Deep Thoughts In the Shower:Did I do the right thing?
Because you know...once you get to a certain age, you don't just sing concerts in the shower anymore. The shower is the place where you have deep thoughts and make life decisions. C'mon, you all know I am speaking the truth.
This is just a random rant/depressing post because it is not healthy to keep this all in.
You know how the heart says you should do this and the brain says you should do this? Yea, I am having one of those conflicting moments.
I guess you know, everything has it's ends. Nothing really does last forever.
I have this friend. She has been my best friend for about 4-5 years now. This April would have marked our 5th anniversary as best friends.But this year, we had a huge fight. And we've never really gotten the chance to resolve our problem. Things had gotten awkward between us.
And it's not like the first time we've gotten in a huge fight. It's the 3rd.
I've just gotten to the point where I can't take it anymore. There's only so much I can forgive and forget. I have limits to you know.
Here's the backstory: Earlier in the year, she and I have gotten close to this other girl who was already an acquaintance of ours back in 10th grade.
After some time, I started to notice that she has been hanging out with her more than she hangs out with me. And I know you might be saying that I might be jealous but I'm not. I try talking to them some of the time and I can't even be in the conversation anymore. I feel left out.
I've come to the point that maybe, I should just leave you know. It's like one of those friendships among a group of 3 and you're the one in the middle that wonders why and how you fit into the friendship. I feel like that right now. I just decided to leave. Because I don't like getting hurt.
She's said sorry a bunch of times for making me feel left out. I have forgiven her a bunch of time also. But she keeps on doing it. I can't take it anymore.
And I already kind of saw this coming. Ever since late 10th grade I could already see it. I guess I just wasn't prepared to have it bitch slap me across the face with this harsh reality.
My brain says I should I apologize and everything can and will be alright again. But my heart says I should continue to stay away because I will get hurt again, it's inevitable.
I just...I just don't know what the fuck to do. Because once I get myself out of confusion, something hits me again and I fall down the hole of depression again. I'm a stupid bitch.