how to: find love (a ten step guide to romance) → for EVERYONE (1/2)
Title: how to: find love (a ten step guide to romance)
Pairing(s): xiumin/chen, luhan/lay, sehun/suho
Rating: nc-17
Warnings: mild swearing, semi-public(??) sex
Word count: 10100
Summary: kim minseok is a virgin and that's totally okay. lu han's the overzealous best friend bent on changing minseok's life. and uh, jongdae's just there for the ride.
Step one: Step outside of your comfort zone.
“Okay,” Minseok begins cautiously. “Well, I feel like-”
“Shh, no.” Lu Han interrupts with a hand clamped firmly over Minseok’s mouth. “Don’t feel, just do.”
Minseok peels Lu Han’s hand away gingerly. “Well, I feel like I should-”
“There you go again with the feeling! You can’t just feel your way through life, Minseok! Life doesn’t want to be felt up by you. Stop being so inconsiderate and creepy and just do it. Answer my question. Stop feeling. Stop thinking. Just go. Go!”
“Lu Han, I do think you’re kind of putting him on the spot,” Yixing supplies helpfully from the sidelines.
Yixing’s right.
It’s kind of sad, actually, how quickly Minseok’s lazy Saturday morning escalated from intimate time spent with a good book and a cup of perfectly brewed coffeeto this. This being Lu Han standing in the middle of his living room gesticulating wildly to a crudely drawn picture of a dick.
“Don’t baby him, Yixing,” Lu Han says quickly. He’s relentless, really, and Minseok wonders if the third time’s the charm-maybe the restraining order threat will really resonate this time around. “Minseok’s already soft. We can’t keep coddling him. Now answer the question, little one.” Minseok makes a face.“What does this picture make you want to do?”
“I feel like you’re looking for a specific answer that you and I both know I won’t be able to give to you.” Minseok’s starting to feel the workings of a headache. He always gets stress headaches when Lu Han drops by uninvited to lecture him about his failures in life (they multiply, apparently, with each visit). “I’m not interested in whatever psychoanalysis you have planned for me. And just so you know, you suck at art and that doesn’t even look like a dick.”
“Excuse you.” Lu Han pouts. “You know I’m just trying to help you. I’m looking out for you. You’re at a critical age in life-you are at that halfway point. You’re going to be fifty in twenty-five years.”
“Thank you,” Minseok replies dryly. “How did you know that’s exactly what I wanted to hear?”
“What Lu Han’s trying to say is that he doesn’t understand how you can lead a fulfilling life without satisfying…” Yixing trails off a bit, expression fixed in one of contemplation as he tries to figure out the right way to say what’s on his mind. “He doesn’t understand how you can satisfy your ambitions but not your…”
“Drive. Sex drive. Libido. The little Minseok down under.”
Yixing smiles. “Isn’t this romantic, Minseok? Lu Han always finishes my sentences for me.”
The headache is getting worse. Minseok’s also pretty sure he’s out of ibuprofen. “I’m twenty-five,” he repeats with a measured frown. “I lead a perfectly fine life with or without copious amounts of sexual activity.”
“Zero. The amount is zero.”
“Lu Han,” Yixing chides.
“I understand that you spent a majority of your undergraduate career crying over complicated engineer things that a Linguistics major such as myself wouldn’t ever understand. But Minseok! You’re twenty-five! You’ve had a handful of boyfriends and I just can’t understand how you are emotionless when presented the magnificentphallus.” He says it with such gusto that Minseok almost wants to clap.
“This is not the conversation I want to be having with you at ten in the morning. Or ever. I never wanted this conversation. I did nothing wrong to deserve this conversation.” Minseok rises from the couch to make a beeline toward the kitchen in pursuit of painkillers but Lu Han stops him, gripping onto his arm for dear life. A sigh escapes him. He really doesn’t like where this is going. He’s known Lu Han for too long to even assume that Lu Han has given up.
“Minseok, we’re best friends, aren’t we?” Lu Han asks, lower lip jutting out in a way that has Yixing smiling adoringly from the loveseat. Minseok refrains from commenting. “You know everything I do is with your best interest at heart, right? I mean, well, minus that one time your best interest wasn’t at heart because I just… you had to take one for the team. I had to interrupt your blind date with Yixing, blahblah, and we all get a happy ending because I’m with Yixing now and you’re…” Lu Han pauses. “And you’re… alive. At twenty-five. What a time to be alive! Life. What a gift.”
“What,” Minseok demands. “What do you want?”
“We’re best friends, right?”
“Yes, Lu Han. We are best friends by contract.”
“Stop saying that. I know my mom didn’t make you sign a contract to keep me company. I’ve asked her like fifty times and she insists I made a friend on my own.”
“Lu Han,” Yixing says calmly, “you’re getting distracted again.”
“Oh, oh. Right. Anyways, Minseok.” Lu Han is staring at him imploringly and Minseok really doesn’t like where this is going. At all. “You trust me, don’t you? When have I ever led you astray and don’t answer that. That was a rhetorical question.”
“Yes, Lu Han,” Minseok replies robotically, “I trust you.”
“A man your age shouldn’t be married to his work! A man your age should be looking fine on the streets and getting busy in the sheets. Or... At least, I think that’s how it goes. But no matter! I understand if your virginity is something to cherish or… I don’t know. Whatever. But, at least let me set you up on a date or something. It pains my heart-”
“You don’t have a heart-”
“-IT PAINS MY HEART to see you so lonely.”
“I’m not lonely.”
“You look pretty lonely,” Yixing adds from the side.
“I’m not lonely.”
“Let me set you up on a date,” Lu Han repeats, eyes practically twinkling as his vice grip on Minseok’s arm tightens. “A good one. You can trust me. I have a fantastic resource that will surely have the networking capabilities to hook you up with the right man.”
Minseok falters a bit, choosing to avoid Lu Han’s soulless stare in favor of focusing on the distant smudge on his balcony window. He should really clean that. It’s starting to get on his nerves.Just like Lu Han is similarly starting to-
“Minseok,” Lu Han whines. “Xing, come here. Whine at Minseok with me so he succumbs.”
Yixing gets up from his seat and wanders over to also half-heartedly pout in Minseok’s direction. “Minseok,” he attempts to whine for Lu Han’s sake. “Please let Lu Han take control of this valuable part of your life. I understand you’re worried he might wreck it-and there is a high possibility of that-but look? Isn’t he cute? Wouldn’t it break your heart to break his heart?”
“Minseok,” Lu Han repeats with an even bigger pout.
“I hate both of you,” Minseok decisively responds, shaking Lu Han off of his arm and turning his back on both of his friends in an attempt to make anonverbal statement about how done he really is with this entire morning. With this entire situation. There’s a silence that follows before he turns back around and glowers. “One date,” he compromises tersely.
Lu Han and Yixing throw their arms around him in glee.
It only takes a couple of minutes before they start kissing with Minseok still unpleasantly sandwiched between them.
Yeah, fuck relationships.
--
Minseok is not lonely. Really.
He’s just-
“Busy,” Kyungsoo says understandingly. “With work stuff. I understand, hyung. Engineering is definitely no joke. But-”
“No,” Minseok says desperately. “No buts. Please, no, not you too.”
“I’m probably going to regret ever saying this but, uh, maybe Lu Han hyung has a point? Not… not the whole sex thing! But like-you know… maybe it’s time to meet people? Try to settle down? Okay, don’t make that face at me. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant… It wouldn’t hurt to try and find a relationship in the very least! You could find true love or something, as cheesy as that sounds.”
Minseok gnaws viciously on his straw, staring sullenly into the glass of water before him. “Incredibly cheesy,” he confirms.
“Lu Han hyung wouldn’t set you up with a creep.” Kyungsoo pauses. “I think.” Another pause. “Okay, I take that back.”
“Thank you for that.”
Kyungsoo grins in response, prodding at his half-eaten roll of kimbap. “I have to get back to the library soon to finish studying for my exam. But seriously, hyung? I don’t think you should be worried. Lu Han would never endanger your wellbeing on purpose, at least. And you know, Sehun and Joonmyun hyung met through Lu Han! Good things do happen even when Lu Han hyung’s involved!”
“You complain about Sehun and Joonmyun every other night, Kyungsoo.”
“You don’t have to live with one of them.” Kyungsoo shudders. “Anyway, I should go. Thanks for lunch! Keep me posted, okay? I’ll have 119 on speed dial just in case Lu Han hyung does put you in a life-threatening situation.”
Minseok’s expression darkens.
“Which he won’t,” Kyungsoo adds. “I think.” He smiles feebly. “It’ll be a life experience. It’ll build character. What doesn’t kill you will whittle away your pride and will to live, but ultimately make you stronger.”
“Thank you,” Minseok says dryly.
Step two: Use your resources.
Lu Han’s fantastic resource with great networking capabilities is none other than Oh Sehun, otherwise known as the resident insufferable brat in Minseok’s life since childhood, ever so immature at the tender age of twenty-one.
Sehun slurps obnoxiously on his artificially bright cup of bubble tea. “So, I heard you’re looking to get laid.”
There’s the headache. It’s coming again. This is just a reworded repeat of his conversation with Lu Han, he’s positive. It’ll just be cruder because Sehun hasn’t gone through the critical maturation stage in life in which he gains incredible insight into things not to say out loud (not that Lu Han’s much improvement).
“No,” Minseok says firmly. “That’s not-”
Sehun isn’t even paying attention, absentmindedly scrolling through his gargantuan list of phone contacts in hot pursuit of someone. “Well, I have just the guy for you, hyung!”
“Are you even listening-”
“He’ll definitely satisfy your needs.”
“I don’t have needs.”
“Okay,” Sehun replies with a shit-eating grin. “Of course you don’t. He’ll definitely satisfy your not-needs. Such as your not-thirst and your not-v-card.”
“Oh my god,” Minseok bemoans, burying his face into his hands in muted agony. “I’m going to hurl myself into traffic. It’s going to happen. Get your phone camera ready.”
“You’re such a drama queen,” Sehun says with a roll of his eyes. “You don’t have to worry your pretty little cheeks, hyung. Sehun’s here to rescue you from your drought.”
“I’m not-”
“Hyung, you know what a BJ is, right?”
“Wh-yes?” Minseok frowns. “Why?”
“What is it.”
“Blow job.”
Sehun takes a meticulous sip of his drink. “And you’ve like. Seen one, right?”
Minseok huffs, fingers sifting through his hair in minute aggravation. “Yeah? Why?”
“In porn and stuff, right?” Sehun asks instead. “So you know how it’s done.”
“… yes?”
Sehun hums thoughtfully, setting his drink back on the table. “Just checking,” he says with a shrug.
“There’s that scene in The Social Network,” Minseok says just for good measure and as general proof that Sehun’s trying to quiz Minseok on things that even teenagers are well-aware of, either in detail or in cleverly positioned cuts and scenes from popular culture.
“You got off on London Tipton blowing Spiderman? That’s crazy kinky, hyung.”
Minseok covers his face with his hands and wonders how painful it would be to drive his car into a tree. “Never mind. Just-never mind. Keep talking about this date.”
“Anyways, Lu Han hyung said this entire project is covered by him so you don’t have to pay out of your pocket for anything.”
The cup of coffee in front of him is lukewarm and that in itself is a crime. He feels like this entire day, this entire week, is an abomination of all things tranquil and perfect in Minseok’s life. He doesn’t need a relationship. He doesn’t need sexual liberation or whatever-the-fuck-it-is that Lu Han’s convinced is necessary to be a perfectly stable twenty-five-year-old in a bustling city. He doesn’t-wait.
“What?” The expression on Minseok’s face is blank. “What do you mean expenses?What expenses could there possibly be?”
Sehun freezes. He’s still staring at his phone screen but Minseok can tell it’s because he’s trying to think of what to say.
“I mean, you’d be paying… for the first date,” Sehun says slowly, carefully. “So naturally, that’d take a chunk out of your wallet but, uh. Lu Han hyung’s covering that. Yeah. He’ll… he’ll cover that.” The smile on Sehun’s face is saccharinely sweet but otherwise unconvincing.
Minseok narrows his eyes. “I don’t need him to cover anything.”
Sehun clears his throat. “It’s a service he’s doing for you. To make sure this is a date you’ll never forget.”
“A date I’ll never forget,” Minseok repeats hollowly, incredulously. He isn’t sure if he likes the sound of that.
The impish smile that curls against Sehun’s lips is confirmation enough. Minseok definitely doesn’t like the sound of that.
Step three: Make an impression.
He’s kind of early, but an acceptable sort of early-the type of early that people find endearing because it means Minseok’s That Guy who never keeps people waiting. But still, he’s kind of early. And kind of early proves to be kind of awkward when his date is, well, kind of late.
Maybe it’s a sign, really. Fifteen minutes isn’t actually that late, Minseok supposes, but it’s late enough for him to reasonably assume that the Fates are siding with him on this one. This date isn’t a good idea.
He takes another sideways glance at his watch. He’ll wait two more minutes before taking his leave. Honestly though, he isn’t sure how he feels about being stood up. Maybe he’s a little disappointed but then again, that’s nothing some delivery jjajangmyeon can’t fix!
The coffee he’s sipping on is too sugary for his liking but he persists, leaning back in his seat and gnawing on the straw idly while sifting through his phone. It’s an attempt to look occupied for the next sixty seconds because he’s sure he’s garnered some pitying glances from the other customers in NamuGeuneul. It’s kind of busy around Times Square at this hour but the initial hope had been that the bustling crowds and the glitzy shops would be enough to distract his date from how dull Minseok actually is.
“Hey,” he hears someone call out from behind. “Minseok? Kim Minseok-ssi?”
Ten seconds to freedom. Maybe the Fates aren’t on his side.
He turns around, bracing himself for the best and the worst. “Yeah, I’m Minseok. You must be Jongdae.” He’s about to get up so they can exchange proper greetings in the form of handshakes and bows but Jongdae’s quick to the punch.
“Don’t get up,” he says. Jongdae’s lips curve into a smile as he seats himself across Minseok. “Sorry I kept you waiting. I don’t frequent Yeondeungpo often. It’s a nice area though. Really bright.” He hums softly. “I got home late and then I was busy getting ready so I wouldn’t disappoint.” He grins again.
“Disappoint me?” Minseok repeats with a raise of his brow. He wasn’t sure what to expect considering Lu Han’s involvement in this date but Minseok isn’t disappointed. Jongdae is handsome to say the least, with sharp features and bright eyes. He’s not tall-just a little taller than Minseok himself-and maybe a little wiry but aesthetically, he lacks little. “Trust me, you don’t need to worry about things like that.” He tries to smile as kindly as he can without wanting to punch himself. “Oh, uh, feel free to order something?”
Jongdae stares at Minseok, unwavering. “You’re a lot nicer than I expected. Sehun told me you were a disillusioned old man trapped inside a twenty-five-year-old’s body.”
“Yeah, well.” Minseok furrows his brows. “Sehun’s-
“-a piece of shit.” The smile on Jongdae’s face is winning. “We’re already finishing each other’s sentences. How Disney of us.”
“You seem awfully intent on making an impression, Jongdae-ssi.”
“Just Jongdae is fantastic. And what can I say? I’d like to be a lasting memory.”
Minseok leans back in his seat, fingers curved delicately around the mug in front of him. His gaze lingers on the smug expression plastered onto Jongdae’s face. This is definitely a new experience. Kim Jongdae is a go-getter.
“Tell me about yourself, Jongdae.”
Jongdae folds his hands gingerly and sets them atop the table. He clears his throat. “My name is Kim Jongdae. I am twenty-three years old. I like long walks in the snacks aisle of the supermarket and free things. My biggest nightmare is being sandwiched between two huge trucks on the highway and being squashed to death or something equally as terrifying. I like clutches.”
“That’s really… specific. The nightmare thing, I mean.”
“Sehun was in charge of my birthday cake last year and it was topped with two toy trucks crushing a tiny plastic figurine that I think was supposed to be me.”
Minseok has the decency to look sorry. “That sounds like something Sehun would do.”
Jongdae only shrugs, fingers tapping idly against the tabletop. “Sehun really prides himself on being Satan’s son. I don’t know how Joonmyun hyung deals with it, but I think it might be commendable.”
“Joonmyun’s a saint,” Minseok says. “So what do you do for a living?” His questions are awfully bland but he figures there are basics that need to be dealt with accordingly.
“I’m actually still a student, technically. I have one more year left. Took a gap year last year to earn some money so I’ve just been doing some odd jobs, for the most part. I’m studying to be a teacher though, so hopefully that works out eventually.” Jongdae takes a pause to peek through the café’s menu. “Any more questions before we start the date, sir?” The teasing lilt in Jongdae’s tone rings clear as the younger man lifts his gaze from the menu to catch Minseok’s expression.
He almost wants to defend himself, maybe cite some examples where Lu Han and Sehun royally screwed him over so no wonder he’s trying to clear all of his bases. He doesn’t. Instead, Minseok rolls his eyes to hide the makings of a smile on his lips. “Yes. Congratulations on the successful interview. The date begins now.”
Talking with Jongdae is surprisingly easy considering the circumstances. It takes a little while, unsurprisingly, for Minseok to actually loosen up a bit but he finds Jongdae’s company to be enjoyable. There’s something about the younger man that is approachable and easy, simple and to-the-point. Jongdae is incredibly sure of himself and has little trouble taking charge of the conversation when Minseok’s ideas and attempts fall flat.
“Have you eaten yet?” Minseok asks after some deliberation.
Jongdae shakes his head. “I haven’t, actually. I’m kind of starving though-not to the point of express cannibalism but, uh, I don’t know. I’d keep arms and legs close to your sides just in case.” He grins.
Minseok raises a brow, stifling a small smile. “Let’s get dinner then. You know, before you feel compelled to eat my limbs.”
“This is a good sign, right? The fact that you’re asking me to eat, I mean. Because if you hated me, you probably would have escaped by now.”
Minseok gets up from his seat and snags the receipt from the table. “No comment,” he replies with a telling shrug. “I don’t like inflating egos.”
“Too late,” Jongdae says with a dramatic sigh. He gets to his feet as well, fingers winding around the strap of his bag. “My ego’s already inflating.”
--
He has a handful of missed calls and angry KakaoTalk messages littering his phone by the time he gets home. Unsurprisingly, ninety percent of them are from Lu Han, with the remaining ten meekly sent from Yixing’s phone. It’s a little late. The sun is long gone and Minseok’s just now winding down from the lingering adrenaline rush of today.
Despite his unwillingness, he forces himself to return Lu Han’s five hundred calls.
The line rings twice before it clicks.
“KIM MINSEOK,” Lu Han roars from the other side. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW ANXIOUS I WAS?”
“Hey,” Minseok replies blandly.
“I’VE BEEN BREATHING INTO A PAPER BAG WORRYING ABOUT YOUR DATE.”
“He has!” Yixing chirps in the background.
“I-” Lu Han wheezes, coughing and hacking unattractively on the other end. “Anyway, thanks for finally calling me back, you asshole.” Minseok can vividly imagine the unamused expression on Lu Han’s face. “Now, talk to me about how enamored you are by Jongdae. All the details. Did you guys make it to the bathroom or did you just end up having steaming hot sex in public or something?”
“It was fine-what?”
“What,” Lu Han retorts. “You heard me, Kim Minseok.”
“Why would that even happen? What are you even talking about? It was just a normal date. We got coffee, we talked, we had dinner. I offered to drive him home but he said it was fine. We exchanged numbers. We did not partake in acts of public indecency.”
“Oh.” Lu Han falls deathly silent on the other end. “That’s… that’s good, Minseok. That’s really good. I’m glad you guys had a good date.”
“You’re being weirder than usual right now.”
“No, no, no. I just, uh, wasn’t expecting such a good date out of you!” The grin on Lu Han’s voice is clearly heard through his voice. “When are you guys meeting again?”
Despite Lu Han’s quick recovery, Minseok can’t ignore the suspicious, nagging feeling at the back of his head. “This weekend.”
“Good, good…” His voice trails off and Minseok can just barely make out Lu Han whispering something in Mandarin to Yixing. “Jongdae didn’t say anything weird, right?”
“No? Why would he?”
“Good, good…” Lu Han repeats pensively. “Minseok, leave the next date to me. I can see what Jongdae’s trying to do and I think this weekend will finally be your time to shine. Trust me. Lean on me.”
Minseok stares blankly at his wall. “What the fuck are you on?”
“May the thirst be with you, my ping pong paddle.”
“He means padawan,” Yixing corrects in the background.
Step four: Respect and have boundaries.
“This is… a hotel.”
Minseok stares at the address Lu Han provided him with a muted sort of panic. He isn’t sure why they’re at a hotel. He isn’t sure why this is what Lu Han thought would be the best idea for a second date. “I-don’t know. I don’t know why we’re at a hotel. Lu Han just-”
Jongdae looks downright amused. “It’s okay,” he says with a shrug. “I totally understand.”
“I don’t know what he was think-what? Understand what?” Minseok blinks, looking at Jongdae in mild bewilderment. He doesn’t want Jongdae to misunderstand. There’s no good reason why they’re at this hotel and Minseok is already imagining all of the angry KakaoTalkemojis he’s going to be sending to Lu Han after they get this figured out.
“Come on,” Jongdae urges, gesturing to the door. “Our night awaits.”
“I was thinking maybe like a normal dinner. Or a movie? Something that… isn’t… this.” Minseok’s quiet pleas are hardly acknowledged as Jongdae leads him into the hotel and right up to the receptionist. There’s hardly any room for protest now. Jongdae’s already following Lu Han’s careful instructions, detailed explicitly in the envelope they’d found in Minseok’s jacket pocket just moments earlier. Instructions on where to go, what to say to which stranger and-
“Let’s go to our room,” Jongdae suggests. There’s a twinkle in his eyes and his lips are still curled into that barely there smile. Meanwhile, Minseok’s insides are sort of churning because he’s kind of frustrated about how things have turned out and doubly a little nervous because he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing to fix whatever this is. “This is a pretty nice hotel. Lu Han must really like you if he’s willing to go all out just for a date that isn’t even his.”
Minseok covers half of his face with one hand. He lets out a shudder of a sigh. “Lu Han is a headache. And I’m probably going to kill him.”
Their short journey to the designated hotel room is for the most part silent. There are punctuated moments filled with Minseok’s quiet sighs.
“I don’t know what he wants to happen,” Minseok confesses with a resigned expression of defeat.
“I do,” Jongdae replies, barely paying attention as he tries to figure out how the key card works. The beeping of the door handle is a necessary distraction before the door creaks open and they’re greeted with an obnoxious display of-
“Those aren’t rose petals. Tell me they aren’t rose petals.”
“They’re rose petals,” says Jongdae. “They are definitely rose petals.”
Minseok drags himself in and walks past Jongdae, examining every inch of this hotel room for any sign that they might be the butt of some huge joke or something. Maybe this is just a prank camera. Maybe Lu Han and Yixing are hiding in a cupboard or a drawer waiting to surprise Minseok or something.
Jongdae closes the door while Minseok sits sullenly on the side of the bed, peering out the window with an immeasurable amount of what he thinks might be adult angst. He notices a small plastic case sitting on the pillow to the left of him, however, and tears himself away from his momentary trance to procure it. There’s a disc on the inside of the case, permanent marker spelling out in Lu Han’s handwriting: WATCH BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS.
“Hey, Jongdae. Lu Han left us someth-” Minseok makes the mistake of turning around while Jongdae’s in the middle of doing what appears to be… “What-why are you… what… What are you doing? What’s going on?”
Jongdae appears to be stripping.
Without looking the slightest bit concerned, Jongdae yanks his shirt off of his head and settles it neatly on the other side of the mattress. His fingers casually work at his belt. “Well, I’m taking my clothes off,” he says matter-of-factly. “And then we’re going to do the things our yogurt slingers were made to do.”
Minseok stares.
“I’m talking about our dicks, by the way. That was just a cute way of saying dick. And a cute way of saying sex. Why do you look so surprised? Isn’t this what you want?”
Minseok blanches. Admittedly, though Jongdae isn’t the most built guy in the world, he’s quite a sight for sore eyes. “Jongdae,” he says hoarsely in spite of those appreciative thoughts, covering his face with his hands before dragging them down agonizingly. “Please put your shirt back on. I don’t… uh, I don’t want to rush into anything. I barely know you. You barely know me. We’re just… here because Lu Han’s an idiot.”
Jongdae blinks, tilting his head to the side. His gaze bores holes into Minseok’s defense. “You don’t?”
“I don’t,” Minseok confirms quickly. “I don’t want to do anything until we’re…comfortable with each other?”
There’s another silence as Jongdae tugs his shirt back on. He takes a seat next to Minseok on the edge of the bed and gingerly plucks the DVD out of Minseok’s hands. “What’s this?”
“Some DVD Lu Han left us, I think.”
It doesn’t seem like Jongdae’s upset or anything but Minseok still feels very much so burdened by the immense string of awkward situations. He isn’t sure if it’s appropriate to apologize for not wanting to rush into things-if maybe it’s a sign that Minseok’s kind of serious about getting to know Jongdae and maybe Jongdae isn’t. There are a lot of questions, a lot of creeping thoughts muddling Minseok’s mind and coherency but he keeps everything to himself. He doesn’t want to make things worse. He doesn’t want to complicate anything.
The television flickers on as Jongdae plays the DVD. The display shows Yixing sitting on a familiar couch. He peers into the lens and waves with a docile smile. “Hi Minseok, hi Jongdae,” he greets amiably. “Sorry about tricking you guys… Lu Han said there was no other way so, um, yeah. I sprinkled some rose petals for ambiance though. I hope you liked them. And I hope it really boosts your romantic energy and the energy of your-”
“DICKS,” Lu Han shouts from behind the camera.
“-Lu Han,” Yixing says sternly. His expression melts into another smile just a moment after. “Anyway, guys. I hope you have a great time. All the best and take your time doing whatever it is you need to do! Tonight is on us!” He waves cheerfully as the camera fades to black.
Before Jongdae or Minseok can comment, however, the DVD cuts to a scene that Minseok is positive isn’t supposed to be there. Lu Han and Yixing are wearing startlingly small amounts of clothing and attempting to perform an even raunchier version of the song Troublemaker.
“Oh my god,” Minseok mutters.
“I can’t believe they can bend like that,” Jongdae says in awe.
“Should I gouge my eyes out or should I do one of those chemical eye showers,” Minseok wonders aloud.
The DVD finally ends in its entirety. Jongdae flops over onto his back.
“So you want to be comfortable with me?” he inquires from where he’s reclining atop the covers. “You want to get to know me,” he corrects.
Minseok looks over his shoulder at Jongdae, whose gaze is glued to the ceiling. “Yeah. I’d like to get to know you,” he confirms. The words sound thick and awkward on his tongue but he isn’t lying. He’d like to get to know Jongdae. He wants to feel comfortable with him and vice versa.
“You’re really weird, Minseok,” Jongdae says with a small laugh. “That’s kind of a weird thing to say these days, you know? At least, without all of the creepy connotations. It’s weird to me that you turned down a free offer.”
“I’m your hyung,” Minseok says instinctively. “And weird in a bad way, huh?”
“Weird in a sort of endearing way, I guess. I think it’s cute that you want to get to know me,” Jongdae replies with a smile. He pats the spot next to him lazily. “Come lie down, hyung.”
He hesitates as he always does when it comes to anything vaguely intimate but he lies down anyway. He’s a little stiff as he stays there, hands folded on his stomach as Jongdae hums quietly next to him.
“You know my age, my major, my biggest nightmare. What else is there to know? I’m a Virgo, if that makes any difference. I like to sing Beyoncé when I’m in the shower but my best noraebong songs are probably Girls’ Generation, to be entirely honest. I live alone. I’ve lived alone since I was eighteen. I have an older brother. I have a mom and I have a dad. I haven’t seen them in a long while but they’re well if you were wondering-which I bet you were. I’ve done a lot of shitty things, made a lot of bad choices, but I think I’m getting to be in a good place now. And to clarify, this is a good place too. Good things are things that make you smile all teeth. Your smile, by the way, is really cute.”
Minseok doesn’t say anything.
“I know a lot more about you than you know about me thanks to Lu Han and Sehun,” Jongdae explains. “Like they told me as much as they could about you so I’d be comfortable and familiar. It’s probably why our dynamics don’t seem balanced.”
“What did they tell you?” Minseok asks cautiously.
“Oh, just some housekeeping details. They mentioned a time when you fell asleep during a movie night and they drew dicks on your face in retaliation, only to be disappointed by how little you cared.” The grin on Jongdae’s face is highly amused. “They said plenty of nice things. Lu Han seemed to think it was really important to tell me that you’re a virgin.”
“I’ll kill them both.” Minseok makes a noise of annoyance. “He thinks it’s a legitimate concern that I’m not interested in actively pursuing sex,” he says with a sigh. “Which is great. I’m very thankful that he’s invested in the success of my personal life, but… you know.”
“I think he’s more concerned that you’re lonely.”
“I’m not lonely.”
“Well,” Jongdae says with a flourish, repositioning himself so his elbows are supporting his torso and he’s sitting up. He smiles at Minseok, all teeth and ever-so promising. “I for one don’t care if you’re lonely or not. You’re unfortunately kind of cute regardless of whatever you do or say so I’m happy to be part of Lu Han’s master plan to make sure you’re in good company.”
Minseok suppresses a smile. “Who’s my good company then?”
“Rude.” Jongdae rolls onto his side, reaching toward the bedside table to grab at the telephone and a trifold of paper. “To retaliate for putting us in this situation that made you very uncomfortable, we are going to order all of the room service we want. Don’t worry, hyung. We’ll salvage this date so we can be absolutely positive that you’ll want a third one.”
Jongdae lies down again, flat on his back. He’s engrossed in the menu and the limitless options of expensive food.
And it’s kind of funny, really, but Minseok thinks he could definitely get used to this.
Step five: Follow your instincts.
“You can’t even begin to understand how glad I am that you and Jongdae are hitting it off so well,” Lu Han gushes. “How many dates has it been now? Four or five?”
“Five,” Minseok replies calmly.
“I’m surprised, to be honest. You and Jongdae hyung are so different, I thought you’d hate him,” Sehun comments with a shrug. He looks offended when Lu Han pinches his side to silence him. “What. I’m being honest.”
“We’re happy for you,” Lu Han amends.
“Yeah?” Minseok challenges with a raise of his brow. “He told me, you know,” he says with a feigned frown and a disappointed shake of the head. “Jongdae told me everything.”
Lu Han and Sehun freeze at that, looking much more affected than Minseok had anticipated. He isn’t actually too upset that they divulged so much about him to Jongdae, honestly, but it’s amusing seeing them fidget and squirm under the pressure. The dicks on his face story, after all, is funnier than it is anything else. Minseok considers it a comedic feat more than an embarrassing time.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d back out! Jongdae doesn’t even do that kind of stuff anymore, right, Sehun?” Lu Han’s tone is frantic and nervous. He laughs anxiously.
“Right,” Sehun confirms quickly. “He just needed to make money and desperate times called for desperate measures but he’s basically retired now! His last job was like, weeks ago.”
“Jongdae’s great!”
Minseok pauses. He isn’t sure if they’re on the same page anymore; he’s actually pretty positive that they aren’t. The nervousness on Lu Han and Sehun’s faces is telling. “Wait, what?”
Lu Han huffs. “Minseok,” he groans. “You can’t just change your mind about Jongdae because he was-I mean, he wasn’t like a hooker but he was kind of… you know. He needed the money and he did what he had to and-”
“What?” Minseok repeats, cutting in as soon as the words process in his mind. The happy, bubbly feeling of warmth in his chest is all but gone now. The realization that neither Lu Han nor Sehun are joking is dawning on him now and Minseok feels a little sick to his stomach. “Let me get this straight. You paid him to go on a date with me?”
Realization dawns on Sehun and Lu Han too and they blanch. Sehun looks down, instantly acknowledging his mistake and Lu Han parts his lips, prepared to explain but too dazed to form words.
“So you paid someone to pretend to like me. As a joke, yeah?” Minseok’s gaze is steely, unwavering. He feels sick. He needs to leave. “You know, I… think I’m going to have to go. And I’m not asking this as a favor but as a request that I expect to be honored but it’d be great if you stopped whatever this was. It’d be great, actually, if you just stopped taking any significant part of my life and treating it as some sort of joke.”
Minseok gets up from his seat and bites his tongue to keep from saying anything else. He shoves his phone and the unread text messages he’d been planning on replying to from Jongdae into his pocket before walking away, not once turning around to even give Lu Han or Sehun the opportunity to apologize.
It’s not his fault. They don’t really put up a fight anyway.
--
Kim Minseok grows up in a fairly rigorous environment. His parents are loving but they expect much from him. He conditions himself from the start to work hard and prioritize success. He works hard to make sure criticisms always translate into personal challenges. It’s hard though, really, for a kid, a teen, a young adult to take everything that comes his way with unwavering determination. People take advantage of him somewhere along the way because Kim Minseok is accommodating. Nothing ever brings him down.
The jokes that Minseok takes in good humor, jabbing at such mundane little things like how his cheeks are chubbier than anyone else’s, how he bores people to death with how excited he gets over things that aren’t racy girls in magazines his high school friends smuggled into cram school buildings, are much more impactful than they seem, however.
Somewhere along the way he realizes that instead of taking taunts that kind of hurt with a grain of salt, he’d been stowing them away and storing them at the very base of his chest. His ribcage is littered with jokes he remembers hating, with laughter that he thinks sounds malicious now. He is filled to the brim with memories of breakups-of past girlfriends and boyfriends complaining about Kim Minseok and how he never ever took risks or let himself have good things, how he never opened up.
He’s insecure to a fault, yes, but he thinks it’s perfectly reasonable considering how incredibly hard it is to find anyone patient enough to see beyond something so incredibly superficial.
So he doesn’t trust himself to get into relationships. He doesn’t trust himself to fall in love. He can’t bring himself to engage in meaningless hookups when he’s so idealistically fixated on the idea of physical intimacy following emotional intimacy. He doesn’t like feeling unsure. He doesn’t like feeling like he has to compete against himself to make sure his significant other is satisfied, happy, content.
But he’s never felt the pressure to get into a tangled mess of emotions, and he’s kind of upset, kind of disappointed in himself for feeling it now of all times.
Maybe it’s time to take a step back. He’s not ashamed of rerouting.
--
Kim Jongdae
i’m definitely glad we met
Received: 9:47 PM
((Delete this message?))
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Pairing(s): xiumin/chen, luhan/lay, sehun/suho
Rating: nc-17
Warnings: mild swearing, semi-public(??) sex
Word count: 10100
Summary: kim minseok is a virgin and that's totally okay. lu han's the overzealous best friend bent on changing minseok's life. and uh, jongdae's just there for the ride.
Step one: Step outside of your comfort zone.
“Okay,” Minseok begins cautiously. “Well, I feel like-”
“Shh, no.” Lu Han interrupts with a hand clamped firmly over Minseok’s mouth. “Don’t feel, just do.”
Minseok peels Lu Han’s hand away gingerly. “Well, I feel like I should-”
“There you go again with the feeling! You can’t just feel your way through life, Minseok! Life doesn’t want to be felt up by you. Stop being so inconsiderate and creepy and just do it. Answer my question. Stop feeling. Stop thinking. Just go. Go!”
“Lu Han, I do think you’re kind of putting him on the spot,” Yixing supplies helpfully from the sidelines.
Yixing’s right.
It’s kind of sad, actually, how quickly Minseok’s lazy Saturday morning escalated from intimate time spent with a good book and a cup of perfectly brewed coffeeto this. This being Lu Han standing in the middle of his living room gesticulating wildly to a crudely drawn picture of a dick.
“Don’t baby him, Yixing,” Lu Han says quickly. He’s relentless, really, and Minseok wonders if the third time’s the charm-maybe the restraining order threat will really resonate this time around. “Minseok’s already soft. We can’t keep coddling him. Now answer the question, little one.” Minseok makes a face.“What does this picture make you want to do?”
“I feel like you’re looking for a specific answer that you and I both know I won’t be able to give to you.” Minseok’s starting to feel the workings of a headache. He always gets stress headaches when Lu Han drops by uninvited to lecture him about his failures in life (they multiply, apparently, with each visit). “I’m not interested in whatever psychoanalysis you have planned for me. And just so you know, you suck at art and that doesn’t even look like a dick.”
“Excuse you.” Lu Han pouts. “You know I’m just trying to help you. I’m looking out for you. You’re at a critical age in life-you are at that halfway point. You’re going to be fifty in twenty-five years.”
“Thank you,” Minseok replies dryly. “How did you know that’s exactly what I wanted to hear?”
“What Lu Han’s trying to say is that he doesn’t understand how you can lead a fulfilling life without satisfying…” Yixing trails off a bit, expression fixed in one of contemplation as he tries to figure out the right way to say what’s on his mind. “He doesn’t understand how you can satisfy your ambitions but not your…”
“Drive. Sex drive. Libido. The little Minseok down under.”
Yixing smiles. “Isn’t this romantic, Minseok? Lu Han always finishes my sentences for me.”
The headache is getting worse. Minseok’s also pretty sure he’s out of ibuprofen. “I’m twenty-five,” he repeats with a measured frown. “I lead a perfectly fine life with or without copious amounts of sexual activity.”
“Zero. The amount is zero.”
“Lu Han,” Yixing chides.
“I understand that you spent a majority of your undergraduate career crying over complicated engineer things that a Linguistics major such as myself wouldn’t ever understand. But Minseok! You’re twenty-five! You’ve had a handful of boyfriends and I just can’t understand how you are emotionless when presented the magnificentphallus.” He says it with such gusto that Minseok almost wants to clap.
“This is not the conversation I want to be having with you at ten in the morning. Or ever. I never wanted this conversation. I did nothing wrong to deserve this conversation.” Minseok rises from the couch to make a beeline toward the kitchen in pursuit of painkillers but Lu Han stops him, gripping onto his arm for dear life. A sigh escapes him. He really doesn’t like where this is going. He’s known Lu Han for too long to even assume that Lu Han has given up.
“Minseok, we’re best friends, aren’t we?” Lu Han asks, lower lip jutting out in a way that has Yixing smiling adoringly from the loveseat. Minseok refrains from commenting. “You know everything I do is with your best interest at heart, right? I mean, well, minus that one time your best interest wasn’t at heart because I just… you had to take one for the team. I had to interrupt your blind date with Yixing, blahblah, and we all get a happy ending because I’m with Yixing now and you’re…” Lu Han pauses. “And you’re… alive. At twenty-five. What a time to be alive! Life. What a gift.”
“What,” Minseok demands. “What do you want?”
“We’re best friends, right?”
“Yes, Lu Han. We are best friends by contract.”
“Stop saying that. I know my mom didn’t make you sign a contract to keep me company. I’ve asked her like fifty times and she insists I made a friend on my own.”
“Lu Han,” Yixing says calmly, “you’re getting distracted again.”
“Oh, oh. Right. Anyways, Minseok.” Lu Han is staring at him imploringly and Minseok really doesn’t like where this is going. At all. “You trust me, don’t you? When have I ever led you astray and don’t answer that. That was a rhetorical question.”
“Yes, Lu Han,” Minseok replies robotically, “I trust you.”
“A man your age shouldn’t be married to his work! A man your age should be looking fine on the streets and getting busy in the sheets. Or... At least, I think that’s how it goes. But no matter! I understand if your virginity is something to cherish or… I don’t know. Whatever. But, at least let me set you up on a date or something. It pains my heart-”
“You don’t have a heart-”
“-IT PAINS MY HEART to see you so lonely.”
“I’m not lonely.”
“You look pretty lonely,” Yixing adds from the side.
“I’m not lonely.”
“Let me set you up on a date,” Lu Han repeats, eyes practically twinkling as his vice grip on Minseok’s arm tightens. “A good one. You can trust me. I have a fantastic resource that will surely have the networking capabilities to hook you up with the right man.”
Minseok falters a bit, choosing to avoid Lu Han’s soulless stare in favor of focusing on the distant smudge on his balcony window. He should really clean that. It’s starting to get on his nerves.Just like Lu Han is similarly starting to-
“Minseok,” Lu Han whines. “Xing, come here. Whine at Minseok with me so he succumbs.”
Yixing gets up from his seat and wanders over to also half-heartedly pout in Minseok’s direction. “Minseok,” he attempts to whine for Lu Han’s sake. “Please let Lu Han take control of this valuable part of your life. I understand you’re worried he might wreck it-and there is a high possibility of that-but look? Isn’t he cute? Wouldn’t it break your heart to break his heart?”
“Minseok,” Lu Han repeats with an even bigger pout.
“I hate both of you,” Minseok decisively responds, shaking Lu Han off of his arm and turning his back on both of his friends in an attempt to make anonverbal statement about how done he really is with this entire morning. With this entire situation. There’s a silence that follows before he turns back around and glowers. “One date,” he compromises tersely.
Lu Han and Yixing throw their arms around him in glee.
It only takes a couple of minutes before they start kissing with Minseok still unpleasantly sandwiched between them.
Yeah, fuck relationships.
--
Minseok is not lonely. Really.
He’s just-
“Busy,” Kyungsoo says understandingly. “With work stuff. I understand, hyung. Engineering is definitely no joke. But-”
“No,” Minseok says desperately. “No buts. Please, no, not you too.”
“I’m probably going to regret ever saying this but, uh, maybe Lu Han hyung has a point? Not… not the whole sex thing! But like-you know… maybe it’s time to meet people? Try to settle down? Okay, don’t make that face at me. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant… It wouldn’t hurt to try and find a relationship in the very least! You could find true love or something, as cheesy as that sounds.”
Minseok gnaws viciously on his straw, staring sullenly into the glass of water before him. “Incredibly cheesy,” he confirms.
“Lu Han hyung wouldn’t set you up with a creep.” Kyungsoo pauses. “I think.” Another pause. “Okay, I take that back.”
“Thank you for that.”
Kyungsoo grins in response, prodding at his half-eaten roll of kimbap. “I have to get back to the library soon to finish studying for my exam. But seriously, hyung? I don’t think you should be worried. Lu Han would never endanger your wellbeing on purpose, at least. And you know, Sehun and Joonmyun hyung met through Lu Han! Good things do happen even when Lu Han hyung’s involved!”
“You complain about Sehun and Joonmyun every other night, Kyungsoo.”
“You don’t have to live with one of them.” Kyungsoo shudders. “Anyway, I should go. Thanks for lunch! Keep me posted, okay? I’ll have 119 on speed dial just in case Lu Han hyung does put you in a life-threatening situation.”
Minseok’s expression darkens.
“Which he won’t,” Kyungsoo adds. “I think.” He smiles feebly. “It’ll be a life experience. It’ll build character. What doesn’t kill you will whittle away your pride and will to live, but ultimately make you stronger.”
“Thank you,” Minseok says dryly.
Step two: Use your resources.
Lu Han’s fantastic resource with great networking capabilities is none other than Oh Sehun, otherwise known as the resident insufferable brat in Minseok’s life since childhood, ever so immature at the tender age of twenty-one.
Sehun slurps obnoxiously on his artificially bright cup of bubble tea. “So, I heard you’re looking to get laid.”
There’s the headache. It’s coming again. This is just a reworded repeat of his conversation with Lu Han, he’s positive. It’ll just be cruder because Sehun hasn’t gone through the critical maturation stage in life in which he gains incredible insight into things not to say out loud (not that Lu Han’s much improvement).
“No,” Minseok says firmly. “That’s not-”
Sehun isn’t even paying attention, absentmindedly scrolling through his gargantuan list of phone contacts in hot pursuit of someone. “Well, I have just the guy for you, hyung!”
“Are you even listening-”
“He’ll definitely satisfy your needs.”
“I don’t have needs.”
“Okay,” Sehun replies with a shit-eating grin. “Of course you don’t. He’ll definitely satisfy your not-needs. Such as your not-thirst and your not-v-card.”
“Oh my god,” Minseok bemoans, burying his face into his hands in muted agony. “I’m going to hurl myself into traffic. It’s going to happen. Get your phone camera ready.”
“You’re such a drama queen,” Sehun says with a roll of his eyes. “You don’t have to worry your pretty little cheeks, hyung. Sehun’s here to rescue you from your drought.”
“I’m not-”
“Hyung, you know what a BJ is, right?”
“Wh-yes?” Minseok frowns. “Why?”
“What is it.”
“Blow job.”
Sehun takes a meticulous sip of his drink. “And you’ve like. Seen one, right?”
Minseok huffs, fingers sifting through his hair in minute aggravation. “Yeah? Why?”
“In porn and stuff, right?” Sehun asks instead. “So you know how it’s done.”
“… yes?”
Sehun hums thoughtfully, setting his drink back on the table. “Just checking,” he says with a shrug.
“There’s that scene in The Social Network,” Minseok says just for good measure and as general proof that Sehun’s trying to quiz Minseok on things that even teenagers are well-aware of, either in detail or in cleverly positioned cuts and scenes from popular culture.
“You got off on London Tipton blowing Spiderman? That’s crazy kinky, hyung.”
Minseok covers his face with his hands and wonders how painful it would be to drive his car into a tree. “Never mind. Just-never mind. Keep talking about this date.”
“Anyways, Lu Han hyung said this entire project is covered by him so you don’t have to pay out of your pocket for anything.”
The cup of coffee in front of him is lukewarm and that in itself is a crime. He feels like this entire day, this entire week, is an abomination of all things tranquil and perfect in Minseok’s life. He doesn’t need a relationship. He doesn’t need sexual liberation or whatever-the-fuck-it-is that Lu Han’s convinced is necessary to be a perfectly stable twenty-five-year-old in a bustling city. He doesn’t-wait.
“What?” The expression on Minseok’s face is blank. “What do you mean expenses?What expenses could there possibly be?”
Sehun freezes. He’s still staring at his phone screen but Minseok can tell it’s because he’s trying to think of what to say.
“I mean, you’d be paying… for the first date,” Sehun says slowly, carefully. “So naturally, that’d take a chunk out of your wallet but, uh. Lu Han hyung’s covering that. Yeah. He’ll… he’ll cover that.” The smile on Sehun’s face is saccharinely sweet but otherwise unconvincing.
Minseok narrows his eyes. “I don’t need him to cover anything.”
Sehun clears his throat. “It’s a service he’s doing for you. To make sure this is a date you’ll never forget.”
“A date I’ll never forget,” Minseok repeats hollowly, incredulously. He isn’t sure if he likes the sound of that.
The impish smile that curls against Sehun’s lips is confirmation enough. Minseok definitely doesn’t like the sound of that.
Step three: Make an impression.
He’s kind of early, but an acceptable sort of early-the type of early that people find endearing because it means Minseok’s That Guy who never keeps people waiting. But still, he’s kind of early. And kind of early proves to be kind of awkward when his date is, well, kind of late.
Maybe it’s a sign, really. Fifteen minutes isn’t actually that late, Minseok supposes, but it’s late enough for him to reasonably assume that the Fates are siding with him on this one. This date isn’t a good idea.
He takes another sideways glance at his watch. He’ll wait two more minutes before taking his leave. Honestly though, he isn’t sure how he feels about being stood up. Maybe he’s a little disappointed but then again, that’s nothing some delivery jjajangmyeon can’t fix!
The coffee he’s sipping on is too sugary for his liking but he persists, leaning back in his seat and gnawing on the straw idly while sifting through his phone. It’s an attempt to look occupied for the next sixty seconds because he’s sure he’s garnered some pitying glances from the other customers in NamuGeuneul. It’s kind of busy around Times Square at this hour but the initial hope had been that the bustling crowds and the glitzy shops would be enough to distract his date from how dull Minseok actually is.
“Hey,” he hears someone call out from behind. “Minseok? Kim Minseok-ssi?”
Ten seconds to freedom. Maybe the Fates aren’t on his side.
He turns around, bracing himself for the best and the worst. “Yeah, I’m Minseok. You must be Jongdae.” He’s about to get up so they can exchange proper greetings in the form of handshakes and bows but Jongdae’s quick to the punch.
“Don’t get up,” he says. Jongdae’s lips curve into a smile as he seats himself across Minseok. “Sorry I kept you waiting. I don’t frequent Yeondeungpo often. It’s a nice area though. Really bright.” He hums softly. “I got home late and then I was busy getting ready so I wouldn’t disappoint.” He grins again.
“Disappoint me?” Minseok repeats with a raise of his brow. He wasn’t sure what to expect considering Lu Han’s involvement in this date but Minseok isn’t disappointed. Jongdae is handsome to say the least, with sharp features and bright eyes. He’s not tall-just a little taller than Minseok himself-and maybe a little wiry but aesthetically, he lacks little. “Trust me, you don’t need to worry about things like that.” He tries to smile as kindly as he can without wanting to punch himself. “Oh, uh, feel free to order something?”
Jongdae stares at Minseok, unwavering. “You’re a lot nicer than I expected. Sehun told me you were a disillusioned old man trapped inside a twenty-five-year-old’s body.”
“Yeah, well.” Minseok furrows his brows. “Sehun’s-
“-a piece of shit.” The smile on Jongdae’s face is winning. “We’re already finishing each other’s sentences. How Disney of us.”
“You seem awfully intent on making an impression, Jongdae-ssi.”
“Just Jongdae is fantastic. And what can I say? I’d like to be a lasting memory.”
Minseok leans back in his seat, fingers curved delicately around the mug in front of him. His gaze lingers on the smug expression plastered onto Jongdae’s face. This is definitely a new experience. Kim Jongdae is a go-getter.
“Tell me about yourself, Jongdae.”
Jongdae folds his hands gingerly and sets them atop the table. He clears his throat. “My name is Kim Jongdae. I am twenty-three years old. I like long walks in the snacks aisle of the supermarket and free things. My biggest nightmare is being sandwiched between two huge trucks on the highway and being squashed to death or something equally as terrifying. I like clutches.”
“That’s really… specific. The nightmare thing, I mean.”
“Sehun was in charge of my birthday cake last year and it was topped with two toy trucks crushing a tiny plastic figurine that I think was supposed to be me.”
Minseok has the decency to look sorry. “That sounds like something Sehun would do.”
Jongdae only shrugs, fingers tapping idly against the tabletop. “Sehun really prides himself on being Satan’s son. I don’t know how Joonmyun hyung deals with it, but I think it might be commendable.”
“Joonmyun’s a saint,” Minseok says. “So what do you do for a living?” His questions are awfully bland but he figures there are basics that need to be dealt with accordingly.
“I’m actually still a student, technically. I have one more year left. Took a gap year last year to earn some money so I’ve just been doing some odd jobs, for the most part. I’m studying to be a teacher though, so hopefully that works out eventually.” Jongdae takes a pause to peek through the café’s menu. “Any more questions before we start the date, sir?” The teasing lilt in Jongdae’s tone rings clear as the younger man lifts his gaze from the menu to catch Minseok’s expression.
He almost wants to defend himself, maybe cite some examples where Lu Han and Sehun royally screwed him over so no wonder he’s trying to clear all of his bases. He doesn’t. Instead, Minseok rolls his eyes to hide the makings of a smile on his lips. “Yes. Congratulations on the successful interview. The date begins now.”
Talking with Jongdae is surprisingly easy considering the circumstances. It takes a little while, unsurprisingly, for Minseok to actually loosen up a bit but he finds Jongdae’s company to be enjoyable. There’s something about the younger man that is approachable and easy, simple and to-the-point. Jongdae is incredibly sure of himself and has little trouble taking charge of the conversation when Minseok’s ideas and attempts fall flat.
“Have you eaten yet?” Minseok asks after some deliberation.
Jongdae shakes his head. “I haven’t, actually. I’m kind of starving though-not to the point of express cannibalism but, uh, I don’t know. I’d keep arms and legs close to your sides just in case.” He grins.
Minseok raises a brow, stifling a small smile. “Let’s get dinner then. You know, before you feel compelled to eat my limbs.”
“This is a good sign, right? The fact that you’re asking me to eat, I mean. Because if you hated me, you probably would have escaped by now.”
Minseok gets up from his seat and snags the receipt from the table. “No comment,” he replies with a telling shrug. “I don’t like inflating egos.”
“Too late,” Jongdae says with a dramatic sigh. He gets to his feet as well, fingers winding around the strap of his bag. “My ego’s already inflating.”
--
He has a handful of missed calls and angry KakaoTalk messages littering his phone by the time he gets home. Unsurprisingly, ninety percent of them are from Lu Han, with the remaining ten meekly sent from Yixing’s phone. It’s a little late. The sun is long gone and Minseok’s just now winding down from the lingering adrenaline rush of today.
Despite his unwillingness, he forces himself to return Lu Han’s five hundred calls.
The line rings twice before it clicks.
“KIM MINSEOK,” Lu Han roars from the other side. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW ANXIOUS I WAS?”
“Hey,” Minseok replies blandly.
“I’VE BEEN BREATHING INTO A PAPER BAG WORRYING ABOUT YOUR DATE.”
“He has!” Yixing chirps in the background.
“I-” Lu Han wheezes, coughing and hacking unattractively on the other end. “Anyway, thanks for finally calling me back, you asshole.” Minseok can vividly imagine the unamused expression on Lu Han’s face. “Now, talk to me about how enamored you are by Jongdae. All the details. Did you guys make it to the bathroom or did you just end up having steaming hot sex in public or something?”
“It was fine-what?”
“What,” Lu Han retorts. “You heard me, Kim Minseok.”
“Why would that even happen? What are you even talking about? It was just a normal date. We got coffee, we talked, we had dinner. I offered to drive him home but he said it was fine. We exchanged numbers. We did not partake in acts of public indecency.”
“Oh.” Lu Han falls deathly silent on the other end. “That’s… that’s good, Minseok. That’s really good. I’m glad you guys had a good date.”
“You’re being weirder than usual right now.”
“No, no, no. I just, uh, wasn’t expecting such a good date out of you!” The grin on Lu Han’s voice is clearly heard through his voice. “When are you guys meeting again?”
Despite Lu Han’s quick recovery, Minseok can’t ignore the suspicious, nagging feeling at the back of his head. “This weekend.”
“Good, good…” His voice trails off and Minseok can just barely make out Lu Han whispering something in Mandarin to Yixing. “Jongdae didn’t say anything weird, right?”
“No? Why would he?”
“Good, good…” Lu Han repeats pensively. “Minseok, leave the next date to me. I can see what Jongdae’s trying to do and I think this weekend will finally be your time to shine. Trust me. Lean on me.”
Minseok stares blankly at his wall. “What the fuck are you on?”
“May the thirst be with you, my ping pong paddle.”
“He means padawan,” Yixing corrects in the background.
Step four: Respect and have boundaries.
“This is… a hotel.”
Minseok stares at the address Lu Han provided him with a muted sort of panic. He isn’t sure why they’re at a hotel. He isn’t sure why this is what Lu Han thought would be the best idea for a second date. “I-don’t know. I don’t know why we’re at a hotel. Lu Han just-”
Jongdae looks downright amused. “It’s okay,” he says with a shrug. “I totally understand.”
“I don’t know what he was think-what? Understand what?” Minseok blinks, looking at Jongdae in mild bewilderment. He doesn’t want Jongdae to misunderstand. There’s no good reason why they’re at this hotel and Minseok is already imagining all of the angry KakaoTalkemojis he’s going to be sending to Lu Han after they get this figured out.
“Come on,” Jongdae urges, gesturing to the door. “Our night awaits.”
“I was thinking maybe like a normal dinner. Or a movie? Something that… isn’t… this.” Minseok’s quiet pleas are hardly acknowledged as Jongdae leads him into the hotel and right up to the receptionist. There’s hardly any room for protest now. Jongdae’s already following Lu Han’s careful instructions, detailed explicitly in the envelope they’d found in Minseok’s jacket pocket just moments earlier. Instructions on where to go, what to say to which stranger and-
“Let’s go to our room,” Jongdae suggests. There’s a twinkle in his eyes and his lips are still curled into that barely there smile. Meanwhile, Minseok’s insides are sort of churning because he’s kind of frustrated about how things have turned out and doubly a little nervous because he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing to fix whatever this is. “This is a pretty nice hotel. Lu Han must really like you if he’s willing to go all out just for a date that isn’t even his.”
Minseok covers half of his face with one hand. He lets out a shudder of a sigh. “Lu Han is a headache. And I’m probably going to kill him.”
Their short journey to the designated hotel room is for the most part silent. There are punctuated moments filled with Minseok’s quiet sighs.
“I don’t know what he wants to happen,” Minseok confesses with a resigned expression of defeat.
“I do,” Jongdae replies, barely paying attention as he tries to figure out how the key card works. The beeping of the door handle is a necessary distraction before the door creaks open and they’re greeted with an obnoxious display of-
“Those aren’t rose petals. Tell me they aren’t rose petals.”
“They’re rose petals,” says Jongdae. “They are definitely rose petals.”
Minseok drags himself in and walks past Jongdae, examining every inch of this hotel room for any sign that they might be the butt of some huge joke or something. Maybe this is just a prank camera. Maybe Lu Han and Yixing are hiding in a cupboard or a drawer waiting to surprise Minseok or something.
Jongdae closes the door while Minseok sits sullenly on the side of the bed, peering out the window with an immeasurable amount of what he thinks might be adult angst. He notices a small plastic case sitting on the pillow to the left of him, however, and tears himself away from his momentary trance to procure it. There’s a disc on the inside of the case, permanent marker spelling out in Lu Han’s handwriting: WATCH BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS.
“Hey, Jongdae. Lu Han left us someth-” Minseok makes the mistake of turning around while Jongdae’s in the middle of doing what appears to be… “What-why are you… what… What are you doing? What’s going on?”
Jongdae appears to be stripping.
Without looking the slightest bit concerned, Jongdae yanks his shirt off of his head and settles it neatly on the other side of the mattress. His fingers casually work at his belt. “Well, I’m taking my clothes off,” he says matter-of-factly. “And then we’re going to do the things our yogurt slingers were made to do.”
Minseok stares.
“I’m talking about our dicks, by the way. That was just a cute way of saying dick. And a cute way of saying sex. Why do you look so surprised? Isn’t this what you want?”
Minseok blanches. Admittedly, though Jongdae isn’t the most built guy in the world, he’s quite a sight for sore eyes. “Jongdae,” he says hoarsely in spite of those appreciative thoughts, covering his face with his hands before dragging them down agonizingly. “Please put your shirt back on. I don’t… uh, I don’t want to rush into anything. I barely know you. You barely know me. We’re just… here because Lu Han’s an idiot.”
Jongdae blinks, tilting his head to the side. His gaze bores holes into Minseok’s defense. “You don’t?”
“I don’t,” Minseok confirms quickly. “I don’t want to do anything until we’re…comfortable with each other?”
There’s another silence as Jongdae tugs his shirt back on. He takes a seat next to Minseok on the edge of the bed and gingerly plucks the DVD out of Minseok’s hands. “What’s this?”
“Some DVD Lu Han left us, I think.”
It doesn’t seem like Jongdae’s upset or anything but Minseok still feels very much so burdened by the immense string of awkward situations. He isn’t sure if it’s appropriate to apologize for not wanting to rush into things-if maybe it’s a sign that Minseok’s kind of serious about getting to know Jongdae and maybe Jongdae isn’t. There are a lot of questions, a lot of creeping thoughts muddling Minseok’s mind and coherency but he keeps everything to himself. He doesn’t want to make things worse. He doesn’t want to complicate anything.
The television flickers on as Jongdae plays the DVD. The display shows Yixing sitting on a familiar couch. He peers into the lens and waves with a docile smile. “Hi Minseok, hi Jongdae,” he greets amiably. “Sorry about tricking you guys… Lu Han said there was no other way so, um, yeah. I sprinkled some rose petals for ambiance though. I hope you liked them. And I hope it really boosts your romantic energy and the energy of your-”
“DICKS,” Lu Han shouts from behind the camera.
“-Lu Han,” Yixing says sternly. His expression melts into another smile just a moment after. “Anyway, guys. I hope you have a great time. All the best and take your time doing whatever it is you need to do! Tonight is on us!” He waves cheerfully as the camera fades to black.
Before Jongdae or Minseok can comment, however, the DVD cuts to a scene that Minseok is positive isn’t supposed to be there. Lu Han and Yixing are wearing startlingly small amounts of clothing and attempting to perform an even raunchier version of the song Troublemaker.
“Oh my god,” Minseok mutters.
“I can’t believe they can bend like that,” Jongdae says in awe.
“Should I gouge my eyes out or should I do one of those chemical eye showers,” Minseok wonders aloud.
The DVD finally ends in its entirety. Jongdae flops over onto his back.
“So you want to be comfortable with me?” he inquires from where he’s reclining atop the covers. “You want to get to know me,” he corrects.
Minseok looks over his shoulder at Jongdae, whose gaze is glued to the ceiling. “Yeah. I’d like to get to know you,” he confirms. The words sound thick and awkward on his tongue but he isn’t lying. He’d like to get to know Jongdae. He wants to feel comfortable with him and vice versa.
“You’re really weird, Minseok,” Jongdae says with a small laugh. “That’s kind of a weird thing to say these days, you know? At least, without all of the creepy connotations. It’s weird to me that you turned down a free offer.”
“I’m your hyung,” Minseok says instinctively. “And weird in a bad way, huh?”
“Weird in a sort of endearing way, I guess. I think it’s cute that you want to get to know me,” Jongdae replies with a smile. He pats the spot next to him lazily. “Come lie down, hyung.”
He hesitates as he always does when it comes to anything vaguely intimate but he lies down anyway. He’s a little stiff as he stays there, hands folded on his stomach as Jongdae hums quietly next to him.
“You know my age, my major, my biggest nightmare. What else is there to know? I’m a Virgo, if that makes any difference. I like to sing Beyoncé when I’m in the shower but my best noraebong songs are probably Girls’ Generation, to be entirely honest. I live alone. I’ve lived alone since I was eighteen. I have an older brother. I have a mom and I have a dad. I haven’t seen them in a long while but they’re well if you were wondering-which I bet you were. I’ve done a lot of shitty things, made a lot of bad choices, but I think I’m getting to be in a good place now. And to clarify, this is a good place too. Good things are things that make you smile all teeth. Your smile, by the way, is really cute.”
Minseok doesn’t say anything.
“I know a lot more about you than you know about me thanks to Lu Han and Sehun,” Jongdae explains. “Like they told me as much as they could about you so I’d be comfortable and familiar. It’s probably why our dynamics don’t seem balanced.”
“What did they tell you?” Minseok asks cautiously.
“Oh, just some housekeeping details. They mentioned a time when you fell asleep during a movie night and they drew dicks on your face in retaliation, only to be disappointed by how little you cared.” The grin on Jongdae’s face is highly amused. “They said plenty of nice things. Lu Han seemed to think it was really important to tell me that you’re a virgin.”
“I’ll kill them both.” Minseok makes a noise of annoyance. “He thinks it’s a legitimate concern that I’m not interested in actively pursuing sex,” he says with a sigh. “Which is great. I’m very thankful that he’s invested in the success of my personal life, but… you know.”
“I think he’s more concerned that you’re lonely.”
“I’m not lonely.”
“Well,” Jongdae says with a flourish, repositioning himself so his elbows are supporting his torso and he’s sitting up. He smiles at Minseok, all teeth and ever-so promising. “I for one don’t care if you’re lonely or not. You’re unfortunately kind of cute regardless of whatever you do or say so I’m happy to be part of Lu Han’s master plan to make sure you’re in good company.”
Minseok suppresses a smile. “Who’s my good company then?”
“Rude.” Jongdae rolls onto his side, reaching toward the bedside table to grab at the telephone and a trifold of paper. “To retaliate for putting us in this situation that made you very uncomfortable, we are going to order all of the room service we want. Don’t worry, hyung. We’ll salvage this date so we can be absolutely positive that you’ll want a third one.”
Jongdae lies down again, flat on his back. He’s engrossed in the menu and the limitless options of expensive food.
And it’s kind of funny, really, but Minseok thinks he could definitely get used to this.
Step five: Follow your instincts.
“You can’t even begin to understand how glad I am that you and Jongdae are hitting it off so well,” Lu Han gushes. “How many dates has it been now? Four or five?”
“Five,” Minseok replies calmly.
“I’m surprised, to be honest. You and Jongdae hyung are so different, I thought you’d hate him,” Sehun comments with a shrug. He looks offended when Lu Han pinches his side to silence him. “What. I’m being honest.”
“We’re happy for you,” Lu Han amends.
“Yeah?” Minseok challenges with a raise of his brow. “He told me, you know,” he says with a feigned frown and a disappointed shake of the head. “Jongdae told me everything.”
Lu Han and Sehun freeze at that, looking much more affected than Minseok had anticipated. He isn’t actually too upset that they divulged so much about him to Jongdae, honestly, but it’s amusing seeing them fidget and squirm under the pressure. The dicks on his face story, after all, is funnier than it is anything else. Minseok considers it a comedic feat more than an embarrassing time.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d back out! Jongdae doesn’t even do that kind of stuff anymore, right, Sehun?” Lu Han’s tone is frantic and nervous. He laughs anxiously.
“Right,” Sehun confirms quickly. “He just needed to make money and desperate times called for desperate measures but he’s basically retired now! His last job was like, weeks ago.”
“Jongdae’s great!”
Minseok pauses. He isn’t sure if they’re on the same page anymore; he’s actually pretty positive that they aren’t. The nervousness on Lu Han and Sehun’s faces is telling. “Wait, what?”
Lu Han huffs. “Minseok,” he groans. “You can’t just change your mind about Jongdae because he was-I mean, he wasn’t like a hooker but he was kind of… you know. He needed the money and he did what he had to and-”
“What?” Minseok repeats, cutting in as soon as the words process in his mind. The happy, bubbly feeling of warmth in his chest is all but gone now. The realization that neither Lu Han nor Sehun are joking is dawning on him now and Minseok feels a little sick to his stomach. “Let me get this straight. You paid him to go on a date with me?”
Realization dawns on Sehun and Lu Han too and they blanch. Sehun looks down, instantly acknowledging his mistake and Lu Han parts his lips, prepared to explain but too dazed to form words.
“So you paid someone to pretend to like me. As a joke, yeah?” Minseok’s gaze is steely, unwavering. He feels sick. He needs to leave. “You know, I… think I’m going to have to go. And I’m not asking this as a favor but as a request that I expect to be honored but it’d be great if you stopped whatever this was. It’d be great, actually, if you just stopped taking any significant part of my life and treating it as some sort of joke.”
Minseok gets up from his seat and bites his tongue to keep from saying anything else. He shoves his phone and the unread text messages he’d been planning on replying to from Jongdae into his pocket before walking away, not once turning around to even give Lu Han or Sehun the opportunity to apologize.
It’s not his fault. They don’t really put up a fight anyway.
--
Kim Minseok grows up in a fairly rigorous environment. His parents are loving but they expect much from him. He conditions himself from the start to work hard and prioritize success. He works hard to make sure criticisms always translate into personal challenges. It’s hard though, really, for a kid, a teen, a young adult to take everything that comes his way with unwavering determination. People take advantage of him somewhere along the way because Kim Minseok is accommodating. Nothing ever brings him down.
The jokes that Minseok takes in good humor, jabbing at such mundane little things like how his cheeks are chubbier than anyone else’s, how he bores people to death with how excited he gets over things that aren’t racy girls in magazines his high school friends smuggled into cram school buildings, are much more impactful than they seem, however.
Somewhere along the way he realizes that instead of taking taunts that kind of hurt with a grain of salt, he’d been stowing them away and storing them at the very base of his chest. His ribcage is littered with jokes he remembers hating, with laughter that he thinks sounds malicious now. He is filled to the brim with memories of breakups-of past girlfriends and boyfriends complaining about Kim Minseok and how he never ever took risks or let himself have good things, how he never opened up.
He’s insecure to a fault, yes, but he thinks it’s perfectly reasonable considering how incredibly hard it is to find anyone patient enough to see beyond something so incredibly superficial.
So he doesn’t trust himself to get into relationships. He doesn’t trust himself to fall in love. He can’t bring himself to engage in meaningless hookups when he’s so idealistically fixated on the idea of physical intimacy following emotional intimacy. He doesn’t like feeling unsure. He doesn’t like feeling like he has to compete against himself to make sure his significant other is satisfied, happy, content.
But he’s never felt the pressure to get into a tangled mess of emotions, and he’s kind of upset, kind of disappointed in himself for feeling it now of all times.
Maybe it’s time to take a step back. He’s not ashamed of rerouting.
--
Kim Jongdae
i’m definitely glad we met
Received: 9:47 PM
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