It's not supposed to be anything...

[minacoleta]

...but it is something, is it not?

Tell me what you think.


I can’t fall in love because of what I am.

I can’t fall in love because of what I would become.

You would hate me if you found out.

You might accept me, but that would be horrible.

I never want to be accepted.

I want to be loved.

Why won’t you hold me.

I want to cling to you.

I can’t fall in love because of what I could do to you.

I want to fall in love.

I can’t fall in love.

I am not allowed to fall in love.

---

You ask me why.

I cannot tell you.

You push me.

I pull away.

You never get angry.

I get angry because of this.

You should hate me.

You don’t.

---

You walked away.

I was left standing there.

I am a disgusting human being.

I don’t deserve to live.

You loved me.

I loved you.

You tried to get me to show it.

I cannot love.

I cannot show love.

I cannot feel love.

I cannot touch you.

I cannot love you.

---

I’ve seen them before.

They are so, so in love.

Deeply, truly, in love.

They hold onto each other with no ferocity.

They are not ever going to be out of love.

They know the other is never going to leave.

I see them.

They ride across town, one behind the other.

---

He brought out his loneliness.

He brought out his self-consciousness.

You wanted to change me.

I cannot change.

---

I cannot love.

I cannot feel love.

I cannot be in love.

I cannot be in like.

I cannot feel.

I cannot smell.

I cannot taste.

I cannot touch.

I cannot see.

I cannot be who I want to be.

You will never be happy with me.

I want you to be happy.

I want you to be with someone who can return love.

I want you to be held.

I want you to be honored.

I want you to be loved.

I want to love you.

I cannot love you.

---

I cannot love because of what I am.

I cannot be with you because of what I am.

I sometimes wish I were not what I am.

But who I am makes me myself.

I wish I could be the one who loves you.

---

I see them, riding by, laughing.

Being together.

I wish I could be one of them.

But to be one of them would take away their happiness.

I wish I could take away this empty feeling in my bones.

You hollowed me out of my very marrow.

I cannot love.

I cannot love you.

---

But I love you.