Fragile Perfection
Name: Fragile Perfection
Author: mint-whispers
Pairing: Taoris
Length: Oneshot
Summary: Tao just wants to be perfect, but he is hurting himself, and Wufan needs to put him back together.
Warnings: character death, bulemia (not detailed).
The first time Wufan saw Tao on his knees in front of a toilet, he didn't realize the gravity of the situation. They had just come back from dinner from one of the greasiest and most delicious burger joints in Seoul, and when he walked in on Tao vomiting, he assumed it was that the beef just didn't agree with Tao's stomach.
But now Wufan couldn't remember why he didn't realize it before. Tao was always getting thinner, and his bathroom trips had become more frequent. Especially after they ate. So as he stood by the stove, with his ramyun bubbling away, he mulled over how he was going to help Tao get better. It was killing him to know that his boyfriend was starving himself, and slowly fading away right before his eyes.
Slowly Tao's condition got worse, and eventually needed to be hospitalized. Wufan had been away at a summer internship program for the summer, and when he heard the news of Tao's hospitalization, he didn't know what to do.That very day after work, Wufan went to the hospital to see the remains of his boyfriend had become. He flinched inwardly as he saw the frail figure, unmistakably Tao. His eye bags were now extremely prominent, and morphed into dark purple layers, seemingly etched into his face. His skin had lost its sunny sheen, and was now a sickening, pale, grey expanse. Walking up to the bed,the body seemed to give off an ominous and eerie aura, and Wufan fought the urge to leave.
He didn't know how long he stood there until Tao's eyes finally opened, and to his surprise Tao smiled. That weak smile seemed to be the only thing that was the same about Tao right now, and it still sent warm flutters down Wufan's spine.
"You're back," he croaked.
Wufan was silent, and stared listlessly into Tao's eyes. How could he not realize what he was doing to himself?
"You're killing yourself," he whispered back at Tao.
"I'm okay, my body will get better," Tao insisted.
he passionate belief in his face made Wufan's stomach churn in disbelief. Seeing Tao so sick, and so naïve was unbelievable, and he could barely understand how Tao couldn't comprehend how sickly he was.
"Why Tao? Why are you doing this?" he suddenly said, unable to fully mask the thick emotion in his voice.
Tao smiled up at Wufan serenely, and spoke genuinely. "I just want to be perfect."
"But Tao," Wufan was begging now, " You don't need to be. You always were just right." Wufan gripped the metal posts on the edge of the hospital bed tightly and tried to keep his emotions under control.
"You deserve perfect," Tao said honestly, moving his hand slowly to wrap his fingers around Wufan's wrist.
Wufan blinked away the tears forming in his eyes. Tao was so fragile, and all Wufan felt he could do right now was show Tao that he cared. He leaned down gingerly, and brushed his lips against Tao's temple. Every kiss he ghosted over Tao's face seemed to echo with a sense of confusion and desperation, two feelings that were quite foreign to Wufan. He didn't know if he knew how to handle them, but he figured that he would be feeling them for a long time.
Cradling Tao's face between his hands, he looked deeply into his eyes before pressing a kiss to Tao's lips. Tao's lips were no longer warm but still held that familiar curve, that meshed perfectly against his own.
"Tao," he said, voice faltering. "You need to get better."
--
And to his good fortune, Tao did. After two weeks, he was allowed home, despite having to use a wheelchair. His body couldn't afford losing so much energy from walking. Wufan dutifully went to Tao's everyday after school to help him with his physical therapy, and on occasion 'sexual therapy', if Tao did well that is. His parents got home at seven anyways.
Although it was slow and tiring, it was working, and for a while, Wufan thought that his silent prayers were being answered.
--
One day after Tao's physical therapy exercises, Tao wanted to watch a movie. Wufan went to get the movie from Tao's room, as Tao got the popcorn from the kitchen. As he went to Tao's room he glanced at the shut bedroom door beside him, the room of Tao's parents. Tao's parents were very Christian and were very much against the fact that Tao didn't like the girls they had tried to pair him with from church. It didn't offend Wufan that they didn't know about him, but he knew it hurt Tao.
Now in Tao's room, he surveyed the minor disarray and walked over to the bookshelf. He picked a movie that wasn't one of Tao's typical, sappy, romances and made his way to the door, smirking at himself. On the way out he noticed a large jar, halfway filled with coins. He peered at it momentarily and then shrugged making his way back downstairs.
After setting the movie up, Wufan sat upright on the couch, and couldn't help smiling to himself when Tao leaned over with the bowl of popcorn to cuddle.
The movie started, and Tao scrunched his face up in confusion. "This isn't The Notebook... what are we watching?" he asked, looking up at Wufan's face.
"It's The Hangover," Wufan replied grinning. "A much better movie I'll have you know."
"You're just jealous that I'll fanboy over Ryan Gosling right? Or is it just that you want to look at Bradley Cooper for an hour?" Tao accused him teasingly.
Wufan rolled his eyes, and stuck his hand in the popcorn. He pushed a couple kernels against Tao's lips. "You talk too much," he said.
A couple minutes into the movie, he saw one of the characters collecting money in the movie, and he remembered Tao's jar from his room. Without thinking, he spoke his thoughts aloud.
"Tao, what's that jar with all the coins in your room for?"
Tao didn't move his eyes from the screen as he spoke. "Oh, that's my Fly Fund."
"Flies? Why discriminate against the rest of the bugs?" Wufan asked jokingly, letting his hand rest in Tao's hair.
"No, no, you fool, it's for parachuting. It's pretty expensive, but I think, just to feel the wind rushing through your hair, and falling from such a crazy height, would be super fun," Tao said more excitedly, now forgetting the movie. He stretched out his thin body onto his back now, with his head now on Wufan's lap, looking upward.
"Ge, haven't you ever wanted to fly?" he asked pursing his lips inquisitively.
And with that sincerity, ringing true in Tao's eyes, Wufan couldn't help but leaning down to taste those pink, pursed lips.
--
Wufan shoved the piece of toast in his mouth as he ran to pick up the phone. He tried to feign the sound of food in his mouth as he picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Ge."
"Hey Tao, what's up?" he said, putting more toast into his mouth. Honey on melted butter just tasted way too good.
"Don't come over later."
Wufan stopped chewing. "Why?"
"Parents. I couldn't lie to them anymore. I told them about us."
"What now then? You can't date?"
"Not men."
Suddenly a sinking feeling came over him. He never really considered Tao's parents would actually ban them from seeing each-other. Especially nor when he was used to his own mother squealing about how cute he and Tao were. Suddenly his mother wasn't so annoying.
"Oh..." Wufan finally settled with.
Just then, he was sure he heard Tao whimper. "I'm sorry."
"No Tao, don't worry, it'll be okay. We can Skype later and talk okay?"
"I love you," Tao sniffed.
Wufan blushed along with his reply. "I love you more."
There was a faint sound of arguing in the background and Wufan became a bit concerned. "Is everything okay there Tao?" he continued.
The yelling became louder, and Tao whimpered again. "I'm okay Ge, but I have to go."
And with a click, he was gone.
With the lack of Wufan in his life, and the pressure from his parents surrounding him, Tao took out his stress on his body again, and blamed himself. Wufan had tried to stay in contact via email and the like, but it never was enough. And now no one was there to pick up his broken pieces
--
Tao's funeral was a small and private reception, and Wufan had come to pay his respects after the procession. Tao's parents were still there, but they politely looked away, allowing Wufan to sit by the freshly packed tombstone and gigging a chance to say goodbye.
Wufan was the type of person with a generally blank face. He kept his emotions and feelings private, and right now was no different. In actuality, Tao was the one that seemed to bring out the emotion in him. Tao made him feel bolder, and gave him a chance to let down his guarding front.
The rest of the day for Wufan was somewhat of a blur. He still worked his shift at the pizzeria, he still finished his homework, and he still made it home in time for dinner. His parents were careful not to upset him that evening, and his mother continued to be over-comforting and over-supporting. So after eating, Wufan said goodnight and headed to his room.
He lay in bed, and as he gazed up at his dark ceiling it seemed as if all the conflicting thoughts he had, showed up now. Why was he the one with controlling parents when He had the great ones? Tao endured so many more things in life that he didn't deserve, and so for the first time since his grandmother died four years ago, Wufan cried.
--
He stood at the top of their school roof in their special place and closed his eyes for a fleeting moment, taking in the scent of the autumn air. The breeze seemed to be pushing him forward, teasingly, and when he looked down at his ankles, the leaves danced around them before gracefully sailing off the edge. Wufan bit his lip and turned around, heading back for the door.
Tao would have wanted him to live, and to move on. But deciding not to end it for himself was a bittersweet action. He didn't want to end his life because Tao was gone, but at this point is was a consideration because of all the guilt that weighed down his shoulders. As his boyfriend, he should have figured out his issues, and supported him more, so that Tao would be alive to fulfill his own dreams.
Wufan stopped walking back, and turned to look off the edge of the school he once attended one more time. he knew the right thing to do was to live for Tao, but then again...
nbsp; Tao always wanted to fly.