may still be some time
Kyouya had pulled about three all nighter's too many. Which~ normally wouldn't be too big of a problem except he thought he was coming down with something. Or maybe Rai had just poisoned his breakfast the morning before.
The latter option was the one he was betting on.
Either way, he went to bed at the absolutely ungodly~ excruciatingly early hour of four in the morning when his bedtime was usually six. This was awful. Mostly 'cause it meant he had about~ two hours less time to stare at-- you know what, never mind~
But he had a dream during that fucking awful round of sleep.
Nothing as spectacular as Lene happily singing "Barbie Girl" at twice its normal speed while signing autographs.
Or even Lene happily signing autographs.
Hell, Lene turning into a blonde bimbo girl and chasing Kyouya around with a chainsaw would've been preferable to his actual~ dream.
But anyway. The dream started out nice~ and normal. Rai cooking some amazing excuse for breakfast for Ren. Kyouya glaring and wanting nothing more than to rip off Rai's apron and throw the oatmeal in his face. Etc.
Then the phone rang. Kyouya ran to answer it.
"'Sup, Tsukiko~?" he said after glancing at the caller ID. "So how's the prostitute business going in these troubled times, eh? Recessions suck so damn much, babe, I'm sorr--"
"Kyouya. I'm six months pregnant."
Kyouya kind of stared at the wall. He glanced at Ren and Rai but they seemed as though they were involved in some intimate conversation of their own.
".... S'okay, Tsu-chan. Just tell me his name and I'll kill the guy that did it to you."
"I hope you're still up for suicide."
Kyouya froze. It was like he'd turned to lead. It was like all his dreams had been shattered and his youth had disappeared forever.
".......... You.... d-don't mean....."
Rai was looking at Kyouya with renewed interest. Especially since Tsukiko's response of "YES I FUCKING DO" could be heard all~ the way across the room to the kitchen table.
"It appears you've distressed her somehow, Kyouya-kun. 8)"
"I have not dis-- oh, Tsukiko-chan, sorry, I'm sorry, we'll-- listen, we'll... uh, I'll--"
"YOU'RE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT. IT'S TRIPLETS, BASTARD."
"Triplets?" Ren perked up at that. Inexplicably. "Tell Tsukiko we'll take care of them for her! If she still wants to be a pros--"
"There is no way I am taking care of a bunch of--"
"I think they'd be better off without your fatherly influence, personally, Kyouya-kun 8)--"
Kyouya stared.
"Excuse me, Rai?"
Rai smiled.
"Tell Tsukiko we'll adopt them."
"No need to adopt them, they're my kids--"
"No. Not we as in you. We as in Ren and me." And then Rai looked with adoring eyes at Ren. "You see, while you were having that phone conversation, we... bared our nonexistent souls to each other..."
".... You what?"
Ren spoke up.
"I'm sorry, Kyouya! I still like you and all, but as a friend, okay? Rai's... special." There were shoujo sparkles floating around him. "We're eloping as soon as breakfast is over! To Candy Mountain on unicorns!"
"..... You're what?"
"Are you deaf, Kyouya-kun?"
"Don't you think it'll be romantic?" Ren looked at him with wide eyes. "I've never gone to Candy Mountain before!"
"No, I don't think that--"
"KYOUYA YOU FUCKING BASTARD ARE YOU STILL ON THE LINE YOU DID THIS TO ME I'M GOING TO STRANGLE--"
"Kyouya-kun--"
"It'll be really romantic, Kyouya! Me and Rai--"
There was a whirling miasma thing of black and white and~ shades of gray.
And then Kyouya woke up.
Thank God.
THE END.
XP
The latter option was the one he was betting on.
Either way, he went to bed at the absolutely ungodly~ excruciatingly early hour of four in the morning when his bedtime was usually six. This was awful. Mostly 'cause it meant he had about~ two hours less time to stare at-- you know what, never mind~
But he had a dream during that fucking awful round of sleep.
Nothing as spectacular as Lene happily singing "Barbie Girl" at twice its normal speed while signing autographs.
Or even Lene happily signing autographs.
Hell, Lene turning into a blonde bimbo girl and chasing Kyouya around with a chainsaw would've been preferable to his actual~ dream.
But anyway. The dream started out nice~ and normal. Rai cooking some amazing excuse for breakfast for Ren. Kyouya glaring and wanting nothing more than to rip off Rai's apron and throw the oatmeal in his face. Etc.
Then the phone rang. Kyouya ran to answer it.
"'Sup, Tsukiko~?" he said after glancing at the caller ID. "So how's the prostitute business going in these troubled times, eh? Recessions suck so damn much, babe, I'm sorr--"
"Kyouya. I'm six months pregnant."
Kyouya kind of stared at the wall. He glanced at Ren and Rai but they seemed as though they were involved in some intimate conversation of their own.
".... S'okay, Tsu-chan. Just tell me his name and I'll kill the guy that did it to you."
"I hope you're still up for suicide."
Kyouya froze. It was like he'd turned to lead. It was like all his dreams had been shattered and his youth had disappeared forever.
".......... You.... d-don't mean....."
Rai was looking at Kyouya with renewed interest. Especially since Tsukiko's response of "YES I FUCKING DO" could be heard all~ the way across the room to the kitchen table.
"It appears you've distressed her somehow, Kyouya-kun. 8)"
"I have not dis-- oh, Tsukiko-chan, sorry, I'm sorry, we'll-- listen, we'll... uh, I'll--"
"YOU'RE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT. IT'S TRIPLETS, BASTARD."
"Triplets?" Ren perked up at that. Inexplicably. "Tell Tsukiko we'll take care of them for her! If she still wants to be a pros--"
"There is no way I am taking care of a bunch of--"
"I think they'd be better off without your fatherly influence, personally, Kyouya-kun 8)--"
Kyouya stared.
"Excuse me, Rai?"
Rai smiled.
"Tell Tsukiko we'll adopt them."
"No need to adopt them, they're my kids--"
"No. Not we as in you. We as in Ren and me." And then Rai looked with adoring eyes at Ren. "You see, while you were having that phone conversation, we... bared our nonexistent souls to each other..."
".... You what?"
Ren spoke up.
"I'm sorry, Kyouya! I still like you and all, but as a friend, okay? Rai's... special." There were shoujo sparkles floating around him. "We're eloping as soon as breakfast is over! To Candy Mountain on unicorns!"
"..... You're what?"
"Are you deaf, Kyouya-kun?"
"Don't you think it'll be romantic?" Ren looked at him with wide eyes. "I've never gone to Candy Mountain before!"
"No, I don't think that--"
"KYOUYA YOU FUCKING BASTARD ARE YOU STILL ON THE LINE YOU DID THIS TO ME I'M GOING TO STRANGLE--"
"Kyouya-kun--"
"It'll be really romantic, Kyouya! Me and Rai--"
There was a whirling miasma thing of black and white and~ shades of gray.
And then Kyouya woke up.
Thank God.
THE END.
XP