June 5/7
Title: June 5/7
Pairing: Jongkey, side!2min
Rating: PG15-R
Genre: au, angst, romance
Summary: This could be Jonghyun's big break. He didn't think anything would stop him. At least, he thought that until he found out how much it hurt to be away from home.
Jonghyun really didn't see the relevance that working out three hours a day at the gym had to him becoming a singer. Still, he went as instructed every day, even if he was exhausted from dance practice or his throat felt raw from voice lessons.
He learned soon on that he didn't like running, because it made him feel sluggish, throat dry and miserable (he should have anticipated that much, considering his distaste for every sport in existence), but he didn't much mind the other exercise machines, specifically the ones that worked out his arms. Those weren't terrible. He found himself on those more often than not, and really, he didn't see the harm that could really come out of building his muscles other than the soreness that followed most days.
Things were far more intense now. Jonghyun assumed that it was because he was always accessible now in Seoul, but he was working harder and sleeping less than ever. He was constantly busy, getting called between choreography and his voice lessons what seemed like every hour, each getting more intensive, more nit-picky, more serious. He knew that it was all in his best interest, but he couldn't help but get a bit annoyed at his voice instructor for scolding him about being too short of breath when he'd come straight from a four-hour dance session. It seemed that now, as opposed to in the beginning when he'd been praised more than criticized, everyone seemed stricter, more on-edge, more willing to bark at him than offer a single compliment.
It had him wondering, too often than he wanted to admit, if he was being too sensitive, or if everything they were saying was actually building up to the fact that he just may not be good enough.
It was late already when Jonghyun made it to the next door gym, and it was completely empty. Even the hyung who he usually saw here every day seemed to be taking the day off.
Jonghyun puffed out his cheeks and exhaled, looking without enthusiasm at the vast, vacant room. Grudgingly, he dragged his heavy body over to an exercise bike in the middle of a line of about ten of them. He set his duffel bag down beside the machine and swung a leg over it. As always, he got his phone out of the bag and placed it where he could see it on the control pad, just in case he got a call from home while he was here.
Actually…
Jonghyun, now bicycling at a leisurely pace, looked discreetly around him to make sure that his initial impression that he was alone was true.
Seeing that it was, he smiled to himself and made haste in dialing Key's number and setting the phone to speaker. No one was here to be bothered by his conversation, and he was going to take full advantage of that.
"Hi," Key answered, and Jonghyun could already hear the smile in his voice.
"Hey," He said in return.
There was a short pause. "Where are you?" The younger asked, confused.
"The gym. I'm on a bike."
"Can your feet reach the pedals, hyung?" Another voice joined Key's, sounding far away, and Jonghyun couldn't even manage to be as irritated as he should; it warmed his heart to hear Minho's voice again.
"Minho's here," Key cleared up, as if that voice wasn't perfectly recognizable after the years.
He grinned. "Hey Minho,"
"Hey,"
"What are you guys doing? Is Taemin there, too?" Jonghyun asked excitedly.
"No, it's just us. We're playing video games." Key answered.
Now that Key mentioned it, Jonghyun could hear the tell-tale Mortal Kombat theme song playing in the background.
"Who's winning?" As if he didn't know already.
"Shut up, hyung…" Minho grumbled.
He laughed.
"How are you, Jjong?" Key asked, and Jonghyun could tell that he'd taken the phone off of speaker so that Minho couldn't hear. His mind pictured him with a video game controller in his hands and the phone sandwiched between his ear and his shoulder and he melted a little bit.
"Tired," He said, same as always. "I miss you." Same as always. An entire month had already passed, and they'd talked a total of ten times in the thirty days. It was harder than he ever imagined, to be this far from Key for so long.
"Yeah, me too," Key said softly; even the simple words held exactly the tone of emotion that Jonghyun needed to hear to feel secure.
Jonghyun thought for a moment about how he wanted to phrase his next thoughts. The entire duration of time away from the younger, he'd felt almost lost, in a way, like a big part of himself was missing. He'd gotten so used to having Key there, quite literally his other half, and to be without him… "It's just… It's hard to be myself without you, you know?"
There was another pause. "Yeah, I know." Key sighed into the line.
Jonghyun looked down at the dimmed phone screen forlornly.
It wasn't exactly that he didn't know himself anymore… It was just that he'd adapted so well to being with one person, and they'd both inherently changed and mixed into each other's personalities. Without Key there to supplement him, to fill in the missing gaps, he felt, plainly enough, empty.
"Oh god," He heard Minho's voice again, "If you two are going to start with the sweet nothings, then I'm going to go get some food."
Jonghyun smiled sadly.
He heard Key, far away now, say Minho's name in a way that was clearly a pleading sort of hint.
"Hey Jonghyun-hyung," Minho said loudly but distantly, "I miss you too, you know. Not just Kibum."
Hot tears pricked behind his eyes. "I'll try to call you, Minho, okay?" He said, voice thick, again on speakerphone.
"Don't forget about the rest of us, all right?"
"All right," Jonghyun agreed, legs moving on auto-pilot. They would have begun to ache by now, had they not already been aching already since long before.
There was the sound of a door opening and shutting again.
Key sighed.
Jonghyun waited for him to say something. Honestly, knowing that he was on the other line, that he was really listening to him, that he was there, was comforting in itself.
"How much longer until you come home, Jjong?"
His heart fell. "Just two more months, yeobo." Just two more months… It was an understatement no matter how he looked at it.
"Two more months," Key echoed, voice forlorn and lacking its usual spark.
Jonghyun didn't know what to say. He couldn't very well console the younger whenever he was feeling the exact same sorrow, if not worse.
"How's training?" Key asked to break the heavy silence.
Jonghyun was thankful that he spoke. He sounded different over the phone (just a little bit, but more than enough for Jonghyun to notice), but it was still him and his voice and Jonghyun wished that he could see him, too, and more than the pictures on his phone alone… He wanted to look at his pretty face right in front of him and run his hands through his soft hair and touch his smooth skin and hold him until they were both warm all over and…
He just missed him so much.
"It's stressful, but I can handle it. I like this whole gym thing the most. I'm going to have a six pack by the time I get home," He grinned widely down at Key's contact picture on his phone.
"Are you?" Key played along, a smile in his voice that warmed Jonghyun right up.
"Yeah, and you won't be able to keep your hands off me," He said cockily, mostly joking. There was no way he was going to have that sort of body in two months. He knew there wouldn't even be that big of a visible difference. "As if that's anything new," He added for good measure.
"Yah! You have no room to talk, Kim Jonghyun." He said, and Jonghyun could pretty much hear how hard he was blushing.
Jonghyun hid his chuckles behind his hand so that Key wouldn't be able to hear them. He feigned offense. "What's that supposed to mean, huh?"
His nagging voice was back. "Don't think that I don't see you drooling over me when I'm wearing my school uniform. And when I'm in dance class. I can see it all."
He laughed outright this time. It was a fair observation. He was sure that it didn't exist until Key started to use it against him, but he'd grown a certain fixation with the younger wearing ties. And the dancing… With the way that his hips moved, that was a given.
Key joined in from the other line.
"But at least I'm subtle about it," Jonghyun defended himself.
Key scoffed loudly, but Jonghyun ignored him.
"I'm not the one who jumps you in the kitchen after I promised Onew-hyung he wouldn't have to see-"
"That was one time! And we weren't even doing anything when he walked in!" Key cut him off, borderline-outraged, voice dripping with embarrassment.
Jonghyun grinned, feeling his eyes squint with his amusement at the pointed memory of Key pushing on the kitchen table and pushing his shirt up his shoulders while at the same time ravishing his mouth (his poor hyung walking in at very much the wrong time), and how that was apparently Key's standard of "not doing anything."
"Can we not talk about this, anyway? Minho is in the other room."
The older's spirits didn't fall in the slightest. "What's wrong, Key? Can't handle me talking about-"
"Jonghyun, please don't try to get me excited when I'm not going to be able to do anything about it for two more months."
Those words brought Jonghyun down faster than anything. Honestly, he'd been getting a little coil of heat in his stomach from vaguely thinking about some of the times that they'd spent together, and now sixty days apart seemed more miserably frustrating than ever before.
"Sorry," He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.
"It's all right." Key's voice sounded a bit strained nonetheless.
"I wish you were here." The words were absolutely genuine, the only thing he could think to express just how much he missed everything about him in that moment. It was moments like these, where his stomach fell and his heart squeezed, that'd been the inspiration of every song he'd written while he was in Seoul.
"Yeah, me too,"
Jonghyun sighed to himself, reaching up to wipe perspiration from his brow with his hand towel.
"I wish you could sing for me," Key said softly out of nowhere, conversation taking a turn from the playful one before.
The older's heart fell. He turned the bike off and picked up the phone, holding it properly to his ear as he crossed to the nearest weight bench and sat down. "Me too," He said again, because that was all he could manage. He wanted to sing for Key, too. He wanted to see the way his eyes would soften and his lips would pull into a little smile; he wanted to tell him through his melodies and poetry, the lines of adoration and honest words so much easier to say than any "I love you."
He heard Key sigh lightly.
"I wish I had my guitar with me so I could play you something. Or I was at least at the dorm," He could hear the sadness in his own voice.
"You can call me when you get back there, right?" Key's voice was so hopeful that it was heartbreaking.
Jonghyun bit his lip worriedly. He wondered if his manager would even allow him to stay up on the phone at all, much less pull out his guitar and sing to someone he swore wasn't his girlfriend. "I can try," He said decidedly. There was no point in never trying, even if he may get in trouble.
Key was worth it.
"Okay," There was the ghost of relief and a prominent smile in Key's voice, and Jonghyun felt his own heart mimicking it.
He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the time. It was already late, and his manager never told him when he would be there to pick him up.
He sighed and brought his other hand up to hold the phone as well. "Kibummie-"
"Why do you call me that?" He asked, agitated, but with tell-tale humor in his voice.
He couldn't help but smile. "Key-"
He made a barely-noticeable noise of dissent.
"Yeobo," His smile grew around the word, and the lack of protest told Jonghyun that Key accepted that name, "I'm going to call you when I get back, okay? I'm not sure when manager-hyung is coming back, so…" He scratched the back of his neck.
"All right, I'll wait up for you,"
His heart swelled. "I love you,"
"I love you more."
Jonghyun grinned at Key's words, which spelled out a challenge more than a saccharine endearment. "Yeah right, Key-ah, I'm pretty sure I love you the most."
He snorted. "All right, think what you want. I'm leaving. Minho's probably eaten everything in the fridge by now."
"Tell him I said bye,"
"I will,"
"Okay, bye Key," His voice went soft, and it wasn't even on purpose. It was his natural reaction by now.
Key spoke at the same degree as Jonghyun. "Bye, Jjong,"
It was always, always difficult for Jonghyun to have to hang up the phone after he talked to Key. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he pulled the phone away from his ear.
The last time he pressed "end" on the phone, he'd had to wait almost an entire week to talk to him again.
Still, stomach feeling a bit sick, heart a bit empty, he shut the phone off and put it in his pocket. He breathed in and back out heavily, taking a look around the room again. It was as empty as ever, and he never thought that the loneliness would be this bad.
He lay back on the weight bench he already sat on and hastily checked that the weights on each side weren't anything that he couldn't handle. He felt sick as it was; he wanted to take it light.
Working to stay breathing regularly, he lifted and lowered the bar until his arms were shaking from the effort, and even then he didn't stop. The pain of the effort was numb by now, and his mind went cloudy, like every time he worked out. It was like his body was working robotically, his head completely elsewhere, or maybe even nowhere at all. He couldn't tell at times. Hell, there were times that he was sure he might have even fallen asleep when working out. Fallen asleep or passed out. He couldn't really tell a difference between the two anymore.
It was only when he heard the gym door open and he nearly dropped the bar on his chest from shock that he finally got a break.
He sat up, stomach muscles feeling tight, sweat dripping down the sides of his face and pooled on his lower back.
"Ready to go?" His manager called good-naturedly.
Jonghyun smiled a bit weakly and scooped his hand towel from the ground, looping it around the back of his neck. He stood and grabbed his bag from the bike he was originally at, throwing it haphazardly over his shoulder.
"You're sweating a lot. Don't you want to shower?" His manager asked him, worry across his furrowed brow.
He shook his head, throat feeling dry. He was a bit dizzy, and blamed himself for not drinking enough water while he worked out. "I'll shower when we get back."
"Here," His manager fished in his own bag and pulled out a water bottle that more or less the size of a jug. "Don't drown yourself, but drink it."
Jonghyun took it gratefully, tipping his head back and drinking so much that little rivulets fell from the corners of his mouth.
"Careful, I said." The man said sternly, guiding the jug upright.
"Sorry," Jonghyun said, breathing a bit heavily and wiping his mouth. "Thank you,"
He shook his head in slight disappointment. "I leave you alone for a few hours and you overwork yourself. Of course."
Jonghyun didn't know whether or not to apologize. "I just want to be-"
"Don't say 'good enough' again or you will walk back, Kim Jonghyun," He threatened, quite seriously.
Jonghyun was taken aback.
The manager didn't say anything else as they crossed the parking lot to the car.
He didn't even know what to think as he dipped into the backseat and strapped in. He could never tell with his manager, really, whether he was praising him or the opposite.
"You need to shower when you get back and get to bed, all right?"
"Do I have to be up early tomorrow?" Jonghyun asked, dread pulsing slowly through his exhausted body.
"No, but that doesn't mean you don't need to sleep. You look pale."
A rush of nausea hit Jonghyun and he leaned his forehead against the cool windowpane. "I feel sick."
"Throw up in this car and I'm leaving you on the street."
Jonghyun chuckled and shut his eyes, trying to keep the terrible feeling of near-puking at bay.
"This is from overwork, Jonghyun. This isn't healthy. Do you really want me to have to hover over you all the time to make sure you don't pass out?"
Jonghyun's shoulders slumped, the words hitting him in one cruel swoop.
He wasn't trying to hurt himself. He wanted to work hard, as hard as he could to get better. He wanted to be good enough to impress others, to be able to give the company confidence that he wasn't going to let them down. He wanted to be everything they wanted him to be.
He wanted to be better than "good enough," if he was even that.
"I want to work hard," He said, and speaking made him gag a little bit, but he told himself he was fine.
"You work too hard sometimes, Jonghyun. How old are you?" The manager shot suddenly.
"Twenty,"
"You're too young to be so tired." Jonghyun wasn't sure if he was meant to hear that or not, with the way his manager mumbled the words.
Jonghyun didn't have a response. He was too tired to think anymore, much less speak.
He didn't even realize that he was sleeping (with his eyes still open, at that) until his manager was knocking at his window that they were back.
He sent the man an apologetic smile and followed him up to his dorm, feeling a bit self-conscious that he looked like a mess: pale, with drying sweat on his skin and in his hair.
While his manager headed straight to bed, Jonghyun went to take his shower. He kept the water chillier than he usually would, and he was reminded of the way he detested cold water on any other day. Now, when his body felt too warm and woozy, it felt really nice. His shampoo was one that the company supplied, and the smell reminded him very much of Key's choice of hair product. He didn't mind normally, but occasionally he would turn his head and get a small whiff of his own hair and the reminder of his boyfriend back home would make his heart hurt.
By the time he was finished scrubbing all of the sweat off his body, Jonghyun was considerably more awake than before and much less nauseous.
Dressed in fresh pajama bottoms and having taken out his contacts, Jonghyun sat in the center of the bed, phone in hand. He didn't bother to turn on the lights in the room, so the only illumination was coming from the bluish screen, blurred slightly from his impaired vision.
He held the device up to his ear, heart feeling lighter than it had in too long at the thought of actually getting to talk to Key twice in the same day.
"Hi Jjong,"
His face immediately broke into a smile at the way Key answered the phone cutely. "Hi there,"
"How are you?"
Jonghyun lay back against his pillow. "I'm fine. I just showered, and now I'm supposed to be sleeping." He left out the part about getting sick for Key's sake. He didn't want the younger to worry about him.
"Oh, are you going to get in trouble?" Key asked, crestfallen.
"Does it matter?" Jonghyun didn't give Key a chance to answer before continuing with, "How are you?"
"I'm good. Minho left earlier, so I've been here."
Jonghyun hummed in acknowledgment. "Did you eat already?"
"Yeah, Minho and I went out to eat earlier."
The older had never been more envious of his best friend. What he would give to be able to go out for food with Key…
"Did you eat?"
"Yeah, before I called you," Jonghyun turned onto his stomach and slid his arm underneath his pillow comfortably.
"What are you doing now?" Key asked conversationally.
"Laying down, resting my eyes," He replied easily. "You?"
"Same," Key laughed lightly, "Cuddling with Dino-Jjong,"
A grin split Jonghyun's face at the mention of the plush that Key had so appropriately named. His hand unconsciously reached up to his neck, where his key pendant was hanging indefinitely.
"Does your throat still hurt?" Key asked, concerned. The last time they'd spoken through text messaging, Jonghyun had told him about his strained throat and how it felt scratchy and uncomfortable after vocal training.
"No, it's fine now," He was touched that Key remembered that detail of their all-too-fleeting conversation. But then again, he should have expected it. Key always took care of him.
"You're really tired, huh?" Key sounded half worried and half amused.
"Yeah," Jonghyun saw no point in lying. Earlier, he was all for the idea of coming back and pulling out his guitar and singing to his heart's content… and now, he couldn't be bothered to even open his eyes or move his lips.
"You should go to sleep, Jjong,"
His brow furrowed and he groaned in protest. "But I miss you,"
"Yeah, I know," He could just about hear Key rolling his eyes.
"It's been too long since I've gotten a kiss goodnight, you know," He mumbled partially into the speaker of his phone, but mostly into the pillow.
"You're telling me," Key grumbled empathetically, "But you need to sleep, so I'll-"
"Can you sing to me?" Jonghyun asked, smiling at the thought.
There was a short pause. "W-what?"
"Sing to me. Can you? Please?"
"Why? You're the singer, not me."
"Because I love your voice, Key-ah," The rather rare times he'd actually heard Key sing sans obnoxious notes and elaborate hand gestures, he'd fallen in love with the deep tone and smooth quality of his voice.
"But-"
"Sing me a lullaby," Jonghyun smiled again, turning over to his side and setting his phone on his pillow.
"I don't-"
"Don't even say that you don't know any," The older cut him off before he could start with the excuses, "I know that you have to remember at least one that I've sang for you."
The younger sighed in defeat. "Fine,"
Jonghyun's heart leapt. To be fair, he didn't think that Key would comply so easily.
He couldn't think of anything better to fall asleep to than Key's singing voice.
"Okay, um-okay…" Key began to stammer.
The older was endeared beyond words. God, he loved Key so much. "Don't be nervous, Key-ah,"
The younger exhaled and offered another "okay," a more resolute one this time.
And then he began.
Jonghyun recognized the song immediately as one that he'd written himself, and the fact that Key remembered it at all brought hot pricks of tears to his eyes.
Key's voice trembled slightly around certain notes, a sign of anxiety that did nothing but make Jonghyun smile more. The nasal tone of his voice was accentuated in higher notes, went flat on lower notes, stayed steady where his voice was most comfortable.
The sound, along with the lyrics that Jonghyun penned himself, familiarly echoed back to him in the form of his boyfriend confessing over and over, made for the best song he'd ever heard.
Jonghyun allowed himself to relax, eyes shut, tired muscles melting onto the mattress. Key's voice sounded from the speaker, his voice never less than beautiful to Jonghyun's hazy mind as he sang him to sleep.
It was the best sleep he'd had in a while.
a/n - so I can't decide if I want to add the fun facts about what happens after the story here or maybe on tumblr when it's all over HMMMMMMMMMMMM. I'll figure it out.
but hey look I updated on time for once c:
and this chapter is reallllly sad to me idk maybe it's not coming off as sad to some of you guys but it pains me deep in the kokoro. maybe it's just my feels for my two babies. IDK.
andddd I guess that's it. ;w;
thank you for reading c:
Kat
mikssi
[next]
Pairing: Jongkey, side!2min
Rating: PG15-R
Genre: au, angst, romance
Summary: This could be Jonghyun's big break. He didn't think anything would stop him. At least, he thought that until he found out how much it hurt to be away from home.
Jonghyun really didn't see the relevance that working out three hours a day at the gym had to him becoming a singer. Still, he went as instructed every day, even if he was exhausted from dance practice or his throat felt raw from voice lessons.
He learned soon on that he didn't like running, because it made him feel sluggish, throat dry and miserable (he should have anticipated that much, considering his distaste for every sport in existence), but he didn't much mind the other exercise machines, specifically the ones that worked out his arms. Those weren't terrible. He found himself on those more often than not, and really, he didn't see the harm that could really come out of building his muscles other than the soreness that followed most days.
Things were far more intense now. Jonghyun assumed that it was because he was always accessible now in Seoul, but he was working harder and sleeping less than ever. He was constantly busy, getting called between choreography and his voice lessons what seemed like every hour, each getting more intensive, more nit-picky, more serious. He knew that it was all in his best interest, but he couldn't help but get a bit annoyed at his voice instructor for scolding him about being too short of breath when he'd come straight from a four-hour dance session. It seemed that now, as opposed to in the beginning when he'd been praised more than criticized, everyone seemed stricter, more on-edge, more willing to bark at him than offer a single compliment.
It had him wondering, too often than he wanted to admit, if he was being too sensitive, or if everything they were saying was actually building up to the fact that he just may not be good enough.
It was late already when Jonghyun made it to the next door gym, and it was completely empty. Even the hyung who he usually saw here every day seemed to be taking the day off.
Jonghyun puffed out his cheeks and exhaled, looking without enthusiasm at the vast, vacant room. Grudgingly, he dragged his heavy body over to an exercise bike in the middle of a line of about ten of them. He set his duffel bag down beside the machine and swung a leg over it. As always, he got his phone out of the bag and placed it where he could see it on the control pad, just in case he got a call from home while he was here.
Actually…
Jonghyun, now bicycling at a leisurely pace, looked discreetly around him to make sure that his initial impression that he was alone was true.
Seeing that it was, he smiled to himself and made haste in dialing Key's number and setting the phone to speaker. No one was here to be bothered by his conversation, and he was going to take full advantage of that.
"Hi," Key answered, and Jonghyun could already hear the smile in his voice.
"Hey," He said in return.
There was a short pause. "Where are you?" The younger asked, confused.
"The gym. I'm on a bike."
"Can your feet reach the pedals, hyung?" Another voice joined Key's, sounding far away, and Jonghyun couldn't even manage to be as irritated as he should; it warmed his heart to hear Minho's voice again.
"Minho's here," Key cleared up, as if that voice wasn't perfectly recognizable after the years.
He grinned. "Hey Minho,"
"Hey,"
"What are you guys doing? Is Taemin there, too?" Jonghyun asked excitedly.
"No, it's just us. We're playing video games." Key answered.
Now that Key mentioned it, Jonghyun could hear the tell-tale Mortal Kombat theme song playing in the background.
"Who's winning?" As if he didn't know already.
"Shut up, hyung…" Minho grumbled.
He laughed.
"How are you, Jjong?" Key asked, and Jonghyun could tell that he'd taken the phone off of speaker so that Minho couldn't hear. His mind pictured him with a video game controller in his hands and the phone sandwiched between his ear and his shoulder and he melted a little bit.
"Tired," He said, same as always. "I miss you." Same as always. An entire month had already passed, and they'd talked a total of ten times in the thirty days. It was harder than he ever imagined, to be this far from Key for so long.
"Yeah, me too," Key said softly; even the simple words held exactly the tone of emotion that Jonghyun needed to hear to feel secure.
Jonghyun thought for a moment about how he wanted to phrase his next thoughts. The entire duration of time away from the younger, he'd felt almost lost, in a way, like a big part of himself was missing. He'd gotten so used to having Key there, quite literally his other half, and to be without him… "It's just… It's hard to be myself without you, you know?"
There was another pause. "Yeah, I know." Key sighed into the line.
Jonghyun looked down at the dimmed phone screen forlornly.
It wasn't exactly that he didn't know himself anymore… It was just that he'd adapted so well to being with one person, and they'd both inherently changed and mixed into each other's personalities. Without Key there to supplement him, to fill in the missing gaps, he felt, plainly enough, empty.
"Oh god," He heard Minho's voice again, "If you two are going to start with the sweet nothings, then I'm going to go get some food."
Jonghyun smiled sadly.
He heard Key, far away now, say Minho's name in a way that was clearly a pleading sort of hint.
"Hey Jonghyun-hyung," Minho said loudly but distantly, "I miss you too, you know. Not just Kibum."
Hot tears pricked behind his eyes. "I'll try to call you, Minho, okay?" He said, voice thick, again on speakerphone.
"Don't forget about the rest of us, all right?"
"All right," Jonghyun agreed, legs moving on auto-pilot. They would have begun to ache by now, had they not already been aching already since long before.
There was the sound of a door opening and shutting again.
Key sighed.
Jonghyun waited for him to say something. Honestly, knowing that he was on the other line, that he was really listening to him, that he was there, was comforting in itself.
"How much longer until you come home, Jjong?"
His heart fell. "Just two more months, yeobo." Just two more months… It was an understatement no matter how he looked at it.
"Two more months," Key echoed, voice forlorn and lacking its usual spark.
Jonghyun didn't know what to say. He couldn't very well console the younger whenever he was feeling the exact same sorrow, if not worse.
"How's training?" Key asked to break the heavy silence.
Jonghyun was thankful that he spoke. He sounded different over the phone (just a little bit, but more than enough for Jonghyun to notice), but it was still him and his voice and Jonghyun wished that he could see him, too, and more than the pictures on his phone alone… He wanted to look at his pretty face right in front of him and run his hands through his soft hair and touch his smooth skin and hold him until they were both warm all over and…
He just missed him so much.
"It's stressful, but I can handle it. I like this whole gym thing the most. I'm going to have a six pack by the time I get home," He grinned widely down at Key's contact picture on his phone.
"Are you?" Key played along, a smile in his voice that warmed Jonghyun right up.
"Yeah, and you won't be able to keep your hands off me," He said cockily, mostly joking. There was no way he was going to have that sort of body in two months. He knew there wouldn't even be that big of a visible difference. "As if that's anything new," He added for good measure.
"Yah! You have no room to talk, Kim Jonghyun." He said, and Jonghyun could pretty much hear how hard he was blushing.
Jonghyun hid his chuckles behind his hand so that Key wouldn't be able to hear them. He feigned offense. "What's that supposed to mean, huh?"
His nagging voice was back. "Don't think that I don't see you drooling over me when I'm wearing my school uniform. And when I'm in dance class. I can see it all."
He laughed outright this time. It was a fair observation. He was sure that it didn't exist until Key started to use it against him, but he'd grown a certain fixation with the younger wearing ties. And the dancing… With the way that his hips moved, that was a given.
Key joined in from the other line.
"But at least I'm subtle about it," Jonghyun defended himself.
Key scoffed loudly, but Jonghyun ignored him.
"I'm not the one who jumps you in the kitchen after I promised Onew-hyung he wouldn't have to see-"
"That was one time! And we weren't even doing anything when he walked in!" Key cut him off, borderline-outraged, voice dripping with embarrassment.
Jonghyun grinned, feeling his eyes squint with his amusement at the pointed memory of Key pushing on the kitchen table and pushing his shirt up his shoulders while at the same time ravishing his mouth (his poor hyung walking in at very much the wrong time), and how that was apparently Key's standard of "not doing anything."
"Can we not talk about this, anyway? Minho is in the other room."
The older's spirits didn't fall in the slightest. "What's wrong, Key? Can't handle me talking about-"
"Jonghyun, please don't try to get me excited when I'm not going to be able to do anything about it for two more months."
Those words brought Jonghyun down faster than anything. Honestly, he'd been getting a little coil of heat in his stomach from vaguely thinking about some of the times that they'd spent together, and now sixty days apart seemed more miserably frustrating than ever before.
"Sorry," He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.
"It's all right." Key's voice sounded a bit strained nonetheless.
"I wish you were here." The words were absolutely genuine, the only thing he could think to express just how much he missed everything about him in that moment. It was moments like these, where his stomach fell and his heart squeezed, that'd been the inspiration of every song he'd written while he was in Seoul.
"Yeah, me too,"
Jonghyun sighed to himself, reaching up to wipe perspiration from his brow with his hand towel.
"I wish you could sing for me," Key said softly out of nowhere, conversation taking a turn from the playful one before.
The older's heart fell. He turned the bike off and picked up the phone, holding it properly to his ear as he crossed to the nearest weight bench and sat down. "Me too," He said again, because that was all he could manage. He wanted to sing for Key, too. He wanted to see the way his eyes would soften and his lips would pull into a little smile; he wanted to tell him through his melodies and poetry, the lines of adoration and honest words so much easier to say than any "I love you."
He heard Key sigh lightly.
"I wish I had my guitar with me so I could play you something. Or I was at least at the dorm," He could hear the sadness in his own voice.
"You can call me when you get back there, right?" Key's voice was so hopeful that it was heartbreaking.
Jonghyun bit his lip worriedly. He wondered if his manager would even allow him to stay up on the phone at all, much less pull out his guitar and sing to someone he swore wasn't his girlfriend. "I can try," He said decidedly. There was no point in never trying, even if he may get in trouble.
Key was worth it.
"Okay," There was the ghost of relief and a prominent smile in Key's voice, and Jonghyun felt his own heart mimicking it.
He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the time. It was already late, and his manager never told him when he would be there to pick him up.
He sighed and brought his other hand up to hold the phone as well. "Kibummie-"
"Why do you call me that?" He asked, agitated, but with tell-tale humor in his voice.
He couldn't help but smile. "Key-"
He made a barely-noticeable noise of dissent.
"Yeobo," His smile grew around the word, and the lack of protest told Jonghyun that Key accepted that name, "I'm going to call you when I get back, okay? I'm not sure when manager-hyung is coming back, so…" He scratched the back of his neck.
"All right, I'll wait up for you,"
His heart swelled. "I love you,"
"I love you more."
Jonghyun grinned at Key's words, which spelled out a challenge more than a saccharine endearment. "Yeah right, Key-ah, I'm pretty sure I love you the most."
He snorted. "All right, think what you want. I'm leaving. Minho's probably eaten everything in the fridge by now."
"Tell him I said bye,"
"I will,"
"Okay, bye Key," His voice went soft, and it wasn't even on purpose. It was his natural reaction by now.
Key spoke at the same degree as Jonghyun. "Bye, Jjong,"
It was always, always difficult for Jonghyun to have to hang up the phone after he talked to Key. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he pulled the phone away from his ear.
The last time he pressed "end" on the phone, he'd had to wait almost an entire week to talk to him again.
Still, stomach feeling a bit sick, heart a bit empty, he shut the phone off and put it in his pocket. He breathed in and back out heavily, taking a look around the room again. It was as empty as ever, and he never thought that the loneliness would be this bad.
He lay back on the weight bench he already sat on and hastily checked that the weights on each side weren't anything that he couldn't handle. He felt sick as it was; he wanted to take it light.
Working to stay breathing regularly, he lifted and lowered the bar until his arms were shaking from the effort, and even then he didn't stop. The pain of the effort was numb by now, and his mind went cloudy, like every time he worked out. It was like his body was working robotically, his head completely elsewhere, or maybe even nowhere at all. He couldn't tell at times. Hell, there were times that he was sure he might have even fallen asleep when working out. Fallen asleep or passed out. He couldn't really tell a difference between the two anymore.
It was only when he heard the gym door open and he nearly dropped the bar on his chest from shock that he finally got a break.
He sat up, stomach muscles feeling tight, sweat dripping down the sides of his face and pooled on his lower back.
"Ready to go?" His manager called good-naturedly.
Jonghyun smiled a bit weakly and scooped his hand towel from the ground, looping it around the back of his neck. He stood and grabbed his bag from the bike he was originally at, throwing it haphazardly over his shoulder.
"You're sweating a lot. Don't you want to shower?" His manager asked him, worry across his furrowed brow.
He shook his head, throat feeling dry. He was a bit dizzy, and blamed himself for not drinking enough water while he worked out. "I'll shower when we get back."
"Here," His manager fished in his own bag and pulled out a water bottle that more or less the size of a jug. "Don't drown yourself, but drink it."
Jonghyun took it gratefully, tipping his head back and drinking so much that little rivulets fell from the corners of his mouth.
"Careful, I said." The man said sternly, guiding the jug upright.
"Sorry," Jonghyun said, breathing a bit heavily and wiping his mouth. "Thank you,"
He shook his head in slight disappointment. "I leave you alone for a few hours and you overwork yourself. Of course."
Jonghyun didn't know whether or not to apologize. "I just want to be-"
"Don't say 'good enough' again or you will walk back, Kim Jonghyun," He threatened, quite seriously.
Jonghyun was taken aback.
The manager didn't say anything else as they crossed the parking lot to the car.
He didn't even know what to think as he dipped into the backseat and strapped in. He could never tell with his manager, really, whether he was praising him or the opposite.
"You need to shower when you get back and get to bed, all right?"
"Do I have to be up early tomorrow?" Jonghyun asked, dread pulsing slowly through his exhausted body.
"No, but that doesn't mean you don't need to sleep. You look pale."
A rush of nausea hit Jonghyun and he leaned his forehead against the cool windowpane. "I feel sick."
"Throw up in this car and I'm leaving you on the street."
Jonghyun chuckled and shut his eyes, trying to keep the terrible feeling of near-puking at bay.
"This is from overwork, Jonghyun. This isn't healthy. Do you really want me to have to hover over you all the time to make sure you don't pass out?"
Jonghyun's shoulders slumped, the words hitting him in one cruel swoop.
He wasn't trying to hurt himself. He wanted to work hard, as hard as he could to get better. He wanted to be good enough to impress others, to be able to give the company confidence that he wasn't going to let them down. He wanted to be everything they wanted him to be.
He wanted to be better than "good enough," if he was even that.
"I want to work hard," He said, and speaking made him gag a little bit, but he told himself he was fine.
"You work too hard sometimes, Jonghyun. How old are you?" The manager shot suddenly.
"Twenty,"
"You're too young to be so tired." Jonghyun wasn't sure if he was meant to hear that or not, with the way his manager mumbled the words.
Jonghyun didn't have a response. He was too tired to think anymore, much less speak.
He didn't even realize that he was sleeping (with his eyes still open, at that) until his manager was knocking at his window that they were back.
He sent the man an apologetic smile and followed him up to his dorm, feeling a bit self-conscious that he looked like a mess: pale, with drying sweat on his skin and in his hair.
While his manager headed straight to bed, Jonghyun went to take his shower. He kept the water chillier than he usually would, and he was reminded of the way he detested cold water on any other day. Now, when his body felt too warm and woozy, it felt really nice. His shampoo was one that the company supplied, and the smell reminded him very much of Key's choice of hair product. He didn't mind normally, but occasionally he would turn his head and get a small whiff of his own hair and the reminder of his boyfriend back home would make his heart hurt.
By the time he was finished scrubbing all of the sweat off his body, Jonghyun was considerably more awake than before and much less nauseous.
Dressed in fresh pajama bottoms and having taken out his contacts, Jonghyun sat in the center of the bed, phone in hand. He didn't bother to turn on the lights in the room, so the only illumination was coming from the bluish screen, blurred slightly from his impaired vision.
He held the device up to his ear, heart feeling lighter than it had in too long at the thought of actually getting to talk to Key twice in the same day.
"Hi Jjong,"
His face immediately broke into a smile at the way Key answered the phone cutely. "Hi there,"
"How are you?"
Jonghyun lay back against his pillow. "I'm fine. I just showered, and now I'm supposed to be sleeping." He left out the part about getting sick for Key's sake. He didn't want the younger to worry about him.
"Oh, are you going to get in trouble?" Key asked, crestfallen.
"Does it matter?" Jonghyun didn't give Key a chance to answer before continuing with, "How are you?"
"I'm good. Minho left earlier, so I've been here."
Jonghyun hummed in acknowledgment. "Did you eat already?"
"Yeah, Minho and I went out to eat earlier."
The older had never been more envious of his best friend. What he would give to be able to go out for food with Key…
"Did you eat?"
"Yeah, before I called you," Jonghyun turned onto his stomach and slid his arm underneath his pillow comfortably.
"What are you doing now?" Key asked conversationally.
"Laying down, resting my eyes," He replied easily. "You?"
"Same," Key laughed lightly, "Cuddling with Dino-Jjong,"
A grin split Jonghyun's face at the mention of the plush that Key had so appropriately named. His hand unconsciously reached up to his neck, where his key pendant was hanging indefinitely.
"Does your throat still hurt?" Key asked, concerned. The last time they'd spoken through text messaging, Jonghyun had told him about his strained throat and how it felt scratchy and uncomfortable after vocal training.
"No, it's fine now," He was touched that Key remembered that detail of their all-too-fleeting conversation. But then again, he should have expected it. Key always took care of him.
"You're really tired, huh?" Key sounded half worried and half amused.
"Yeah," Jonghyun saw no point in lying. Earlier, he was all for the idea of coming back and pulling out his guitar and singing to his heart's content… and now, he couldn't be bothered to even open his eyes or move his lips.
"You should go to sleep, Jjong,"
His brow furrowed and he groaned in protest. "But I miss you,"
"Yeah, I know," He could just about hear Key rolling his eyes.
"It's been too long since I've gotten a kiss goodnight, you know," He mumbled partially into the speaker of his phone, but mostly into the pillow.
"You're telling me," Key grumbled empathetically, "But you need to sleep, so I'll-"
"Can you sing to me?" Jonghyun asked, smiling at the thought.
There was a short pause. "W-what?"
"Sing to me. Can you? Please?"
"Why? You're the singer, not me."
"Because I love your voice, Key-ah," The rather rare times he'd actually heard Key sing sans obnoxious notes and elaborate hand gestures, he'd fallen in love with the deep tone and smooth quality of his voice.
"But-"
"Sing me a lullaby," Jonghyun smiled again, turning over to his side and setting his phone on his pillow.
"I don't-"
"Don't even say that you don't know any," The older cut him off before he could start with the excuses, "I know that you have to remember at least one that I've sang for you."
The younger sighed in defeat. "Fine,"
Jonghyun's heart leapt. To be fair, he didn't think that Key would comply so easily.
He couldn't think of anything better to fall asleep to than Key's singing voice.
"Okay, um-okay…" Key began to stammer.
The older was endeared beyond words. God, he loved Key so much. "Don't be nervous, Key-ah,"
The younger exhaled and offered another "okay," a more resolute one this time.
And then he began.
Jonghyun recognized the song immediately as one that he'd written himself, and the fact that Key remembered it at all brought hot pricks of tears to his eyes.
Key's voice trembled slightly around certain notes, a sign of anxiety that did nothing but make Jonghyun smile more. The nasal tone of his voice was accentuated in higher notes, went flat on lower notes, stayed steady where his voice was most comfortable.
The sound, along with the lyrics that Jonghyun penned himself, familiarly echoed back to him in the form of his boyfriend confessing over and over, made for the best song he'd ever heard.
Jonghyun allowed himself to relax, eyes shut, tired muscles melting onto the mattress. Key's voice sounded from the speaker, his voice never less than beautiful to Jonghyun's hazy mind as he sang him to sleep.
It was the best sleep he'd had in a while.
a/n - so I can't decide if I want to add the fun facts about what happens after the story here or maybe on tumblr when it's all over HMMMMMMMMMMMM. I'll figure it out.
but hey look I updated on time for once c:
and this chapter is reallllly sad to me idk maybe it's not coming off as sad to some of you guys but it pains me deep in the kokoro. maybe it's just my feels for my two babies. IDK.
andddd I guess that's it. ;w;
thank you for reading c:
Kat
mikssi
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