[Fanfic] We'll Always Have Paris - Chapter Twenty: If It Still Hurts, You Still Care
Sorry for the late update. I already written a 1000+ words chapter after I updated chapter 19 but I scraped that off because I think this chapter should have a bit of a punch it (and I don't mean it literally). :p I think is better. *winks*
As always, this is unbeta-ed so tell me if there are any errors and mistakes. Comments, suggestions, reactions and criticisms are gladly welcomed. Happy reading! :)
Disclaimer: I am no way related to Arashi, Johnny's Entertainment or the Japanese Imperial Family. All names and events pertaining to any member of the Imperial family are purely fictional.
Chapter Twenty: If It Still Hurts, You Still Care
His watch reads 3:40 in the morning. He sighs as he powerlessly drags his feet inside the apartment building’s entrance. It’s the fourth consecutive night that he comes home after midnight and in all four nights, he’s exhausted and drained. The management is still at their punishment- that’s what he calls it- and this time, at the end of summer, he just began shooting for a new movie. For the fans, they consider this year as the year of Sakurai Sho since he’s almost on TV every single day and more individual projects are given to him than the rest of the members but for the man himself, the year 2012 equals to a year of punishment. All the jobs that he’s been given this year just reminds him that he did wrong, tremendously wrong for the first time ever and the jobs are not just simply jobs, it’s the management’s payback for the troubles he caused them.
He’s overworked, to the point that he could not find time to sleep or eat anymore. He lose a lot of weight, looking unhealthily thin that his mother got extremely worried when she called him a few days ago after she watched News Zero. She even asked him to stay with them until he gained back a few pounds. But he said no, he doesn’t want to trouble his family and in times like this, he’s better off living alone. No one can cope up with a man who just had the biggest heartbreak of his life.
His apartment unit is in all sort of mess. Leftover take-outs on the kitchen and empty cans of beer all over the living room floor. He didn’t even bother to clean up, even if it already stinks of spoiled food. His bedroom is another story. More cans are found on the floor and on the bedside table, the closet is widely opened as the clothes and other stuff inside are in a chaotic pile. In a small box on the side of the door are stuff that should already be thrown away weeks before but every time he picks it up, something inside him is stopping him from doing so.
He was never this devastated in his life. The pain and the misery is something he never felt before, it pierces through every vein in his chest, making him vulnerable in every sad emotion he can ever feel. He thought about giving up a lot of times but giving up is never an option. Surely, there are more people who care about him more than those who don’t but it’s difficult to accept that the only person he truly trusts is the one who caused this excessive pain.
Sakurai Sho tends to keep everything to himself, going through all his problems on his own and in front of those people he loves, he acts as if he’s okay, that he’s problem-free and nothing is bothering him. That’s exactly what he shows to the Arashi members these days, even though all of them know that it’s all just an act, more than a decade of friendship tells so. Of course, the members would want him to stop the entire act and if they can just gather the courage to get him to do so, they would do it days ago. But they all know that Sakurai Sho is the least person in the group to interrogate on the things he’s trying hard to keep from them. They don’t want to get him mad. The scene he created when Sophie shows up during their rehearsal is enough to keep them terrified and to stay away.
The members knew that if Sho can’t handle everything by himself anymore, he will always go to either one of them for help and that’s what they are prepared for.
A sudden visit from Ninomiya Kazunari is the least thing Sho would have expected, especially at this time of the day. For a moment they stare at each other in silence when Sho opened the door when he heard the doorbell.
“I left a message on your phone.” Nino breaks the silence and welcomes himself in only to be caught surprise at the state of his house. “Didn’t you get it?” Nino asked referring to his message before voluntarily picking up the spoiled leftover food and throwing it in the trash.
“No. My phone’s battery is empty.” Sho answered, thinking of a possible reason why Nino would come crashing his place at past two in the morning. “Don’t do that. The housekeeper will come tomorrow.”
“But if I don’t do this, I will not last another minute inside this house with this smell and the mess.” Nino puts in cautiously as he pulls out an air freshener and sprays the entire room.
“What are you doing here?” Sho didn’t bother to go around in circles anymore, this better go straight to the point.
Nino puts back the air freshener on its storage and faced Sho with both hands on his waist. “Well, I was driving nearby and I figured why not drop by? I heard from my manager that you shoot for almost 24 hours today. ” He says casually before turning around to the refrigerator to get a beer.
Sho laughs. “That’s not why you’re here.” He knew better. Nino is unexpectedly bad at acting in real life.
Nino breaks into a guilty smile. “Well, you know me better than I thought you do.” He was about to join him in the living room when he caught a glimpse of his bedroom.
“What exactly happened in this house?” Nino gives a guarded laugh as he walks to the bedroom, a small box caught attention and he swats down to pick up a picture frame lying on top of the pile.
It was a picture of Sho and Sophie, in front of the Eiffel Tower, hugging each other like a lovey-dovey couple as Sho gives her a kiss on the cheek. They look so in love, so happy and it seems like nothing can break them apart.
“Can you take those away for me?” Sho said as he watch Nino picks up the picture frame that used to be placed beside his bed, the first thing he see when he wakes up and he would instantly feel so inspired and motivated to start his day.
Maybe it will be less painful if it wasn’t him who gets rid of those memories he once shared with the woman he thought he will spend the rest of his life with.
“Why me?” Nino asked as he puts back the frame on the box and walks back to the living room.
“Because I can’t seem to get rid of it, it’s too painful.” Sho surprisingly answered honestly.
Nino pursed his lips as he hands him a can of beer. “If it still hurts, it means you still care.” He says bluntly.
Sho laughs rather loudly as he chugs the beer down his throat. “That’s exactly what I want to avoid, Nino. I don’t want to care anymore because if I let myself care, all I feel is pain.” He squashes the now empty can with his bare hands.
And now it’s starting, Sho is about to get mad seeing how he instantly crushed that can with his impending flare.
“Does she still mean anything to you, Sho-chan? Do you still want to be with her? Because if you still do, admit it. Stop letting your pride gets in the way.” Nino places a comforting hand on Sho’s trembling shoulders. “You still mean the whole world to her.”
Sho’s furious pair of eyes unfazed Nino. It took him this much courage to go here, he just can’t give up halfheartedly.
“I can’t let her go back in my life that easily.” Sho shakes his head as he fights back the tears on his eyes. “You wouldn’t understand, Nino. No can understand the pain I’m feeling unless you’re in my position. I can’t explain how painful it is. I’m just wishing that any of you does not experience the same. It’s excruciating. I can feel the actual pain engraving in my chest.” Sho stood up from his seat and turns his back on Nino.
There was silence. Only the small sobs Sho’s producing as he stood by the window. Nino listens in discomfort, of course, he feels for Sho as much as he does for Sayumi. He has never seen him cry this helpless before and just by the sound of his sobs, Nino can feel the pain in his chest.
“Sho-chan…” Nino calls from behind as Sho wipes the tears on his cheeks. “I came here because I want to tell you something.” He utters warily, not entirely sure if he should continue with Sho’s current state.
Sho glances from the side of his eyes before turning back to him. “What is it?” He said, his voice sounded dry from all the sobbing.
Nino cleared his throat as quietly as he can, trying to collect himself to be able to say what he need to say. After his conversation with Yana a few hours ago, he spent almost two hours going round in circles in the vicinity of Sho’s apartment.
He should stop keeping secrets from him, especially if it involves Sayumi for this may lead into a bigger argument if he continue doing so. And besides, it’s better to answer truthfully every time the members asked him why he leaves immediately after rehearsals and recordings or why he’s tired and sleepy during an early call time. And if Yana already knows, it’s only a matter of time before Jun finds out everything, those two tend to spit every juicy secret they know to each other.
“I’ve been visiting her father in the hospital these past days…” Nino trails off, wary at how Sho will react.
Sho widened his eyes in silent awe, his hands on his waist as silence creeps in. And then his face changed as if he realized something. “Is that why you’ve been acting so suspicious lately?” His way of asking that question still sounded calm, Nino is still safe from any further rage from him.
Nino didn’t know how he fares for keeping this secret but now he knows that it already come across to being called suspicious. “I’m sorry if I just told you now….”
“Since when?” Sho’s hands are now both on his waist as his eyebrows arched up.
Nino already prepared himself with all the possible questions Sho might throw at him. He even rehearsed how he will answer him. “The day after she came to see you at Kokuritsu.”
Sho sits at a single sofa chair opposite Nino, his face is incomprehensible. Like it already ran out of emotions from all the pain he’s suffering since that day.
Sho looks straight at Nino’s anxious face and even without uttering a single word, Sho’s eyes did all the talking. If only those pair of eyes can speak, it will only ask one simple question.
“Why?”
“I felt so sorry for her. She’s hurt just as much as you do.”
“That’s not true!” Sho disagreed as he stood up again from his seat.
“No. That’s true.” Nino replied with calmness. “I even think she’s in more pain and devastation than you do.”
Sho shoots him a daunting look but Nino remained in his usual composure. “She lost her mother, Sho-chan and she might lose her father too. What’s more painful than that?”
Sho didn’t throw back anything in reply for he knew that with that stance, he is going to lose in this argument.
“Don’t you get it, Sho-chan?” Nino continued, seeing that it got Sho tongue tied. “This is not just about you. What happened to her parents is more important matter than what happened between the two of you. If you just set aside your hatred for her and just think about what she’s going through right now… I’m sure your love for her can overpower the hatred you have in your heart.”
“It’s not that easy, Nino. I already told you that!” Sho yelled back.
“No, Sho-chan. It is not that complicated. You are.”
Sho gave him the same daunting look he gave him earlier, only this time it’s filled with anger.
“You make everything so complicated when we both know that the easiest way for you to get out of that slump is to give her a chance to explain herself without mocking every word she said… Sho-chan, I’m sure if you just hear her out, the pain in your chest will eventually go away and you can be able to go back to how you are in the past. And who knows, maybe the both of you can work things out again, you’ll get back together and live happily like how you envisioned it to be.”
Sho shakes his head in disagreement. “I’m not ready for that yet.”
Nino finally stood up from his seat as Sho studies every move he make before he speaks. “I just hope that when you’re ready, she still love you as much as she do right now. Remember Sho-chan, the chances we refuse to take will eventually turn out to be the thing we regret the most.”
Nino walks off to the door, leaving Sho standing still in the middle of the living room.
“If ever you change your mind in the morning, you know where to go. She’s waiting for you…” Nino turns the knob and the door clicks open.
“She already has you, Nino.” Sho utter almost inaudibly but it didn’t escape Nino’s ears. “You care for her right now more than I do.”
Nino drops his gaze down, his hand is trembling as he folds it in to stop the want to punch it straight to Sho’s face. “I wanted to punch you right now, Sakurai, I really do.” He slams the door shut and strides off to where Sho is standing.
“Don’t you get it?!” Nino shouted in his face. “Even if I’m there for her, she only wanted you! Just you! She wanted you to be there instead of me. She might not say it out loud but I can see it in her eyes, she’s still holding on to that little hope that maybe you still love her as much as before.” He paused to regain back his poise. He looked up straight into Sho’s eyes, almost pleading. “Prove to her that no matter how little that hope is, it’s still true. Coz I know it is.”
Nino walks away from him into the door and before he can totally walk into the corridor he gave him a final glance. “Don’t you dare say again that I care more than you do, Sho-chan… It’s way better if it’s returned.”
*AN: I know you guys pitied Nino for being the third wheel and just like everyone else, I also wanted him to be happy. He will be happy! :)))) It's only a matter of time... He needs to learn the hard way first. :p
As always, this is unbeta-ed so tell me if there are any errors and mistakes. Comments, suggestions, reactions and criticisms are gladly welcomed. Happy reading! :)
Disclaimer: I am no way related to Arashi, Johnny's Entertainment or the Japanese Imperial Family. All names and events pertaining to any member of the Imperial family are purely fictional.
Chapter Twenty: If It Still Hurts, You Still Care
His watch reads 3:40 in the morning. He sighs as he powerlessly drags his feet inside the apartment building’s entrance. It’s the fourth consecutive night that he comes home after midnight and in all four nights, he’s exhausted and drained. The management is still at their punishment- that’s what he calls it- and this time, at the end of summer, he just began shooting for a new movie. For the fans, they consider this year as the year of Sakurai Sho since he’s almost on TV every single day and more individual projects are given to him than the rest of the members but for the man himself, the year 2012 equals to a year of punishment. All the jobs that he’s been given this year just reminds him that he did wrong, tremendously wrong for the first time ever and the jobs are not just simply jobs, it’s the management’s payback for the troubles he caused them.
He’s overworked, to the point that he could not find time to sleep or eat anymore. He lose a lot of weight, looking unhealthily thin that his mother got extremely worried when she called him a few days ago after she watched News Zero. She even asked him to stay with them until he gained back a few pounds. But he said no, he doesn’t want to trouble his family and in times like this, he’s better off living alone. No one can cope up with a man who just had the biggest heartbreak of his life.
His apartment unit is in all sort of mess. Leftover take-outs on the kitchen and empty cans of beer all over the living room floor. He didn’t even bother to clean up, even if it already stinks of spoiled food. His bedroom is another story. More cans are found on the floor and on the bedside table, the closet is widely opened as the clothes and other stuff inside are in a chaotic pile. In a small box on the side of the door are stuff that should already be thrown away weeks before but every time he picks it up, something inside him is stopping him from doing so.
He was never this devastated in his life. The pain and the misery is something he never felt before, it pierces through every vein in his chest, making him vulnerable in every sad emotion he can ever feel. He thought about giving up a lot of times but giving up is never an option. Surely, there are more people who care about him more than those who don’t but it’s difficult to accept that the only person he truly trusts is the one who caused this excessive pain.
Sakurai Sho tends to keep everything to himself, going through all his problems on his own and in front of those people he loves, he acts as if he’s okay, that he’s problem-free and nothing is bothering him. That’s exactly what he shows to the Arashi members these days, even though all of them know that it’s all just an act, more than a decade of friendship tells so. Of course, the members would want him to stop the entire act and if they can just gather the courage to get him to do so, they would do it days ago. But they all know that Sakurai Sho is the least person in the group to interrogate on the things he’s trying hard to keep from them. They don’t want to get him mad. The scene he created when Sophie shows up during their rehearsal is enough to keep them terrified and to stay away.
The members knew that if Sho can’t handle everything by himself anymore, he will always go to either one of them for help and that’s what they are prepared for.
A sudden visit from Ninomiya Kazunari is the least thing Sho would have expected, especially at this time of the day. For a moment they stare at each other in silence when Sho opened the door when he heard the doorbell.
“I left a message on your phone.” Nino breaks the silence and welcomes himself in only to be caught surprise at the state of his house. “Didn’t you get it?” Nino asked referring to his message before voluntarily picking up the spoiled leftover food and throwing it in the trash.
“No. My phone’s battery is empty.” Sho answered, thinking of a possible reason why Nino would come crashing his place at past two in the morning. “Don’t do that. The housekeeper will come tomorrow.”
“But if I don’t do this, I will not last another minute inside this house with this smell and the mess.” Nino puts in cautiously as he pulls out an air freshener and sprays the entire room.
“What are you doing here?” Sho didn’t bother to go around in circles anymore, this better go straight to the point.
Nino puts back the air freshener on its storage and faced Sho with both hands on his waist. “Well, I was driving nearby and I figured why not drop by? I heard from my manager that you shoot for almost 24 hours today. ” He says casually before turning around to the refrigerator to get a beer.
Sho laughs. “That’s not why you’re here.” He knew better. Nino is unexpectedly bad at acting in real life.
Nino breaks into a guilty smile. “Well, you know me better than I thought you do.” He was about to join him in the living room when he caught a glimpse of his bedroom.
“What exactly happened in this house?” Nino gives a guarded laugh as he walks to the bedroom, a small box caught attention and he swats down to pick up a picture frame lying on top of the pile.
It was a picture of Sho and Sophie, in front of the Eiffel Tower, hugging each other like a lovey-dovey couple as Sho gives her a kiss on the cheek. They look so in love, so happy and it seems like nothing can break them apart.
“Can you take those away for me?” Sho said as he watch Nino picks up the picture frame that used to be placed beside his bed, the first thing he see when he wakes up and he would instantly feel so inspired and motivated to start his day.
Maybe it will be less painful if it wasn’t him who gets rid of those memories he once shared with the woman he thought he will spend the rest of his life with.
“Why me?” Nino asked as he puts back the frame on the box and walks back to the living room.
“Because I can’t seem to get rid of it, it’s too painful.” Sho surprisingly answered honestly.
Nino pursed his lips as he hands him a can of beer. “If it still hurts, it means you still care.” He says bluntly.
Sho laughs rather loudly as he chugs the beer down his throat. “That’s exactly what I want to avoid, Nino. I don’t want to care anymore because if I let myself care, all I feel is pain.” He squashes the now empty can with his bare hands.
And now it’s starting, Sho is about to get mad seeing how he instantly crushed that can with his impending flare.
“Does she still mean anything to you, Sho-chan? Do you still want to be with her? Because if you still do, admit it. Stop letting your pride gets in the way.” Nino places a comforting hand on Sho’s trembling shoulders. “You still mean the whole world to her.”
Sho’s furious pair of eyes unfazed Nino. It took him this much courage to go here, he just can’t give up halfheartedly.
“I can’t let her go back in my life that easily.” Sho shakes his head as he fights back the tears on his eyes. “You wouldn’t understand, Nino. No can understand the pain I’m feeling unless you’re in my position. I can’t explain how painful it is. I’m just wishing that any of you does not experience the same. It’s excruciating. I can feel the actual pain engraving in my chest.” Sho stood up from his seat and turns his back on Nino.
There was silence. Only the small sobs Sho’s producing as he stood by the window. Nino listens in discomfort, of course, he feels for Sho as much as he does for Sayumi. He has never seen him cry this helpless before and just by the sound of his sobs, Nino can feel the pain in his chest.
“Sho-chan…” Nino calls from behind as Sho wipes the tears on his cheeks. “I came here because I want to tell you something.” He utters warily, not entirely sure if he should continue with Sho’s current state.
Sho glances from the side of his eyes before turning back to him. “What is it?” He said, his voice sounded dry from all the sobbing.
Nino cleared his throat as quietly as he can, trying to collect himself to be able to say what he need to say. After his conversation with Yana a few hours ago, he spent almost two hours going round in circles in the vicinity of Sho’s apartment.
He should stop keeping secrets from him, especially if it involves Sayumi for this may lead into a bigger argument if he continue doing so. And besides, it’s better to answer truthfully every time the members asked him why he leaves immediately after rehearsals and recordings or why he’s tired and sleepy during an early call time. And if Yana already knows, it’s only a matter of time before Jun finds out everything, those two tend to spit every juicy secret they know to each other.
“I’ve been visiting her father in the hospital these past days…” Nino trails off, wary at how Sho will react.
Sho widened his eyes in silent awe, his hands on his waist as silence creeps in. And then his face changed as if he realized something. “Is that why you’ve been acting so suspicious lately?” His way of asking that question still sounded calm, Nino is still safe from any further rage from him.
Nino didn’t know how he fares for keeping this secret but now he knows that it already come across to being called suspicious. “I’m sorry if I just told you now….”
“Since when?” Sho’s hands are now both on his waist as his eyebrows arched up.
Nino already prepared himself with all the possible questions Sho might throw at him. He even rehearsed how he will answer him. “The day after she came to see you at Kokuritsu.”
Sho sits at a single sofa chair opposite Nino, his face is incomprehensible. Like it already ran out of emotions from all the pain he’s suffering since that day.
Sho looks straight at Nino’s anxious face and even without uttering a single word, Sho’s eyes did all the talking. If only those pair of eyes can speak, it will only ask one simple question.
“Why?”
“I felt so sorry for her. She’s hurt just as much as you do.”
“That’s not true!” Sho disagreed as he stood up again from his seat.
“No. That’s true.” Nino replied with calmness. “I even think she’s in more pain and devastation than you do.”
Sho shoots him a daunting look but Nino remained in his usual composure. “She lost her mother, Sho-chan and she might lose her father too. What’s more painful than that?”
Sho didn’t throw back anything in reply for he knew that with that stance, he is going to lose in this argument.
“Don’t you get it, Sho-chan?” Nino continued, seeing that it got Sho tongue tied. “This is not just about you. What happened to her parents is more important matter than what happened between the two of you. If you just set aside your hatred for her and just think about what she’s going through right now… I’m sure your love for her can overpower the hatred you have in your heart.”
“It’s not that easy, Nino. I already told you that!” Sho yelled back.
“No, Sho-chan. It is not that complicated. You are.”
Sho gave him the same daunting look he gave him earlier, only this time it’s filled with anger.
“You make everything so complicated when we both know that the easiest way for you to get out of that slump is to give her a chance to explain herself without mocking every word she said… Sho-chan, I’m sure if you just hear her out, the pain in your chest will eventually go away and you can be able to go back to how you are in the past. And who knows, maybe the both of you can work things out again, you’ll get back together and live happily like how you envisioned it to be.”
Sho shakes his head in disagreement. “I’m not ready for that yet.”
Nino finally stood up from his seat as Sho studies every move he make before he speaks. “I just hope that when you’re ready, she still love you as much as she do right now. Remember Sho-chan, the chances we refuse to take will eventually turn out to be the thing we regret the most.”
Nino walks off to the door, leaving Sho standing still in the middle of the living room.
“If ever you change your mind in the morning, you know where to go. She’s waiting for you…” Nino turns the knob and the door clicks open.
“She already has you, Nino.” Sho utter almost inaudibly but it didn’t escape Nino’s ears. “You care for her right now more than I do.”
Nino drops his gaze down, his hand is trembling as he folds it in to stop the want to punch it straight to Sho’s face. “I wanted to punch you right now, Sakurai, I really do.” He slams the door shut and strides off to where Sho is standing.
“Don’t you get it?!” Nino shouted in his face. “Even if I’m there for her, she only wanted you! Just you! She wanted you to be there instead of me. She might not say it out loud but I can see it in her eyes, she’s still holding on to that little hope that maybe you still love her as much as before.” He paused to regain back his poise. He looked up straight into Sho’s eyes, almost pleading. “Prove to her that no matter how little that hope is, it’s still true. Coz I know it is.”
Nino walks away from him into the door and before he can totally walk into the corridor he gave him a final glance. “Don’t you dare say again that I care more than you do, Sho-chan… It’s way better if it’s returned.”
*AN: I know you guys pitied Nino for being the third wheel and just like everyone else, I also wanted him to be happy. He will be happy! :)))) It's only a matter of time... He needs to learn the hard way first. :p