Venting, and a few serious questions
I'm not sure why I'm still a part of this community. I mean, my boyfriend, now ex, is joining the army. He got his MOS... it is MOS, right?... and then decided to dump me. There's a bunch of drama leading up to this, of course. Of course!
Sorry for the confusion in advance; good luck following this.
It started when I decided to walk to his house when I had a day off from work. It took a few hours, and when I got there, only his mum was home. She drove me home, and asked me why I came over. I said, "To talk to Stephen face-to-face." He had been avoiding me, refusing to see or even talk to me, even online, and made excuses to not show up when we did plan things. I was sick of being ignored.
During this whole time my friend Emily would keep me updated on him simply because she saw him while their mutual friends would hang out and drink. I hated hearing things through her, but it was the only way I knew w.t.f. he was doing. The morning I walked to his house she told me about how our friends Tyler and Mario were scared for Stephen because of the things he'd say. Such as how that even if we were together while he went to basic he was expecting a "Dear John" letter within a few weeks of his arrival, and also something to the effect of that he had fallen in love, and out of it, and now he was ready to die. The falling in and out part is in reference to his ex, who he loved deeply but who told him that even though she loved him, she wanted to be with someone else. Great girl, yeah?
Anyway, I posted a huge entry in my journal bitching him out. I told him that I thought he was ridiculous. That it didn't matter about any of these things that he put up in his head, I still loved him and wanted to be with him. That him thinking that every one of his friends and family are only nice to him now just because he's leaving for the army is completely irrational, and that he'd regret dumping me while he was getting his ass handed to him at basic.
He finally comes online that night and demands to know what I was doing at his house. I told him exactly what I said in my journal. He called me crazy and irrational, we get in this big argument... honestly, I don't remember exactly what was said; I was getting an adrenaline rush from letting out everything that I'd been bottling up for so long. He told me that he wanted nothing to do with any of 'this', while I told him that it was too late, and that he was a part of it, whether he liked it or not, to which his response is to block me.
Two days ago, he unblocks me and tells me that me saying he'd regret his decision to dump me made it a matter of pride which was why he didn't talk to me (like it was a punishment?). He did still want to talk to me, but I was being too crazy and emotional for him (to which I told him that he was never emotional enough). I find this ridiculous because this is the third time he's broken up with me for being 'too emotional', continued to talk to me like nothing is, or was, wrong, only to ask for me back within a few weeks, saying he was sorry and that he missed me, that he wanted nothing but me.
He tries to be nonchalant when we do talk now, like before, and gets silent when I remind him that he dumped me (again). He got pissy with me last night, actually, saying that certain things were 'touchy subjects' and I do remember telling him that there's not much that isn't a touchy subject with him. I'm not afraid to say things like this anymore; we have no 'emotional attachment', and as he still considers me a friend, I think it's in his best interest if I tell him exactly what he needs to hear instead of what he wants to hear (we called that the 'Harder Truth' at my boarding school). I know that if he does ask for me back again then he'll have to get used to someone who is 'too emotional'.
Even through all this, I am continually reminding him that I've been here for him, and will still be here for him... he just needs to let go of this made-up version of himself in his head that everyone hates him and that he's a horrible person.
...oh, and an almost afterthought, he's talking to me right now about The Wonder Years, about how the relationship between Kevin and Winnie in the last episode makes him cry every time. I've never seen the show, so stop me if I'm wrong, but it sounds similar to what's going on between us now. A bit.
So, firstly, did I overreact? Secondly, am I foolish for still talking to him/thinking he'll come around and realize how awesome I am for putting up with his shit?
Lastly, should I still be in this community even if we're not together anymore? Of course I still love the asshole, and I'll still love him when he does go, but should I still be hopeful we can be together again after all this? I'm at the point now where I think that he should go overseas and serve however long he wants just so he'll realize how lucky he was to have me and remember what he's missing. I may be arrogant with that last part, but I'm also pretty serious about it, too. >_>
...and big apologies for taking up so much space, here.
Sorry for the confusion in advance; good luck following this.
It started when I decided to walk to his house when I had a day off from work. It took a few hours, and when I got there, only his mum was home. She drove me home, and asked me why I came over. I said, "To talk to Stephen face-to-face." He had been avoiding me, refusing to see or even talk to me, even online, and made excuses to not show up when we did plan things. I was sick of being ignored.
During this whole time my friend Emily would keep me updated on him simply because she saw him while their mutual friends would hang out and drink. I hated hearing things through her, but it was the only way I knew w.t.f. he was doing. The morning I walked to his house she told me about how our friends Tyler and Mario were scared for Stephen because of the things he'd say. Such as how that even if we were together while he went to basic he was expecting a "Dear John" letter within a few weeks of his arrival, and also something to the effect of that he had fallen in love, and out of it, and now he was ready to die. The falling in and out part is in reference to his ex, who he loved deeply but who told him that even though she loved him, she wanted to be with someone else. Great girl, yeah?
Anyway, I posted a huge entry in my journal bitching him out. I told him that I thought he was ridiculous. That it didn't matter about any of these things that he put up in his head, I still loved him and wanted to be with him. That him thinking that every one of his friends and family are only nice to him now just because he's leaving for the army is completely irrational, and that he'd regret dumping me while he was getting his ass handed to him at basic.
He finally comes online that night and demands to know what I was doing at his house. I told him exactly what I said in my journal. He called me crazy and irrational, we get in this big argument... honestly, I don't remember exactly what was said; I was getting an adrenaline rush from letting out everything that I'd been bottling up for so long. He told me that he wanted nothing to do with any of 'this', while I told him that it was too late, and that he was a part of it, whether he liked it or not, to which his response is to block me.
Two days ago, he unblocks me and tells me that me saying he'd regret his decision to dump me made it a matter of pride which was why he didn't talk to me (like it was a punishment?). He did still want to talk to me, but I was being too crazy and emotional for him (to which I told him that he was never emotional enough). I find this ridiculous because this is the third time he's broken up with me for being 'too emotional', continued to talk to me like nothing is, or was, wrong, only to ask for me back within a few weeks, saying he was sorry and that he missed me, that he wanted nothing but me.
He tries to be nonchalant when we do talk now, like before, and gets silent when I remind him that he dumped me (again). He got pissy with me last night, actually, saying that certain things were 'touchy subjects' and I do remember telling him that there's not much that isn't a touchy subject with him. I'm not afraid to say things like this anymore; we have no 'emotional attachment', and as he still considers me a friend, I think it's in his best interest if I tell him exactly what he needs to hear instead of what he wants to hear (we called that the 'Harder Truth' at my boarding school). I know that if he does ask for me back again then he'll have to get used to someone who is 'too emotional'.
Even through all this, I am continually reminding him that I've been here for him, and will still be here for him... he just needs to let go of this made-up version of himself in his head that everyone hates him and that he's a horrible person.
...oh, and an almost afterthought, he's talking to me right now about The Wonder Years, about how the relationship between Kevin and Winnie in the last episode makes him cry every time. I've never seen the show, so stop me if I'm wrong, but it sounds similar to what's going on between us now. A bit.
So, firstly, did I overreact? Secondly, am I foolish for still talking to him/thinking he'll come around and realize how awesome I am for putting up with his shit?
Lastly, should I still be in this community even if we're not together anymore? Of course I still love the asshole, and I'll still love him when he does go, but should I still be hopeful we can be together again after all this? I'm at the point now where I think that he should go overseas and serve however long he wants just so he'll realize how lucky he was to have me and remember what he's missing. I may be arrogant with that last part, but I'm also pretty serious about it, too. >_>
...and big apologies for taking up so much space, here.