I can live with your ghost if you say that's the most I'll get → for xiyings (2/2)
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Minseok has no idea how the fuck he ends up on a worn-out couch in some corner of a pub, watching the fuzzy edges of shadows move from one place to another.
All he could recall from his incoherent memories was wandering in the streets before deciding to trudge into the first pub he sees and drinking a few bottles of beer, the bitterness of the alcohol scorching his throat but also making him feel alive.
He sits up and starts counting the empty bottles around him, his finger flickering from bottles to bottles. “2, 3, 5, 9, 6, 7, 1, 8…”
He is pretty sure that he has made some mistakes in his counting but for the life of him, he can’t remember how counting goes and he hoots with loud laughter at himself because suddenly, there’s a lot he doesn’t know too.
Losing whatever energy he has, he falls forwards and his face lands on the fabric of the couch. This feels like an extremely comfortable position, plus the couch is actually quite a good substitute as a bed, and he would have been willing to sleep here forever if he hadn’t remember that this was not how home smells like.
This was not how Luhan smells like. Luhan smelt like the lavender grass soap he used to repel mosquitoes and the minty aftershave that he applied every day. Luhan doesn’t smell like stale cigarettes and definitely doesn’t smell like cheap beer and piss mixed together.
That was all the drive that Minseok needed to stand himself on his wobbly two legs, taking unsteady steps towards fresh air. He needed to get away from this place that stank of desperate singles looking for a quick fuck tonight.
Someone grabs him roughly from behind and he yelps in pain. “Sir, you haven’t paid-”
“I’m not interested, I already have a boyfriend, mind you!” He screams as he tries to entangle himself from the grip but it’s either he’s too weakened by the alcohol or the other is just too strong because his wrist hurt from his struggles. His eyes tear up and soon he sees another figure joining them before the person frees his wrist and he turns away.
Continuing his wobbly steps, he rejoices to find himself outside and breathing in fresh air. He has to say, he is mightily impressed with himself and proceeds to give himself a pat on his back. Literally.
Like any drunken fool, he loses his balance and lands right in front of the pub’s signboard.
This was the exact same pub where Yixing first introduced Luhan to him, where they first made out before continuing in Luhan’s place, Minseok finally realizes and his breaths come out in hollow and despairing laughter at how fate seems to always bring him back to Luhan, the cause of his deepest pain.
Suddenly, he is pulled up and he yelps again in surprise and fear before he is spun around to face someone he still recognizes in his drunken state.
“Hey Chen, Mr. Kim … JONG dae!!!! Fancy seeing you here too.” His cheeks hurt, his smile is too wide, it’s way too cold out here but he can’t help bursting out in giggles when double Jongdae appears in his vision.
“HEY, IS THAT YOUR TWIN BROTHER. HI JONGDAE’S TWIN BROTHER! NICE TO MEET YOU!!!” He waves his arms wildly, too intoxicated to realize that he almost hit Jongdae’s face.
The other tries to keep a grip on his flailing arms. “You’re drunk, Minseok.”
He pouts when his vision focuses again and Jongdae’s twin brother is no more. “That’s funny cause I don’t even remember drinking that much.” He tilts his head to the side, confused at so many things right now. “You know what’s funny too? On the day Luhan died, there was a ring in one of his coat pockets. Today is his birthday and I know, I just know that he was planning to propose to me today.”
He breaks away from Jongdae’s grip and when the other remains frowning, he cups the other’s face gently. “Why aren’t you laughing? Don’t you think it’s funny? Hilarious even that he died before his 27th birthday, that he died before I could say yes to him … because I will always say yes to him even without him asking.”
“H-How could he leave without giving me the future he promised me?” It’s getting harder to breathe and it’s only when Jongdae wipes the tears away that he realizes that he’s crying again.
“God Minseok, please stop crying.” The other pleads from him.
“What’s wrong with crying, huh? What’s wrong with crying when I have lost the person I love the most, when it’s not even my fault or his fault that he died? Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out, leaving nothing but emptiness and those empty promises? You guys keep saying that time will heal all wounds and that the pain will lessen with each day. But it has been fucking seven days and every day, it just hurts more and more! I go home and lie on the bed in an empty house and it feels so cold because there’s no more warmth and love in the house!”
He feels himself trembling but he also feels Jongdae’s strong furious arms around him so he surrenders to the tight embrace around him and sob into the other’s shoulder, his fingers fisting into the white cotton shirt.
“It gets so hard to go through the days and the nights without wanting to kill myself just so that I can finally see him again. I miss him so much, so so so much…. Jongdae, I just want to see him again so that I can tell him one last time how much I love him.”
“I know, Minseok, I know.” Jongdae’s soft voice echoes around him as the other strokes his hair tenderly. The scent of the taller male surrounds him and when his sobs subsides, he closes his eyes and thinks that yes, this is what home feels like.
This is what Luhan smells like.
This isn’t the first time he has brought someone back into his house late at night but never in his life has Jongdae ever imagined that he’ll be carrying a drunken guy back home.
If it was anybody else, he would have scoff and leave the poor person on the streets or get someone else to pick them up (if he’s in the mood for some kindness).
But he is starting to realize that Minseok isn’t just anyone, at least not to him.
When he has successfully heaved the sleeping male unto his bed, he goes to the bathroom to wet a towel (and to catch his breath, he never knew that carrying someone up four flights of stairs was this tiring; he makes a mental note to start working out more). Returning to the bed to place the wet towel on Minseok’s forehead, he brushes away the brown locks from the closed eyes gently.
The smaller male looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping; his beautiful face not marred by any frowns or lines of sadness. A tiny smile spreads across his mouth and Jongdae hopes that he is having a nice dream.
He doesn’t think it is fair that Minseok has to go through such sorrow and unhappiness because even though they have only known each other personally for a few days, he knows that Minseok’s heart is kind and soft. God only knows how much more the poor little heart can take before happiness and joy can enter it again.
Minseok’s breathing is steady and he cups the other’s cheek lightly before leaving a kiss on his temple. “I wish you would just forget Luhan and move on.” The moment the words tumble out of his mouth, he realizes just how selfish he really is and he backs away in horror.
How can Minseok be expected to forget the one person who brought much happiness and love into his life? Jongdae is indeed selfish but he is only selfish for Minseok because he doesn’t want to see the other lost in grief and pain any longer.
Too overwhelmed by his thoughts that he didn’t notice the snaking hand pulling him back and he falls on Minseok, their faces just inches apart.
“Then make me forget.”
He knows he won’t be able to say no the more he looks into the feline eyes of the other and so he looks away, pretending that he didn’t see the desire in the brown eyes and that he didn’t feel his body shiver when the hushed words were breathed out. “Minseok, you’re drunk.”
The smaller male emits a low chuckle. “I’m beginning to realize but that doesn’t mean I don’t mean what I say.”
It’s just the alcohol talking, Jongdae chants to himself in his mind as he allows a sad smile on his lips. “You’re just going to regret this in the morning.”
“That’s something we only know for sure in the morning.”
He knows what Minseok will feel in the morning; he has seen numerous times the way it destroys a small part of the widows and the widowers the morning after and this is something he doesn’t want the other to ever feel and so he shakes his head and tries to pull away but Minseok is surprisingly strong for someone so tiny.
“I’m taking my chances with you, why won’t you do the same with me?”
The unexpected honest question tears at his heart and he feels his restraints gradually slip away, his desire for the other growing stronger and stronger. When Minseok calls for him again in a voice wrecked by lust, his mind empties itself of all thoughts and he closes the gap between them slowly, his hands cupping Minseok’s neck gently.
Their lips mold perfectly together, he soon realizes. The sweet taste of Minseok’s lips keeps drawing him in, entrapping him and he is left to drown himself in the alluring moans of the other.
There is no rush in their kisses and their caresses on each other’s skin are light feathers, teasing and gentle.
Slowly, their clothes discard unto the floor and Jongdae takes a moment to appreciate the beauty that is Minseok’s body, his palms moving along the wondrous curves and contours of the other’s torso.
Minseok grins lazily, his mind already in a haze, moaning loudly when Jongdae trails butterfly kisses down his neck, licking and sucking the sensitive spot just above his collarbone.
The milky white body under Jongdae is an open book but its pages are empty and unwritten, allowing him to leave his ink in the form of touches and kisses on the pure ivory pages. He doesn’t intend to mark and claim his authorship but instead, leaves a love poem to all the parts of Minseok, even the parts that the smaller male isn’t proud of.
Even when he enters Minseok, he isn’t rough and impatient, gripping the smaller male’s hips just firmly enough to steady himself. While waiting for Minseok to settle around him, he peppers tiny kisses on any surface of skin his lips can get to and tiny giggles from the cherry plump lips steals his heart again and again. He starts off slow, going faster when he senses that the other is ready but never going at a speed that breaks the smaller one.
Together, they pen a sonnet; the gratifying moans and groans falling from their lips forming the words to their sonnet and the pace of Jongdae’s thrusts establishing the rhythm in the lines. The electrifying pleasures coursing through their bodies and tingling their skin binds them together, keeping the words and the rhythm intertwined in a tight rhyming and structuring scheme.
All Jongdae wants is for Minseok to forget the pain in his heart, for love and pleasure to sear through his veins and bones into his whole being so that he will always be reminded that he is forever loved. Not just by Jongdae but also by Luhan.
And yet, he knows that it is him who is lost in the ocean of Kim Minseok. Like a sailor out at sea for the first time, he is fearful of the strong waves of emotions and affections that he feels for the other. But he doesn’t bother to find his bearings because he knows he’s at home in the middle of the ocean, letting the unfathomable nature of Minseok’s body lead him into unchartered territories of pleasures.
Feeling himself close to the edge, Jongdae wraps his hand around Minseok’s hardness as the smaller hisses in agony before the hisses turn into mewling and whimpering, adorable little sounds that is the tiny male’s way of begging for release, when his fingers trails down the length and taps teasingly at the head where pre-cum is already leaking.
“Jongdae, I swear to God-”
“Shhh I’ll take you there soon, don’t worry.” And he does, thrusting faster and deeply, the strokes of his fingers around Minseok’s hardness matching the rhythm of his hips. When they come together, Minseok’s back arching and pressing into his chest, Jongdae bites and leaves a tiny mark at the back of the other’s beautiful nape, the air escaping though his teeth in quivery breaths as his vision swims in the heat of his orgasm.
(Just one mark to claim a little tiny part of Minseok. Just one, he’s not that greedy.)
Their second round two hours later is a lot more faster and rougher, Jongdae’s low growls filling the room as Minseok rides him to oblivion. Their grips on each other are harder and scratches run down each other’s backs; marks left by their desperation to claim and break each other.
(Theirs is a fight for domination but even though it seems that Jongdae is winning, it’s really a losing battle for him, each of his chess pieces discarded by every little delicious sound Minseok throws out till his king is left standing and defenseless, ready to be checkmate by the tiny male.)
When morning comes, Jongdae wakes up on an empty bed and Minseok is nowhere to be seen in his house.
His heart never felt emptier.
“Minseok-hyung, finally! Where were you last night? I tried calling you but your phone was off? Did something happen?”
“Sorry Joonmyun… I went to bed early last night and didn’t even notice that my phone’s battery was flat.”
“Are you okay? You sound really tired.”
“… I’m fine, I just need some rest. So I read from your text that the funeral home wants us to pick an outfit for Luhan?”
“Yeah, they were asking whether we can send the outfit down today so that they can dress him for the memorial service. Do you want me to come and help you pick out the outfit? But I can only come down much later because Jongin is still have a fever-”
“Hey, it’s fine. I can do it. We should dress him in his captain uniform, right? It is the best way to say goodbye … I’ll send it to Jongdae- I mean to the funeral home later in the afternoon.”
“Are you sure? If you’re really uncomfortable with doing it, I can come down-”
“Kim Joonmyun, your only job today is to nurse my little NiNi back to health. And no sex till he is fully well!”
“Y-Yah hyung!”
“The last time this happened, Luhan had to fly continuously for five days because the two of you were sick for two weeks. Don’t repeat your terrible life choices.”
“You’re terrible for mentioning this now.”
“Whatever. I got to go now so that I can send the uniform over to the funeral home before they close for the day.”
“Okay hyung, see you tomorrow!”
The minute Minseok hangs up, he cradles his throbbing head in his hands, wondering where he has gone so wrong in his life to have such a fucking awful hangover right now.
He’s surprised that Joonmyun didn’t see through his little lie just now. The younger always has an uncanny ability to know whenever he is lying and even though the other has never done anything to make him uncomfortable, it still unnerves him that he can be read so easily. This is why he hates lying to the younger.
But it’s really not like he can come clean and say, “I’m sorry Joonmyun, I wasn’t able to take your call last night because I was busy having sex with the funeral director responsible for my dead boyfriend, your dead best friend’s memorial service. Well, isn’t the weather bright and sunny today?”
Who is he to lecture Joonmyun about terrible life choices when the whole of last night was a huge mistake? He bites his lower lip as he recalls the events of last night, his cheeks flushing at the memory of riding Jongdae and moaning the other’s name shamelessly.
(Okay, he admits to himself, maybe he enjoyed the mistake a little more than he should last night.)
Mistake or not, he is determined not to dwell on it any longer. His mind should be on more important things, like Luhan's memorial service tomorrow.
He pads into the bedroom where Luhan's uniform lies on the bed, all spotless and perfectly pressed. It was the one they collected from Luhan's hotel room in Rome, the exact one he was supposed to wear as he captains the plane home over the clouds and the distance separating them.
The one he never got to wear one last time. How fitting that it will also be the one to clothe him as his body integrates into ashes and earth.
Minseok runs his fingers over the texture of the jacket and the shirt, smiling at how dashing Luhan had looked in the uniform and how he will sometimes dust off imaginary loose threads and lint off the jacket before the other leaves for work, just so that he can play the part of the domesticated husband he has always wanted to be to his lover.
He does it again, his fingers brushing off imaginary specks of dust even though he knows there isn't any as a single tear escapes down his cheek but the loving smile never leaving his face.
Luhan will look dashing and perfect as they say goodbye to him tomorrow and Minseok thinks that it's still no easier to let him go.
Remembering something else, he rummages through the closet until he comes a worn-out leather jacket with fur lining the collar. He has already decided that this will be placed in the coffin, wrapped around Luhan during the cremation because this was the other's favorite jacket and he will never be able to live with the regret that they have sent Luhan off without any of the other's favorite things.
He brings the collar of the leather jacket to his nose and breathes in fevently, committing the scent of its previous owner into the deepest corner of his memories.
The more he clutches the jacket to his chest, the harder it gets for him to part with it. But this is the third step of moving on and the seven days are almost up, he tells himself and he stuffs the jacket and the uniform into their protective covers before leaving the house.
("Luhan, where did you put the- Why are you wearing my jacket again?"
"Because I love it, because it has your smell and because I want it to smell like me too so that everybody will know that you're mine when you wear it out."
"You're ridiculous."
"Says the one who wears my grey hoodie to sleep every night.")
For the millionth time today, Jongdae checks his phone for any missed calls or texts and really he should know better than to feel the ache of disappointment when he finds none.
If it wasn't for the urgent phone call from a certain worker with heart-shaped lips and a fury to match hell's fire, he would have skipped work, preferring to hide himself under the covers for the entire day because then, he wouldn't need to think.
(Under the covers, he is able to remember what it felt like to have Minseok writhing and panting under him, his wandering hands memorizing all the details of skin, curves and collarbones.)
But here is now, preparing for the memorial service of his late-night guest's boyfriend. Dead-but-obviously-still-very-much-present-in-Minseok's-heart-and-mind boyfriend.
Irony has never hit this hard.
He doesn't even understand half the feelings assaulting his heart and mind right now: all the disappointment, guilt and the loss of something close to him. It's not like he loves Minseok; he knows that it's ridiculous and foolish to love someone he barely knows and that such a love brings nothing but heartache and regrets.
But no matter what his mind tells him, he has come to see that Minseok is someone he can probably live without but he really wouldn't want to try.
With all these thoughts, Jongdae turns at the corner to see Kyungsoo crouching and swearing while trying to gather the objects scattered all over the floor. He smiles and proceeds to help the other out. "Mind telling me what happened?"
The smaller male scowls, his heart-shaped lips not so lovely now. "Why don't you go and ask Oh Sehun and Huang Zitao why the fuck they were riding their bicycles indoors. I mean if they are not too busy sucking each other's face off."
"I gather that I'm not the only one who has accidentally walked into their make-out session in this area."
Kyungsoo throws a glare at Jongdae, his cheeks slowly turning red and no one knows whether it's from anger or embarrassment. "Our clients almost walked into them moaning each other's names."
"Ah but luckily you were there to stop them, see Kyungsoo this is why you're my favorite." Jongdae chuckles, knowing that flattery doesn't work on the smaller male but trying anyway and is rewarded with a small smile hanging on the other's lips. He gathers a leather jacket and some kind of uniform wrapped in its protective cover.
"The outfit that Mr. Kim prepared for Mr. Luhan's memorial service tomorrow. Isn't it splendid, it's an actual captain's uniform! Pity that it is going to be burned up though
Mr. Kim. Luhan. Minseok.
"Was Minseok here just now?" He tries to keep his excitement and anxiousness veiled as he voices the question but somehow his face must have betrayed him because Kyungsoo is eyeing him with an expression that his mother used to put on when she caught him bringing stray puppies back from the streets.
"He left quite a while ago. Why? Is there something going on between you and this Mr. Kim Minseok?"
He leaves the question unanswered and pushes the uniform and the leather jacket into the other's hands. "Shouldn't you pass this to Ryeowook-hyung? I think he is waiting."
Kyungsoo shakes his head, his eyes silently expressing his disapproval but doesn't say anything as he hurries off.
It is only when the other's footsteps fade away that Jongdae notices the object left in a corner on the floor. It appears to be some sort of keychain, a thick metal sheet with an odd-shaped depression and he soon realizes that the depression is actually for the tiny key, which is attached to the metal sheet, to rest in it. For some reason, he deems the keychain interesting enough to pocket it without much thought.
The first thing that Minseok does when he walks up and enters the glass house is to gasp at how everything was arranged.
He is glad that he was resolute in his decision, even if they had to wait for a week because he was right; the glass house in the garden was the perfect place to hold Luhan’s memorial service. Sun rays stream in through the glass, warming all their grieving hearts just a little bit and reminding them of the way Luhan used to brighten up their days with a smile and a joke. The blue sky and its wandering white clouds can be seen from every corner of the house and Minseok’s heart is comforted as he imagines Luhan smiling and gazing at the boundless sky from his coffin.
White roses fill the area and hanging on the walls are the numerous paper cranes, folded by the public as a symbol of their condolences. At the front of Luhan’s coffin is the beautiful portrait drawn by Yixing, capturing the soft-doe eyes, slender nose and the way a bright smile graces his lips; facial features that Minseok already misses dearly.
He heads slowly to the coffin, tearing up at how peaceful and content Luhan looks. He half-expects the other to open his eyes groggily, rubbing the sleepiness away while grinning a lazy smile, only laughing when he realizes that he has slept the night away in his uniform again (a tiny melodious laugh that Minseok records in his heart). But he knows that Luhan is never going to open those delightful eyes again; he only hopes that wherever his lover is, it’s a better place. His fingers caress the cheeks of the other, cold to his touch but still lovely and he places a gentle lingering kiss on the other’s forehead.
“Goodbye, my little prince.”
Minseok was wrong.
Funerals doesn’t just consist of lists because many have come to the service, sharing what Luhan meant to each of them and in each of their eulogy, Minseok feels the presence of the other strongly and finally, he is no longer fearful that one day, he will look back wondering if Luhan was just a figment of his imagination. Because now there are people out there who has been loved and touched by the other, just like him; a community of people that he can always go to whenever he wants to talk about Luhan.
Today is where they say goodbye as the captain makes his final journey but is also a celebration of the other’s life and what he came to represent to them: love, friendship, brotherhood, kinship, courage, loyalty and self-sacrificing.
In the middle of Yixing’s eulogy, Minseok feels the sudden presence of someone beside him and when he turns, his heart lurches at Jongdae’s handsome smiling face.
“Hi.” Jongdae says simply but Minseok sees the sea of words that the other is desperate to let out, questions that the other is afraid to ask and he is afraid to answer.
“Hi… This place is lovely. Thanks for all that you have done to make this easier for all of us.” He looks away and retreats into himself again, a bad habit he has whenever he faces a situation he is unwilling to deal with, and he is pretty damn sure that Jongdae sees through his defences.
“Minseok, we need to talk.” His tiny wrist is gripped by Jongdae’s strong hand and he’s not sure whether he can put up a fight anymore.
“I-”
Right at this moment, soft sobs can be heard all over the place through the sound system and Minseok is the first to react, flinging Jongdae’s hand away as he goes to Yixing, cradling the younger and leading him down the platform before handing him over to Yifan’s gentle arms.
Minseok sticks close to Joonmyun and Jongin after the encounter, never leaving their side and looking away when he knows that Jongdae’s eyes are trained on him.
For some reason, Minseok has refused to give a eulogy and no one has the heart to persuade him otherwise, making Joonmyun the last to speak.
“Most of you probably know Luhan as the first Chinese commercial pilot to rise to the rank of captaincy in South Korea. And he is definitely someone very deserving of the title because he is absolutely devoted to his job and flying. Even though he may seem playful, he is extremely serious when it comes to his work and he is always willing to go the extra mile just so that each and every passenger will have a comfortable and flight because he feels that it is his responsibility to bring every passenger safely back home, to see the family reunited.
What I admire about Luhan the most is the generous heart he has for everybody, always giving and never asking for anything in return. I remember when we were still in the pilot training program, I didn’t like him very much because he seems the kind of guy who has everything without putting in any effort and who seems to take everything in a flippant manner. But I was wrong because he studied hard every day, making sure he understood everything in theory before he steps into a plane. I saw him as a rival but he has never thought the same about me or about anyone else in the class, always willing to share his notes and tutoring after classes. When I got the Silver Eagle badge, he came up to me with sincere happiness for me and it was then that I realized that he is someone I will become friends forever.
He stood by me through everything, once even screaming at me while spraying me with water when I get so drunk after a bad break-up. If it wasn’t for him, I would never have the courage to ask Jongin out. He was the one who told Jongin not to give up on me after a huge fight because he knows that I’m difficult to love but that I will also break if Jongin ever leaves me.
Luhan loved each and every person in his life in different ways. I’m just glad that we remained friends all the way to the end and that he loved me through all my imperfections and flaws.
Even though he led a really short life, he has shown himself to be a fine example of what it is like to be a good friend and a good lover. He will always be in my thoughts and I will always look up to him.
Thank you, hyung for all that you have done for us.”
Minseok is halfway through his conversation with Yifan when Jongdae pulls him indoor, pinning him against the wall as he stares fearful and frustrated at the taller but he tries to sound placid (his heart really isn’t all that calm though) when he breaks the silence first. “I’m glad I asked you to sing, you sounded good just now. Will you ever consider going back to singing? I talked to Yifan just now and he really wants you back on the stage-”
“Minseok, please just stop avoiding me.”
“I’m not.” His face burns with the intensity of Jongdae’s gaze on him and he pushes the other away.
“Okay then, let’s talk.”
“I don’t know what you want to talk about! There’s nothing going on between the two of us. I am just your client and you are just someone who is responsible for my boyfriend’s funeral. The memorial service has officially ended and this is where our business ends, Jongdae.”
Minseok’s eyes widens with horror and regrets the moment the words are out of his mouth but it is so hard to take them back now, especially when Jongdae’s face hardens and his stare piercing. “Is that so?”
“Hey Jongdae-hyung!”
A young blond walks briskly towards them and they immediately draw apart, Minseok training his eyes away from the other two while Jongdae’s voice fills with frustration as he turns to Sehun.
“Sehun, what do you want now?”
“You left your keys in the glass house so I’m returning them to you. … Am I interrupting something here?” The blond narrows his eyes at them curiously as he hands Jongdae the bunch of keys.
Minseok glances at the various objects in Jongdae’s hand and he freezes, his heart hammering in his chest as he tries to make sense of the situation, of what fate throws at him and especially of the relationship between him, Jongdae and Luhan.
“Yes, you are. So please fucking see yourself out.”
“Tsk, not even a word of thanks.”
His mind couldn’t focus on anything but the specific object in Jongdae’s grip so when the taller pockets the bunch of keys, he panics and grabs the other’s hand instinctively. “Take it out.”
“… Take what out?”
He knows that Jongdae is beyond confused by his sudden command and the abrupt shift in his behavior but he has to make sure. “The keys!”
Jongdae visibly flinches at the panic in Minseok’s voice and he does what he is told, concern growing when he sees the way the smaller’s face pales while gaping at his bunch of keys. “Minseok, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”
Minseok has only seen the object once in his life but it is something he can never forget because with it, is a memory he can never shake off. Quite literally. “That keychain with the tiny key… Where did you get it?”
“I found it lying on the floor yesterday.”
“Do you know what kind of lock that key can open?” Minseok’s stares blankly at the tiny key, the fateful memory striking his heart.
(“This lock represents my heart and now it’s locked around your wrist, meaning that you will always have my heart, no matter if I’m here with you or far away from you.”
“Why does it sound like you’re just trying to lock me up?”
“Because I am! As long as this lock remains closed around your wrist, you are not allowed to love anybody else.”
“But you’re the only one who can open it so… I’m stuck with you forever.”
“Of course! … But if you ever meet anybody who loves you more than I do and who is able to make you even more happy, just tell me and I will release the lock because all I want is for you to be the happiest, even if it’s not with me.”
“Please don’t say that. You have given me all that I have wanted and needed and I will never love anybody else like I love you.”)
Slowly, Minseok raises his hand and pulls the sleeves up to reveal a metal bracelet on his left wrist, his eyes glaze with the memories as he gazes at Jongdae who begins to understand what all of this is about.
Gently holding Minseok’s wrist, Jongdae lowers the tiny key into the lock on the metal bracelet, releasing a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding when he turns the key and the clasp around the smaller’s wrist opens.
“It’s finally unlocked. …. Y-You’re the one who opened it.” The tears welling in Minseok’s eyes drop down his cheeks and once again, Jongdae wipes the tears away.
For once, Minseok recalls the way Jongdae held his trembling body and sang him to sleep over the phone when he was unable to fall asleep. He recalls the way the taller made him feel on that special night, the way their bodies fitted together and the way he felt safe and secured when the other has expressed love and adoration to him.
Perhaps, just perhaps, Jongdae can love him as much as Luhan did.
This was his last thought as he closes the gap between them and the other responds, their lips melting together perfectly, just like the first time.
The smell of sex hangs heavy in the air and on the bed, two males pant deeply with a dazed smile on each of their face, still wrapped up in the afterglow of their orgasm. Their hair sticks to their sweaty face and one of them brushes the locks off the smaller male’s forehead before pulling him closer to his body and wrapping the tiny frame with his arms.
“That. Was. Amazing.” Jongdae breathes out, sneaking a kiss on Minseok’s closed eyelid.
“We should try playing with ice cubes next time.” Jongdae pulls back a little and raises his eyebrow at the tiny one snuggled in his embrace. “Like I said, I experimented a lot in university. You should be glad, aren’t you?”
I’m very glad, Jongdae silently replies and he shows his appreciation by brushing his fingers on the suppleness of Minseok’s thighs, making the other gasps and shivers. ‘Tonight.” He whispers sensuously, his alluring breath brushing against the sensitive skin of the other’s ear.
Minseok’s lips curl into a tantalizing smile and his eyes lights up with a glint of excitement. “Okay but you’re cooking dinner tonight.”
“Hmm fattening you up before I eat you up whole.”
A burst of giggles escapes Minseok’s lips and he hits Jongdae’s arm playfully. “That actually sounds gross and it’s probably going to keep me off the mood for sex tonight.”
Jongdae feigns a gasp and a look of mock-horror crosses his face. “No.”
A comfortable silence envelops them and Jongdae draws tiny circles on Minseok’s hipbone with his thumb, loving the way the smaller’s skin feels under his fingers. He loves touching Minseok, loves making the other moan and breaking the smaller into a writhing mess on the sheets but there’s so much more he wants. “Let’s go on a date tomorrow.”
“… Hmm.” A non-committal reply from the other is all he gets and that’s a sign that they are delving into territories that Minseok isn’t comfortable with but Jongdae pushes on, knowing that this will be good for the both of them.
“I mean all we’ve done is stay home, watch TV, eat, cuddle and have lot’s of amazing sex all over the house. And while I love all of these, I also want to bring you out on cheesy dates, do all the things that couples do like dinners, movies, amusement parks, picnics, run through the rain with you…”
Minseok laughs at how ridiculous the other is sounding to him. “You can stop now. I get your point.” But he cups Jongdae’s face gently, gazing into the eyes that are so full of love and eagerness and he can’t bear to let the other down. “Okay, let’s go on a date tomorrow. But before that, there’s a place I want to go tomorrow.”
“I can’t believe that you wanted to come to Namsan Tower.”
“There’s just something important I have to do. I’ll be back soon!”
Thousands of locks fill the railings around the place and Minseok glances at the couples milling around, most of them placing their couple locks in areas that haven’t been taken up, such areas getting rarer with each passing day. Blissful smiles fill up their faces and he sees the happiness radiating from them at this moment. It doesn’t matter of half the couples wouldn’t last till end, what matters is that they are together right now, in love with each other.
He slowly takes out the metal bracelet, the same one that Jongdae has unlocked not too long ago.
“Hey Luhan, I know that this is your way of telling me to stop waiting for someone who will never appear again. Thank you for the love you have given me and I will always lock up the memories that we have in my heart.”
The metal bracelet is placed and clasped shut around the tiny wire of the railings, a last kiss left by Minseok before he gets up and leaves, his heart finally free and light.
Dear Luhan,
How time flies, it has already been a year since you left us.
It’s also been a few months since the last time I’ve sent you an email and I just want you to that you don’t have to worry because I’ve been good and happy with Jongdae.
There are times when I still expect to see your face, still waiting for your kiss before I remember that the one beside me now is Jongdae and not you. But these moments are getting rare these days and he treats me really well, pampering me the way you used to.
Did Joonmyun tell you that he has recently been promoted to captaincy? I know that you will be extremely happy for him. And Yixing finally say yes to Yifan’s marriage proposal. I wish you are here to give Yifan a hard time before handing your best friend’s hand to him.
I really miss you.
Love,
Minseok
“Hi, this is Minseok and if you are hearing this, it means that I’m too busy- HAVING SEX WITH ME- OH MY GOD JONGDAE, SHUT UP. As I was saying, I can’t take your call right now so please a message after this- Minseok, come back to bed. It’s too cold without you- beep. Thank you.”
“… Erm ahem, Mr. Kim Minseok? This is Park Chanyeol and I’m a lawyer at Jung & Partners. I have been the one who has been holding on to Mr. Luhan’s will, according to his wishes and I have been instructed by him to contact you a year after his death. Will you mind giving me a call whenever you are free? Thank you for your kind attention and I look forward to hearing from you soon.”
Dear Minnie my honey sweet apple-pie boo!
So I’m here at this party right now and one of the games was to pretend that I only have an hour before my death and I have to write a letter to just one person. Even though Yixing and Joonmyun are my best friends and I would love to write to them but with only an hour and one last letter, I have to write to you because you, you’re the sun to my universe, the maple syrup to my pancakes and the butter to my bun.
I just want you to know how happy that you’re in my life and how blessed I am to be able to wake up to your beautiful baozi face, even though I have probably told you a thousand times and you are probably sick of me already. Meeting you is my destiny and for once, I am glad for it because the minute I laid my eyes on you, I fell so hard in love and my feelings for you have never changed.
When I think about dying, what hurts me more than the thought of not being able to hug and kiss you, is imagining you crying and it really hurts because I never wanted you to cry over me. You should be happy and smiling, even if the person beside you is no longer me. I hope that you will able to meet someone who loves you more than I do (it’s not possible though but we can always hope), who will hold you whenever you are afraid and who will sing you to sleep whenever you are tossing and turning in bed.
Of course I hope that you will think of me once in a while but only once in a while; I’m not that greedy.
You once told me that you love gazing at the city lights and the stars at night because with them around, you feel that darkness isn’t as scary as it seems. I will be enclosing a key with this letter and it will lead you to a place where the lights will never stop shining for you. I hope that whenever you feel that there’s only darkness in your path, you will remember that my heart will always be there to light your way home.
I sound drunk but I’m really not.
Okay, maybe just a little tipsy. Just a little.
From the one who loves you to the ends of the universe and back,
Luhan
The letter crumples in Minseok’s tiny hand and he weeps, sinking down unto the floor.
The colorful lights surrounding him tells him that Luhan kept his promise, the lights in this place continues to shine for him even though he has no idea they existed.
He weeps not because he misses Luhan but because he finally realizes something, the truth of it crushing his tiny heart.
Dear Jongdae,
I’m sorry that I left without saying a word but I was afraid that if I look into your eyes again, I wouldn’t be able to turn away.
And I have to because I finally realized something and it breaks my heart, knowing that I haven’t been fair to you.
Thank you for loving me whole-heartedly, even you know full well that I only have a few pieces of my heart left to love you back, the rest of them taken away by Luhan. Thank you for knowing all this and still try to heal my heart.
I love you too but not in the same way and I’m sorry. There’s too many memories I shared with Luhan embedded in you and I keep seeing him in the way you talk and walk, in the way you kiss and hold me. Sometimes when I’m with you, I have to bite down my tongue before I blurt out his name.
One day, I will learn to love you without placing a part of Luhan on you but now is not the time. I zoomed right into our relationship so soon after his death that I never got the chance to feel and see the world without his influence, without him appearing in my thoughts. Which is why I need to get away and experience the world with my own eyes and in my own terms.
Beside this letter is a tape and inside is a demo for a song I started composing when I was with Luhan. For a while, I was not able to work on it after his death but you, you enabled me to start again because I felt so loved and happy. I was happy, please believe me that you make me feel so cherished and secure whenever I’m with you.
I have called Yifan already and he will be on his way to force you into singing again. I expect that Baekhyun will be with him too because we both know that they fought the hardest for you and they are still fighting for you. Please don’t make their battle be against you.
You deserve to be on the stage because that is the only place where you are the happiest. Don’t let the past hold you back because who knows, this time round, you will shine so brightly and you will be able to lead me home again.
I wish you all the best and all the happiness from the bottom of my heart.
Once again, I’m sorry and I wish that I was able to love you in the way you deserve right from the start.
Love,
Minseok
Dear Minseok-hyung,
How have you been! It’s really nice to see all the pictures you have taken and thank you for them, they are so beautiful! Though it will be nice if you can send only a few at a time because Jongin insists in framing all of them up and I really can’t say no to him, you know? I’m afraid that we are running out of wall space ^^;
Anyway, Jongin has been promoted to Senior First Officer, I’m so proud of my baby! We are holding a small party for him and we hope that you will come for it!
I met up with Jongdae a few times. Only a few times because he’s busy preparing for his comeback and he says that the company is extremely strict on him. He’s been asking about you but I don’t really know what to tell him without your permission.
We all miss you and we hope you will come back soon!
Love,
Joonmyun (and Jongin)
“Chen, your new song “Daylight” is topping the charts within a day of its release! How do you feel about it?”
“Of course I’m really surprised and happy that people love the song. I can only say that it’s a huge encouragement.”
“Can you tell us more about the song?”
“The song is about the feeling you get when you finally meet someone who makes you so happy and loved that every morning as daylight slowly streams through the windows, you feel blessed to be able to wake up next to them.”
“Aww it’s so sweet!”
“Yes, and the melody of the song is very fitting for the lyrics. The beats are light-hearted, it’s like the skip in your steps as you go to meet the special someone.”
“I heard that other than it being your comeback song, it also holds a special meaning for you?”
“… The song was composed by a friend, someone who wanted me to step back on the stage again and even though he doesn’t know, it is him who gave me the courage to take that leap of faith again. … He’s someone very special to me.”
Dear Minseok-hyung,
Which part of the world are you in now?! It’s been so hard to contact you and we only hope that there is Internet access wherever you are right now because this is important and this has to get to you before it’s too late.
I proposed to Jongin last week and he said yes! Up till now, I still can’t believe that he said yes but we are getting married next month. It’s just a small ceremony with lunch reception after that because Jongin’s parents still doesn’t approve of us and we want to keep everything small for now.
Jongin says that he is never going to forgive you if you don’t turn up at our wedding and I agree with him. YOU HAVE TO TURN UP!!! I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO WALK ALL THE WAY BACK TO SEOUL.
Jongdae is still asking about you and I don’t really know what happened between the two of you but I can see that he still cares a lot for you so please talk to him when you get back, okay?
Love,
Joonmyun and NiNi
Dear Luhan,
It’s been a year since I left, since I last saw Yixing and Joonmyun and Jongin.
And Jongdae.
I think it’s time that I head back home. Do you? You said that there will always be someone who shines brightly enough to lead me back home and I think I have finally found the one.
Love,
Minseok
Minseok looks around the hangar, his hand slowly gliding over the aircraft that used to belong to Luhan. It no longer does but he still feels the surging of the memories, memories of the other flying them up in the aircraft as he stares, too marveled by the vastness of the sky.
“Minseok?”
He smiles because he recognizes the voice.
Author's note: Firstly, thank you mod for being so patient!!!
To ~xiyings, I hope this is what you wanted ;w; and I'm sorry for poorly-written smut, it's my first time.
Also I hope that the ending is ambiguous enough.
Thank you A for holding my hand every time I have a panic attack. I love you as much as you love YX.
Minseok has no idea how the fuck he ends up on a worn-out couch in some corner of a pub, watching the fuzzy edges of shadows move from one place to another.
All he could recall from his incoherent memories was wandering in the streets before deciding to trudge into the first pub he sees and drinking a few bottles of beer, the bitterness of the alcohol scorching his throat but also making him feel alive.
He sits up and starts counting the empty bottles around him, his finger flickering from bottles to bottles. “2, 3, 5, 9, 6, 7, 1, 8…”
He is pretty sure that he has made some mistakes in his counting but for the life of him, he can’t remember how counting goes and he hoots with loud laughter at himself because suddenly, there’s a lot he doesn’t know too.
Losing whatever energy he has, he falls forwards and his face lands on the fabric of the couch. This feels like an extremely comfortable position, plus the couch is actually quite a good substitute as a bed, and he would have been willing to sleep here forever if he hadn’t remember that this was not how home smells like.
This was not how Luhan smells like. Luhan smelt like the lavender grass soap he used to repel mosquitoes and the minty aftershave that he applied every day. Luhan doesn’t smell like stale cigarettes and definitely doesn’t smell like cheap beer and piss mixed together.
That was all the drive that Minseok needed to stand himself on his wobbly two legs, taking unsteady steps towards fresh air. He needed to get away from this place that stank of desperate singles looking for a quick fuck tonight.
Someone grabs him roughly from behind and he yelps in pain. “Sir, you haven’t paid-”
“I’m not interested, I already have a boyfriend, mind you!” He screams as he tries to entangle himself from the grip but it’s either he’s too weakened by the alcohol or the other is just too strong because his wrist hurt from his struggles. His eyes tear up and soon he sees another figure joining them before the person frees his wrist and he turns away.
Continuing his wobbly steps, he rejoices to find himself outside and breathing in fresh air. He has to say, he is mightily impressed with himself and proceeds to give himself a pat on his back. Literally.
Like any drunken fool, he loses his balance and lands right in front of the pub’s signboard.
This was the exact same pub where Yixing first introduced Luhan to him, where they first made out before continuing in Luhan’s place, Minseok finally realizes and his breaths come out in hollow and despairing laughter at how fate seems to always bring him back to Luhan, the cause of his deepest pain.
Suddenly, he is pulled up and he yelps again in surprise and fear before he is spun around to face someone he still recognizes in his drunken state.
“Hey Chen, Mr. Kim … JONG dae!!!! Fancy seeing you here too.” His cheeks hurt, his smile is too wide, it’s way too cold out here but he can’t help bursting out in giggles when double Jongdae appears in his vision.
“HEY, IS THAT YOUR TWIN BROTHER. HI JONGDAE’S TWIN BROTHER! NICE TO MEET YOU!!!” He waves his arms wildly, too intoxicated to realize that he almost hit Jongdae’s face.
The other tries to keep a grip on his flailing arms. “You’re drunk, Minseok.”
He pouts when his vision focuses again and Jongdae’s twin brother is no more. “That’s funny cause I don’t even remember drinking that much.” He tilts his head to the side, confused at so many things right now. “You know what’s funny too? On the day Luhan died, there was a ring in one of his coat pockets. Today is his birthday and I know, I just know that he was planning to propose to me today.”
He breaks away from Jongdae’s grip and when the other remains frowning, he cups the other’s face gently. “Why aren’t you laughing? Don’t you think it’s funny? Hilarious even that he died before his 27th birthday, that he died before I could say yes to him … because I will always say yes to him even without him asking.”
“H-How could he leave without giving me the future he promised me?” It’s getting harder to breathe and it’s only when Jongdae wipes the tears away that he realizes that he’s crying again.
“God Minseok, please stop crying.” The other pleads from him.
“What’s wrong with crying, huh? What’s wrong with crying when I have lost the person I love the most, when it’s not even my fault or his fault that he died? Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out, leaving nothing but emptiness and those empty promises? You guys keep saying that time will heal all wounds and that the pain will lessen with each day. But it has been fucking seven days and every day, it just hurts more and more! I go home and lie on the bed in an empty house and it feels so cold because there’s no more warmth and love in the house!”
He feels himself trembling but he also feels Jongdae’s strong furious arms around him so he surrenders to the tight embrace around him and sob into the other’s shoulder, his fingers fisting into the white cotton shirt.
“It gets so hard to go through the days and the nights without wanting to kill myself just so that I can finally see him again. I miss him so much, so so so much…. Jongdae, I just want to see him again so that I can tell him one last time how much I love him.”
“I know, Minseok, I know.” Jongdae’s soft voice echoes around him as the other strokes his hair tenderly. The scent of the taller male surrounds him and when his sobs subsides, he closes his eyes and thinks that yes, this is what home feels like.
This is what Luhan smells like.
This isn’t the first time he has brought someone back into his house late at night but never in his life has Jongdae ever imagined that he’ll be carrying a drunken guy back home.
If it was anybody else, he would have scoff and leave the poor person on the streets or get someone else to pick them up (if he’s in the mood for some kindness).
But he is starting to realize that Minseok isn’t just anyone, at least not to him.
When he has successfully heaved the sleeping male unto his bed, he goes to the bathroom to wet a towel (and to catch his breath, he never knew that carrying someone up four flights of stairs was this tiring; he makes a mental note to start working out more). Returning to the bed to place the wet towel on Minseok’s forehead, he brushes away the brown locks from the closed eyes gently.
The smaller male looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping; his beautiful face not marred by any frowns or lines of sadness. A tiny smile spreads across his mouth and Jongdae hopes that he is having a nice dream.
He doesn’t think it is fair that Minseok has to go through such sorrow and unhappiness because even though they have only known each other personally for a few days, he knows that Minseok’s heart is kind and soft. God only knows how much more the poor little heart can take before happiness and joy can enter it again.
Minseok’s breathing is steady and he cups the other’s cheek lightly before leaving a kiss on his temple. “I wish you would just forget Luhan and move on.” The moment the words tumble out of his mouth, he realizes just how selfish he really is and he backs away in horror.
How can Minseok be expected to forget the one person who brought much happiness and love into his life? Jongdae is indeed selfish but he is only selfish for Minseok because he doesn’t want to see the other lost in grief and pain any longer.
Too overwhelmed by his thoughts that he didn’t notice the snaking hand pulling him back and he falls on Minseok, their faces just inches apart.
“Then make me forget.”
He knows he won’t be able to say no the more he looks into the feline eyes of the other and so he looks away, pretending that he didn’t see the desire in the brown eyes and that he didn’t feel his body shiver when the hushed words were breathed out. “Minseok, you’re drunk.”
The smaller male emits a low chuckle. “I’m beginning to realize but that doesn’t mean I don’t mean what I say.”
It’s just the alcohol talking, Jongdae chants to himself in his mind as he allows a sad smile on his lips. “You’re just going to regret this in the morning.”
“That’s something we only know for sure in the morning.”
He knows what Minseok will feel in the morning; he has seen numerous times the way it destroys a small part of the widows and the widowers the morning after and this is something he doesn’t want the other to ever feel and so he shakes his head and tries to pull away but Minseok is surprisingly strong for someone so tiny.
“I’m taking my chances with you, why won’t you do the same with me?”
The unexpected honest question tears at his heart and he feels his restraints gradually slip away, his desire for the other growing stronger and stronger. When Minseok calls for him again in a voice wrecked by lust, his mind empties itself of all thoughts and he closes the gap between them slowly, his hands cupping Minseok’s neck gently.
Their lips mold perfectly together, he soon realizes. The sweet taste of Minseok’s lips keeps drawing him in, entrapping him and he is left to drown himself in the alluring moans of the other.
There is no rush in their kisses and their caresses on each other’s skin are light feathers, teasing and gentle.
Slowly, their clothes discard unto the floor and Jongdae takes a moment to appreciate the beauty that is Minseok’s body, his palms moving along the wondrous curves and contours of the other’s torso.
Minseok grins lazily, his mind already in a haze, moaning loudly when Jongdae trails butterfly kisses down his neck, licking and sucking the sensitive spot just above his collarbone.
The milky white body under Jongdae is an open book but its pages are empty and unwritten, allowing him to leave his ink in the form of touches and kisses on the pure ivory pages. He doesn’t intend to mark and claim his authorship but instead, leaves a love poem to all the parts of Minseok, even the parts that the smaller male isn’t proud of.
Even when he enters Minseok, he isn’t rough and impatient, gripping the smaller male’s hips just firmly enough to steady himself. While waiting for Minseok to settle around him, he peppers tiny kisses on any surface of skin his lips can get to and tiny giggles from the cherry plump lips steals his heart again and again. He starts off slow, going faster when he senses that the other is ready but never going at a speed that breaks the smaller one.
Together, they pen a sonnet; the gratifying moans and groans falling from their lips forming the words to their sonnet and the pace of Jongdae’s thrusts establishing the rhythm in the lines. The electrifying pleasures coursing through their bodies and tingling their skin binds them together, keeping the words and the rhythm intertwined in a tight rhyming and structuring scheme.
All Jongdae wants is for Minseok to forget the pain in his heart, for love and pleasure to sear through his veins and bones into his whole being so that he will always be reminded that he is forever loved. Not just by Jongdae but also by Luhan.
And yet, he knows that it is him who is lost in the ocean of Kim Minseok. Like a sailor out at sea for the first time, he is fearful of the strong waves of emotions and affections that he feels for the other. But he doesn’t bother to find his bearings because he knows he’s at home in the middle of the ocean, letting the unfathomable nature of Minseok’s body lead him into unchartered territories of pleasures.
Feeling himself close to the edge, Jongdae wraps his hand around Minseok’s hardness as the smaller hisses in agony before the hisses turn into mewling and whimpering, adorable little sounds that is the tiny male’s way of begging for release, when his fingers trails down the length and taps teasingly at the head where pre-cum is already leaking.
“Jongdae, I swear to God-”
“Shhh I’ll take you there soon, don’t worry.” And he does, thrusting faster and deeply, the strokes of his fingers around Minseok’s hardness matching the rhythm of his hips. When they come together, Minseok’s back arching and pressing into his chest, Jongdae bites and leaves a tiny mark at the back of the other’s beautiful nape, the air escaping though his teeth in quivery breaths as his vision swims in the heat of his orgasm.
(Just one mark to claim a little tiny part of Minseok. Just one, he’s not that greedy.)
Their second round two hours later is a lot more faster and rougher, Jongdae’s low growls filling the room as Minseok rides him to oblivion. Their grips on each other are harder and scratches run down each other’s backs; marks left by their desperation to claim and break each other.
(Theirs is a fight for domination but even though it seems that Jongdae is winning, it’s really a losing battle for him, each of his chess pieces discarded by every little delicious sound Minseok throws out till his king is left standing and defenseless, ready to be checkmate by the tiny male.)
When morning comes, Jongdae wakes up on an empty bed and Minseok is nowhere to be seen in his house.
His heart never felt emptier.
“Minseok-hyung, finally! Where were you last night? I tried calling you but your phone was off? Did something happen?”
“Sorry Joonmyun… I went to bed early last night and didn’t even notice that my phone’s battery was flat.”
“Are you okay? You sound really tired.”
“… I’m fine, I just need some rest. So I read from your text that the funeral home wants us to pick an outfit for Luhan?”
“Yeah, they were asking whether we can send the outfit down today so that they can dress him for the memorial service. Do you want me to come and help you pick out the outfit? But I can only come down much later because Jongin is still have a fever-”
“Hey, it’s fine. I can do it. We should dress him in his captain uniform, right? It is the best way to say goodbye … I’ll send it to Jongdae- I mean to the funeral home later in the afternoon.”
“Are you sure? If you’re really uncomfortable with doing it, I can come down-”
“Kim Joonmyun, your only job today is to nurse my little NiNi back to health. And no sex till he is fully well!”
“Y-Yah hyung!”
“The last time this happened, Luhan had to fly continuously for five days because the two of you were sick for two weeks. Don’t repeat your terrible life choices.”
“You’re terrible for mentioning this now.”
“Whatever. I got to go now so that I can send the uniform over to the funeral home before they close for the day.”
“Okay hyung, see you tomorrow!”
The minute Minseok hangs up, he cradles his throbbing head in his hands, wondering where he has gone so wrong in his life to have such a fucking awful hangover right now.
He’s surprised that Joonmyun didn’t see through his little lie just now. The younger always has an uncanny ability to know whenever he is lying and even though the other has never done anything to make him uncomfortable, it still unnerves him that he can be read so easily. This is why he hates lying to the younger.
But it’s really not like he can come clean and say, “I’m sorry Joonmyun, I wasn’t able to take your call last night because I was busy having sex with the funeral director responsible for my dead boyfriend, your dead best friend’s memorial service. Well, isn’t the weather bright and sunny today?”
Who is he to lecture Joonmyun about terrible life choices when the whole of last night was a huge mistake? He bites his lower lip as he recalls the events of last night, his cheeks flushing at the memory of riding Jongdae and moaning the other’s name shamelessly.
(Okay, he admits to himself, maybe he enjoyed the mistake a little more than he should last night.)
Mistake or not, he is determined not to dwell on it any longer. His mind should be on more important things, like Luhan's memorial service tomorrow.
He pads into the bedroom where Luhan's uniform lies on the bed, all spotless and perfectly pressed. It was the one they collected from Luhan's hotel room in Rome, the exact one he was supposed to wear as he captains the plane home over the clouds and the distance separating them.
The one he never got to wear one last time. How fitting that it will also be the one to clothe him as his body integrates into ashes and earth.
Minseok runs his fingers over the texture of the jacket and the shirt, smiling at how dashing Luhan had looked in the uniform and how he will sometimes dust off imaginary loose threads and lint off the jacket before the other leaves for work, just so that he can play the part of the domesticated husband he has always wanted to be to his lover.
He does it again, his fingers brushing off imaginary specks of dust even though he knows there isn't any as a single tear escapes down his cheek but the loving smile never leaving his face.
Luhan will look dashing and perfect as they say goodbye to him tomorrow and Minseok thinks that it's still no easier to let him go.
Remembering something else, he rummages through the closet until he comes a worn-out leather jacket with fur lining the collar. He has already decided that this will be placed in the coffin, wrapped around Luhan during the cremation because this was the other's favorite jacket and he will never be able to live with the regret that they have sent Luhan off without any of the other's favorite things.
He brings the collar of the leather jacket to his nose and breathes in fevently, committing the scent of its previous owner into the deepest corner of his memories.
The more he clutches the jacket to his chest, the harder it gets for him to part with it. But this is the third step of moving on and the seven days are almost up, he tells himself and he stuffs the jacket and the uniform into their protective covers before leaving the house.
("Luhan, where did you put the- Why are you wearing my jacket again?"
"Because I love it, because it has your smell and because I want it to smell like me too so that everybody will know that you're mine when you wear it out."
"You're ridiculous."
"Says the one who wears my grey hoodie to sleep every night.")
For the millionth time today, Jongdae checks his phone for any missed calls or texts and really he should know better than to feel the ache of disappointment when he finds none.
If it wasn't for the urgent phone call from a certain worker with heart-shaped lips and a fury to match hell's fire, he would have skipped work, preferring to hide himself under the covers for the entire day because then, he wouldn't need to think.
(Under the covers, he is able to remember what it felt like to have Minseok writhing and panting under him, his wandering hands memorizing all the details of skin, curves and collarbones.)
But here is now, preparing for the memorial service of his late-night guest's boyfriend. Dead-but-obviously-still-very-much-present-in-Minseok's-heart-and-mind boyfriend.
Irony has never hit this hard.
He doesn't even understand half the feelings assaulting his heart and mind right now: all the disappointment, guilt and the loss of something close to him. It's not like he loves Minseok; he knows that it's ridiculous and foolish to love someone he barely knows and that such a love brings nothing but heartache and regrets.
But no matter what his mind tells him, he has come to see that Minseok is someone he can probably live without but he really wouldn't want to try.
With all these thoughts, Jongdae turns at the corner to see Kyungsoo crouching and swearing while trying to gather the objects scattered all over the floor. He smiles and proceeds to help the other out. "Mind telling me what happened?"
The smaller male scowls, his heart-shaped lips not so lovely now. "Why don't you go and ask Oh Sehun and Huang Zitao why the fuck they were riding their bicycles indoors. I mean if they are not too busy sucking each other's face off."
"I gather that I'm not the only one who has accidentally walked into their make-out session in this area."
Kyungsoo throws a glare at Jongdae, his cheeks slowly turning red and no one knows whether it's from anger or embarrassment. "Our clients almost walked into them moaning each other's names."
"Ah but luckily you were there to stop them, see Kyungsoo this is why you're my favorite." Jongdae chuckles, knowing that flattery doesn't work on the smaller male but trying anyway and is rewarded with a small smile hanging on the other's lips. He gathers a leather jacket and some kind of uniform wrapped in its protective cover.
"The outfit that Mr. Kim prepared for Mr. Luhan's memorial service tomorrow. Isn't it splendid, it's an actual captain's uniform! Pity that it is going to be burned up though
Mr. Kim. Luhan. Minseok.
"Was Minseok here just now?" He tries to keep his excitement and anxiousness veiled as he voices the question but somehow his face must have betrayed him because Kyungsoo is eyeing him with an expression that his mother used to put on when she caught him bringing stray puppies back from the streets.
"He left quite a while ago. Why? Is there something going on between you and this Mr. Kim Minseok?"
He leaves the question unanswered and pushes the uniform and the leather jacket into the other's hands. "Shouldn't you pass this to Ryeowook-hyung? I think he is waiting."
Kyungsoo shakes his head, his eyes silently expressing his disapproval but doesn't say anything as he hurries off.
It is only when the other's footsteps fade away that Jongdae notices the object left in a corner on the floor. It appears to be some sort of keychain, a thick metal sheet with an odd-shaped depression and he soon realizes that the depression is actually for the tiny key, which is attached to the metal sheet, to rest in it. For some reason, he deems the keychain interesting enough to pocket it without much thought.
The first thing that Minseok does when he walks up and enters the glass house is to gasp at how everything was arranged.
He is glad that he was resolute in his decision, even if they had to wait for a week because he was right; the glass house in the garden was the perfect place to hold Luhan’s memorial service. Sun rays stream in through the glass, warming all their grieving hearts just a little bit and reminding them of the way Luhan used to brighten up their days with a smile and a joke. The blue sky and its wandering white clouds can be seen from every corner of the house and Minseok’s heart is comforted as he imagines Luhan smiling and gazing at the boundless sky from his coffin.
White roses fill the area and hanging on the walls are the numerous paper cranes, folded by the public as a symbol of their condolences. At the front of Luhan’s coffin is the beautiful portrait drawn by Yixing, capturing the soft-doe eyes, slender nose and the way a bright smile graces his lips; facial features that Minseok already misses dearly.
He heads slowly to the coffin, tearing up at how peaceful and content Luhan looks. He half-expects the other to open his eyes groggily, rubbing the sleepiness away while grinning a lazy smile, only laughing when he realizes that he has slept the night away in his uniform again (a tiny melodious laugh that Minseok records in his heart). But he knows that Luhan is never going to open those delightful eyes again; he only hopes that wherever his lover is, it’s a better place. His fingers caress the cheeks of the other, cold to his touch but still lovely and he places a gentle lingering kiss on the other’s forehead.
“Goodbye, my little prince.”
Minseok was wrong.
Funerals doesn’t just consist of lists because many have come to the service, sharing what Luhan meant to each of them and in each of their eulogy, Minseok feels the presence of the other strongly and finally, he is no longer fearful that one day, he will look back wondering if Luhan was just a figment of his imagination. Because now there are people out there who has been loved and touched by the other, just like him; a community of people that he can always go to whenever he wants to talk about Luhan.
Today is where they say goodbye as the captain makes his final journey but is also a celebration of the other’s life and what he came to represent to them: love, friendship, brotherhood, kinship, courage, loyalty and self-sacrificing.
In the middle of Yixing’s eulogy, Minseok feels the sudden presence of someone beside him and when he turns, his heart lurches at Jongdae’s handsome smiling face.
“Hi.” Jongdae says simply but Minseok sees the sea of words that the other is desperate to let out, questions that the other is afraid to ask and he is afraid to answer.
“Hi… This place is lovely. Thanks for all that you have done to make this easier for all of us.” He looks away and retreats into himself again, a bad habit he has whenever he faces a situation he is unwilling to deal with, and he is pretty damn sure that Jongdae sees through his defences.
“Minseok, we need to talk.” His tiny wrist is gripped by Jongdae’s strong hand and he’s not sure whether he can put up a fight anymore.
“I-”
Right at this moment, soft sobs can be heard all over the place through the sound system and Minseok is the first to react, flinging Jongdae’s hand away as he goes to Yixing, cradling the younger and leading him down the platform before handing him over to Yifan’s gentle arms.
Minseok sticks close to Joonmyun and Jongin after the encounter, never leaving their side and looking away when he knows that Jongdae’s eyes are trained on him.
For some reason, Minseok has refused to give a eulogy and no one has the heart to persuade him otherwise, making Joonmyun the last to speak.
“Most of you probably know Luhan as the first Chinese commercial pilot to rise to the rank of captaincy in South Korea. And he is definitely someone very deserving of the title because he is absolutely devoted to his job and flying. Even though he may seem playful, he is extremely serious when it comes to his work and he is always willing to go the extra mile just so that each and every passenger will have a comfortable and flight because he feels that it is his responsibility to bring every passenger safely back home, to see the family reunited.
What I admire about Luhan the most is the generous heart he has for everybody, always giving and never asking for anything in return. I remember when we were still in the pilot training program, I didn’t like him very much because he seems the kind of guy who has everything without putting in any effort and who seems to take everything in a flippant manner. But I was wrong because he studied hard every day, making sure he understood everything in theory before he steps into a plane. I saw him as a rival but he has never thought the same about me or about anyone else in the class, always willing to share his notes and tutoring after classes. When I got the Silver Eagle badge, he came up to me with sincere happiness for me and it was then that I realized that he is someone I will become friends forever.
He stood by me through everything, once even screaming at me while spraying me with water when I get so drunk after a bad break-up. If it wasn’t for him, I would never have the courage to ask Jongin out. He was the one who told Jongin not to give up on me after a huge fight because he knows that I’m difficult to love but that I will also break if Jongin ever leaves me.
Luhan loved each and every person in his life in different ways. I’m just glad that we remained friends all the way to the end and that he loved me through all my imperfections and flaws.
Even though he led a really short life, he has shown himself to be a fine example of what it is like to be a good friend and a good lover. He will always be in my thoughts and I will always look up to him.
Thank you, hyung for all that you have done for us.”
Minseok is halfway through his conversation with Yifan when Jongdae pulls him indoor, pinning him against the wall as he stares fearful and frustrated at the taller but he tries to sound placid (his heart really isn’t all that calm though) when he breaks the silence first. “I’m glad I asked you to sing, you sounded good just now. Will you ever consider going back to singing? I talked to Yifan just now and he really wants you back on the stage-”
“Minseok, please just stop avoiding me.”
“I’m not.” His face burns with the intensity of Jongdae’s gaze on him and he pushes the other away.
“Okay then, let’s talk.”
“I don’t know what you want to talk about! There’s nothing going on between the two of us. I am just your client and you are just someone who is responsible for my boyfriend’s funeral. The memorial service has officially ended and this is where our business ends, Jongdae.”
Minseok’s eyes widens with horror and regrets the moment the words are out of his mouth but it is so hard to take them back now, especially when Jongdae’s face hardens and his stare piercing. “Is that so?”
“Hey Jongdae-hyung!”
A young blond walks briskly towards them and they immediately draw apart, Minseok training his eyes away from the other two while Jongdae’s voice fills with frustration as he turns to Sehun.
“Sehun, what do you want now?”
“You left your keys in the glass house so I’m returning them to you. … Am I interrupting something here?” The blond narrows his eyes at them curiously as he hands Jongdae the bunch of keys.
Minseok glances at the various objects in Jongdae’s hand and he freezes, his heart hammering in his chest as he tries to make sense of the situation, of what fate throws at him and especially of the relationship between him, Jongdae and Luhan.
“Yes, you are. So please fucking see yourself out.”
“Tsk, not even a word of thanks.”
His mind couldn’t focus on anything but the specific object in Jongdae’s grip so when the taller pockets the bunch of keys, he panics and grabs the other’s hand instinctively. “Take it out.”
“… Take what out?”
He knows that Jongdae is beyond confused by his sudden command and the abrupt shift in his behavior but he has to make sure. “The keys!”
Jongdae visibly flinches at the panic in Minseok’s voice and he does what he is told, concern growing when he sees the way the smaller’s face pales while gaping at his bunch of keys. “Minseok, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”
Minseok has only seen the object once in his life but it is something he can never forget because with it, is a memory he can never shake off. Quite literally. “That keychain with the tiny key… Where did you get it?”
“I found it lying on the floor yesterday.”
“Do you know what kind of lock that key can open?” Minseok’s stares blankly at the tiny key, the fateful memory striking his heart.
(“This lock represents my heart and now it’s locked around your wrist, meaning that you will always have my heart, no matter if I’m here with you or far away from you.”
“Why does it sound like you’re just trying to lock me up?”
“Because I am! As long as this lock remains closed around your wrist, you are not allowed to love anybody else.”
“But you’re the only one who can open it so… I’m stuck with you forever.”
“Of course! … But if you ever meet anybody who loves you more than I do and who is able to make you even more happy, just tell me and I will release the lock because all I want is for you to be the happiest, even if it’s not with me.”
“Please don’t say that. You have given me all that I have wanted and needed and I will never love anybody else like I love you.”)
Slowly, Minseok raises his hand and pulls the sleeves up to reveal a metal bracelet on his left wrist, his eyes glaze with the memories as he gazes at Jongdae who begins to understand what all of this is about.
Gently holding Minseok’s wrist, Jongdae lowers the tiny key into the lock on the metal bracelet, releasing a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding when he turns the key and the clasp around the smaller’s wrist opens.
“It’s finally unlocked. …. Y-You’re the one who opened it.” The tears welling in Minseok’s eyes drop down his cheeks and once again, Jongdae wipes the tears away.
For once, Minseok recalls the way Jongdae held his trembling body and sang him to sleep over the phone when he was unable to fall asleep. He recalls the way the taller made him feel on that special night, the way their bodies fitted together and the way he felt safe and secured when the other has expressed love and adoration to him.
Perhaps, just perhaps, Jongdae can love him as much as Luhan did.
This was his last thought as he closes the gap between them and the other responds, their lips melting together perfectly, just like the first time.
The smell of sex hangs heavy in the air and on the bed, two males pant deeply with a dazed smile on each of their face, still wrapped up in the afterglow of their orgasm. Their hair sticks to their sweaty face and one of them brushes the locks off the smaller male’s forehead before pulling him closer to his body and wrapping the tiny frame with his arms.
“That. Was. Amazing.” Jongdae breathes out, sneaking a kiss on Minseok’s closed eyelid.
“We should try playing with ice cubes next time.” Jongdae pulls back a little and raises his eyebrow at the tiny one snuggled in his embrace. “Like I said, I experimented a lot in university. You should be glad, aren’t you?”
I’m very glad, Jongdae silently replies and he shows his appreciation by brushing his fingers on the suppleness of Minseok’s thighs, making the other gasps and shivers. ‘Tonight.” He whispers sensuously, his alluring breath brushing against the sensitive skin of the other’s ear.
Minseok’s lips curl into a tantalizing smile and his eyes lights up with a glint of excitement. “Okay but you’re cooking dinner tonight.”
“Hmm fattening you up before I eat you up whole.”
A burst of giggles escapes Minseok’s lips and he hits Jongdae’s arm playfully. “That actually sounds gross and it’s probably going to keep me off the mood for sex tonight.”
Jongdae feigns a gasp and a look of mock-horror crosses his face. “No.”
A comfortable silence envelops them and Jongdae draws tiny circles on Minseok’s hipbone with his thumb, loving the way the smaller’s skin feels under his fingers. He loves touching Minseok, loves making the other moan and breaking the smaller into a writhing mess on the sheets but there’s so much more he wants. “Let’s go on a date tomorrow.”
“… Hmm.” A non-committal reply from the other is all he gets and that’s a sign that they are delving into territories that Minseok isn’t comfortable with but Jongdae pushes on, knowing that this will be good for the both of them.
“I mean all we’ve done is stay home, watch TV, eat, cuddle and have lot’s of amazing sex all over the house. And while I love all of these, I also want to bring you out on cheesy dates, do all the things that couples do like dinners, movies, amusement parks, picnics, run through the rain with you…”
Minseok laughs at how ridiculous the other is sounding to him. “You can stop now. I get your point.” But he cups Jongdae’s face gently, gazing into the eyes that are so full of love and eagerness and he can’t bear to let the other down. “Okay, let’s go on a date tomorrow. But before that, there’s a place I want to go tomorrow.”
“I can’t believe that you wanted to come to Namsan Tower.”
“There’s just something important I have to do. I’ll be back soon!”
Thousands of locks fill the railings around the place and Minseok glances at the couples milling around, most of them placing their couple locks in areas that haven’t been taken up, such areas getting rarer with each passing day. Blissful smiles fill up their faces and he sees the happiness radiating from them at this moment. It doesn’t matter of half the couples wouldn’t last till end, what matters is that they are together right now, in love with each other.
He slowly takes out the metal bracelet, the same one that Jongdae has unlocked not too long ago.
“Hey Luhan, I know that this is your way of telling me to stop waiting for someone who will never appear again. Thank you for the love you have given me and I will always lock up the memories that we have in my heart.”
The metal bracelet is placed and clasped shut around the tiny wire of the railings, a last kiss left by Minseok before he gets up and leaves, his heart finally free and light.
Dear Luhan,
How time flies, it has already been a year since you left us.
It’s also been a few months since the last time I’ve sent you an email and I just want you to that you don’t have to worry because I’ve been good and happy with Jongdae.
There are times when I still expect to see your face, still waiting for your kiss before I remember that the one beside me now is Jongdae and not you. But these moments are getting rare these days and he treats me really well, pampering me the way you used to.
Did Joonmyun tell you that he has recently been promoted to captaincy? I know that you will be extremely happy for him. And Yixing finally say yes to Yifan’s marriage proposal. I wish you are here to give Yifan a hard time before handing your best friend’s hand to him.
I really miss you.
Love,
Minseok
“Hi, this is Minseok and if you are hearing this, it means that I’m too busy- HAVING SEX WITH ME- OH MY GOD JONGDAE, SHUT UP. As I was saying, I can’t take your call right now so please a message after this- Minseok, come back to bed. It’s too cold without you- beep. Thank you.”
“… Erm ahem, Mr. Kim Minseok? This is Park Chanyeol and I’m a lawyer at Jung & Partners. I have been the one who has been holding on to Mr. Luhan’s will, according to his wishes and I have been instructed by him to contact you a year after his death. Will you mind giving me a call whenever you are free? Thank you for your kind attention and I look forward to hearing from you soon.”
Dear Minnie my honey sweet apple-pie boo!
So I’m here at this party right now and one of the games was to pretend that I only have an hour before my death and I have to write a letter to just one person. Even though Yixing and Joonmyun are my best friends and I would love to write to them but with only an hour and one last letter, I have to write to you because you, you’re the sun to my universe, the maple syrup to my pancakes and the butter to my bun.
I just want you to know how happy that you’re in my life and how blessed I am to be able to wake up to your beautiful baozi face, even though I have probably told you a thousand times and you are probably sick of me already. Meeting you is my destiny and for once, I am glad for it because the minute I laid my eyes on you, I fell so hard in love and my feelings for you have never changed.
When I think about dying, what hurts me more than the thought of not being able to hug and kiss you, is imagining you crying and it really hurts because I never wanted you to cry over me. You should be happy and smiling, even if the person beside you is no longer me. I hope that you will able to meet someone who loves you more than I do (it’s not possible though but we can always hope), who will hold you whenever you are afraid and who will sing you to sleep whenever you are tossing and turning in bed.
Of course I hope that you will think of me once in a while but only once in a while; I’m not that greedy.
You once told me that you love gazing at the city lights and the stars at night because with them around, you feel that darkness isn’t as scary as it seems. I will be enclosing a key with this letter and it will lead you to a place where the lights will never stop shining for you. I hope that whenever you feel that there’s only darkness in your path, you will remember that my heart will always be there to light your way home.
I sound drunk but I’m really not.
Okay, maybe just a little tipsy. Just a little.
From the one who loves you to the ends of the universe and back,
Luhan
The letter crumples in Minseok’s tiny hand and he weeps, sinking down unto the floor.
The colorful lights surrounding him tells him that Luhan kept his promise, the lights in this place continues to shine for him even though he has no idea they existed.
He weeps not because he misses Luhan but because he finally realizes something, the truth of it crushing his tiny heart.
Dear Jongdae,
I’m sorry that I left without saying a word but I was afraid that if I look into your eyes again, I wouldn’t be able to turn away.
And I have to because I finally realized something and it breaks my heart, knowing that I haven’t been fair to you.
Thank you for loving me whole-heartedly, even you know full well that I only have a few pieces of my heart left to love you back, the rest of them taken away by Luhan. Thank you for knowing all this and still try to heal my heart.
I love you too but not in the same way and I’m sorry. There’s too many memories I shared with Luhan embedded in you and I keep seeing him in the way you talk and walk, in the way you kiss and hold me. Sometimes when I’m with you, I have to bite down my tongue before I blurt out his name.
One day, I will learn to love you without placing a part of Luhan on you but now is not the time. I zoomed right into our relationship so soon after his death that I never got the chance to feel and see the world without his influence, without him appearing in my thoughts. Which is why I need to get away and experience the world with my own eyes and in my own terms.
Beside this letter is a tape and inside is a demo for a song I started composing when I was with Luhan. For a while, I was not able to work on it after his death but you, you enabled me to start again because I felt so loved and happy. I was happy, please believe me that you make me feel so cherished and secure whenever I’m with you.
I have called Yifan already and he will be on his way to force you into singing again. I expect that Baekhyun will be with him too because we both know that they fought the hardest for you and they are still fighting for you. Please don’t make their battle be against you.
You deserve to be on the stage because that is the only place where you are the happiest. Don’t let the past hold you back because who knows, this time round, you will shine so brightly and you will be able to lead me home again.
I wish you all the best and all the happiness from the bottom of my heart.
Once again, I’m sorry and I wish that I was able to love you in the way you deserve right from the start.
Love,
Minseok
Dear Minseok-hyung,
How have you been! It’s really nice to see all the pictures you have taken and thank you for them, they are so beautiful! Though it will be nice if you can send only a few at a time because Jongin insists in framing all of them up and I really can’t say no to him, you know? I’m afraid that we are running out of wall space ^^;
Anyway, Jongin has been promoted to Senior First Officer, I’m so proud of my baby! We are holding a small party for him and we hope that you will come for it!
I met up with Jongdae a few times. Only a few times because he’s busy preparing for his comeback and he says that the company is extremely strict on him. He’s been asking about you but I don’t really know what to tell him without your permission.
We all miss you and we hope you will come back soon!
Love,
Joonmyun (and Jongin)
“Chen, your new song “Daylight” is topping the charts within a day of its release! How do you feel about it?”
“Of course I’m really surprised and happy that people love the song. I can only say that it’s a huge encouragement.”
“Can you tell us more about the song?”
“The song is about the feeling you get when you finally meet someone who makes you so happy and loved that every morning as daylight slowly streams through the windows, you feel blessed to be able to wake up next to them.”
“Aww it’s so sweet!”
“Yes, and the melody of the song is very fitting for the lyrics. The beats are light-hearted, it’s like the skip in your steps as you go to meet the special someone.”
“I heard that other than it being your comeback song, it also holds a special meaning for you?”
“… The song was composed by a friend, someone who wanted me to step back on the stage again and even though he doesn’t know, it is him who gave me the courage to take that leap of faith again. … He’s someone very special to me.”
Dear Minseok-hyung,
Which part of the world are you in now?! It’s been so hard to contact you and we only hope that there is Internet access wherever you are right now because this is important and this has to get to you before it’s too late.
I proposed to Jongin last week and he said yes! Up till now, I still can’t believe that he said yes but we are getting married next month. It’s just a small ceremony with lunch reception after that because Jongin’s parents still doesn’t approve of us and we want to keep everything small for now.
Jongin says that he is never going to forgive you if you don’t turn up at our wedding and I agree with him. YOU HAVE TO TURN UP!!! I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO WALK ALL THE WAY BACK TO SEOUL.
Jongdae is still asking about you and I don’t really know what happened between the two of you but I can see that he still cares a lot for you so please talk to him when you get back, okay?
Love,
Joonmyun and NiNi
Dear Luhan,
It’s been a year since I left, since I last saw Yixing and Joonmyun and Jongin.
And Jongdae.
I think it’s time that I head back home. Do you? You said that there will always be someone who shines brightly enough to lead me back home and I think I have finally found the one.
Love,
Minseok
Minseok looks around the hangar, his hand slowly gliding over the aircraft that used to belong to Luhan. It no longer does but he still feels the surging of the memories, memories of the other flying them up in the aircraft as he stares, too marveled by the vastness of the sky.
“Minseok?”
He smiles because he recognizes the voice.
Author's note: Firstly, thank you mod for being so patient!!!
To ~xiyings, I hope this is what you wanted ;w; and I'm sorry for poorly-written smut, it's my first time.
Also I hope that the ending is ambiguous enough.
Thank you A for holding my hand every time I have a panic attack. I love you as much as you love YX.