{ reference } stragen bullies the thousand into an alliance.
[the party goes to the Thousand in Sarsos to outline the current situation and ask for an alliance, SHIT GOES DOWN, including:]
'Well, what do you know,' the fellow sneered, 'a talking dog.'
Sephrenia rose to her feet. 'I call upon the Thousand to observe the traditional moment of silence,' she declared in Styric.
'Who died?' the loud-mouth demanded.
'You did, Camriel,' she told him sweetly, 'so our grief will not be excessive. This is Prince Sparhawk, the man who destroyed the Elder God Azash, and you've just insulted his wife. Did you want the customary burial assuming that we can find enough of you to commit to the earth when he's done with you?' Camriel's jaw had dropped, and his face had gone dead white. The rest of the Council also visibly shrank back.
'His name still seems to carry some weight,' Ulath noted to Tynian.
'Evidently. Our insolent friend up there seems to be having long, gloomy thoughts about mortality.'
'Councilor Camriel,' Sparhawk said quite formally, let us not interrupt the deliberations of the Thousand with a purely personal matter. I'll look you up after the meeting, and we can make the necessary arrangements.'
'What did he say?' Ehlana whispered to Stragen.
'The usual, your Majesty. I expect that Councillor Camriel's going to remember a pressing engagement on the other side of the world at any moment now.'
'Will the Council permit this barbarian to threaten me?' Camriel quavered.
A silvery-haired Styric on the far side of the room laughed derisively. 'You personally insulted a state visitor, Camriel,' he declared. 'The Thousand has no obligation to defend you under those circumstances. Your God has been very lax in your instruction. You're a boorish, loud-mouthed imbecile. We'll be well rid of you.'
'How dare you speak to me so, Michan?'
'You seem dazzled by the fact that one of the Gods is slightly fond of you, Camriel,' Michan drawled, 'and you overlook the fact that we all share that peculiar eminence here. My God loves me at least as much as your God loves you.' Michan paused. 'Probably more, actually. I'd guess that your God's having second thoughts about you at the moment. You must be a terrible embarrassment to him. But you're wasting valuable time. As soon as this meeting adjourns, I expect that Prince Sparhawk will come looking for you - with a knife. You do have a knife some place nearby, don't you, your Highness?'
Sparhawk grinned and opened his robe slightly to reveal his sword-hilt.
'Splendid, old fellow,' Michan said. 'I'd have been glad to lend you mine, but a man always works better with his own equipment. Haven't you left yet, Camriel? If you plan to live long enough to see the sun go down, you'd best get cracking.'
Councillor Camriel fled.
'What happened?' Ehlana demanded impatiently.
'If we choose to look at it in a certain light, we could consider the Councillor's flight to be a form of apology,' Stragen told her.
'We do not accept apologies,' Mirtai said implacably. 'May I chase him down and kill him, Ehlana?'
'Why don't we just let him run for a while, Mirtai?' the queen decided.
'How long?'
'How long would you say he's likely to run, Milord?' Ehlana asked Stragen.
'The rest of his life probably, my queen.'
'That sounds about right to me.'
[which is followed by an awful lot of useless sniping, disregarding of current events, and the opportunity taken by a vocal minority to use this as a forum to air just about every possible grievance with the Elene nations and Tamul Empire, UNTIL]
'This is starting to get tiresome,' Stragen finally said to Sparhawk, rising to his feet.
'What are you going to do?'
'Do? Why, I'm going to respond, old boy.'
He stepped to the centre of the floor and stood resolutely in the face of their shouts and curses. The noise gradually subsided, more because those causing it had run out ofthings to say than because anyone was really curious about what this elegant blond Elene had to say. 'I'm delighted to discover that all men are equally contemptible,' Stragen told them, his rich voice carrying to every corner of the hall. 'I had despaired of ever finding a flaw in the Styric character, but I find that you're like all other men when you're gathered together into a mob. The outspoken and unconcealed bigotry you have revealed here this afternoon has lifted my despair and filled my heart with joy. I swoon with delight to find this cesspool of festering nastiness lurking in the Styric soul, since it proves once and for all that men are all the same, regardless of race.' There were renewed shouts of protest. The protests were laced with curses this time. Once again Stragen waited. 'I'm disappointed in you, my dear brothers,' he told them finally. 'An Elene child of seven could curse more inventively. Is this really the best the combined wisdom of Styricum can come up with? Is 'Elene bastard' really all you know how to say? It doesn't even particularly insult me, because in my case it happens to be true.' He looked around, his expression urbane and just slightly superior. 'I'm also a thief and a murderer, and I have a large number of unsavoury habits. I've committed crimes for which there aren't even names, and you think your pallid, petty denunciations could distress me in any way? Does anyone have a meaningful accusation before I examine your failings?'
'You've enslaved us!' someone bellowed.
'Not me, old boy,' Stragen drawled. 'You couldn't give me a slave. You have to feed them, you know even when they're not working. Now then, let's step right along here. We've established the fact that I'm a thief and a murderer and a bastard, but what are you? Would the word 'snivellers' startle you? You Styrics whine a great deal. You've carefully stored up an inventory of the abuses you've suffered in the past several thousand years and you take a perverted pleasure in sitting in dark, smelly corners regurgitating them all, chewing them over and over like mouthfuls of stale vomit. You try to blame Elenes for all your troubles. Does it surprise you to discover that I feel no guilt about the plight of the Styrics? I have more than enough guilt for things I have done without beating my breast about things that happened a thousand years before I was born. Frankly, my- friends, all these martyred expressions bore me. Don't you ever get tired of feeling sorry for yourselves? I'm now going to offend you even more by getting right to the point. If you want to snivel, do it in your own time. We're offering you the opportunity to join with us in facing a common enemy. It's just a courtesy, you understand, because we don't really need you. Keep that firmly in view. We don't need you. Actually, you'll encumber us. I've heard a few intellectual cripples here suggest an alliance with our enemy. What makes you think he'd want you as allies? The Elene peasantry would probably be overjoyed if you tried, though, because that would give them an excuse to slaughter Styrics from here to the straits of Thalesia. Joining with us won't ensure a lessening of Elene prejudice, but joining with our enemies will almost guarantee that ten years from now there won't be a live Styric in any Elene kingdom in the world.' He scratched thoughtfully at his chin and looked around. 'I guess that more or less covers everything,' he said. 'Why don't you talk it over amongst yourselves? My friends and I will be leaving for Matherion tomorrow. You might want to let us know what you've decided before we go. That's entirely up to you, of course. Words couldn't begin to express our indifference to the decisions of such an insignificant people.' He turned and offered his arm to Ehlana. 'Shall we leave, your Majesty?' he suggested.
'What did you say to them, Stragen?'
'I insulted them,' he shrugged, 'on as many levels as I possibly could. Then I threatened them with racial extinction and then invited them to sign on as allies.'
'All in one speech?'
'He was brilliant, your Majesty,' Oscagne said enthusiastically. 'He said some things to the Styrics that have needed saying for a long, long time.'
'I have certain advantages, your Excellency,' Stragen smiled. 'My character's so questionable that nobody expects me to be polite.'
'Actually, you're exquisitely courteous,' Bevier disagreed.
'I know, Sir Bevier, but people don't expect it of me, so they can't bring themselves to believe it.'
Both Sephrenia and Zalasta had icy, offended expressions on their faces that evening.
'I wasn't trying to be personally insulting,' Stragen assured them. 'I've heard any number of enlightened people say exactly the same thing. We sympathise with Styrics, but we find these interminable seizures of selfpity tedious.'
'You said many things that simply aren't true, you know,' Sephrenia accused him.
'Of course I did. It was a political speech, little mother. Nobody expects a politician to tell the truth.'
'You were really gambling, Milord Stragen,' Zalasta said critically. 'I nearly swallowed my tongue when you told them that the Elenes and the Tamuls were offering an alliance simply out of courtesy. When you told them that you didn't really need them, they might very well have decided to sit the whole affair out.'
'Not when he was holding all the rest of Styricum hostage, learned one,' Oscagne disagreed. 'It was a brilliant political speech. That not-so-subtle hint of the possibility of a new wave of Elene atrocities didn't really leave the Thousand any choice in the matter. What was the general reaction?'
'About what you'd expect, your Excellency,' Zalasta replied. 'Milord Stragen cut the ground out from under the Styric tradition of self-pity. It's very hard to play the martyr when you've just been told that it makes you look like a silly ass. There's a fit of towering resentment brewing among the Thousand. We Styrics are terribly fond of feeling sorry for ourselves, and that's been ruined now. No one ever really considered joining with the enemy - even if we knew who he was - but Stragen effectively bludgeoned us into going even further. Neutrality's out of the question now, since the Elene peasants would come to view neutrality as very nearly the same thing as actually joining with our unknown opponent. The Thousand will assist you, your Excellency. They'll do all they can do if only to protect our brothers and sisters in Eosia.'
'You've put in a full day's work, Stragen,' Kalten said admiringly. 'We could have been here for a month trying to persuade the Styrics that it was in their best interests to join us.'
'My day isn't finished yet,' Stragen told him, 'and the next group I have to try to persuade is much more hard-headed.'
'Might I be of some assistance?' Zalasta offered.
'I really rather doubt it, learned one. As soon as it gets dark, Talen and I have to pay a visit to the thieves of Sarsos.'
'There are no thieves in Sarsos, Stragen!'
Stragen and Talen looked at each other, and then they burst out with howls of cynical laughter.