~If i die in this video...~ Little part of chapter One :F

[milkymilkshake]

Part of the chapter One

Ian's POV
It was a rainy day, but anyways i go to a buy mexican food, we decided to make a Lunchtime with Smosh and a Mailtime at the same video but Anthony was still asleep, i buy the same as always and drive home, the car is very quiet without Anthony, whatever
-Finally at home- I sighed as i enter into Anthony's room-

Comments

[milkymilkshake]

Know that i see it i feel kinda stupid, but my teacher here SUCK, and she doesn't really like english, so she's really bad, one time she write Maria is car is blue (Maria's car is blue, think :p)when i was like 6 years old, but they don't fired her because she is the daughter of the principal and owner of the school, she drives me crazy -.- I will upload mi homework someday, it will make God eyes cry, ok no, but it's really bad :P

[milkymilkshake]

I hate that teacher. Her dad is from England!¬¬ :P
But mi brother and uncle live in Miami so they give me a lot of book to lear to write good in english, if you enter to my room there is like 30 school book and 3 dictionaries :P
Thanks you so much, i'm study by myself since i was 10 and the next year i will transfer to another school, everybody tell me that is excellent

[shadowdancer11]

I think I saw that this is your first post, so I'll introduce myself. I'm Desirae.
I liked this, and believe me, I know how hard it is to write in English.. I hate it. I've only been speaking English since I was about 15 and I'm 17 now. I learned Spanish, as my native tongue, followed by four languages and then English. But keep trying :) I can see you have a lot of potential... :D

[milkymilkshake]

Hi Desirae, I'm Naara :)
Thanks you very much, yeah it's really more easy to speak it :P I start speaking English when i was 7, but my teacher suck and i still learning how to write it good
Oww, thanks :D
Have a nice day :)

[shadowdancer11]

Thanks, you too. BTW I love your name :)

[milkymilkshake]

Oww thanks you :D

[thestoryliveson]

Hi :D I love your user picture, it's adorable :3 I agree with everything bewaremypencil said but English isn't your first language and you can write English far better than I can write Spanish, so I'm not going to critique you on this, as everything has already been pointed out. (:
However, you do have the basis of a very good plot, and the characterisations are great. Keep on writing.

[milkymilkshake]

Hey! Thanks (I love them so much *-*)Yeah... I kinda suck, but... having a teacher that suck, your brother teaching you, and you learning english by yourself. My head is a mess :P

[lazah]

I'm foreign too so I know how hard writing in English is, but I suggest you could let someone proofread your fics before posting them, and after a while you'll get better. There are some easy rules you can always remember, such as I is always in capital and stuff, take a look at the grammar post that jackiestolz recently made, it's really helpful

[mutual_death]

I kind of like the upside down "!". lol :P But you can't go by me, I'm a weirdo!

I don't have too much concrit to add. Most of what needs to be done to make this a much better fic has been said. Though I would like to suggest not using the "Ian's POV" and "Anthony's POV". It's sloppy and drives me nuts. If your writing is good enough, you won't need to point out which POV it is. ;)

Keep writing and keep practicing. Writing in another language is difficult and you're off to a decent start already. [=