Girlfriend
Title: Girlfriend
Author: Mini Luv
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Swearing and overuse of the word girlfriend, was written while listening to the song "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. Ginny bashing, somewhat, even though I don't really mind Ginny. You have been warned.
Genre: CRACK!FIC
Summary: Draco has some very, very bad news.
“Harry.” Draco dropped into the chair opposite Harry and looked at him with a pitying gaze. Harry placed his book down and looked at Draco, more than just a little confused.
“Malfoy, what are you doing here?” Harry wrinkled his brow, glancing curiously around the almost empty library.
Draco stretched out his hand and placed it on top of Harry’s, completely ignoring the way Harry’s mouth dropped open. “It’s Ginny,” Draco dropped his head making a loud sniffing sound. “She’s…” Draco’s other hand came to cover his eyes. “SHE’S DEAD!” Harry’s face turned horrified as Draco screamed it before dissolving into gigantic sobs.
Harry glanced around the room in a horrified manner, noticing that everyone was staring at them.
“Malfoy-“
“Oh, Harry.” Draco looked up, his eyes completely dry. Draco jumped up from his chair and it fell with a clatter behind him. Within seconds Draco was blubbering into Harry’s robes, his arms encircling Harry.
“What the fuck!” Harry’s face erupted with disgust.
“I know!” Draco let out a particularly loud sob. “How can something like this happen?” Draco looked up at Harry. Wiping his eyes, he stood up and looked very serious. “Harry,” Draco said solemnly. “I’ve decided that…” Draco covered his mouth and held out a finger from his other hand as he drew in a great heaving breath. “Now that your girlfriend is…dead…” Draco winced in pain. “I’ve decided that I,” Draco dropped to his knees. “Will be your girlfriend.”
There was a complete and total silence in the room as Draco looked up at Harry lovingly and Harry looked down at Draco like he’d just murdered Harry’s offspring. The silence lapsed for well over a minute. The seconds ticked loudly on the clock.
“I love you, Harry!!” Draco threw himself into Harry’s arms, sobbing hysterically. Then, Draco pulled back and kissed Harry forcefully.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” a screeching noise said from behind them. Draco pulled away from Harry and looked over calmly at the intruder in the midst of their love.
“Ginny!” Harry exclaimed. Ginny stood, shocked into paralysation. Then, her expression turned nasty.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!? No kissing my boyfriend!” Ginny came forward and pushed Draco away, resting her hand and Harry’s shoulder. Poor, poor Harry was too shocked at this point to do anything but watch what was going on.
Draco’s face transformed into something of nightmares. “Get your hands off of my boyfriend.” He snarled.
“No,” Ginny snarled back, almost as demon-like as Draco (though not as demon-like because Draco rules).
Draco took a step forward. “I don’t think you know who you’re messing with.” By now there was a very large crowd looking onto the spectacle, all making bets on who would win.
Ginny also took a step forward. “I’m messing with a scrawny - crowd gasps-dumb blonde - crowd exchanges looks of horror-with no fashion sense what-so-ever.” There was a silence punctuated only by the fainting of Pansy Parkinson.
“Oh no she didn’t,” Blaise whispered to Ron.
“Oh yes she did,” Ron whispered back.
Draco fixed her with a steely glare.
Ginny smirked and continued. “Whereas I’m a gorgeous, smart-“ BAM! Ginny fell to the floor from the force of Draco’s punch.
“Bitch, please,” Draco said adding a little head wave to it. There were hoots and cheers.
Boiling with anger, Ginny picked herself up and slapped Draco Malfoy across the face. “Slut.” There was a chorus of booing.
Draco slapped her back. “Whore,” he spat.
Ginny growled deep in her throat. “Oh, it is soooo on,” she said. And then it was on. Draco slapped Ginny, only to be slapped back by Ginny, each slap followed by a smart, intelligent insult.
“Bitch.”
“Prostitute.”
“Cunt.”
“Lesbian!”
“Person who reads smut!!!!” A silence fell over the crowd.
“A hush falls over the crowd,” Luna Lovegood whispered into her microphone(she had begin to commentate the whole event). “All are waiting to see how Draco will respond to that. We’re not sure if he can win after such an insult.”
Draco shook with anger before bellowing, “Man-slut-bitch-whore-prostitue-cock-sucker-lesbian-cross-dresser!” The entire room was filled with gasps. Draco smirked and crossed his arms.
There was a mad glint to her Ginny’s eyes as she twitched, her teeth bared and scary looking. It almost looked like she was having a seizure, she was so wrapped up in concentration.
“I-you-AAAHHHH!!!!” She cried as she fell over, steam billowing from her ears. The deafening roar of applause filled the room as Draco placed his hands upon his hips and looked around heroically. Ginny had died from inability to counter-insult. Draco was victorious.
Harry flew from his chair and wrapped his arms around him.
“Oh, Draco,” he cried out. “You’re my hero!” Draco nodded superiorly.
“I know, Harry,” he said. “I know.”
Harry took Draco’s hand. “Draco,” he sucked in a deep breath. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
“Oh, Harry!” Draco felt tears sting at his eyes as the room erupted with “aww”s. “I already am.”
Harry grabbed Draco and they kissed, passionately. It was beautiful, it truly was. Harry and his girlfriend, Draco.
A/N: *facepalm* Total shite, I know. Oh, what the hell. *dances to song*
Author: Mini Luv
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Swearing and overuse of the word girlfriend, was written while listening to the song "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. Ginny bashing, somewhat, even though I don't really mind Ginny. You have been warned.
Genre: CRACK!FIC
Summary: Draco has some very, very bad news.
“Harry.” Draco dropped into the chair opposite Harry and looked at him with a pitying gaze. Harry placed his book down and looked at Draco, more than just a little confused.
“Malfoy, what are you doing here?” Harry wrinkled his brow, glancing curiously around the almost empty library.
Draco stretched out his hand and placed it on top of Harry’s, completely ignoring the way Harry’s mouth dropped open. “It’s Ginny,” Draco dropped his head making a loud sniffing sound. “She’s…” Draco’s other hand came to cover his eyes. “SHE’S DEAD!” Harry’s face turned horrified as Draco screamed it before dissolving into gigantic sobs.
Harry glanced around the room in a horrified manner, noticing that everyone was staring at them.
“Malfoy-“
“Oh, Harry.” Draco looked up, his eyes completely dry. Draco jumped up from his chair and it fell with a clatter behind him. Within seconds Draco was blubbering into Harry’s robes, his arms encircling Harry.
“What the fuck!” Harry’s face erupted with disgust.
“I know!” Draco let out a particularly loud sob. “How can something like this happen?” Draco looked up at Harry. Wiping his eyes, he stood up and looked very serious. “Harry,” Draco said solemnly. “I’ve decided that…” Draco covered his mouth and held out a finger from his other hand as he drew in a great heaving breath. “Now that your girlfriend is…dead…” Draco winced in pain. “I’ve decided that I,” Draco dropped to his knees. “Will be your girlfriend.”
There was a complete and total silence in the room as Draco looked up at Harry lovingly and Harry looked down at Draco like he’d just murdered Harry’s offspring. The silence lapsed for well over a minute. The seconds ticked loudly on the clock.
“I love you, Harry!!” Draco threw himself into Harry’s arms, sobbing hysterically. Then, Draco pulled back and kissed Harry forcefully.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” a screeching noise said from behind them. Draco pulled away from Harry and looked over calmly at the intruder in the midst of their love.
“Ginny!” Harry exclaimed. Ginny stood, shocked into paralysation. Then, her expression turned nasty.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!? No kissing my boyfriend!” Ginny came forward and pushed Draco away, resting her hand and Harry’s shoulder. Poor, poor Harry was too shocked at this point to do anything but watch what was going on.
Draco’s face transformed into something of nightmares. “Get your hands off of my boyfriend.” He snarled.
“No,” Ginny snarled back, almost as demon-like as Draco (though not as demon-like because Draco rules).
Draco took a step forward. “I don’t think you know who you’re messing with.” By now there was a very large crowd looking onto the spectacle, all making bets on who would win.
Ginny also took a step forward. “I’m messing with a scrawny - crowd gasps-dumb blonde - crowd exchanges looks of horror-with no fashion sense what-so-ever.” There was a silence punctuated only by the fainting of Pansy Parkinson.
“Oh no she didn’t,” Blaise whispered to Ron.
“Oh yes she did,” Ron whispered back.
Draco fixed her with a steely glare.
Ginny smirked and continued. “Whereas I’m a gorgeous, smart-“ BAM! Ginny fell to the floor from the force of Draco’s punch.
“Bitch, please,” Draco said adding a little head wave to it. There were hoots and cheers.
Boiling with anger, Ginny picked herself up and slapped Draco Malfoy across the face. “Slut.” There was a chorus of booing.
Draco slapped her back. “Whore,” he spat.
Ginny growled deep in her throat. “Oh, it is soooo on,” she said. And then it was on. Draco slapped Ginny, only to be slapped back by Ginny, each slap followed by a smart, intelligent insult.
“Bitch.”
“Prostitute.”
“Cunt.”
“Lesbian!”
“Person who reads smut!!!!” A silence fell over the crowd.
“A hush falls over the crowd,” Luna Lovegood whispered into her microphone(she had begin to commentate the whole event). “All are waiting to see how Draco will respond to that. We’re not sure if he can win after such an insult.”
Draco shook with anger before bellowing, “Man-slut-bitch-whore-prostitue-cock-sucker-lesbian-cross-dresser!” The entire room was filled with gasps. Draco smirked and crossed his arms.
There was a mad glint to her Ginny’s eyes as she twitched, her teeth bared and scary looking. It almost looked like she was having a seizure, she was so wrapped up in concentration.
“I-you-AAAHHHH!!!!” She cried as she fell over, steam billowing from her ears. The deafening roar of applause filled the room as Draco placed his hands upon his hips and looked around heroically. Ginny had died from inability to counter-insult. Draco was victorious.
Harry flew from his chair and wrapped his arms around him.
“Oh, Draco,” he cried out. “You’re my hero!” Draco nodded superiorly.
“I know, Harry,” he said. “I know.”
Harry took Draco’s hand. “Draco,” he sucked in a deep breath. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
“Oh, Harry!” Draco felt tears sting at his eyes as the room erupted with “aww”s. “I already am.”
Harry grabbed Draco and they kissed, passionately. It was beautiful, it truly was. Harry and his girlfriend, Draco.
A/N: *facepalm* Total shite, I know. Oh, what the hell. *dances to song*