Everybody hurts - Chapter 7
Title: Everybody hurts - Chapter 7: Call me James
Author: Miles Sinnerman
E-Mail: milessinnerman@gmail.com
Date Finished: Sometime this year or maybe the next one
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2601
Keywords: slash, Jack/Sawyer, Clementine
Spoiler: Season 3
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. They own me, body and soul :P
Chapter 7: Call me James
They sleep for the first time at Sawyer’s house, knowing Clementine is in the other room. Sawyer doesn’t know how to approach his lover. He feels uneasy and uncomfortable.
Jack knows something is wrong with Sawyer. He can read him better and better every time and knows as well that if he asks him he won’t tell him anything. So he doesn’t even try.
Instead he decides to make love to him, he tries to make him feel better, to help him forget his worries.
He undresses him gently, every time he removes a piece of clothing he replaces it with a series of kisses and licking trails. Sawyer slowly shifts his mood from sad and upset to arouse.
Jack cups Sawyer’s face with his hand and then he leans in, kissing him softly. Sawyer reciprocates and slips an arm around Jack’s waist, pulling him closer. Jack coaxes Sawyer’s mouth open with his lips and tongue and then deepens the kiss, never being able to get enough of Sawyer’s taste. His hand goes down to Sawyer’s ass, pulling their hips closer together. Sawyer makes a soft moan into his mouth and holds onto Jack tighter.
Jack walks Sawyer backwards towards the bed and pushes him down, quickly straddling him and rejoining their mouths. He thrusts down gently against Sawyer, getting harder and harder each time. He continues to savor Sawyer’s mouth with his own, their tongues sliding against one another. Sawyer’s lips are hot and wet and Jack bits one softly. Jack pulls away slightly, their breath mixing in the small gap between them.
When flesh is pressed together they both groan and hands flies everywhere trying to touch every piece of skin all at once. Jack loves to touch Sawyer’s skin. It’s soft and tight. He places one of his legs in-between Sawyer’s and pressed down. He rubs against him as he bits his ear gently and kisses his neck and shoulder.
"I want you to fuck me" Sawyer says.
“Where do you put the lube?” Jack asks. “Nightstand” Sawyer babbles.
He moves his weight off of him and works the fastenings on Sawyer’s jeans, pulling them off. He gets rid of his own pants along with his boxers and reaches into the nightstand for the lube. He positions himself between Sawyer’s thighs and leans down to kiss him.
“You’re so beautiful.” Jack says.
He lubes up his fingers and pushes one into Sawyer’s opening, rubbing slightly before pushing inside. Sawyer relaxes and makes a pleased noise in his throat. At that Jack works him slowly with two fingers, leaning down and placing soft kisses on his mouth.
He pulls his fingers out and moves back, positioning himself and pulling Sawyer’s legs a little further apart. He looks down at Sawyer who has his eyes closed. He runs his hand down the side of Sawyer’s face before moving forward and pushing himself in, one long, slow movement.
“You’re so fucking tight. I can just come like this, Sawyer.”
“Call me James” Sawyer says suddenly.
Jack looks intrigued but he is too horny right now to demand explanations. He watches Sawyer’s lips part and his eyelids flutter slightly but not open. He leans back down, not moving inside Sawyer, just letting himself rest there as he joins their mouths again, Sawyer makes a small noise as he opens his mouth to Jack and runs his tongue along Jack’s lower lip.
Jack starts moving his hips then, long, slow strokes as he kisses Sawyer deeply, taking his time with everything, making it last. He runs his hand down Sawyer’s chest and abdomen, felling the muscles tense under his touch as he makes his way to his hard cock, taking it in his hand with teasing touches that has Sawyer sighing into his mouth and hitching up into his touch, trying to speed up the pace.
He loses his resolve soon after that, wrapping his hand fully around Sawyer’s cock as he pumps him faster, his hips speeding up in response to Sawyer’s own movements as he moves against him. He leans back slightly for a better angle hitting Sawyer’s prostate and making him moan and hitch up further towards Jack.
Jack watches the way Sawyer moved beneath him. He carries on moving as he feels himself getting closer, Sawyer moving up into each thrust, breathy moans and muttered curses all that exists between them. Jack leans forward again as he hangs on the edge, wanting to kiss Sawyer again before he comes, sliding his tongue into Sawyer’s waiting mouth, Sawyer welcoming him in, tilting his head back and running his own tongue over Jack’s. Jack moves faster then as he can feel himself going, jerking Sawyer to the same rhythm as he moves away to breathe.
“I’m gonna come. Fuck, James.”
As he breaks the kiss Sawyer opens his eyes and looks at Jack and Jack can’t wait any longer coming hard and before his breath leaves him he shouts James’ name and stares at him, not being able to break the eye-contact as he carries on moving, riding out the aftershocks as he pulls Sawyer over the edge with him.
Sawyer closes his eyes as he comes, his head falling back as he spills into Jack’s hand, crying out. Jack carefully pulls out of him and moves over so that the bulk of his weight is off his man.
Sawyer moves away from Jack then, rolling onto his side, facing the opposite direction. Jack looks at his back and sighs, wondering how Sawyer can turn it off so quickly, his body just wanting to tangle up with Sawyer’s and sleep. Then Sawyer moves back towards Jack slightly, pressing their bodies lightly together, and Jack realizes that he wants to be held. He moves over and presses their bodies fully together, throwing his arm over onto Sawyer’s stomach and loving the way they both fit together. He closes his eyes and feels the warmth from Sawyer’s body seep into his own.
“I love you, James” Jack says but Sawyer already fell asleep.
///
Jack wakes up. It’s really early, but he has an internal clock and always wakes up before the sun appears. He gets up, takes a shower, and goes to prepare breakfast. He thinks about last night, about Sawyer’s request and doesn’t know how to behave today. He doesn’t want to piss Sawyer off.
“Mornin’ doc”, Sawyer appears from nowhere. He grabs him from behind, kisses him on the neck and caresses Jack’s stomach under his shirt. “That smells good.”
“Morning… James”, he hopes he said it right. Sawyer is a time bomb for these things, even though they come to trust each other more than ever, he is not willing to confront him and ask him why you changed your name. He knows he’ll tell him when he’s ready.
“What does Clementine eat?” Jack asks
“It’s ok, I’ve got it”
“No, tell me. I’ve got to learn Saw… James.” They are both grabbing the cereal box and they kiss fighting for it. Sawyer wins when he whirls his tongue over Jack’s and deepens the kiss in a way that Jack forgets to function properly.
“Ok, she eats her cereal with milk, some fruit, orange juice and toasts with cheese.” They both put to work. While they peel and cut the fruit, they feed each other with small pieces of it. Every time they touch the electricity drives through their spines to their cocks. They have to fight it to keep it in family breakfast’s mode.
“I’m gonna wake Clem up” Sawyer says between kisses.
They come back dressed up and with their teeth brushed.
“Mornin’ Jack”, says Clementine raising her hand loosely.
“Morning sweetie” he smiles at her manners, so like her father.
“James, you want me to drop her at school on my way out? Are you going to use your car?”
“No, I don’t think so. Clem it’s ok if Jack drives you to school?” She nods.
“You won’t see your car till 4 or 5, you sure it’s ok?” he double-checks.
“Sure doc, I’m gonna stay here all day tryin’ to write a goddamn page of that book.”
“Fine, who picks her up?”
“You?” Sawyer tries moving his eyebrows up.
“Ok, I’m gonna finish dressing.”
He comes back like a professional. Sawyer can easily get a hard on with that picture.
“Let’s go Clem” says Jack.
“Comin’ dad” she shouts from the kitchen.
They both look at each other. Sawyer is thrilled and Jack’s terrified.
“Look at that! Congratulations. You’re officially a dad.” Sawyer laughs and hugs him trying not to wrinkle his suit. “Hey cheer up! She doesn’t bite… anymore.”
“Wish me luck” He says with a lame smile.
They intend to kiss but Clementine comes through between them. “Comin’ comin’, bye daddy” she says to Sawyer. He bents and kisses her “Bye sweetheart.” She goes to the car and waits for Jack.
“She’ll have to learn to drop the g. We live in LA, James” Jack jokes.
“What’s your problem with Southern people?”
“Nothing, but it’s difficult enough for her to have two dads. She at least should try to blend with the rest of the kids.”
“I thought the Southern drawl had a certain appeal. You easily fell for that.”
“Shut up, it’s not the drawl it’s you.”
“Both came in the same package! And admit it, you love it” Jack blushes and Sawyer has to smile.
“Ok, bye.” Jack says kissing him.
“Bye dad” Sawyer responses kidding.
///
Once Jack and Clementine are gone Sawyer feels alone and cold. He doesn’t want to be alone. He’s afraid.
He is terrified of his father and all of the sudden realizes he’s there somewhere around him. He fought all his life to stop being afraid of him. The last few years he was getting close. All the work he’d done, now completely useless. He regrets to have sex with Jack last night, knowing his father was around. He’s ashamed.
The island was scary from time to time, but that was nothing compared to his real fear. The thing he fears the most in all his life, the person who caused the greatest pain in his heart and body, his father.
He can’t be alone. He can’t write. He can’t think. He is just paralyzed and realizes he has to get out of his house. He goes out to find some answers.
He goes to Miles’ place and hopes him to be alone.
“I assumed you’ll come. It’s ok. Daniel is out” Miles says as he opens the door.
“I need to get rid of him.” Sawyer expresses his need.
“I’m sorry but I can’t help you.”
“Please you’ve got to”
“Look, he’s not exactly in this world.” Miles tries to explain carefully.
“But you can hear him that means he’s there somewhere and if you can sense him right now that means he’s followin’ me everywhere. He’s been followin’ my whole life. Please you have to help me”
“I know it’ll sound cliché, but I’m just the messenger. I can’t dialogue with them, I just hear them when they have or want something to say. The other day he was very persistent. I tried to ignore him at first, but it was impossible. I’m sorry James.”
“Is he here right now? What the fuck does he want?”
“Yeah, he is. I sense him, but he’s quite. I don’t know. Ask him something. Maybe that would work.”
“What the fuck do you want? Haven’t you done enough already? How can you be so fuckin’ selfish?” He looks at Miles expectantly.
“Nothing”
“What? Do you want me to forgive you? Is that want you want? You fuckin’ son of a bitch. You hear me? I’ll never forgive you. You’d ruined my life. You did things to me you fuckin’ pervert. You killed my mum and left me all alone.” He shouts and cries.
“I’m a father now, you know? I understand what it means to have a child and I know I can’t ever do anythin’ to hurt my daughter in any way. What you did was just beyond hurt. It was perverse, fuckin’ evil. If you’d ever loved me, leave me alone. I don’t want you around me”
“Still nothing” Sawyer starts to cry like he never cried before. He feels totally helpless.
Miles comes close to him slowly and embraces him tenderly.
“It’s ok man, I know this is tough. Look maybe we can do something, but it’s very risky. I didn’t tell you about it ‘cause it’s too dangerous and I only did it once.” He explains very carefully.
“I’m listenin’”
“We’ll have to meet again, because I have to prepare myself. It’ll be intense. What we’ll have to do is break the emotional bond that exists between your folks and you. This break will be forever, you will never be able to contact them again. You sure you want to do this?”
He tries to think about this as quickly as he can. “Yes.”
“You’ll better think about this more thoroughly, ok? And let me know when you’re really sure.”
“I’m sure.” He says not so confidently.
“Does Jack know about this?” Miles wonders.
“No”
“He is your partner. He should know.”
“This shit has nothing to do with him. This is my life. My past. My problem.” He states firmly.
“Ok, but you’ll need him. Once we do this, you’ll feel a great void and a great sense of abandonment. You should tell him. Think about this, ok?”
Sawyer looks away. “What about my mum?”
“What about her?”
“Why isn’t she around?” he asks looking outside.
“I don’t know. I think she’s not. Um… did she know that your father…” he isn’t able to say it out loud. “… used to touch you?” This is the first time that it’s said out loud. Even though it was implicit none of them was willing to say it.
Sawyer is frozen. This is just too much for him. “No, I don’t think so” he says tightening his jaw. “Ok” Miles says caringly. “How was your relationship with her?”
“Fine. She cheated on my father ‘caused he was unbearable. I don’t blame her. I never did.”
“Maybe that’s it. Your bond even though it finished abruptly, it did in good terms. Your father, though, he feels guilty, he is trying to get some peace that’s why he’s asking for your forgiveness. If you forgive him, you’ll release his burden and he’ll go away. If you break the bond with him, he’ll wander forever and never be free to move on”
“Can he be harmful?” Suddenly he terrified with the idea.
“What do you mean?”
“In that state, wandering around, if he gets pissed or something, can he harm anyone?”
“I’m not sure, it’s possible. There’s been proof of certain phenomena, like pissed ghosts if you wanna call it”
“I just can’t believe all this shit!” He says with a mix of anger and despair.
“He can’t hurt you now, James”
“He’s hurting me! One way or another he manages to hurt me. What if I break the bond and he wants to punish me through Clementine, huh?” his beautiful eyes now gone, they are red with blood, with fury, with hopelessness.
“I don’t know what to say. My only piece of advice is that you should talk to Jack. Maybe he’ll help you to clear up your mind. He knows you and he loves you. I can tell. You should trust him with this.”
Sawyer leaves the house more confused and conflicted than ever.