Ow, my spleen!
I have just rolled home after eating way too much Indian food (SO. GOOD. SO. FULL.) and seeing the Immortals. I liked the Immortals, as it was basically what I expected from it: pretty visuals and heads flying at you in 3D. However, I did manage to have a couple of feelings about the movie:
- In general, I always feel like these kind of movies have one guy who pretends that he's John Wayne. You know. No matter what genre it is, he always talks in a hyper masculine slow drawl, and no matter what his line is, I always hear, "Whatcha looking at there, Pilgrim." While John Wayne is usually played by Englishmen who apparently learned their American accents by watching Westerns, John Wayne in this movie was played by the American Stephen Dorff as Stavros. Whatever, dude. You rock that pseudo-masculine-ness.
- Most importantly, the Greek gods CRACKED ME UP like you would not believe. Well, not the gods themselves, but the way that this movie HANDLED the gods. According to the Immortals...
- There are are 6 gods on Mount Olympus: Zeus, Athena, Apollo, Ares, Poseidon, and Heracles. (I DON'T KNOW. APPARENTLY, THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE BUDGET TO HIRE THE REST OF THE PANTHEON. OR, YOU KNOW, DRESS UP HERACLES LIKE HEPHAESTUS OR SOMETHING.)
- Athena is, like, a Daddy's girl and some sort of mystic seer or something. I would tell Athena "I'm so soooo sorry" if I didn't think that she would strangle anyone who even hinted of pitying her.
- And (this is the part that killed me), Zeus is an AWESOME FATHER and also a FAIR AND JUST LEADER whose one rule above all is: "GODS MUST NEVER EVER EVER INTERFERE WITH THE AFFAIRS OF MAN. EVER. SRSLY." I swear, I nearly started CRYING with laughter in the theater when Zeus proved himself to be the loving, logical, hands-off kind of all-seeing god. Seriously, close to TEARS. Because when I think of a mythological god that I would want to be my steady-handed father figure, I IMMEDIATELY THINK OF ZEUS.