Nominees for this year's Bad Sex in Fiction Award
Oh, the pain....
EW just posted excerpts from the nominees for the 2012 Bad Sex in Fiction award. This year's crop is especially awful.
A few favorites:
"She breathed hot into his neck and he plunged three rough fingers down the front of her jeans, making her squeak."
Out of curiosity, he plunged his left foot up her nose. This also made her squeak. She had a squeaky voice.
"We trawled each other’s bodies for every inch of history..."
...and finally found the Dead Sea Scrolls in my ear canal.
"He runs his tongue and lips over my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach...."
Either she means that his tongue is alternating between those parts of her anatomy, or his tongue is twelve feet long, and has tied her up in what, if memory of Boy Scouts serves, is a timber hitch.
"In seconds the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned himself across a leather steamer trunk...."
If the total time for those actions in combination is anything approaching a full minute, the Duke is probably not physically capable of any real erotic activity.