Bro Night Interrogation
Title Bro Night Interrogation
Author: amtrak12
Characters: Jeff, Troy, Abed, and Pierce
Genre: Humor
Rating: R for the f-bomb a couple of times
Prompt: Jeff hosts a guys night at his apartment when Troy finds incriminating evidence that a girl (Annie) has been spending the night at Jeff's. They spend the rest of the night trying to figure out who the mystery girl is. from whitters23
Spoilers: Through 1.25
Word Count: 1395
Disclaimer: Do not own the characters, the show, or even the subject. Just the order of the words. ;)
A/N: Realized this required three comments to post so I just decided to post it separately. For the second Ficcy Friday. :)
"Uh, Jeff?" Troy's voice sounded a bit higher than normal. Jeff idly wondered if he had spotted a mouse or something.
"Yeah?"
"What is this?" Troy came walking back into the living room holding up a pair of women's panties.
Fuck.
"Troy, if you don't know what those are, then I'm afraid I can't help you," Jeff said while his mind frantically scrambled for excuses and explanations. It didn't help that his mind was slowed by the beer and whiskey they'd already drank that night.
Troy frowned. "Hey man! I know what these are."
"Here let me see them." Pierce stood up and walked over to Troy. Oh, that's not good. Pierce took the panties and waved them accusingly at Jeff.
"Jeffrey, do you want to fess up?"
Jeff stayed silent. If he doesn't say anything, they won't have anything to hold against him. Plus he still didn't have an excuse ready.
"Well I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here," Pierce said after a moment. Troy and Abed looked at him curiously. "Jeff dresses in women's clothes when no one's around."
"What?! NO!" Jeff shouted.
"Yeah that doesn't really seem a fitting guilty hobby for Jeff," Abed finally chimed in.
"So then who's panties are these?" Troy asked. All eyes turned to Jeff.
Jeff opened his mouth for a clever response and realized that Pierce's accusation had scattered whatever half-formed excuse his buzzed brain had scraped together.
Double fuck.
"He probably doesn't even remember her name," Pierce said chuckling.
"I remember it!" Jeff insisted.
"Who is it? Is she hot?" Troy asked.
Jeff shrugged noncomittedly.
"We'll never get anywhere this way." Abed stood up and started peering closely at the shelves and checking under the couch cushions.
"What are you doing?"
"Searching for clues," he said, running his finger across the spines of his books. "Troy, where did you find the panties."
"Over in his bedroom."
"What were you doing in my bedroom?"
Troy shrugged. "Pierce and I had a bet over how many hair products you owned." He looked at Pierce. "By the way it's 12, you owe me 20 bucks."
"Twelve?!" Pierce sadly shook his head. "Are you sure you don't dress up as a woman sometimes, Jeff?" Jeff chose to ignore this comment and instead focused on Abed who was currently making a beeline for the bedroom.
"Abed, stay out of my bedroom!" Abed stopped and looked over his shoulder.
"Why? Are you willing to come clean and tell us who the mystery woman is?"
"It's no one!"
"Told you he didn't remember her name."
"Look! Can we just get back to picking out a movie, please?"
"Sure, Jeff. I just need to run to the bathroom first. Troy?"
Troy spun around startled. "Dude! No. I'm not going to the bathroom with you here."
"No, I just want to tell you something in private."
"Oh, okay." Troy walked out of the room with Abed, and Jeff turned back to the DVDs. It took him a couple of moments to realize Pierce was just staring at him.
"What?"
Pierce had a weird smile on his face. He glanced back towards the hall, and then back at Jeff.
"Alright, Jeff, it's just us two now. So tell me, who's the fox you're sleeping with?"
"None of your business, Pierce."
"Oh come on! We're buddies! The kids are gone. You can tell me."
"No," Jeff said, finally settling on Die Hard. Who cares if they've all probably seen it a dozen times? It's a classic! He and Pierce sat back down on the couch, Pierce muttering something about 'bros' and 'gay'.
They were three previews into the DVD, and Troy and Abed still had not returned. That wasn't a good sign.
"You two better not be in my bedroom!" Jeff yelled. There was a scuffle and a thud like something had hit the floor. Then Troy and Abed came shuffling back into the living room. Troy had his arms full.
Jeff glared at them. "You went into my bedroom."
"Of course we did. Did you really expect us not to?" Abed replied.
"And we found more evidence!" Troy proclaimed. "Exhibit B:" he slammed a bottle on the coffee table, "apple-scented lotion."
"Wait, what happened to Exhibit A?" Pierce asked.
"The panties," Abed said, pointing to them.
"Exhibit C," Troy continued, "an Astronomy textbook."
"You never took Astronomy," Abed said.
"I'm taking it next year." Jeff smugly folded his arms. Troy and Abed exchanged glances before Abed shrugged and motioned for Troy to carry on.
"Exhibit D: a pink pen."
"How do you know that's not mine?"
"While culturally it's become acceptable for men to wear pink shirts or accessories, you still subscribe to the more traditional mentality that pink is only for women and wouldn't be caught dead with something like a pink ink pen," Abed explained.
Okay so he wasn't going to be able to discredit the pen. "Is that all?" Jeff asked.
"Nope. Exhibit E," Abed indicated the final item as Troy placed it on the table, "a hairbrush containing strands of dark, brown hair."
"And what is this supposed to prove again?"
"That you have a girlfriend," Troy said.
"I think it just proves that Jeff is gay," Pierce said.
"While most of the evidence could indicate that, the hairbrush points more towards the girlfriend theory," Abed explained.
Jeff's mind finally provided him with a reasonable line of defense. "How do you know that all belongs to the same person? Maybe I've had bunch of girls over this summer."
Abed gave him a stern look.
"Jeff, we can do this the easy way or the hard way," he started. "Now we already know what's going on."
"We do?" Pierce interrupted.
Troy nodded. "We do." Pierce nodded then too, and tried to look like he knew what they were talking about.
"But we're giving you the opportunity here to tell us yourself," Abed finished.
Jeff narrowed his eyes.
"Abed, I was lawyer. Your weak and typical interrogation bluffs aren't going to work on me."
"Suit yourself, Jeff." Abed pulled something out of his pocket.
"What is that?"
"This? Oh nothing." Abed started pressing some buttons.
"Is that my cell phone?" Jeff asked. "Where the hell did you get that?"
"It was on your nightstand," Troy said, looking over Abed's shoulder at the phone. Jeff thought for a second.
"Wait no it wasn't! It was..." Jeff trailed off when his hand slid into a very empty pocket. His eyes flew back to Abed. Abed waggled his eyebrows.
"You pick-pocketed me?!!"
"You get progressively less observant the more alcohol you drink. It wasn't even a challenge," Abed replied. "Now would you care to change your answer?"
"Give me back the phone, Abed," Jeff growled.
"Oh man! You actually sent that in a text?" Troy exclaimed, still looking at the phone.
"Abed!"
"We should call her!" Troy said, taking the phone and pressing some more buttons.
"Oh let me do it! I love prank calls," Pierce said. He stood up and reached out for the phone, but Jeff jumped up and snatched the phone away before Troy could register what just happened.
"No! No one is calling Annie! You understand me?"
"Annie?" Pierce asked. "Why would we be prank calling Annie?"
"Because that's the woman Jeff's been sleeping with this summer," Abed said.
"Which you only know because you looked through my text messages! I can't believe you swiped my phone!"
"Actually I've known since May when I saw you two kissing outside the Tranny Dance," Abed admitted.
"Say what?!" Troy said.
"I thought Annie went off with that Vaughn kid," Pierce said.
"No. She came back because she decided she belonged at Greendale for now." At Jeff's suspicious glare, Abed shrugged. "I could hear your conversation, too."
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Great. That's great. So much for keeping it from the group."
"So if you saw them kissing at the dance, then why did you have me searching his room for clues?" Troy asked Abed.
"Honestly? I was hoping for another plot twist. A secret summer romance between Jeff and Annie seemed a bit predictable and cliché."
"Well this isn't TV, Abed. Real life is predictable and cliché," Jeff said.
"That's what I'm figuring out," Abed said sounding a little disappointed.
Pierce suddenly blurted out, "So you're nailing Big Boobs?"
Author: amtrak12
Characters: Jeff, Troy, Abed, and Pierce
Genre: Humor
Rating: R for the f-bomb a couple of times
Prompt: Jeff hosts a guys night at his apartment when Troy finds incriminating evidence that a girl (Annie) has been spending the night at Jeff's. They spend the rest of the night trying to figure out who the mystery girl is. from whitters23
Spoilers: Through 1.25
Word Count: 1395
Disclaimer: Do not own the characters, the show, or even the subject. Just the order of the words. ;)
A/N: Realized this required three comments to post so I just decided to post it separately. For the second Ficcy Friday. :)
"Uh, Jeff?" Troy's voice sounded a bit higher than normal. Jeff idly wondered if he had spotted a mouse or something.
"Yeah?"
"What is this?" Troy came walking back into the living room holding up a pair of women's panties.
Fuck.
"Troy, if you don't know what those are, then I'm afraid I can't help you," Jeff said while his mind frantically scrambled for excuses and explanations. It didn't help that his mind was slowed by the beer and whiskey they'd already drank that night.
Troy frowned. "Hey man! I know what these are."
"Here let me see them." Pierce stood up and walked over to Troy. Oh, that's not good. Pierce took the panties and waved them accusingly at Jeff.
"Jeffrey, do you want to fess up?"
Jeff stayed silent. If he doesn't say anything, they won't have anything to hold against him. Plus he still didn't have an excuse ready.
"Well I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here," Pierce said after a moment. Troy and Abed looked at him curiously. "Jeff dresses in women's clothes when no one's around."
"What?! NO!" Jeff shouted.
"Yeah that doesn't really seem a fitting guilty hobby for Jeff," Abed finally chimed in.
"So then who's panties are these?" Troy asked. All eyes turned to Jeff.
Jeff opened his mouth for a clever response and realized that Pierce's accusation had scattered whatever half-formed excuse his buzzed brain had scraped together.
Double fuck.
"He probably doesn't even remember her name," Pierce said chuckling.
"I remember it!" Jeff insisted.
"Who is it? Is she hot?" Troy asked.
Jeff shrugged noncomittedly.
"We'll never get anywhere this way." Abed stood up and started peering closely at the shelves and checking under the couch cushions.
"What are you doing?"
"Searching for clues," he said, running his finger across the spines of his books. "Troy, where did you find the panties."
"Over in his bedroom."
"What were you doing in my bedroom?"
Troy shrugged. "Pierce and I had a bet over how many hair products you owned." He looked at Pierce. "By the way it's 12, you owe me 20 bucks."
"Twelve?!" Pierce sadly shook his head. "Are you sure you don't dress up as a woman sometimes, Jeff?" Jeff chose to ignore this comment and instead focused on Abed who was currently making a beeline for the bedroom.
"Abed, stay out of my bedroom!" Abed stopped and looked over his shoulder.
"Why? Are you willing to come clean and tell us who the mystery woman is?"
"It's no one!"
"Told you he didn't remember her name."
"Look! Can we just get back to picking out a movie, please?"
"Sure, Jeff. I just need to run to the bathroom first. Troy?"
Troy spun around startled. "Dude! No. I'm not going to the bathroom with you here."
"No, I just want to tell you something in private."
"Oh, okay." Troy walked out of the room with Abed, and Jeff turned back to the DVDs. It took him a couple of moments to realize Pierce was just staring at him.
"What?"
Pierce had a weird smile on his face. He glanced back towards the hall, and then back at Jeff.
"Alright, Jeff, it's just us two now. So tell me, who's the fox you're sleeping with?"
"None of your business, Pierce."
"Oh come on! We're buddies! The kids are gone. You can tell me."
"No," Jeff said, finally settling on Die Hard. Who cares if they've all probably seen it a dozen times? It's a classic! He and Pierce sat back down on the couch, Pierce muttering something about 'bros' and 'gay'.
They were three previews into the DVD, and Troy and Abed still had not returned. That wasn't a good sign.
"You two better not be in my bedroom!" Jeff yelled. There was a scuffle and a thud like something had hit the floor. Then Troy and Abed came shuffling back into the living room. Troy had his arms full.
Jeff glared at them. "You went into my bedroom."
"Of course we did. Did you really expect us not to?" Abed replied.
"And we found more evidence!" Troy proclaimed. "Exhibit B:" he slammed a bottle on the coffee table, "apple-scented lotion."
"Wait, what happened to Exhibit A?" Pierce asked.
"The panties," Abed said, pointing to them.
"Exhibit C," Troy continued, "an Astronomy textbook."
"You never took Astronomy," Abed said.
"I'm taking it next year." Jeff smugly folded his arms. Troy and Abed exchanged glances before Abed shrugged and motioned for Troy to carry on.
"Exhibit D: a pink pen."
"How do you know that's not mine?"
"While culturally it's become acceptable for men to wear pink shirts or accessories, you still subscribe to the more traditional mentality that pink is only for women and wouldn't be caught dead with something like a pink ink pen," Abed explained.
Okay so he wasn't going to be able to discredit the pen. "Is that all?" Jeff asked.
"Nope. Exhibit E," Abed indicated the final item as Troy placed it on the table, "a hairbrush containing strands of dark, brown hair."
"And what is this supposed to prove again?"
"That you have a girlfriend," Troy said.
"I think it just proves that Jeff is gay," Pierce said.
"While most of the evidence could indicate that, the hairbrush points more towards the girlfriend theory," Abed explained.
Jeff's mind finally provided him with a reasonable line of defense. "How do you know that all belongs to the same person? Maybe I've had bunch of girls over this summer."
Abed gave him a stern look.
"Jeff, we can do this the easy way or the hard way," he started. "Now we already know what's going on."
"We do?" Pierce interrupted.
Troy nodded. "We do." Pierce nodded then too, and tried to look like he knew what they were talking about.
"But we're giving you the opportunity here to tell us yourself," Abed finished.
Jeff narrowed his eyes.
"Abed, I was lawyer. Your weak and typical interrogation bluffs aren't going to work on me."
"Suit yourself, Jeff." Abed pulled something out of his pocket.
"What is that?"
"This? Oh nothing." Abed started pressing some buttons.
"Is that my cell phone?" Jeff asked. "Where the hell did you get that?"
"It was on your nightstand," Troy said, looking over Abed's shoulder at the phone. Jeff thought for a second.
"Wait no it wasn't! It was..." Jeff trailed off when his hand slid into a very empty pocket. His eyes flew back to Abed. Abed waggled his eyebrows.
"You pick-pocketed me?!!"
"You get progressively less observant the more alcohol you drink. It wasn't even a challenge," Abed replied. "Now would you care to change your answer?"
"Give me back the phone, Abed," Jeff growled.
"Oh man! You actually sent that in a text?" Troy exclaimed, still looking at the phone.
"Abed!"
"We should call her!" Troy said, taking the phone and pressing some more buttons.
"Oh let me do it! I love prank calls," Pierce said. He stood up and reached out for the phone, but Jeff jumped up and snatched the phone away before Troy could register what just happened.
"No! No one is calling Annie! You understand me?"
"Annie?" Pierce asked. "Why would we be prank calling Annie?"
"Because that's the woman Jeff's been sleeping with this summer," Abed said.
"Which you only know because you looked through my text messages! I can't believe you swiped my phone!"
"Actually I've known since May when I saw you two kissing outside the Tranny Dance," Abed admitted.
"Say what?!" Troy said.
"I thought Annie went off with that Vaughn kid," Pierce said.
"No. She came back because she decided she belonged at Greendale for now." At Jeff's suspicious glare, Abed shrugged. "I could hear your conversation, too."
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Great. That's great. So much for keeping it from the group."
"So if you saw them kissing at the dance, then why did you have me searching his room for clues?" Troy asked Abed.
"Honestly? I was hoping for another plot twist. A secret summer romance between Jeff and Annie seemed a bit predictable and cliché."
"Well this isn't TV, Abed. Real life is predictable and cliché," Jeff said.
"That's what I'm figuring out," Abed said sounding a little disappointed.
Pierce suddenly blurted out, "So you're nailing Big Boobs?"