Comments | mindcoil: Erin's Story Proposal

aerlyn in mindcoil

Erin's Story Proposal

Jul 31, 2006 23:35

Ugh. Falling asleep on the desk is not my idea of a good time. I'm gonna keep this short, lest I reveal more spoilers than I actually intend. If things are too unclear or irritatingly vague, I'll expand upon request.

( Breif outline of untitled story, and character synopsis enclosed. Opinions and critique strongly encouraged! )

Comments 4

bobangk August 10 2006, 07:15:11 UTC

You know, your outline's fairly well thought out outta us all.>XD
Tis fantastic.:)
All I have to say is keep up the good work, and I'm looking forward to reading it since I've never encountered a Military shoujo.
The closest thing to that is Gundam seed, and GOD KNOWS that's not it. LOL
If you need any ideas to spin off, or to disguss, always feel free to talk to me.>X3

I really like some of your characters, like DeSentos, Rory, Jillian,Charland,and Arthur mainly because I can already picture how they would carry themselves.:D

And GOD, I must finish those drawings.>X3

aerlyn August 11 2006, 07:16:29 UTC

Thank you! And now the only trick is to write it...

pepperidge August 27 2006, 08:19:00 UTC

This story seems like a tricky balance. The characters are really fleshed out from the get-go, which is great! However, I can't tell if the story is going to be more slice-of-life in space like PlanetES or something (I get a lot of vibes like that), or epic space opera with emphasis on huge battles.

Namely, the battle you mention at the end seems to come out of nowhere. I think the best strategy is simply not to put very much focus on a warlike atmosphere, and try and portray a battle not as a "good guys versus bad guys" kind of ordeal, but emphasize how such an event would shatter all of the relationships that have developed within an organization designed for battle, but devoid of it. It should be a big, wet slap of reality rather than something "epic".

Also, on something like this don't waste too much time on exposition explaining how technology has developed. It's usually a lot better if you just mention various conventions and let people piece together things about technology or the political atmosphere themselves.

aerlyn September 1 2006, 07:44:11 UTC

I was thinking less battles, more shojo wangst. Also, I think you were with me on the tech; if I describe things in a way where they seem obvious to the main character, the audience doesn't usually bat an eye. Besides, I'm gonna keep things simple, this first draft.

I like that "shattering" idea, though. Thanks. ^__^