Hunger 17/?
Orlando's POV
Orlando blinked, swallowed, and blinked again. Had Viggo really just
asked him if he could kiss him or was his mind playing a nasty trick
on him? He could hardly ask the man, "Hey, sorry to bother, but did
you by any chance just ask for a kiss?" No, that would make him look
like an idiot. His imagination was playing tricks on him; why would
Viggo want to kiss HIM?
His thoughts seemed to have a life on their own and again pictures
and emotions from the past seeped through him. He had always been
very shy and awkward to the point trying to stay as insignificant as
possible. The backside of his insecurities meant he never had any
real friends. Some class mates tolerated him at school, but he never
actually belonged anywhere…at least that is how it felt. He knew from
a very young age that he liked boys more than girls and finally, he
came to the conclusion that he liked only boys. Eventually, he took
the step to tell his mother and to his great relief, she took it the
best way possible. After a few experiments, he had his first
relationship. How was he to know how much it would change his life,
including his close relationship with his mother and sister?
Alex' voice echoed in the back of his mind. `No one will ever want
you; that's just how life is. Some people are just not good enough.
If you were a kitten, you would have been drowned right after birth.
You are just a failure.'
Orlando suppressed a shudder. Every single word of Alex' had been
like a knife, always cutting away another piece, making him see
another flaw. He wondered what he did to deserve all this. Before
Alex entered his life, Orlando thought himself a normal boy. In the
beginning, it looked like Alex thought the same, but then he stopped
lying, and made Orlando see what he really was. The man made him see
the ugliness of his body, hurting him in the knowledge that no one
else deemed it important to point it out to him before.
Through all these years, Orlando had lived a lie, but the worst part
was that everybody close to him had participated in making the lie
real. That broke his heart and he had let Alex do what he wanted,
even dominate his life. He did everything to keep him, as his lover
was the only one who was honest with him. When Alex started to hit
him, Orlando just knew he deserved it. He was crushed and had a hard
time coping after he finally left the man. It took a long time for
him to get over it and recover from the betrayal, which he mainly
blamed on his mother and sister.
Now he was surrounded once more by people who tried to make him
believe he was worth something. What a joke…
Orlando snapped out of his memories when he felt a movement. It took
some seconds but then he remembered where he was - in Viggo's
trailer. He saw Viggo leaning away from him with a complicated look
on his face. Now they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch.
Had he stared at Viggo the whole time, and for how long had he been
lost in thoughts? Orlando shuddered imperceptibly. Blaming himself
for Viggo's obvious discomfort, he trained his eyes on his hands,
resting in his lap. He HAD stared at the man while he had again been
lost in the past. Alex' voice still haunted him with his mocking
laughter. Even if it took some time, finally, Viggo would see what he
had asked into his house. Maybe Orlando should just get up, walk away
and keep to himself, stop socializing altogether. He should have done
that from the start, but then Viggo's next words made his inner voice
stop abruptly.
"I am sorry. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable but I
really want to kiss you. After the beach...I just thought you might
feel the same. I'll leave you alone and hope..." Then there was
silence.