MY LIFE IN A NUT SHELL (feel free to read tags if you like)
My apology in advance for the length.
My brother is finally gone. It has taken almost six months for him to be gone, but my refigerator is finally FULL!!! This is such a huge burden off of my shoulders. No more temper tantrums after work, no more video games, just wonderous calm and sense of peace again over my house.
My life at home is...Finally relaxing except for my mother being on my back about finals.
School- Oh my god.
LJP- going to rape me up the butt. I have no idea what I am doing, and am kind of lost. Haven't set up a site visit or an interview yet, and havent finished researching. I am sooo screwed.
French- I don't actually understand what I am still doing in that class. I understand subjonctif (kind of?) And that is all. "Doit" doesn't make any sense, I havent finished two of the tests we have taken, and in class grammar goes right over my head. It makes sense in class, but then once I get home and try to apply it, I am in quick sand of confusion, and then even the present tense doesn't make sense. And I have to tutor and 8th greader tomorrow in this subject. Shit. The final is going to be impossible. She may as well fail me out and get it over with.
Other than that, school is going okay. Ski team would be fine if people would fucking SHOW UP FOR PRACTICE!!! Jesus!! On any other team, they would be kicked off, but nooooo, ski team aparently is too fucking pussy to do that. It's really pissing me off cause people are getting away with not excuses and slacking off while the rest of us bust our butts to make the team look legit for Hatch, who would rather just get rid of us so that he can use the money for Lacorsse.
My life at school is...chaotic, stressful, frustrating, tiring, exhilirating, pretty much a rollercoaster ride. I cant even cover the half of it.
Enough with that rant. School. Pretty much I need a vacation...and a social life. I am hearing about all these great parties, (after they happen, mind you) and people doing stuff. I dont really have a group of friends anymore, and usually end up hanging out by myself after school in an empty classroom because people have disappeared off campus with other people. Some may think this is me fishing for sympathy, but really, it isn't, so please just take my word, it is more of a realization that people are moving on without me which has never really happened before.
I have always had a group of friends or a few friends that I could always talk to, but now its more like...well...not. Its kinda scary, yet refreshing. Dont get me wrong I miss all my old friends (like, ALL of them) but it kinda makes me think that its time to move on. Its kinda scary because now I actually am realizing that despite what my mother says, I am not really all that outgoing and kinda shy. I am self concious, and my slef image always seems to cave in on me. Things that I want to happen, or situations I want to go a certain way never pull through, and I am always shocked at the result.
My social life is...non existant, changing, confusing, empty, bizarre.
So pretty much, right now I feel like I am looking at my life as if it were on film. I am just going through it day to day, trying to make the best of it, and trying not to think about the past or future while I still panick about everything. It is seeming to pass without me. I feel like a wallflower. Everything is happening, and I am just sitting here watching it. Having no control, not knowing what to do. I am just accepting what is going on, and...I dont really know how to put it into words. Its one of thoes weird feelings ya know? Its just so ... busy? I dont know, and I am going to stop trying. I commend all of you daring enough to brave through all of the cuts. You have my highest applause.
"When it seems there is no other way to release one's feelings, sing. For music is the door to the soul."