Rooftop Action - a story
It's an answer for the prompt form sherlock_bbc kink meme,
"Considering how Mycroft is always watching, and has black cars gliding around ready to kidnappick up whoever he is looking for, he must have entire teams of minions to monitor the CCTV and so we have minion!POVs of anything? Reports of Baker St. disturbances, hardest high-fiving each other when Mycroft gets a date with Lestrade and they grab a photo from their sniper scopes... I have faith, fandom!"
And Caph, Cujam and Carl are my own personal characters, that play also part in my other story: Ambassador's Party
ROOFTOP ACTION
„I saw mummy kissing Santa" sung Caph to the tune of 'Another brick in the wall', only song she could actually admit to knowing. Her partner (no, not as in 'bringing - flowers - but - sleeping - on - the - couch - after - forgetting - about - anniversary' partner; rather 'partner - in - crime', or, what seemed the most fitting 'partner - in - sitting - on - this - damned - roof - and - watching - that - friggin' - Holmes'), Cujam, acknowledged her Christmas spirit with muffled 'mhm', not tearing his binoculars away from the Baker Street 221b's windows. They had been sitting on this damned roof three days in a row, leaving for toilet breaks and occasional tea from nice old lady downstairs, who had a strange form of senile dementia causing her to forget the meaning of word 'NO!'.
'Why do you think they upgraded their surveillance status?' asked Caph; she was so totally bored, that she considered using her gun (that was digging annoyingly into her left side) on some bystanders, just for laughs and to be finally released from that stupid position.
'It might have something to do with that blown-up pool' answered Cujam matter-of-factly. 'But, to be frank, they didn't.'
'Didn't blow up the pool? I saw the ruins, you think it was some elaborate scheme to cover up the UFO landing…' Caph really wouldn't be surprised, if the remains of the pool were placed there for some crazy reason, and all info about it had been made afterwards. While working for Mister Holmes you saw stranger things, like Korean minister in a can-can dress claiming to be a Minister of Finance of Nigeria. Not that it took the first position, either.
'No, stupid, they didn't upgrade their status! Sherlock Holmes had 'code ultra red, defcon 1'since he learned to say 'yum-yum, '! What more there is, code crimson and defcon 'already nuked them!'?'
Caph mulled over what he said, and came to surprisingly intelligent conclusion.
'I don't think he ever said 'yum-yum. His first words were probably, like, 'Mother, from the way you wear your dressing gown I deduce mu midnight screeching wears you down' or 'father, by the way you keep pinching your nose I see you are sexually frustrated… Mother haven't been giving you any?'
'True… Oh, look, something's going on!' shouted Cujam in glee, instinctively turning their TV camera on.
'What, what is it? Are they going out?' Caph grimaced, remembering that crazy rooftop action - running after two guys, who were running after the cab, for god's sake, cab, while trying not to be spotted, with camera, pistol and a bag of nuts (hey, you've got to eat something nutritious, right?) was not her favorite evening activity. Thinking about that day, she suddenly brightened up. 'Did they finally come out of closet?'
'Naw, but close… they're dong the tiding-up, you look, I'm gonna write it all down' Cujam passed her a pair of binoculars, while frantically searching for the report page.
Caph rolled her eyes, but obediently stared at the unfolding situation.
"It'd make a good TV series, y'know? Something like 'My Hero', but with more corpses'
'Don't be ridiculous, we're watching them all the time and we're bored to death…'
'That's because we're watching it WRONG. 'Oh, Johnny, my ego has grown so much, I can't fit into that door, oh woe is me' said she, mimicking Sherlock's manner, watching him run around the room while gesticulating with frustration. Then she added, in squeaky voice, seeing Watson's attempts to placate distraught detective: 'As a doctor, I will deal with it with my special tool, ho, ho, ho'
'That's the last time I'm letting you watch that gay porn'
'You shouldn't give me those binoculars, then. Besides, I don't watch, I read. And it's not porn, it's fanfiction. Well, not all of it is porn.'
'Hello, ladies!' they had been both startled by overly cheerful voice coming from the vicinity of the door leading to the rooftop. A man, dressed smartly in a black suit, with a sniper rifle in one hand and notepad in the other, stood there smiling.
'No, Carl, I'm not giving you my notes' spat Cujam aggressively, hating being the swot of the surveillance. It felt like school all over again…
"Hey, don't be like that, Cujam, I mean… Come on, the fact that my boss is trying to kill the guys your boss wants to keep alive is not a reason for us to argue' Carl looked pleadingly at both agents. 'I'm sitting on that house for several days, I just… dozed off. Do you know what Big M will do to me, once he finds out? You know what he did to that guy who got lost in the cab chase, because he slipped on some spilled beans, nuts, whatever?'
'Yeah, Cujam, don't be an asshole, Carl's trick with laser pointer was COOL! I did it in supermarket, it was hilarious' cut in Caph, forgetting about her watch. 'Genius, I tell you, the silent panic, the fear, the guy jumping up and down just because I had a laser pointer on them from behind groceries'
'Definitely, I had soooo much fun at the pool with those' laughed Carl, putting down both the gun and notepad. 'Watching Dr Quinn squirm under red lights, trying to save his boyfriend… and Spock!'
'Sorry, who?'
'Oh c'mon, Watson and Holmes, those are the AKAs we're using. Code, y'know. We had so much fun deciding, I was absolutely for Batman and Robin, but the boss is a damned fan of Jane Seymour and Star Trek. The pool action was called, hear this, "Trouble with tribbles", because it made him think of gremlins and…'
'Okay, I'll give you those notes, but you've got to settle our dispute' cut in Cujam, clearly not interested in semantics (he was a bit disturbed for he opted for 'Batman and Robin' too). 'Are they really gay? I heard they've been making out at that pool…'
'Totally' said sniper without hesitation, and Caph smiled triumphantly, for she always knew. 'The moment Big M left, Spock started ripping clothes of Quinn, lemmie tell you! If Boss hadn't returned there would be some porn to watch… Hey, what's that car?'
Attention of all the agents switched to the street, where proudly stood, just outside the 221b Baker Street, a big, black limo.
'I'd say 'Oooops' but it's too late for that now, isn't it?' sighed Caph; seeing your boss's car, or rather not seeing it, wasn't the best way to keep a job in this trade. Carl tsk'ed in sympathy.
'Well, I had something similar once, when that S.O.B. Moran' he spat in distaste 'turned up while I was calling my girlfriend and having a bit …'
But the rest was lost to the humanity, as it drowned in the ridiculously loud yell of Cujam, who was smart enough to check what was happening in the flat.
'OH. MY. BLOODY. GOD'
'What, what, are there dead?' squeaked Caph, who realized she kind of liked her job, and finding her boss dead on her watch could be considered a minor setback for the career.
'Worse' answered agent gravely. 'They are… together'
'Well, that's obvious…' started Carl, but quickly understood the special meaning. 'Oh. OH'
'Let me watch! LET ME WATCH!' shrilled the only girl, grabbing the binoculars with trembling hands. 'Oh. My! I never knew… Hey, that's anatomically impossible, Watson took yoga or something? Wait… With the scull?'
While Carl listened in carefully, fascinated by the information, and watch through the scope unfolding scene, Cujam tried unsuccessfully to cover his ears. It's crazy, thought he, that the Boss, knowing they'll there, that they will be filming… Ouch. He grabbed the mobile, to see if he hadn't missed anything, for he had muted the phone... He did miss one message, from Anthea.
Get down from the roof, take camera W/ U! A.
He looked at still recording device. And then at Carl, who was calling some colleague of his.
'Yeah, I saw them, the three of them…! No, don't tell Big M and Tiny M, they'll be jealous. Hey, maybe we'll buy them some flowers?'
'Oh my, that's sooo beautiful, I always knew our Boss needed some love!' squeaked Caph in delight, still glued to the binoculars, speaking to no one in particular. 'Ever since he accidentally his umbrella!'
"Considering how Mycroft is always watching, and has black cars gliding around ready to kidnappick up whoever he is looking for, he must have entire teams of minions to monitor the CCTV and so we have minion!POVs of anything? Reports of Baker St. disturbances, hardest high-fiving each other when Mycroft gets a date with Lestrade and they grab a photo from their sniper scopes... I have faith, fandom!"
And Caph, Cujam and Carl are my own personal characters, that play also part in my other story: Ambassador's Party
ROOFTOP ACTION
„I saw mummy kissing Santa" sung Caph to the tune of 'Another brick in the wall', only song she could actually admit to knowing. Her partner (no, not as in 'bringing - flowers - but - sleeping - on - the - couch - after - forgetting - about - anniversary' partner; rather 'partner - in - crime', or, what seemed the most fitting 'partner - in - sitting - on - this - damned - roof - and - watching - that - friggin' - Holmes'), Cujam, acknowledged her Christmas spirit with muffled 'mhm', not tearing his binoculars away from the Baker Street 221b's windows. They had been sitting on this damned roof three days in a row, leaving for toilet breaks and occasional tea from nice old lady downstairs, who had a strange form of senile dementia causing her to forget the meaning of word 'NO!'.
'Why do you think they upgraded their surveillance status?' asked Caph; she was so totally bored, that she considered using her gun (that was digging annoyingly into her left side) on some bystanders, just for laughs and to be finally released from that stupid position.
'It might have something to do with that blown-up pool' answered Cujam matter-of-factly. 'But, to be frank, they didn't.'
'Didn't blow up the pool? I saw the ruins, you think it was some elaborate scheme to cover up the UFO landing…' Caph really wouldn't be surprised, if the remains of the pool were placed there for some crazy reason, and all info about it had been made afterwards. While working for Mister Holmes you saw stranger things, like Korean minister in a can-can dress claiming to be a Minister of Finance of Nigeria. Not that it took the first position, either.
'No, stupid, they didn't upgrade their status! Sherlock Holmes had 'code ultra red, defcon 1'since he learned to say 'yum-yum, '! What more there is, code crimson and defcon 'already nuked them!'?'
Caph mulled over what he said, and came to surprisingly intelligent conclusion.
'I don't think he ever said 'yum-yum. His first words were probably, like, 'Mother, from the way you wear your dressing gown I deduce mu midnight screeching wears you down' or 'father, by the way you keep pinching your nose I see you are sexually frustrated… Mother haven't been giving you any?'
'True… Oh, look, something's going on!' shouted Cujam in glee, instinctively turning their TV camera on.
'What, what is it? Are they going out?' Caph grimaced, remembering that crazy rooftop action - running after two guys, who were running after the cab, for god's sake, cab, while trying not to be spotted, with camera, pistol and a bag of nuts (hey, you've got to eat something nutritious, right?) was not her favorite evening activity. Thinking about that day, she suddenly brightened up. 'Did they finally come out of closet?'
'Naw, but close… they're dong the tiding-up, you look, I'm gonna write it all down' Cujam passed her a pair of binoculars, while frantically searching for the report page.
Caph rolled her eyes, but obediently stared at the unfolding situation.
"It'd make a good TV series, y'know? Something like 'My Hero', but with more corpses'
'Don't be ridiculous, we're watching them all the time and we're bored to death…'
'That's because we're watching it WRONG. 'Oh, Johnny, my ego has grown so much, I can't fit into that door, oh woe is me' said she, mimicking Sherlock's manner, watching him run around the room while gesticulating with frustration. Then she added, in squeaky voice, seeing Watson's attempts to placate distraught detective: 'As a doctor, I will deal with it with my special tool, ho, ho, ho'
'That's the last time I'm letting you watch that gay porn'
'You shouldn't give me those binoculars, then. Besides, I don't watch, I read. And it's not porn, it's fanfiction. Well, not all of it is porn.'
'Hello, ladies!' they had been both startled by overly cheerful voice coming from the vicinity of the door leading to the rooftop. A man, dressed smartly in a black suit, with a sniper rifle in one hand and notepad in the other, stood there smiling.
'No, Carl, I'm not giving you my notes' spat Cujam aggressively, hating being the swot of the surveillance. It felt like school all over again…
"Hey, don't be like that, Cujam, I mean… Come on, the fact that my boss is trying to kill the guys your boss wants to keep alive is not a reason for us to argue' Carl looked pleadingly at both agents. 'I'm sitting on that house for several days, I just… dozed off. Do you know what Big M will do to me, once he finds out? You know what he did to that guy who got lost in the cab chase, because he slipped on some spilled beans, nuts, whatever?'
'Yeah, Cujam, don't be an asshole, Carl's trick with laser pointer was COOL! I did it in supermarket, it was hilarious' cut in Caph, forgetting about her watch. 'Genius, I tell you, the silent panic, the fear, the guy jumping up and down just because I had a laser pointer on them from behind groceries'
'Definitely, I had soooo much fun at the pool with those' laughed Carl, putting down both the gun and notepad. 'Watching Dr Quinn squirm under red lights, trying to save his boyfriend… and Spock!'
'Sorry, who?'
'Oh c'mon, Watson and Holmes, those are the AKAs we're using. Code, y'know. We had so much fun deciding, I was absolutely for Batman and Robin, but the boss is a damned fan of Jane Seymour and Star Trek. The pool action was called, hear this, "Trouble with tribbles", because it made him think of gremlins and…'
'Okay, I'll give you those notes, but you've got to settle our dispute' cut in Cujam, clearly not interested in semantics (he was a bit disturbed for he opted for 'Batman and Robin' too). 'Are they really gay? I heard they've been making out at that pool…'
'Totally' said sniper without hesitation, and Caph smiled triumphantly, for she always knew. 'The moment Big M left, Spock started ripping clothes of Quinn, lemmie tell you! If Boss hadn't returned there would be some porn to watch… Hey, what's that car?'
Attention of all the agents switched to the street, where proudly stood, just outside the 221b Baker Street, a big, black limo.
'I'd say 'Oooops' but it's too late for that now, isn't it?' sighed Caph; seeing your boss's car, or rather not seeing it, wasn't the best way to keep a job in this trade. Carl tsk'ed in sympathy.
'Well, I had something similar once, when that S.O.B. Moran' he spat in distaste 'turned up while I was calling my girlfriend and having a bit …'
But the rest was lost to the humanity, as it drowned in the ridiculously loud yell of Cujam, who was smart enough to check what was happening in the flat.
'OH. MY. BLOODY. GOD'
'What, what, are there dead?' squeaked Caph, who realized she kind of liked her job, and finding her boss dead on her watch could be considered a minor setback for the career.
'Worse' answered agent gravely. 'They are… together'
'Well, that's obvious…' started Carl, but quickly understood the special meaning. 'Oh. OH'
'Let me watch! LET ME WATCH!' shrilled the only girl, grabbing the binoculars with trembling hands. 'Oh. My! I never knew… Hey, that's anatomically impossible, Watson took yoga or something? Wait… With the scull?'
While Carl listened in carefully, fascinated by the information, and watch through the scope unfolding scene, Cujam tried unsuccessfully to cover his ears. It's crazy, thought he, that the Boss, knowing they'll there, that they will be filming… Ouch. He grabbed the mobile, to see if he hadn't missed anything, for he had muted the phone... He did miss one message, from Anthea.
Get down from the roof, take camera W/ U! A.
He looked at still recording device. And then at Carl, who was calling some colleague of his.
'Yeah, I saw them, the three of them…! No, don't tell Big M and Tiny M, they'll be jealous. Hey, maybe we'll buy them some flowers?'
'Oh my, that's sooo beautiful, I always knew our Boss needed some love!' squeaked Caph in delight, still glued to the binoculars, speaking to no one in particular. 'Ever since he accidentally his umbrella!'