Jealousy and Disease (1/1)
Title: Jealousy and Disease
Rating: R
Length: 1, 407
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley
Ships: Harry/Ron
Notes: A request by beckytheelf & it's sort of angsty
Summary: Harry feels unsure of himself in being with Ron.
The first kiss, simple enough as it seemed at the time, was quick and rushed. Ron’s chapped lips made his mouth sore, he was pressing against him hard, his calloused hands on his back. It was in their fifth year, at this time Harry had been dating Cho Chang. Ron would ask him about Cho, trying aggravatingly hard to not show is jealousy. But he couldn’t hold it in any longer, they were alone in the Common Room, working on their redundant Divination homework, plotting the stars and the different astrologists, and he couldn’t hold it in, he had to kiss him.
Harry pulled away his eyes wide with half fear and half surprise. Ron bit his lip, and cleared his throat, “So, uh, should we go to bed?”
“What was that?” Harry blurted his self control out the window.
Ron’s eyes peered at the ground and he shook nervously, “I don’t know, mate, it just sort of…came out.”
“Ron, you’re my best friend.”
Ron licked his lips and sighed, “I know, but I can’t…I can’t keep it in any longer. I see you with Cho and I just get so pissed off. I really can’t place quite why I do, but I just do. And now, I actually know why. It’s because I sort of like you Harry, and it’s so fucked up, because you’re my best mate. And you’re not gay.”
As far as Harry knew, he actually wasn’t gay, but something about Ron’s kiss had led him to believe otherwise. He had actually liked it, because Ron’s kisses were firm and lustful, not like Cho’s soft, shy kisses.
He pulled Ron’s face closer to his, “I’m willing to find out.”
The kisses grew more heated and passionate, Ron’s long, gangly limbs intertwining in Harry’s on the shag carpet. Harry wasn’t sure how it all had happened, but something just felt so right with Ron, he was shaking up his world. Every moment of the day, Ron was on his mind, it was as if he were a disease, and there was no cure. Even being with Ron didn't seem to help, it only made his affection grow stronger.
The illicit love affair would have to be told to no one, not even Hermione. If Hermione had even had an inkling of Harry and Ron’s relationship, she would surely throw a fit, and quite possibly, never speak to either of them again. Carrying on with Cho was the real challenge. Harry would find himself utterly repulsed holding her hand, and felt even more disgust when kissing her. Not so much the fact that he liked Ron, or boys for that matter, but that he was lying to Cho in the worst possible way.
They walked through the hallway one day, hands accidentally, or possibly on purpose, brushing up against each other. Harry felt a swell in his chest that he had never felt before, not even from Cho. And he knew it was because Ron was his and no one else’s that this beautiful ginger specimen was the only boy in the world that he could ever love, and that could ever love him.
“Why can’t we tell anyone?” Ron asked abruptly.
Harry suddenly stopped walking, students filing around him anxiously, their schoolbags banging into his side as they dashed away, he felt tightness in his throat and whispered, “Ron, not here.”
“I can’t keep going on like this,” Ron said morosely. “I’ll go mental,” he lowered his voice, “I want to kiss you all the time.”
Harry’s eyes closed and he found he had a deep longing inside his chest, “Ron, I do too. But this just…it isn’t right, it isn’t the place.”
“When is it ever gonna be right?” Ron asked. “Look, we’re together, alright, and that may be wrong to some people, but they can shove it up their ass. Because, look, I need you, I can’t do anything without you, mate.”
“I know that, Ron,” Harry said impatiently. “But I’ve told you from the beginning that this can’t go on. Look, I love Cho, and I need to be with her.”
“Why are you trying to hide this?” Ron was truly hurt. “Why are you so ashamed of me? You see, you’re not gay, you just love me. And so what, I may be a guy, but love doesn’t know gender.”
That may have been the smartest thing to ever come out of Ron’s mouth, “Ron, I get it, but I’m just…look I’m gonna be late for class, we’ll talk about this another time.”
Harry walked off, leaving Ron with a terrible ache of sadness, his eyes grew heavy and suddenly a tear rolled down his face. It had been a risk showing his love to Harry, kissing him and holding his hands, but he knew that Harry had wanted it too. Harry wanted it just as much as he did, and there was enough instigation to show it.
He had always known that love would hurt; sometimes you have to fight for the other person to make them realize just how much they love you. But what hurt was that they really did love each other, but Harry never wanted to show it. He’d always insist they talk about something else whenever Ron began to talk about their relationship. He felt that maybe, possibly, Harry was embarrassed to be with him. But he couldn’t stop loving him, he knew that maybe he should have ended it, and as angry as he was with Harry, he could never give up his feelings for the boy he had loved for four years.
Later that night, as they were alone in the common room, once again working on homework, Harry was acting normal, telling him funny class stories of Seamus setting the cauldron on fire, and Dean getting sent down to Dumbledore for once again saying, “Is it because I’m black?” to Professor Snape.
“So about today…” Ron began.
“I’m sorry about that, Ron,” Harry said genuinely. “It was wrong of me, I know.”
“When are you going to break up with Cho?” Ron didn’t want to waste time.
“I can’t,” was all Harry said.
“You can’t?” Ron mocked. “Why the hell not?”
“Because, Ron, it would look just a little fucking suspicious if I just dumped her flat out of nowhere!”
“People do it all the time!” Ron protested.
“Look, I’ve got a reputation and I-“
“Oh, so that’s it!” Ron said loudly, startling Harry. “You’re worried about your fucking reputation. I should have known.”
Ron stood up, collecting his stuff and throwing it bitterly into his bag, “Where you going?”
“Away from you. Wouldn’t want anyone to see us.And anyway, I might give you some disease, or I could always ruin your reputation, y’know,” Ron said bitterly.
Harry felt burnt from his epithets; he hadn’t really meant what he had said. But it was true, if people even began to know that Harry was dating Ron, there would simply be uproar. Not only were people angry about him about lying about Voldemort, but their homophobic thoughts and words would scar.
Harry’s thoughts burned at ate him up, he could sit up all night practically thinking of Ron, but it wouldn’t soften the dull ache in his heart. It wouldn’t make Ron come down and sit on his lap, and kiss him sweetly until the pale sunlight of dawn would pour in through the crack in the curtains. But Ron was bitter, his personality was bitter, he had never truly had anything of his own. He’d never had a friend, or a lover, and in this case Harry was a bit of both.
But not only did he have to share Harry with Hermione, but also with Cho. He knew that he was being unfair, and he knew that Ron had every right in the world to be mad at him, but this secret had to be kept, at least until after seventh year.
He padded slowly into the dorm that he shared with Ron and three others. He cast a silencing charm throughout the room, so that only he and Ron could hear each other. He sat down on the edge of the bed and squeezed Ron’s foot gently, and he sat up.
“What do you want?” Ron spat at him.
“I’ll break up with Cho,” Harry said amiably. “It’s not fair to you, Ron; you shouldn’t have to share me, because I love you. And you love me, and it’s just not right.”
Ron flashed his usual grin, setting Harry’s heart into a faster pace, “You mean it?”
Harry kissed him gently on the cheek, “’Course I do.”
Rating: R
Length: 1, 407
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley
Ships: Harry/Ron
Notes: A request by beckytheelf & it's sort of angsty
Summary: Harry feels unsure of himself in being with Ron.
The first kiss, simple enough as it seemed at the time, was quick and rushed. Ron’s chapped lips made his mouth sore, he was pressing against him hard, his calloused hands on his back. It was in their fifth year, at this time Harry had been dating Cho Chang. Ron would ask him about Cho, trying aggravatingly hard to not show is jealousy. But he couldn’t hold it in any longer, they were alone in the Common Room, working on their redundant Divination homework, plotting the stars and the different astrologists, and he couldn’t hold it in, he had to kiss him.
Harry pulled away his eyes wide with half fear and half surprise. Ron bit his lip, and cleared his throat, “So, uh, should we go to bed?”
“What was that?” Harry blurted his self control out the window.
Ron’s eyes peered at the ground and he shook nervously, “I don’t know, mate, it just sort of…came out.”
“Ron, you’re my best friend.”
Ron licked his lips and sighed, “I know, but I can’t…I can’t keep it in any longer. I see you with Cho and I just get so pissed off. I really can’t place quite why I do, but I just do. And now, I actually know why. It’s because I sort of like you Harry, and it’s so fucked up, because you’re my best mate. And you’re not gay.”
As far as Harry knew, he actually wasn’t gay, but something about Ron’s kiss had led him to believe otherwise. He had actually liked it, because Ron’s kisses were firm and lustful, not like Cho’s soft, shy kisses.
He pulled Ron’s face closer to his, “I’m willing to find out.”
The kisses grew more heated and passionate, Ron’s long, gangly limbs intertwining in Harry’s on the shag carpet. Harry wasn’t sure how it all had happened, but something just felt so right with Ron, he was shaking up his world. Every moment of the day, Ron was on his mind, it was as if he were a disease, and there was no cure. Even being with Ron didn't seem to help, it only made his affection grow stronger.
The illicit love affair would have to be told to no one, not even Hermione. If Hermione had even had an inkling of Harry and Ron’s relationship, she would surely throw a fit, and quite possibly, never speak to either of them again. Carrying on with Cho was the real challenge. Harry would find himself utterly repulsed holding her hand, and felt even more disgust when kissing her. Not so much the fact that he liked Ron, or boys for that matter, but that he was lying to Cho in the worst possible way.
They walked through the hallway one day, hands accidentally, or possibly on purpose, brushing up against each other. Harry felt a swell in his chest that he had never felt before, not even from Cho. And he knew it was because Ron was his and no one else’s that this beautiful ginger specimen was the only boy in the world that he could ever love, and that could ever love him.
“Why can’t we tell anyone?” Ron asked abruptly.
Harry suddenly stopped walking, students filing around him anxiously, their schoolbags banging into his side as they dashed away, he felt tightness in his throat and whispered, “Ron, not here.”
“I can’t keep going on like this,” Ron said morosely. “I’ll go mental,” he lowered his voice, “I want to kiss you all the time.”
Harry’s eyes closed and he found he had a deep longing inside his chest, “Ron, I do too. But this just…it isn’t right, it isn’t the place.”
“When is it ever gonna be right?” Ron asked. “Look, we’re together, alright, and that may be wrong to some people, but they can shove it up their ass. Because, look, I need you, I can’t do anything without you, mate.”
“I know that, Ron,” Harry said impatiently. “But I’ve told you from the beginning that this can’t go on. Look, I love Cho, and I need to be with her.”
“Why are you trying to hide this?” Ron was truly hurt. “Why are you so ashamed of me? You see, you’re not gay, you just love me. And so what, I may be a guy, but love doesn’t know gender.”
That may have been the smartest thing to ever come out of Ron’s mouth, “Ron, I get it, but I’m just…look I’m gonna be late for class, we’ll talk about this another time.”
Harry walked off, leaving Ron with a terrible ache of sadness, his eyes grew heavy and suddenly a tear rolled down his face. It had been a risk showing his love to Harry, kissing him and holding his hands, but he knew that Harry had wanted it too. Harry wanted it just as much as he did, and there was enough instigation to show it.
He had always known that love would hurt; sometimes you have to fight for the other person to make them realize just how much they love you. But what hurt was that they really did love each other, but Harry never wanted to show it. He’d always insist they talk about something else whenever Ron began to talk about their relationship. He felt that maybe, possibly, Harry was embarrassed to be with him. But he couldn’t stop loving him, he knew that maybe he should have ended it, and as angry as he was with Harry, he could never give up his feelings for the boy he had loved for four years.
Later that night, as they were alone in the common room, once again working on homework, Harry was acting normal, telling him funny class stories of Seamus setting the cauldron on fire, and Dean getting sent down to Dumbledore for once again saying, “Is it because I’m black?” to Professor Snape.
“So about today…” Ron began.
“I’m sorry about that, Ron,” Harry said genuinely. “It was wrong of me, I know.”
“When are you going to break up with Cho?” Ron didn’t want to waste time.
“I can’t,” was all Harry said.
“You can’t?” Ron mocked. “Why the hell not?”
“Because, Ron, it would look just a little fucking suspicious if I just dumped her flat out of nowhere!”
“People do it all the time!” Ron protested.
“Look, I’ve got a reputation and I-“
“Oh, so that’s it!” Ron said loudly, startling Harry. “You’re worried about your fucking reputation. I should have known.”
Ron stood up, collecting his stuff and throwing it bitterly into his bag, “Where you going?”
“Away from you. Wouldn’t want anyone to see us.And anyway, I might give you some disease, or I could always ruin your reputation, y’know,” Ron said bitterly.
Harry felt burnt from his epithets; he hadn’t really meant what he had said. But it was true, if people even began to know that Harry was dating Ron, there would simply be uproar. Not only were people angry about him about lying about Voldemort, but their homophobic thoughts and words would scar.
Harry’s thoughts burned at ate him up, he could sit up all night practically thinking of Ron, but it wouldn’t soften the dull ache in his heart. It wouldn’t make Ron come down and sit on his lap, and kiss him sweetly until the pale sunlight of dawn would pour in through the crack in the curtains. But Ron was bitter, his personality was bitter, he had never truly had anything of his own. He’d never had a friend, or a lover, and in this case Harry was a bit of both.
But not only did he have to share Harry with Hermione, but also with Cho. He knew that he was being unfair, and he knew that Ron had every right in the world to be mad at him, but this secret had to be kept, at least until after seventh year.
He padded slowly into the dorm that he shared with Ron and three others. He cast a silencing charm throughout the room, so that only he and Ron could hear each other. He sat down on the edge of the bed and squeezed Ron’s foot gently, and he sat up.
“What do you want?” Ron spat at him.
“I’ll break up with Cho,” Harry said amiably. “It’s not fair to you, Ron; you shouldn’t have to share me, because I love you. And you love me, and it’s just not right.”
Ron flashed his usual grin, setting Harry’s heart into a faster pace, “You mean it?”
Harry kissed him gently on the cheek, “’Course I do.”