was not a crooked trail (Jonas Brothers, Joe/Nick, R), part II + epilogue

[minimuses]

Part I

Part II

Nick's scared shitless taking that stage without Joe, standing out there all by himself for the first time. It's not like the guys from the band aren't there, aren't amazing backup. But Nick's never done this without Joe, and after the second leg of their tour, with Joe spending so much of his time avoiding Nick and finding things to do that don't require Nick, and a Christmas break Joe spent apartment hunting, Nick's feeling more shaky than he thinks he otherwise would.

Trying to be Nick without Joe is kind of failing miserably. Nick had hoped this tour with the Administration would solidify his ability to just go out and do things that he wants to do, on his own. He still hopes that. But as much of a thrill as it is to be the star, the one everyone in the crowd is there to see, there's something small and vital missing, he thinks. Maybe it's just that old habits die hard. But he misses looking to his side and seeing the face of someone he knows, without question, loves him.

Joe still loves him. It's not like Nick thinks he doesn't or like Joe is making overtures to that effect. After Nick's first show, just as he leaves the stage, Joe calls him, ecstatic and overloud in Nick's ear, to congratulate him.

"Nick!" Joe says in that way that Nick associates inextricably with Joe's hugs. "You're already all over YouTube! You were smokin'." He makes a tcht-ssss sound like water hitting a frying pan, and Nick laughs and rolls his eyes. Joe must be back in the green room on his laptop. He was in the audience for the show.

"That didn't take long. Could you even hear me over all the screaming? I really thought there would be less screaming."

"Right," Joe says skeptically. "Which, I'm sure, is why you engineered a striptease right in the middle of the show. To keep the scream levels down."

Nick's ears burn. "It was not a striptease, Joseph. It was a wardrobe change."

"Yeah, without any extra wardrobe." Nick can hear a tinny sound over the line; Joe must be surfing YouTube even as they speak. Joe makes an interested little noise, then continues. "I could totally hear you just fine, Nick. You sounded good. I knew you'd sound good." There's a smug note in his voice, like this is his victory as much as or more than Nick's, but Nick doesn't mind. He knows he wouldn't be here without Joe.

"Wish you could've been up there with me," Nick says, and it comes out more needy-sounding than he meant it to. The quiet pause from Joe's end is almost audibly sad.

"I do too, Nicky," Joe says. Nick swallows, feeling awful. Joe doesn't call him that as much these days, either. "Maybe soon."

Nick doesn't have any real idea of it actually happening, though, until Joe and Kev call him the night before the second New York show and tell him they'll be there. It's not even been a week since Nick was home with them in Dallas, but already he misses them like he's been gone for months.

It's good in a way Nick wasn't expecting, having Joe and Kev up there with him, kind of all to himself, in a way. Joe seems uncontainable, grinning huge and laughing hard and talking loud like he hasn't in months. He's so vibrant again; Nick would almost attribute it to Joe just being on a stage again, and probably it is partly that, but the way Joe looks at him, intense and adoring and without thought for anything else, the way Joe hugs him with his whole body and takes any excuse to touch him, Nick can tell. It's a little bit because he can do this with Nick. He has an excuse. And Nick...Nick can't not take the chance. He wants so badly for things to be back the way they were. He wants so badly to feel his brother really with him again, on the same wavelength.

It's just that having Joe so close again, his hands on his shoulders rubbing his back just to be a nuisance while Nick's trying to play piano, is almost too good. Nick leans back into Joe a little, shares a mic with him, and finds he is excruciatingly aware of Joe's proximity, of the damp shine of his lips where he’s licked them. They're things Nick's always known about, and never noticed. And now that he's noticed, he can't un-notice.

Joe catches him staring, once, looking at his mouth, and Nick meets Joe's eyes and there's something there that's not exactly a smile. It's not exactly anything. It scares Nick a little, and takes his breath away.

The show is amazing and perfect, and Nick can't believe it's already over and it'll be just him again by himself at the next gig. He and Joe are both still riding high from adrenaline when Joe hugs him in the back hallway of the venue, pulling him in and holding onto him tight. Nick goes, second nature to lean into Joe, let himself be wrapped up, when their emotions are as high as this. Nick's breathing hard and smiling furiously into Joe's shoulder and he's so incredibly fucking happy. That missing piece was there tonight. It was all there.

It's not until the hug's gone on for way too long that Nick even realizes how close they are, Joe smooshed up against him and Nick backed nearly into a wall. Joe's breaths are suddenly very loud in his ear, and Nick is abruptly conscious that Joe's lips are brushing his neck. He shivers a tiny bit, can't suppress it, and Joe sighs out softly. He kisses Nick there, right above his collarbone, and Nick's hands bunch in the back of Joe's shirt.

"So good, Nick," Joe whispers. His mouth is ticklish against Nick's throat. "You were so good. Amazing."

"Really?" Nick asks, all unsure, and Joe makes an incoherent noise and hugs Nick all the harder, arms nearly rib-crushingly tight.

"Really really. So good."

Nick squeezes his eyes shut happily, holding onto Joe for dear life. He's trembling still, just a little, all the excitement still coursing through him. And if he turns his head just an inch and a half to the left, he can kiss Joe, kiss him like they used to kiss, celebration after a job well done.

Nick wants that. He's terrified of how much.

He pushes Joe back, and Joe resists at first, looking dazed and distant-eyed. Then he blinks and seems to come back to himself, and he lets Nick put an arm's length of space between them. He looks adrift, that far away, and Nick can see all of him now, how his hair is a little frizzed and the scarf around his neck has been tugged loose where it was caught between them, exposing the sweat in the hollow of his throat. Joe swallows and Nick watches it, but then he nods and just smiles, and it almost hurts, how much he wants to do more than that.

"Thanks, big brother," he says, instead of what he can see in Joe's eyes his brother wants him to say. And then Nick has to leave, has to climb on a bus bound for Philly, and he doesn't have time to think about how he might've said what Joe had wanted him to say, if he'd stayed a few minutes more.

***

Joe is acting weird when Nick comes back from tour with the Administration. He's there on stage with Kev and Frankie for part of one of the last shows, but he's not as engaged. Afterward, he barely speaks to Nick. He's glued to his phone, texting even more furiously than he normally does. Nick knows one of the people he's talking to is Demi, but his phone's buzzing with new messages while he's still typing replies, so Nick knows it's more than one person he's talking to. Joe makes friends very easily so it's not that surprising that he is carrying on several conversations at once. Normally he depends most heavily on his phone when he's really bored, like when Nick hasn't been around to distract him. Now that Nick is here, he's obscurely offended that Joe has better people to talk to. He realizes he's being ridiculous, he's just not sure what he can do about it.

Nick comes back to LA just in time for a flurry of press and promo for Camp Rock 2. Demi's there all the time, again, and Nick is painfully, forcibly reminded of last fall, of Demi playing the mediator because he and Joe could barely carry on a conversation. Now that Nick feels like they finally can, Joe's become completely uninterested in having one. He sticks with Demi most of the time, the two of them running around the Disney backlot doing god knows what and coming back with donuts or Starbucks or, once, with a golf cart and feather boas around their necks. It would be hilarious and typical if Joe weren't being so exclusive. But when he's not hanging with Demi he's texting Demi and when he's not texting her he's talking to her, laughing on his end of phone conversations Nick can't follow. Demi looks sometimes like she'd like to invite Nick along on their little adventures, smiling over at him with her warm, open expression, but then Joe will say something and they'll be gone. Nick's getting a little tired of being left out.

He finds out from a gossip blog that Joe and Demi are actually apparently dating now. It kind of crushes Nick, actually. He wouldn't have expected it to affect him like it does, especially considering that Joe and Demi together makes every bit as much sense as peanut butter and jelly. They work together naturally as breathing and have for years, have made great best friends since they first met. And part of it is just the shock, the knowledge that Joe didn't feel like this was important enough to tell Nick. Or that Nick wasn't important enough to tell. That sucks a lot.

But part of it is Demi, too. Demi's always been great for Joe, always able to make him laugh and take his weird, bent humor completely in stride. That's been what makes Nick so fond of her, that she is like Joe, and seems to understand him. But all that makes her a good match for Joe also makes her completely unlikely as someone Joe would have a crush on. Joe likes mysterious girls, inscrutable girls. Girls that drive most guys crazy. They drive Joe crazy, too, but that's part of the appeal, for him. There's nothing inscrutable about Demi: she's open, honest to a fault, sweet and bright and kind of naive, much like Joe himself. Demi's the kind of girl Joe can go shopping with, who will honestly tell him those jeans make his ass look huge and expect an equally honest answer when she asks if her dress does the same thing. You can tell Demi anything and she'll give you a straight-up reply, not a bunch of head games or a runaround. And Nick loves her like the sister he never had, but he can't imagine it will be long before Joe just flat gets bored.

Then again, maybe that's a sign that Joe's growing up, which was, after all, the reasoning behind Nick telling them that they needed to quit fooling around with each other. Maybe Joe's actually picked a girl he has a chance of staying with because he wants to stay with her. That's what Nick wants, or should want. He should be happy for Joe, and happy that they've fixed this...this thing. This thing that shouldn't have happened. Nick should be relieved.

He isn't - not happy, not relieved, not vindicated. He just feels left behind. Joe really has grown up and out of him now, and Nick's still stuck back six months ago with the memory of the last kiss he ever got from Joe. He doesn't think he'll ever quite be able to forgive himself for making that the last one, and now he's missed his chance to change it.

(When did he start wanting to change it? Wasn't he going to move on, wasn't it supposed to have been a mistake? But since then Nick's felt much worse over the way it ended than over the way it began, and every day he finds himself wishing that he'd done it differently. Somehow.)

He runs into Joe and Demi kind of by accident a couple days after he finds out they're official (or as official as Disney couples ever get, anyway). He hasn't had a chance to actually sit down and talk to Joe about it, and he isn't going to start now, with Demi right there and all. But Demi sees him and waves him over, and Nick can't think of an excuse quick enough to politely beg off. So he goes over. The first thing he notices is that Joe and Demi are holding hands. It's so odd because it looks completely natural and totally foreign at the same time.

"How's it going?" Demi says brightly, smiling up at Nick. It's that infectious smile that always seems to catch, but it won't spread to Nick right now. He manages a polite nod.

"Not bad. So. You guys, huh?"

Demi looks momentarily stricken, and she glances rapidly at Joe and back. Joe, who hasn't looked at Nick yet, raises his eyes and finally does. "Yeah," he says, squinting a little because the sun is behind Nick. He's faking the easy tone, Nick can tell. So he does feel guilty about not telling Nick. Nick is a little bit triumphant, but not much. "Weird, huh? After all this time, how things work out."

Demi frowns at him. "Joe, you didn't tell him?" She sounds upset.

"We've been busy," Joe replies, not looking at either of them properly. "There never seemed a very good time."

Nick feels that like a punch in the gut. It must show in his face, because Demi looks at him with concern.

"I'm sorry, Nick," she says. "I'd have told you myself if I'd known you hadn't heard."

Shrugging, Nick replies coolly, "That's okay. Teen People was on top of it."

Demi winces. She punches Joe in the arm and he flinches back. It can't have hurt that much, but then Demi is wearing kind of a huge silver ring. "Dork, you could have texted me with, 'Sorry, Demi, can't hang out today, gotta tell my brother we're dating now.'"

"It's fine, honestly," Nick says, crossing his arms and digging his toe at the pavement. He thinks his tone probably makes it clear that it isn't, but he is trying to be civil, despite everything. "You guys are good together." It's only the truth. Nick's lip pulls up on one side in a little smile. He has to try, here. Joe's trying. Joe's doing better than trying. "Got any big plans, yet?"

Glancing at Joe and rolling her eyes when she realizes he isn't going to answer, Demi chirps, "Yeah, we're sort of planning a trip to Disneyworld, maybe next month. I've never actually been just for fun."

Nick raises his eyebrows. That's a little hard to believe. "Really?"

She laughs. "Ridiculous, right? Nope, only ever been there for work and then squeezed in a couple of the sights. So Joe's offered to be my official tour guide."

"He does know that park like the back of his hand," Nick says. Joe loves Disney - loves both of them, actually, though he swears Disneyworld is better for reasons he's never properly articulated. "You guys'll have fun," Nick offers, subdued. He wants them to have fun. He knows they will; Demi and Joe together could find a way to make Siberia fun. It would probably involve taming and riding a polar bear, now that Nick thinks of it.

Joe suddenly looks up again. He's looked so far like he mostly just wants this conversation to be over with, which is an expression Nick's kind of gotten used to over the last few weeks. But now his eyes are sharp and his face is unreadable. "Yeah," he says, too firmly. "We will."

Nick blinks at him. "I hope you do," he replies honestly, not sure where Joe's coming from right now.

Demi looks back and forth between them, then gives Nick a somewhat hesitant smile. "Thanks, Nick." She looks like she's about to say something else, but then just smiles again and doesn't. There's a long awkward pause before Nick quickly makes his excuses and escapes, feeling inexplicably like finding a wall to punch.

***

Nick doesn't actually realize how much Joe's distance is bothering him until Joe's in fucking Australia and won't even answer Nick's texts. Nick doesn't even know whether he's more pissed off or brokenhearted, but it's the volatile mixture of both that's really got him on edge. To make things worse, Joe put in a final bid on an apartment before he left, and by means of judicious eavesdropping Nick's found out that he got it. He's never seen the place, hadn't even known that Joe had picked one, yet. Joe stopped talking to him about apartments months ago; part of him had wanted to believe it was because he’d given up on the enterprise, but now it’s pretty obvious he just doesn’t care anymore about making a place for Nick in wherever he’s planning to live.

It makes Nick so fucking angry he just wants to scream. He realizes, tragically late, that this thought he had, of him and Joe being two separate people with two separate lives, Nick with his solo album and Joe with his beautiful girlfriend, was not just flawed, but fundamentally wrong. He doesn't know how he went so wrong while trying to fix something that was already pretty screwed up, but this is not the setup he wanted. This isn't what he envisioned when he told Joe off back in September. Nick really thought, then, that although there was all the physical stuff he and Joe should never have done, there was also a Joe and Nick that existed outside of all of that, untouched by these things that Nick wanted, and Joe maybe wanted, too.

At this point, Nick is starting to wonder if there ever was. Maybe all of it was intrinsic to who they were together. Are together.

Not that there's anything he can do about it. It's too basic an idea to challenge; now that Nick's aware, in a way he never let himself be before, of what he and Joe are capable of, it's not like he can ever go back to just being willfully ignorant. But losing Joe like this hurts so much it makes Nick's palms ache. He's lying on his bed in his house in LA, wondering where Joe's new place is and wondering if he'll ever see it, his phone cradled loosely in his hand so that he'll feel if it goes off. So far it hasn't, and he doesn't think it will. He's stared at the ceiling so long his eyes hurt, and Joe is about eight thousand miles away having a great time with a couple of his hip new friends, the ones he texts with all the time that aren't Demi.

Demi. Nick wonders if it would be okay for him to text her. They used to, sometimes, back during filming the first movie, and the second, and some of the times in between. Demi's here without Joe, too, and Nick wonders if maybe that gives them solidarity or something.

He tells himself he's just texting her as a friend, not to commiserate over his brother's absence (with his girlfriend, which he got when Nick told him they couldn't keep making out, god, it's so messed up), but that if any commiserating were to take place it would make the most sense to be doing it with Demi.

--From: Nick J--

Hey, Demi. What's up?

He is startled when his phone vibrates less than a minute after he sends the text, used to waiting ages for texts even when whomever he texts is speaking to him.

--From: MC D Love--

Nm handsome! Sittin in mah pjs watchin love actualy. Whats up wit u?

Nick smiles a little. He can practically hear the text in Demi's voice.

Being lazy. I thought about writing a song but then I remembered I'd have to get up and get my guitar from downstairs.

Lol man. That IS lazy. What happened to all that drive and motiation mr. j?

I think Joe took it with him to Kangaroo Land. Oh well. If Nick's going to commiserate, he may as well commiserate. He tries not to feel guilty.

Aww! Tell him to give it back u need it!

I would but he won't talk to me. I think he's having too much fun with the lowered drinking age.

Demi doesn't reply for a little longer this time. Then, Yeah he is kind of a party animal. He told me hed totally buy me booze once he turns 21.

Nick can't even imagine Demi with a bottle of beer in her hand. It breaks his brain a little. You could probably hold it better than him. He drank a Corona once and started singing Italian opera in a hotel lobby.

I think hes a little better at it now. ;)

Nick frowns at his phone. Joe drinks?

Sometimes. We went clubbing last wknd and he drank a lot. We got our groove on.

I can imagine grooving with drunken Joe is interesting.

Thats one word for it. ;)))

Nick sucks in a breath. He does not need to know.

He asks anyway. What do you mean?

Oh u no. Joe likes bumpin and grindin after he's had a couple of drinks. Hes good at it 2. He said well go again next wknd after he gets back. None of my other bfs liked to dance so i'm takin advantage.

Nick can't stop himself from thinking that, yeah, that's totally taking advantage, rubbing on his brother when he's tipsy and stupid. And what business does Joe have running off and getting drunk and dancing with girls? With Demi?

Sounds like you guys have fun. It's the least obnoxious thing Nick can think to say. Suddenly he really doesn't want to know what Joe's been up to.

There's another longish pause before Demi's next message comes back. Lots and lots. He just texted and said he's goin 2 a beach volleyball game. He sent me a pic of him in bright yellow board shorts. :P

Part of Nick wants to ask for the picture, just to see it, proof that Joe's still alive out there even if he won't talk to Nick. But then he realizes what Demi's just said. Wait, he's texting you? And not Nick. Well, of course.

The wait this time is even longer, and Nick feels restless in his skin, feels like getting up and running a couple miles. Or a couple dozen. Just to get his frustration out.

Sry Nick gotta go. Hes calling me. Night! :*

It's a few seconds before Nick realizes he's staring slack-jawed at his phone and snaps his mouth shut, gritting his teeth tightly and blinking back the burn of tears in his eyes.

***

Nick doesn't see Joe after he gets back from Australia for several days. Joe still only rarely answers Nick's texts, and now Demi won't answer hers, either. Nick feels like he's going completely insane, pinging around from anger to frustration to guilt to jealousy so fast it makes him nauseous. Once or twice Demi sends him camera-phone pictures of herself and Joe at some restaurant, or shopping, but there's never any text with the images, no contextualizing statement like, "On a quest for purple jeans!" Nick's used to that kind of stuff from Joe and Demi. Just seeing the two of them together, knowing he isn't part of that, makes Nick want to break things.

The thing is, they look really happy together. Like it’s working out so well. And Nick doesn’t want them to be unhappy, either of them. He just can’t help the irrational stabs of hurt every time he sees another picture of Joe smiling and know that he’s that happy with someone else. That it isn’t Nick’s job anymore. He feels like that’s been stolen from him.

It’s insane, of course, especially considering he was the one to give it up. And he doesn’t think it would be so bad if Demi weren’t rubbing it in his face. (That’s completely unfair of him. He doesn’t really give a care.) But if he has to see one more picture of Demi smooching on Joe at the beach, Nick thinks he might seriously have trouble being civil with her anymore.

He misses Joe. He misses being the one Joe kisses and hugs with his whole self. All Nick has are pictures now, which on the one hand are little treasures, his only real updates on how Joe’s doing. But they’re constant reminders like twists of a knife: Joe can’t be bothered to tell Nick himself anymore what’s up with his life. It’s down to Demi’s texts and Joe’s Twitter updates, all these pictures of a Joe wrapped up in someone else.

It’s terrible, and it’s selfish of Nick to want to be in Demi’s place now. But he can’t remember anymore why he thought this was the right thing to do.

The final straw for him is this random picture message he gets one afternoon. He sees Demi’s name and almost doesn’t even open it, knowing that it can’t be anything he wants to see. But he does want to see it, despite everything, because even when he and Joe are in the same house, he barely knows what his brother is up to anymore. It’s a sort of sideways angle of Joe, obviously singing, eyes closed and mouth open; Nick can see the edge of Demi’s guitar and thigh in the corner of the shot, like she’s been playing for him. It’s such a personal image, way more than any of the hammed-up pics of Demi kissing Joe on the cheek, that Nick feels almost like an intruder. Then he tries to remember the last time he played Joe a song, had Joe hum along until he got the hang of how the words were supposed to go. When was the last time Joe sang for him?

Nick feels hollowed-out and angry, but it’s less at Demi and her shutterbugging than it is at himself. Because for all of his depressed moping and martyred hopes that eventually this would get easier, it’s really nothing more or less than him having idiotically given up the best thing he had going for him, and he knows it. He’s the one who tried to stop this, and now that Joe’s just doing what Nick asked him to do, it’s not his fault Nick’s fear of doing the wrong thing has been swamped by jealousy because he can’t handle doing the right thing.

Demi comes over one Friday, absconding with Joe to the kitchen almost immediately upon arriving, without extending an invitation to Nick. Not that Nick expected one, but he's actually been working on a song all day and he wanted to let Joe hear it. And now that opportunity's shot. Nick thinks again of the picture of Joe singing for Demi and feels a hot flush crawl up his cheeks as he retreats to his bedroom, for the first time in his memory just wishing Demi would go away.

It’s a long while that Nick stays holed up in his room, and he only comes down to get a snack. But he isn’t halfway down the stairs when he hears a sound that should be a warning, a wet noise from the direction of the living room that spells out what Nick will see if he goes down those last few steps. He freezes for a few seconds, then scowls. Dammit, it’s his house and his living room and, for that matter, it’s his brother. He pads down the last few steps and he can see them on the couch nearest the stairway. There’d have been no way for him not to; they’re right there.

Demi's sitting astride Joe's lap in a skirt that did not look that short when Nick answered the front door, Joe's face framed in her small, thin hands and her tongue somewhere down Joe's throat. It's an obscene-looking kiss from the outside, so Nick can only imagine (and he does, can't not) what it must be like to actually be one side of it. Joe's hands are resting at her knees, utterly polite, but skimming back and forth like his hands are restless. There isn't anything demur about the way he's kissing Demi, though, and when Demi does something Nick can't see, bites him a little maybe, Joe lets out a soft, high sound that goes straight to Nick's gut. The feeling swoops low and Nick almost staggers, can't believe how much he remembers with just that one tiny little sound. Joe's lips were so soft and warm, his tongue quick, always like he was afraid Nick would pull away if he didn't move fast. Nick supposes there was something to that fear after all. Nick misses Joe so much right then that he actually grunts like he's been punched, clapping his hand over his mouth immediately like that will shove the sound back in.

Too late. Demi breaks the kiss and turns, and Joe is staring at him, tops of his cheeks flushed red. Nick just stares right back, eyes locked on Joe's wet, parted mouth. He's seen it like that a hundred thousand times, ever since he was too little to understand. Since they were both too little, really.

And Nick suddenly and sharply wants to be the one making Joe look like that now.

But Demi's the one there, the one watching him extremely closely, almost as if Joe isn't there at all. Nick can't read her expression, but Joe's looks equal parts alarmed and anticipatory, as if he's just holding his breath for something.

"Joe," Nick says, his voice cracking a little. He clears his throat. "Can I talk to you, please?"

Joe stares at him some more, looking like he's going to say something really scathing here in about five seconds, but before he can, Demi swings gracefully off Joe's lap, surprising both boys. She settles on Joe's far side and nods at him, and when Joe still doesn't move, she laughs, light and easy, and gives Joe a push.

"Well, go on, Joseph. Your brother needs you." She looks at Nick when she says it, giving him a smile that confuses Nick. He'd have thought she'd be pissed, or at least annoyed or smug or...something. Besides serene.

Joe does get up then, follows Nick out of the living room and into the kitchen, well out of Demi's earshot.

"What is it, Nick?" Joe asks immediately, sounding disgruntled and really, really tired. "If this is going to be a lecture about proper behavior I really seriously do not want to even st--"

It's all the farther he gets because Nick grabs him by the front of his t-shirt, shoves him back into the refrigerator, and kisses him like the world really is ending.

It could probably end now, actually, and Nick wouldn't stop. He can't stop. He has to fix this.

Joe pushes him back, not hard, but firm enough to separate them. "Nick," he gasps voicelessly. "What are you doing?"

"The wrong thing," Nick says, and realizes he's shaking. "The thing I shouldn't do." He drops his head to Joe's shoulder, buries his face there. "The thing I want to do."

Joe is still for a heartbeat or two, then reaches up his hand and rests it on the back of Nick's hair. "I thought you said--" he starts in a whisper.

"I did say that," Nick interrupts, not looking up, just bunching up Joe's shirt tighter in his hands. "I said it, and I meant it, and I can't do it. And I know you can, and you've moved on and all, and I'm just being selfish, but, Joe. I don't...I don't know how to be me without you. You were right."

Joe's fingers tighten a little in Nick's hair, and he doesn't say anything for long enough to make Nick's heart pound like it's going to break right out through his ribs. Then, finally, he murmurs, "You think I've moved on? From you?"

"You've barely talked to me for weeks, and I know you were just...you've been with your friends and you've been busy and I don't want you to stop being with them, but I just...I need to know I still matter to you a little."

Joe pushes Nick back a little more, holds him out at arms' length, and Nick is terrified for a second that Joe will push him away entirely. Then Joe says, with a look as serious as Nick's ever seen on his big brother's face, "Nicky, you are the most important thing. I just wanted to give you space. I thought...thought it would help."

"So did I," Nick replies, a little miserably. "And you and Demi, I thought it would be okay, but it's. It's so not okay." He bites his lip. "I don't know what we're supposed to do, Joe."

When Joe pulls him back in and hugs him for all he's worth, Nick's breath gets knocked right out of him. But he hugs back, with every ounce of strength in him, and doesn't complain at all when the hug goes on so long it gets a little hard to breathe.

"We," Joe says, with a conviction Nick's never heard in Joe's voice, "are supposed to stick together, Nicky. That's all."

That's all. It's okay, Nick. See?

Nick smiles, his lips curving up against Joe's neck. "Yeah," he replies.

Joe kisses him then, as soft as he ever has, his hands tight on Nick's shoulders as if he's trying to keep him from disappearing. Nick kisses back, slow and hesitant, like he has to relearn it. He does, kind of.

Just as he pulls back, Nick jumps to see Demi in the kitchen doorway over Joe's shoulder. She's grinning, crooked, kind of triumphant. Nick thinks maybe he's going to have a heart attack.

"Mission accomplished," she says mildly, shouldering her bag and waving at them breezily. Then she turns and leaves without another word, Joe and Nick just staring after her, dumbfounded.

Nick goes a little weak-kneed and clings harder to Joe. "Joe," he says, and can't say anything else.

"Yeah," Joe replies, and is quiet a few more seconds before gently kissing the corner of Nick's mouth. "You still with me, Nick?"

Nick smiles, catches Joe's lower lip between his own in an off-center kiss. "I'm with you, Joe."

Epilogue

“So this is it!” Joe says, voice a little peculiarly high and echoing in the open, high-ceilinged entryway of his new home. Nick shugs down the duffel bag on his shoulder and looks around approvingly. It’s old-style Hollywood, with some subtle updating, and even empty of furniture and decoration, the lines and light of it spell JOE in big bold letters.

He’s watching Nick now with careful eyes, waiting. Nick’s lip quirks, and then he gives a solemn, appraising nod and puts his hands in his pockets, making a show of looking around. “Well, it’s alright,” he says, skeptically. “I mean, obviously the paint’s all wrong, and there could stand to be more windows, and I hope I never have to look at those curtains again, and--”

Joe looks stricken for about three seconds, until he sees Nick’s trying not to smile, and then he purses his mouth, reaches out, and puts Nick in a headlock, grinding a noogie into his scalp.

“Whatever, Nicholas. You’re just jealous of my fully awesome bachelor pad.” Nick wriggles his way free, hair standing up in wisps. He’s grinning huge.

“Yep, you caught me,” he pants. “Totally jealous.”

When Joe leans back in again, it’s just for a real hug this time, and he buries his face in Nick’s neck, always too close, scratching at Nick’s collarbone with his stubble. Nick folds a hand into his hair, rests the other at Joe’s hip. “Seriously,” Joe says, in a smaller voice. “D’you like it, Nicky?”

“Yeah, Joe,” Nick replies softly. “I do. It’s a great house. It suits you.”

Joe pauses, then asks, “You’re gonna...?”

“Of course,” Nick replies immediately. Like he’d not come and visit Joe in his new house, if Joe wanted him there. Like there was anything Nick wouldn’t do if Joe wanted it. Joe relaxes in his arms, nods.

“Good. I’ve got your room all picked out and everything. I think you’ll like it, it has big windows and the sun comes in on that side in the mornings.”

Nick’s heart twists a little. “Thanks, Joe. For thinking of me.”

“I’ve got your back, Nicky.”

“Course you do.” Nick is silent for another minute, hearing the stillness kind of echoey around them, the way empty houses are without rugs and furniture to dampen noise. When Nick speaks, it’s almost in a whisper, so he doesn’t hear his voice knocked back to him from every wall. “Hey, how’s Demi?”

Joe doesn’t reply immediately. “She’s okay,” he says eventually, although his tone is subdued. “She said to call her when we had our moving party. But that she expects really good pizza from the restaurant of her choice.” He hesitates, then says, “I hope she doesn’t hate me.”

Nick pets once at Joe’s hair, bowing his head nearer to his brother’s. “I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, Joe.”

“I think she probably should.”

“Joe, she’s the one who--”

“I know, I know, just...” He sighs. “She did all that for me, you know. She wanted me to be happy. You and me. I don’t want her to think I was just...that I don’t care about her.”

Nick nods. It was just a Demi thing to do. “I don’t think she would’ve done it at all if she thought you didn’t care. You and she are best friends. I don’t see that changing.”

“Yeah,” Joe says, more hopefully than certainly.

Nick turns his head a little, so his mouth brushes Joe’s temple when he asks, “Are you happy, Joe?”

Joe pulls back, smiling at Nick full force. “Duh! I have my dream house and my little brother and the best best friend in the world. What else do I need?”

“There’s a lot else out there, Joe,” Nick says, almost warningly, one last chance for Joe to--

But no. Joe just rolls his eyes, bending his head in to press his forehead to Nick’s. “It’s not really all it’s cracked up to be,” he says, and doesn’t bother elaborating. “C’mon, Nick, lemme show you your room,” he says, pulling Nick along by the arm. “It’s next to mine but it has its own bathroom. I’m thinking of turning that into a sauna.”

end