Got rocks in me head
We decided on a truck today. It isn't 100% but it's close enough that I'm starting to hyperventilate. We're going to have to remortgage the house no matter what we do. If we can keep it together for a couple months before doing that, more is the better. We managed to get it down from $38,000 to $26,000 and now today to $24,000. For a brand new 4x4 GMC Sierra. It's too good a deal to pass up. And I must have rocks in my head.
I still feel like I'm gonna puke. Every time I get a spare minute to think on it.
Here is today's entry into the DePhoMo thingamajiggie.
It's a picture of the climbing roses in my mom's garden. I took several pictures and this just does not do them justice and it's fuzzy and they are past their prime (like me), but I love them anyway. And I love the way wild roses smell. Like raspberries. I know, that's silly.
I need to get off my ass and finish my Christmas shopping. I don't have alot left to do, just some stuff for the boys and stocking stuffers. Everything else it done. I need to box up some stuff and get it in the mail. I tried to stick with gift cards this year but I saw a magic set that my 6 year old nephew in Calgary would just LOVE. And a movie for my niece in Ontario.
I'm getting into the holiday spirit...or at least I'm trying. We won't be here over Christmas (we'll be at my parents house) but I'm going to decorate a bit and put up a tree anyway. We haven't put lights on the house for a couple of years so maybe we'll do that too, I don't know.
Matt missed the bus home from school today. I guess he was talking with his teacher about how lonely and isolated he feels. He doens't have friends and most of the kids make fun of him. I don't know how to combat that and make it better for him. The short answer is that I can't. I can't tell those kids to smarten up and I can't make friends for him. All I can do is hug him and talk to him and tell him he's special and it WILL get better. My heart just breaks for the kid. Two years ago he talked to a friend about killing himself. I live in fear every time something like this comes up that he'll actually try it. I don't think right now he's emotionally mature enough to seriously think about that. Even the doctor said that when he speaks of it it is in fairytale terms....like jumping off a building or out of an airplane. Non practical things that show he has not put alot of thought into it. Now if he ever says I'd take one of the kitchen knives and wait until I was in the house alone ...then I'd start to panic. I asked Ben today if he would make a bit of an effort in school to see that he tried to seek out Matt and include him in his social routine. Ben's friends don't like Matt either but I asked him to try. I confided that Matt had spoken of killing himself and that he feels isolated and lonely. He was shocked to the core and I think he really will try.
Hopefully things will get better for Matt. He's a hard kid to describe. There is something a bit "off" about him. Like he is on the autism spectrum somewhere. He's extremely bright, but his emotional and social level is behind others his age. We've thought Aspergers before, but never had him tested. There is no magic pill for that (like with Ben and his ADHD) and I imagine it would not make a difference in terms of his social interaction. I can't make the kids like him. Maybe we should consider counselling. Our health plan would cover 80% for a certain number of sessions. I really don't know.