[Fanfic] A Beautiful Mess (Chapter Twenty Two)
I said I was going to update yesterday but I went out and didn't get to face the computer after I got home last night. Anyways, here it is. Angsty chapter, I think. And a sad one. :| Well, every story needs one, isn't it? :D
As always, this is unbeta-ed so please do tell me if there are mistakes and errors so I can make it right. Comments, suggestions, reactions and criticisms are appreciated. Happy reading! :D
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“Why don’t you just give in? What are worried about, Yana?”
Those were the first words Yuu said after letting Yana pour her heart out to him. They are still at the restaurant, drinking their second bottle of wine and eating their third round of dessert.
“You know why...” Yana replied, staring blankly into the perfectly decorated cheesecake on the table.
“It’s okay to be afraid. With love comes problems, struggles and complications but see it as a challenge and a learning. After all, it wouldn’t be called love without challenges, it would be boring as hell.” Yuu laughed, he placed his hand on her lap and she reached for a squeeze. “I know why you’re afraid and totally understand. Your parents failed, you failed... but it doesn’t mean that you should give up. As long as you’re breathing, you should never give up. Love is a wonderful thing.” He chuckled with his last sentence. “Cheesy, I know, but it’s true.”
“Who are you and what did you do to Shirota Yuu?” Yana makes fun of him. “I’m sorry for lying a bit to that ditzy girl.”
Yuu laughed after remembering the things she said about him and his girlfriend. “It’s okay, Yan.” he assured her. The truth is, he just made things official with his girlfriend three months ago and he’s definitely not planning on proposing yet.
“Don’t get married yet, okay? I’ll cry.” Yana joked but somehow there’s a certain truth to it. When it comes to four closest guys to her life, she’s overprotective, these guys are like her older brothers and they baby her too much. And it’s possible for her to cry if one of them decided to get married.
“Of course, I won’t. It’s too soon.” Yuu laughed. “Hey, apologize to Pi soon, okay? You hurt his feelings tonight.”
“But she’s a ditz and she flirts with you. What I did is just right for that annoying bitch-” She stops after seeing Yuu narrowing his eyes on her. “Fine.” she retreats.
“She may be annoying but what you did isn’t right. You’re stooping down on her level by picking a mean girl power struggle with her.” Yuu lectures her.
“Okay, I will apologize to Pi but not to her. If Pi finds out why I did it, he will take my side and ditch that ditz-” Again, she stopped after seeing Yuu narrow his eyes for the second time. “Sorry, Otousan.”
“Aren’t we getting a bit sidelined from our topic? Isn’t this talk should be about Matsumoto Jun?” Yuu went back to their conversation earlier. “What are you going to do now, Yana?”
“Nothing... I don’t know!” Yana still hesitates.
“I bet that if you confess, I’m ninety-nine percent sure that he will give a positive response. The guy is crazy for you.”
“But still...”
“Say I love you out of the blue. It’ll be fun!” That statement from Yuu is more like a mockery than a suggestion.
“Shut up.” Yana dismissed him.
Yuu is still laughing at her. “But seriously, Yan, nobody can help you with that problem but yourself and Matsumoto-san, of course. If none of you makes a move, you will not push forward and you’ll be forever stuck at this sex friends thing. Thinking about it, both of you are too old for casual sex, you know.”
“I didn’t know that there’s an age limit for casual sex.” Yana chuckled.
“Okay, so there isn’t but people your age engage into something more serious than casual sex.” Yuu pointed out. “And seeing you being problematic about this makes me think that you want something more from this anyway. And like I said, you’re the only person who can help yourself.”
Yuu was so proud of himself for finally making Yana realize everything, she was on the verge of giving in and all he needed is a tiny little push before she actually gets to fully admit it to herself and to Jun.
---
The photo shoot is finally over and at last, she’ll be able to go home and sleep for as long as she wants. She got the next two days off and she planned on spending those days at home, in bed, resting to her heart’s content. Jun’s been away for a few a days now, being even busier with filming and promotions as his drama will begin soon. It’s good though, Yana thought that they could use a little alone time sometimes, they’ve been spending so much time together since her schedule got a little easeful with her drama duties finishing. Also, with Jun being away from her sight, she have more time to think and decide on what to do with their relationship or whatever you wanna call it.
Yuu was right, heck, he was always right. She can only help herself and that’s what she’s doing now. Giving herself time to think, carefully going through her emotions and figuring out what she really wants to do.
Yana is on her way out of the building when someone calls out her name from a distance. She and Eri both turned to look at the owner of that voice.
“Yu-chan!” Yana greeted enthusiastically upon seeing her sempai slash friend after a long time.
Yamada Yu hurriedly walks towards her, welcoming her inside her arms as they gave each other a hug in the middle of the lobby.
“Just because you’re getting up there doesn’t mean that you should ignore your friends.” Yu narrowed her eyes.
“I’m not ignoring, I’m just really busy these days.” Yana reasoned out. She felt guilty now that she realized that she hasn’t seen her other friends these days.
“But you’re not busy enough for Matsujun?” Yu slips an arm on Yana’s as she eyed Eri, exchanging silly grins.
Yana pursed her lips and smiled timidly. “I guess it hits the rumor mill, huh?”
“Not really.” Yu shakes her head. “Maybe you’re forgetting that my boyfriend is bestfriends with Jun-kun, and guys like to gossip about their friends.” She chuckled.
Yana laughed softly, apparently, Jun’s group of friends are gossiping about her and telling their girlfriends about it. Now who says that it’s the girls who love gossips?
“Let’s hang out tonight, Yana.” Yu suggested. “You don’t have any time to protest, I wouldn’t let go of your arm anymore.” She giggled. “Eri-chan, come with us.”
“Well, you can have Yana but I’m sorry I can’t join you guys.” Eri said.
“She’s going on a date.” Yana whispered but made it loud enough for Eri to hear.
Yu didn’t let go of Yana until they hailed a cab, she was too persistent that Yana have no choice but to go with her. Yana’s much awaited rest needs to wait for a few hours, she thought.
“I would never imagine that you and Jun can be an item.” Yu says. Somehow, Yana wanted to ask why.
Yu made her explain in details from the start inside the cab, she was excitedly squealing as Yana tell her the story that the driver is even eavesdropping on them.
“Why?” Yana finally asked after a three minute silence as they indulge on their food. “But you know, we are not really an item.” She laughed.
Yu looked up, thought for a while before smiling. “Exactly.”
Yana crossed her eyebrows and Yu continued speaking. “From what I know about Jun, he takes everything seriously. He’s not like Nino who plays around and sleeps with random girls he met at a party. Jun is a bit conventional when it comes to dating. He goes through the usual getting to know phase, going on dates and confessing type of thing. Pretty conservative guy, he is.”
“Really?” Yana asked. She was quite surprise to know that Jun is like that, even Nino haven’t told her about that.
“Yes.” Yu said with affirmation. “And if you thought that he probably had a number of relationships in the past, well, think again. He only had two serious relationships in his life and last one was years ago.”
Johnny’s talents’ dating life isn’t really a well-kept secret in this industry and she knows a few rumors about Jun’s supposedly love life but she never really confirms any of it from the man himself. They never talk about it and Jun never open it up. It’s just the way their relationship works, past is past and it should remain that way.
“Don’t tell me that he really dated Inoue Mao, I’m going nuts.” Yana found herself say. Well, she’s curious on this person though. The past rumors about them seem believable.
“No.” Yu quickly say as she shakes her head. “They got really close after doing two dramas and a movie together, Shun is close to her too but as far as I know, Jun didn’t try to pursue her.”
“Ohh.” Yana murmured. Why did she felt relieved all of a sudden?
Yu smiled at her. “Are you, by any chance, threatened by Inoue Mao?” she laughed.
“No.” Yana is quick to reply. “I just thought it’s true.”
“Well, even if it’s true, you need not to be threatened by her. You’ll be winning by a landslide, you flawless person!” They both laughed at that.
“So… what happened to his last relationship?” Yana asked. Honestly, she is curious.
Yu looked at her seriously. “You sure you wanna know?”
“Should I not know?” Yana asked and now she’s even more curious.
“Not really. It’s just that it’s pretty tragic.” Yu says and Yana is ready to listen to her. “In 2007, he met this girl, a college student who works at NTV as a student trainee. I’m not sure about her major but something to do with journalism, I think. He instantly liked her, she’s pretty and tall, prim and proper but besides the attractive appearance and the perfect values, she doesn’t go crazy after seeing Arashi in person and Jun was amazed by that. To make the long story short, they began dating, he introduced her to us and she started hanging out with us also. In spring 2008, she graduated from college and she got this big job opportunity abroad… Let’s just say that she’s career oriented and driven…She choose it and she left him. It took him time to move on, with the help of his family and friends, he finally gotten over it. But it wasn’t easy, Jun loves recklessly, he gives one hundred one percent to it that when she left he was devastated as hell.”
“But… is he over her now?” Yana wanted to confirm.
“I think, yes. He dated a few girls, celeb and non-celeb, but Jun picky with girls, you know. He has this preference and ideal that is hard to match.” Yu watched Yana play with her food using her fork. “After meeting you, maybe Jun has finally found what he’s looking for, after all, you’re perfect.”
“Stop it.” Yana shyly smiled as she looks up to meet her eyes. “I am not perfect.” She softly utter, her voice almost sad.
“But you’re pretty and he likes pretty girls and more than that, you’re fun to be with and extremely nice.”
“A while ago, you told me that you never imagine us together. You’re contradicting yourself.” Yana laughed.
“Well, you’re Yana, the life of the party-”
“It’s okay, Yu-chan. Just say that I’m Yana, the crazy party girl and the notorious playgirl.” Yana cuts her off, trying to sound witty.
Yu smiled. “Jun is serious with love so I thought you wouldn’t fit together. If as friends, its good but… you know, he never really go for girls…” she stopped, realizing that she’s going a bit too far on this.
“Girls like me…” Yana finished her sentence.
Yana was like shot straight to the heart. She felt her blood streaming on every vain in her system and her body is trembling like she’s in fear.
She yearns for answers but is this the answer she wanted?
---
At almost two in the morning, Eri found Yana walking back and forth in front of her apartment door, her arms across her chest and her head is tilted down as her eyes focused seriously on the movement of her feet. As she came closer, she saw the ruined eyeliner on her eyes and now she looks like a panda.
Yana looks up as soon as she heard Eri’s footsteps and Eri stopped after seeing her face clearly. Yana smiled, or fake smiled as Eri concluded before she pouted her lips, a sign that she’s trying to stop the tears that are about to fall. But she couldn’t stop it, it pours uncontrollably as Eri came over to wrap her in her arms.
And she wept, helplessly in Eri’s arms, in the middle of the hallway at two in the morning.
“He doesn’t deserve someone like me.” Yana cried. “I’m a mess. No matter how much I try to change I will always be that girl. I’m a big whore. I give my body to every man I met, I let them fuck me and I’m okay with it… Jun doesn’t deserve that girl, he deserves so much better.”
“Who told you that?” Eri pulled away and held Yana’s face in her hands but Yana just cried, the tears falls down uncontrollably from her eyes. “Don’t let anyone dictate you, Yana. You know that it is not true. You’re not that girl.”
“Other people say otherwise.” Yana said as she breathes for air.
Eri hugs her again, too hard, wishing that it would make her feel better.
Yes, Yana is appears strong and independent, she always wear her gorgeous smile and her hearty laugh but the truth is, Yana is a broken, misunderstood girl who only wants to be loved and be truly happy, that’s all she wanted but people are cruel enough let her down every time she finds it.
As always, this is unbeta-ed so please do tell me if there are mistakes and errors so I can make it right. Comments, suggestions, reactions and criticisms are appreciated. Happy reading! :D
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“Why don’t you just give in? What are worried about, Yana?”
Those were the first words Yuu said after letting Yana pour her heart out to him. They are still at the restaurant, drinking their second bottle of wine and eating their third round of dessert.
“You know why...” Yana replied, staring blankly into the perfectly decorated cheesecake on the table.
“It’s okay to be afraid. With love comes problems, struggles and complications but see it as a challenge and a learning. After all, it wouldn’t be called love without challenges, it would be boring as hell.” Yuu laughed, he placed his hand on her lap and she reached for a squeeze. “I know why you’re afraid and totally understand. Your parents failed, you failed... but it doesn’t mean that you should give up. As long as you’re breathing, you should never give up. Love is a wonderful thing.” He chuckled with his last sentence. “Cheesy, I know, but it’s true.”
“Who are you and what did you do to Shirota Yuu?” Yana makes fun of him. “I’m sorry for lying a bit to that ditzy girl.”
Yuu laughed after remembering the things she said about him and his girlfriend. “It’s okay, Yan.” he assured her. The truth is, he just made things official with his girlfriend three months ago and he’s definitely not planning on proposing yet.
“Don’t get married yet, okay? I’ll cry.” Yana joked but somehow there’s a certain truth to it. When it comes to four closest guys to her life, she’s overprotective, these guys are like her older brothers and they baby her too much. And it’s possible for her to cry if one of them decided to get married.
“Of course, I won’t. It’s too soon.” Yuu laughed. “Hey, apologize to Pi soon, okay? You hurt his feelings tonight.”
“But she’s a ditz and she flirts with you. What I did is just right for that annoying bitch-” She stops after seeing Yuu narrowing his eyes on her. “Fine.” she retreats.
“She may be annoying but what you did isn’t right. You’re stooping down on her level by picking a mean girl power struggle with her.” Yuu lectures her.
“Okay, I will apologize to Pi but not to her. If Pi finds out why I did it, he will take my side and ditch that ditz-” Again, she stopped after seeing Yuu narrow his eyes for the second time. “Sorry, Otousan.”
“Aren’t we getting a bit sidelined from our topic? Isn’t this talk should be about Matsumoto Jun?” Yuu went back to their conversation earlier. “What are you going to do now, Yana?”
“Nothing... I don’t know!” Yana still hesitates.
“I bet that if you confess, I’m ninety-nine percent sure that he will give a positive response. The guy is crazy for you.”
“But still...”
“Say I love you out of the blue. It’ll be fun!” That statement from Yuu is more like a mockery than a suggestion.
“Shut up.” Yana dismissed him.
Yuu is still laughing at her. “But seriously, Yan, nobody can help you with that problem but yourself and Matsumoto-san, of course. If none of you makes a move, you will not push forward and you’ll be forever stuck at this sex friends thing. Thinking about it, both of you are too old for casual sex, you know.”
“I didn’t know that there’s an age limit for casual sex.” Yana chuckled.
“Okay, so there isn’t but people your age engage into something more serious than casual sex.” Yuu pointed out. “And seeing you being problematic about this makes me think that you want something more from this anyway. And like I said, you’re the only person who can help yourself.”
Yuu was so proud of himself for finally making Yana realize everything, she was on the verge of giving in and all he needed is a tiny little push before she actually gets to fully admit it to herself and to Jun.
---
The photo shoot is finally over and at last, she’ll be able to go home and sleep for as long as she wants. She got the next two days off and she planned on spending those days at home, in bed, resting to her heart’s content. Jun’s been away for a few a days now, being even busier with filming and promotions as his drama will begin soon. It’s good though, Yana thought that they could use a little alone time sometimes, they’ve been spending so much time together since her schedule got a little easeful with her drama duties finishing. Also, with Jun being away from her sight, she have more time to think and decide on what to do with their relationship or whatever you wanna call it.
Yuu was right, heck, he was always right. She can only help herself and that’s what she’s doing now. Giving herself time to think, carefully going through her emotions and figuring out what she really wants to do.
Yana is on her way out of the building when someone calls out her name from a distance. She and Eri both turned to look at the owner of that voice.
“Yu-chan!” Yana greeted enthusiastically upon seeing her sempai slash friend after a long time.
Yamada Yu hurriedly walks towards her, welcoming her inside her arms as they gave each other a hug in the middle of the lobby.
“Just because you’re getting up there doesn’t mean that you should ignore your friends.” Yu narrowed her eyes.
“I’m not ignoring, I’m just really busy these days.” Yana reasoned out. She felt guilty now that she realized that she hasn’t seen her other friends these days.
“But you’re not busy enough for Matsujun?” Yu slips an arm on Yana’s as she eyed Eri, exchanging silly grins.
Yana pursed her lips and smiled timidly. “I guess it hits the rumor mill, huh?”
“Not really.” Yu shakes her head. “Maybe you’re forgetting that my boyfriend is bestfriends with Jun-kun, and guys like to gossip about their friends.” She chuckled.
Yana laughed softly, apparently, Jun’s group of friends are gossiping about her and telling their girlfriends about it. Now who says that it’s the girls who love gossips?
“Let’s hang out tonight, Yana.” Yu suggested. “You don’t have any time to protest, I wouldn’t let go of your arm anymore.” She giggled. “Eri-chan, come with us.”
“Well, you can have Yana but I’m sorry I can’t join you guys.” Eri said.
“She’s going on a date.” Yana whispered but made it loud enough for Eri to hear.
Yu didn’t let go of Yana until they hailed a cab, she was too persistent that Yana have no choice but to go with her. Yana’s much awaited rest needs to wait for a few hours, she thought.
“I would never imagine that you and Jun can be an item.” Yu says. Somehow, Yana wanted to ask why.
Yu made her explain in details from the start inside the cab, she was excitedly squealing as Yana tell her the story that the driver is even eavesdropping on them.
“Why?” Yana finally asked after a three minute silence as they indulge on their food. “But you know, we are not really an item.” She laughed.
Yu looked up, thought for a while before smiling. “Exactly.”
Yana crossed her eyebrows and Yu continued speaking. “From what I know about Jun, he takes everything seriously. He’s not like Nino who plays around and sleeps with random girls he met at a party. Jun is a bit conventional when it comes to dating. He goes through the usual getting to know phase, going on dates and confessing type of thing. Pretty conservative guy, he is.”
“Really?” Yana asked. She was quite surprise to know that Jun is like that, even Nino haven’t told her about that.
“Yes.” Yu said with affirmation. “And if you thought that he probably had a number of relationships in the past, well, think again. He only had two serious relationships in his life and last one was years ago.”
Johnny’s talents’ dating life isn’t really a well-kept secret in this industry and she knows a few rumors about Jun’s supposedly love life but she never really confirms any of it from the man himself. They never talk about it and Jun never open it up. It’s just the way their relationship works, past is past and it should remain that way.
“Don’t tell me that he really dated Inoue Mao, I’m going nuts.” Yana found herself say. Well, she’s curious on this person though. The past rumors about them seem believable.
“No.” Yu quickly say as she shakes her head. “They got really close after doing two dramas and a movie together, Shun is close to her too but as far as I know, Jun didn’t try to pursue her.”
“Ohh.” Yana murmured. Why did she felt relieved all of a sudden?
Yu smiled at her. “Are you, by any chance, threatened by Inoue Mao?” she laughed.
“No.” Yana is quick to reply. “I just thought it’s true.”
“Well, even if it’s true, you need not to be threatened by her. You’ll be winning by a landslide, you flawless person!” They both laughed at that.
“So… what happened to his last relationship?” Yana asked. Honestly, she is curious.
Yu looked at her seriously. “You sure you wanna know?”
“Should I not know?” Yana asked and now she’s even more curious.
“Not really. It’s just that it’s pretty tragic.” Yu says and Yana is ready to listen to her. “In 2007, he met this girl, a college student who works at NTV as a student trainee. I’m not sure about her major but something to do with journalism, I think. He instantly liked her, she’s pretty and tall, prim and proper but besides the attractive appearance and the perfect values, she doesn’t go crazy after seeing Arashi in person and Jun was amazed by that. To make the long story short, they began dating, he introduced her to us and she started hanging out with us also. In spring 2008, she graduated from college and she got this big job opportunity abroad… Let’s just say that she’s career oriented and driven…She choose it and she left him. It took him time to move on, with the help of his family and friends, he finally gotten over it. But it wasn’t easy, Jun loves recklessly, he gives one hundred one percent to it that when she left he was devastated as hell.”
“But… is he over her now?” Yana wanted to confirm.
“I think, yes. He dated a few girls, celeb and non-celeb, but Jun picky with girls, you know. He has this preference and ideal that is hard to match.” Yu watched Yana play with her food using her fork. “After meeting you, maybe Jun has finally found what he’s looking for, after all, you’re perfect.”
“Stop it.” Yana shyly smiled as she looks up to meet her eyes. “I am not perfect.” She softly utter, her voice almost sad.
“But you’re pretty and he likes pretty girls and more than that, you’re fun to be with and extremely nice.”
“A while ago, you told me that you never imagine us together. You’re contradicting yourself.” Yana laughed.
“Well, you’re Yana, the life of the party-”
“It’s okay, Yu-chan. Just say that I’m Yana, the crazy party girl and the notorious playgirl.” Yana cuts her off, trying to sound witty.
Yu smiled. “Jun is serious with love so I thought you wouldn’t fit together. If as friends, its good but… you know, he never really go for girls…” she stopped, realizing that she’s going a bit too far on this.
“Girls like me…” Yana finished her sentence.
Yana was like shot straight to the heart. She felt her blood streaming on every vain in her system and her body is trembling like she’s in fear.
She yearns for answers but is this the answer she wanted?
---
At almost two in the morning, Eri found Yana walking back and forth in front of her apartment door, her arms across her chest and her head is tilted down as her eyes focused seriously on the movement of her feet. As she came closer, she saw the ruined eyeliner on her eyes and now she looks like a panda.
Yana looks up as soon as she heard Eri’s footsteps and Eri stopped after seeing her face clearly. Yana smiled, or fake smiled as Eri concluded before she pouted her lips, a sign that she’s trying to stop the tears that are about to fall. But she couldn’t stop it, it pours uncontrollably as Eri came over to wrap her in her arms.
And she wept, helplessly in Eri’s arms, in the middle of the hallway at two in the morning.
“He doesn’t deserve someone like me.” Yana cried. “I’m a mess. No matter how much I try to change I will always be that girl. I’m a big whore. I give my body to every man I met, I let them fuck me and I’m okay with it… Jun doesn’t deserve that girl, he deserves so much better.”
“Who told you that?” Eri pulled away and held Yana’s face in her hands but Yana just cried, the tears falls down uncontrollably from her eyes. “Don’t let anyone dictate you, Yana. You know that it is not true. You’re not that girl.”
“Other people say otherwise.” Yana said as she breathes for air.
Eri hugs her again, too hard, wishing that it would make her feel better.
Yes, Yana is appears strong and independent, she always wear her gorgeous smile and her hearty laugh but the truth is, Yana is a broken, misunderstood girl who only wants to be loved and be truly happy, that’s all she wanted but people are cruel enough let her down every time she finds it.