words coming out of Jun’s mouth. A thought came into his mind but he’s thinking twice whether to voice it out or not.
“Would you mind if I say something straightforward and honest?” Sho asked for permission because he knew that it will absolutely hit a sore spot.
“Go for it.” Jun gave a go-signal.
“What if you’re not in love with her?” Sho began and Jun’s face is turning stiff. Okay, he shouldn’t have said that.“I mean, what if the whole drinking, drug overdose, depression thing only makes you pity her and you misinterpreted your feelings.”
“Believe me, I told myself that before. For a while, I was in denial. Trying to convince myself that what I’m feeling is just sympathy for what she’s going through. But it’s different when you can feel your heart racing with every though of her. It’s annoying but at the same time you don’t want it to stop.”
Sho gapes at him blankly, before muttering, “Oh God. You’re really in love.”
---
“Do you really want me to die of heart attack for worrying too much about you?!” Eri welcomed Yana with a raised voice and a furious stare as she entered her office.
“In that case, I would bring flowers to your grave everyday as my sign of guilt.” Yana answered nonchalantly, sitting on a chair by the table as she picks up a magazine that’s been lying on it.
“Arghhhhh!!!” Eri cries out of frustration. “Can you please be serious and stop pretending like you didn’t do anything wrong?!!” She grabs the magazine from Yana’s hand and threw it away to the ground.
Yana stood up from her seat, their eyes are now at the same level. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I think you’re forgetting that today is my day off. I shouldn’t be here in the first place.” She reasoned out.
“Okay. Today may be your day off but what you did last night-”
“Last night, for your information, is way beyond my professional responsibilities. It was a personal thing.” Yana said, cutting off Eri.
Eri sighed, falling into one of the chair. She closed her eyes and breathes heavily, burying her face in both her hands. “Yana, please stop acting like this.” She pleaded with a weary voice.
A bitter smile is forming on Yana’s face while having stare fest with Eri until her eyes breaks away. She picks up her bag that’s lying on the chair and strides away towards the door.
“Like always, no one understands me. I get it.” Yana said while pushing her hand through her hair.
“Yana, don’t say that.” Eri comes by her side. “We understand what you’re going through. Your mom entrust you to us that’s why we tried our best to look after you, especially Jin. You don’t know how painful it is for us to see your mom crying so hard when we picked her up in the airport. She almost lost you once before, she doesn’t want that to happen again.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t try to kill myself!” Yana is in rage.
“You did once, Yana.” Eri reminded her, remaining calm.
“That was before!” Yana argued. “I did my best to get over the hate I had for myself. You guys helped me, right?” Her voice began to tremble. “I began to accept everything with an open heart. I got over the hate I had for my parents. I gave my mom a chance that we even got along so well like the past didn’t happen. For the first time, I started to have fun living my life…”
Yana drops on Eri’s shoulders and the tears began to fall endlessly.
“Why do I feel like the past is starting to haunt me? I feel so alone again.”
And the thought she’s been afraid to say finally comes out from her mouth like a poison. She felt her whole body tremble with fear, the pain in her chest makes it harder to breath and tears feels like it can stream out from her eyes forever.
---
When Yana comes back to her apartment, she laid straight to her bed, crying. Just like what she thought, the tears wouldn’t stop from falling. She tried to close her eyes to stop it, but it always finds a way to comes out. She tightly hugs her pillow, so hard that if it’s a living thing it will probably be choked to death.
She eventually fell asleep crying, a trip to slumber that momentarily took her away from pain she’s feeling. When she woke up, it was pitch black everywhere. Her hand searched for the switch to the lamp on her bedside table and when a light finally emerged, she looks at her wrist for the time. It reads 11 o’clock.
She picks up her phone that’s been resting on a pillow beside her head. 10 missed calls from an unknown number.
“Oh, crap.” She murmured, suddenly remembering her plans tonight with Matsumoto Jun.
Instinctively, she dialed the number as she sits up the bed. He immediately picks up on the second ring.
“Finally.” Jun utter a sigh of relief.
“I am so sorry!” Yana quickly apologizes. “I fell asleep and my phone is on silent mode.”
“Well, you owe me dinner since I’m too worried about you to even think about eating.” She heard him say on the other line and a small smile appears on her lips.
“I promise to buy you dinner but can I pass tonight? I’m not feeling very well.” She slowly crawled down into the blanket.
“Oh…” He mumbled and Yana closed her eyes, feeling guilty after hearing his very disappointed ‘Oh’.
“Are you sick?” Jun asked.
“No, just… exhausted.” Yana answered. Jun doesn’t need to hear everything over the phone and she doesn’t want to worry him even more.
“You haven’t eaten dinner yet, are you?”
“Not yet but I’ll pass dinner and will just go back to sleep.” Yana said, wrapping one arm around a pillow. She wonder if she will ever go back to sleep. She’ll probably spend the entire midnight crying again.
It took a few seconds before she heard Jun’s voice again. “Okay, you can treat me dinner some other time but I’ll bring you food tonight. To your house.”
“Eh?!” Yana said in awe.
“You need to eat if you’re not feeling well.” Jun insisted.
“Eh… Jun-kun, I don’t want to trouble you, really.”
“I insist. I wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
On second thought, having Matsumoto Jun around would keep her mind away from her problems. And she likes having him around, he makes her feel good.
“You won.” Yana decided and she heard a brief victory laugh from the other line. “I’ll text you my address.”
“Alright, see you in a few minutes.” He sounds more cheerful than earlier.
“Ja… see you.” Yana manages to smile fully after she said that. “Jun-kun, thank you, really.” She said before he ends the call.
“For what?” Jun asked.
“Just thank you.” Yana said, the smile isn’t leaving her lips.
“Whatever it is, you’re welcome.” Jun said and the call ended.
Yana took the phone away from her ears and puts it back on the bedside table. “Thank you for putting a smile on my face when I thought I have lost it forever.” She mumbled to herself. A sentence she’s too embarrassed to say over the line and even in person.
Just like what I said last update, This is unbeta-ed so if there are any grammatical or spelling errors, please let me know so I can make it right. Comments, suggestions, reactions (positive or negative) are gladly welcome. :)
CHAPTER TEN
“Matsumoto Jun, huh?” Nino breaks the tingling silence between him and Yana as they walk through a long path to the elevator. “When did this started? At Shun’s party?” he asked.
He was never the one to gossip or start assumption about other people so he just shrugs off that sight of Jun and Yana walking back from the playground to Shun’s house. He didn’t ask either one of them because he figured that if they wanted him to know, they eventually will. However, after seeing them act so strangely today, he can’t help but ask.
“It’s not what you think. Jun-kun and I are friends, just like what we are.” Yana defends calmly.
“Really?” Nino chuckled. “Then why do you have to whisper to each other in a corner? We never do that sort of things.”
Yana makes a kind of snorting noise and stopped her tracks in the middle of the corridor. Nino turns around to look at her, looking at him with this accusing face. “Are you jealous? Because suddenly, you’re acting like a possessive boyfriend.”
Nino sighed with a smile, wrapping one arm around Yana’s shoulder. “I am not jealous. I am curious.” He clarified and they started walking again. “Besides, Jun-kun’s a good friend of mine and the two of us are starting to get really friendly with each other so I’d like to know if there’s something going on between my two friends.” He stressed out the word ‘friends’.
“Nothing.” Yana firmly said.
“If you say so.” Nino gave up the interrogation but he is still not convinced. “Anyways, do you have plans tonight?”
Nino imagined that this day will be spent entirely with her that’s why he was a little disappointed when she said she’s leaving early.
“Why?” Yana asked.
“Just asking.” Nino says nonchalantly. “Aren’t you supposed to tag along with me the whole day? That’s the plan, right? And I kinda plot in my mind that we are going to dinner together later.”
“Is it a date?” Yana grinned.
“No.” Nino dismissed right away. “Just a friendly dinner. What’s wrong with that?” He was a little defensive with his tone.
“Nothing. I didn’t say it was wrong. Calm down, will you?” Yana pats his back while narrowing her eyes on him. “Unfortunately, I already asked someone to dinner later. We can do it another time. Tomorrow, if you want.”
“Oh… Sure”
And there were silence.
Nino is battling whether to ask if she’s going with Jun. Because he knew for sure that he heard them talking about dinner. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop but his curiously won over.
Yana wanted to say she’s going with Matsumoto Jun but it will lead to more questions. She decided to tell Nino everything since he’s been asking a lot already but not tonight. She need at least until tomorrow to carefully think over what she would say or how she would start or if she’s really ready to disclose everything.
The silence went through until they reached the lobby on the ground floor. Nino quickly changed from the cheerful, giddy boy earlier to this poker-faced, quiet guy.
“Look.” Yana pulled out his arm to make him face her. “If you’re being like this because Jun-kun and I are acting strange-”
“Yana.” Nino softly said asking her to stop attracting attention in this crowded part of the building.
Yana sighed to collect herself before speaking again. “I went through a lot earlier this year. I needed a friend and unexpectedly, he was there for me.”
Nino took her hand, grasped it tightly and pulled her away to a quiet corner before they can attract onlookers.
“Just like how you found me last night, I met him in that same situation.” Yana closed her eyes, this isn’t how she pictured this. She’s supposed to plan everything tonight and tell him calmly and normally tomorrow.
“Believe me, I will tell you everything tomorrow but you acting like this-”
“I’m sorry.” Nino butted in. Realizing that their hands are still tangled, he stared at it for a moment. She’s gripping so hard like she’s getting some strength from it.
“I understand.” Yana leaned over the wall for support. “I’m sorry too.” She looked down on the ground and her long fell down from her shoulders.
“Let’s go. Eri-chan might go berserk if you’re late.” Nino tried to sound cheery. He felt guilty for making her feel down. He doesn’t like that sight of her, eyebrows creasing, mouth pouting and a big frown drawing all over her face.
Yana didn’t move an inch but Nino saw a small smile on the side of her lips. He moved closer, his free hand brushing the hair that’s blocking her face and tucked it in behind her ears. He then tilted her head by raising her chin, she frowned at him. He pinched her nose and she wrinkled it before they suddenly burst out in laughter.
They soon walked through the crowded lobby with smiles on their faces, their hands are still intertwined and they don’t seem to mind it.
---
“So you’re having a date with her tonight?” Sho asked Jun as they reached the building’s rooftop for a quick cigarette break.
“It’s not a date.” Jun smiled and Sho just shrugged his shoulders. “She never mentioned the word date so it’s not a date.”
Sho just smiled before taking a puff from his cigarette. “I needed a friend right now.” He tried to mimic Yana’s voice. “Do you want me to translate that pick-up line?”
Jun softly laughed. “Come on. She’s going through a rough time. She really needed someone, I can see it in her eyes.”
“What are you, some sort of mind reader now? And you specialize on reading her mind?” Sho sarcastically said.
Jun chuckled timidly. “It’s weird, right? Sometimes I feel like I know her so well. To the point that I can actually predict what she’s feeling from the look in her eyes.”
“You’re crazy.” Sho concluded.
“I am.” Jun proudly states. “She makes me crazy.” He grins widely as he stares at the clear blue sky above them.
Sho couldn’t believe he’s witnessing a very much in love Matsumoto Jun.
“Hold your horses, lover boy.” Sho pats Jun’s shoulders. “We all know you’re not the only Arashi member who’s in love with her.”
The smile in Jun’s face slowly fades away. For a second, Sho felt bad for ruining his moment but Jun suddenly broke into another smile.
“Would you believe me if I tell you that I don’t feel jealous of Nino?”
“Huh?” Sho said in shock.
“I told you she makes me crazy.” Jun laughs. “Instead of being jealous, I actually feel relieved that she found a new friend in him. I realize that all I wanted for her is to be happy. And if she’s happy with him, I am happy as well.”
Sho’s eyebrows are starting to cross each other with confusion. “So you’re actually saying that you’re fine even if she ends up with Nino and not you?”
Jun took a final puff on his stick before throwing it to the ground. “I think so. I was actually waving the white flag in my mind earlier.”
“That was so mature of you.” Sho commented.
“I’m weird and I’m crazy all because of her. If this happened in my past relationships I definitely wouldn’t give up without putting up a fight but now all I care about is to make her happy even if it means that she’s not going to be happy with me.”
Sho’s eyebrows are already turning into an inverted arc with the words coming out of Jun’s mouth. A thought came into his mind but he’s thinking twice whether to voice it out or not.
“Would you mind if I say something straightforward and honest?” Sho asked for permission because he knew that it will absolutely hit a sore spot.
“Go for it.” Jun gave a go-signal.
“What if you’re not in love with her?” Sho began and Jun’s face is turning stiff. Okay, he shouldn’t have said that.“I mean, what if the whole drinking, drug overdose, depression thing only makes you pity her and you misinterpreted your feelings.”
“Believe me, I told myself that before. For a while, I was in denial. Trying to convince myself that what I’m feeling is just sympathy for what she’s going through. But it’s different when you can feel your heart racing with every though of her. It’s annoying but at the same time you don’t want it to stop.”
Sho gapes at him blankly, before muttering, “Oh God. You’re really in love.”
---
“Do you really want me to die of heart attack for worrying too much about you?!” Eri welcomed Yana with a raised voice and a furious stare as she entered her office.
“In that case, I would bring flowers to your grave everyday as my sign of guilt.” Yana answered nonchalantly, sitting on a chair by the table as she picks up a magazine that’s been lying on it.
“Arghhhhh!!!” Eri cries out of frustration. “Can you please be serious and stop pretending like you didn’t do anything wrong?!!” She grabs the magazine from Yana’s hand and threw it away to the ground.
Yana stood up from her seat, their eyes are now at the same level. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I think you’re forgetting that today is my day off. I shouldn’t be here in the first place.” She reasoned out.
“Okay. Today may be your day off but what you did last night-”
“Last night, for your information, is way beyond my professional responsibilities. It was a personal thing.” Yana said, cutting off Eri.
Eri sighed, falling into one of the chair. She closed her eyes and breathes heavily, burying her face in both her hands. “Yana, please stop acting like this.” She pleaded with a weary voice.
A bitter smile is forming on Yana’s face while having stare fest with Eri until her eyes breaks away. She picks up her bag that’s lying on the chair and strides away towards the door.
“Like always, no one understands me. I get it.” Yana said while pushing her hand through her hair.
“Yana, don’t say that.” Eri comes by her side. “We understand what you’re going through. Your mom entrust you to us that’s why we tried our best to look after you, especially Jin. You don’t know how painful it is for us to see your mom crying so hard when we picked her up in the airport. She almost lost you once before, she doesn’t want that to happen again.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t try to kill myself!” Yana is in rage.
“You did once, Yana.” Eri reminded her, remaining calm.
“That was before!” Yana argued. “I did my best to get over the hate I had for myself. You guys helped me, right?” Her voice began to tremble. “I began to accept everything with an open heart. I got over the hate I had for my parents. I gave my mom a chance that we even got along so well like the past didn’t happen. For the first time, I started to have fun living my life…”
Yana drops on Eri’s shoulders and the tears began to fall endlessly.
“Why do I feel like the past is starting to haunt me? I feel so alone again.”
And the thought she’s been afraid to say finally comes out from her mouth like a poison. She felt her whole body tremble with fear, the pain in her chest makes it harder to breath and tears feels like it can stream out from her eyes forever.
---
When Yana comes back to her apartment, she laid straight to her bed, crying. Just like what she thought, the tears wouldn’t stop from falling. She tried to close her eyes to stop it, but it always finds a way to comes out. She tightly hugs her pillow, so hard that if it’s a living thing it will probably be choked to death.
She eventually fell asleep crying, a trip to slumber that momentarily took her away from pain she’s feeling. When she woke up, it was pitch black everywhere. Her hand searched for the switch to the lamp on her bedside table and when a light finally emerged, she looks at her wrist for the time. It reads 11 o’clock.
She picks up her phone that’s been resting on a pillow beside her head. 10 missed calls from an unknown number.
“Oh, crap.” She murmured, suddenly remembering her plans tonight with Matsumoto Jun.
Instinctively, she dialed the number as she sits up the bed. He immediately picks up on the second ring.
“Finally.” Jun utter a sigh of relief.
“I am so sorry!” Yana quickly apologizes. “I fell asleep and my phone is on silent mode.”
“Well, you owe me dinner since I’m too worried about you to even think about eating.” She heard him say on the other line and a small smile appears on her lips.
“I promise to buy you dinner but can I pass tonight? I’m not feeling very well.” She slowly crawled down into the blanket.
“Oh…” He mumbled and Yana closed her eyes, feeling guilty after hearing his very disappointed ‘Oh’.
“Are you sick?” Jun asked.
“No, just… exhausted.” Yana answered. Jun doesn’t need to hear everything over the phone and she doesn’t want to worry him even more.
“You haven’t eaten dinner yet, are you?”
“Not yet but I’ll pass dinner and will just go back to sleep.” Yana said, wrapping one arm around a pillow. She wonder if she will ever go back to sleep. She’ll probably spend the entire midnight crying again.
It took a few seconds before she heard Jun’s voice again. “Okay, you can treat me dinner some other time but I’ll bring you food tonight. To your house.”
“Eh?!” Yana said in awe.
“You need to eat if you’re not feeling well.” Jun insisted.
“Eh… Jun-kun, I don’t want to trouble you, really.”
“I insist. I wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
On second thought, having Matsumoto Jun around would keep her mind away from her problems. And she likes having him around, he makes her feel good.
“You won.” Yana decided and she heard a brief victory laugh from the other line. “I’ll text you my address.”
“Alright, see you in a few minutes.” He sounds more cheerful than earlier.
“Ja… see you.” Yana manages to smile fully after she said that. “Jun-kun, thank you, really.” She said before he ends the call.
“For what?” Jun asked.
“Just thank you.” Yana said, the smile isn’t leaving her lips.
“Whatever it is, you’re welcome.” Jun said and the call ended.
Yana took the phone away from her ears and puts it back on the bedside table. “Thank you for putting a smile on my face when I thought I have lost it forever.” She mumbled to herself. A sentence she’s too embarrassed to say over the line and even in person.