blizzards, nosebleeds, and mental breakdown - just a personal vent~
just me...you don't have to read this
mmk so i've been having a hard time lately
for a few months my mom has been trying to get me admitted into this art school to spend my senior year...which happens to be on the other side of the country where she lives
oh the woes of divorced-parents' children~~
my dad had no idea cause he 'doesn't like' my mother, to put it lightly and he doesn't 'appreciate' a career in art. so my application got sent in, despite the protests of my friends/classmates. haha i even got threats to stay in maryland -> "Pauline i will drive to california, kidnap you, and shove you into my trunk and drag you back here!" oh this guy...
they really can't see me hanging with california people~~
anyways if my application went through i would have to audition, which means flying out there and missing school but i had some activities that are happening in march so i had hoped to have my audition after the activities.
but alas my mom calls me up and tells me that my application went through and i had about two weeks until my audition in early february! now i had to tell my dad and get my portfolio together...talk about stress~~ i cried to both my mom and sister because i am seriously scared of my dad
i was so nervous telling my dad i was holding my dog and hesitating behind him for atleast 5 minutes before i was like "dad...i have to tell you something..." he actually didn't yell (although he not the type that yells, he just lectures A LOT) so i was thinking 'hey maybe i don't have to be worried' boy was i wrong... a few days later when i was about to go to bed he calls me down. apparently he did "research" and then proceeded to tell me everything wrong. here's the cycle:
- this school is not a magnet school
- the academic grades are not as good as the ones here
- your mom and her family is bad *beginning of the silent tears and lip biting*
- this is a bad career choice, computers are better
- don't be fooled that you can have a good life like this (oh this one hurt me, i was crying by this point)
and the cycle repeats about 3 more times for 30-40 minutes (i watched the clock)
my dad tells me that i shouldn't be crying over this and then i escape to my room for tissues. i blow my nose and you know what?...i see blood.
yeah i cried so much that i ended up getting a nosebleed.
fast forward to the weekend before my audition~~
warning about the snow storms, excited and nervous. i didn't want the airports to be closed, then i wouldn't be able to go.
fate is out to get me most of the time. 20 inches of snow, ice, and snow. im barely packed and i get called up the day of my flight at 1 am with my mom saying that my afternoon flight is cancelled so she found me an earlier one that leaves at 9 am...my clothes are still in the laundry, i haven't had any sleep, and my less than enthusiastic dad has thrown any complaints about my audition as he can. and so begins my mental breakdown... i cried to my mom that i couldn't just get ready and sleep in less than 8 hours and still be ready for my audition the next day. do you know how bad i felt knowing all the work she did to try and get me an audition??? i felt sick to my stomach... too too too too too much stress for me i couldn't take it. after about an hour of crying and my mom trying to convince me to not be scared of my dad and do what makes me happy interlaced with meaningless past stories in which i just held the phone away from my ear and cried (i hate the words "kiddo" "Your happiness" "life" "take charge" and "if i was there/you were here") i told her that she should just cancel my audition because there was no way i could do it well and happy in this situation. im sorry mom but there is just too much "This is a bad school" and "I worked hard to get you an audition" i can't even feel happy about my audition anymore. it just felt like "oh i have to go do this later blah blah blah... work work work..."
she told me that she would support my decision as long as it made me happy (hate that phrase to death "as long as it makes you happy") i hung up and cried devastated until i passed out and then i couldn't see or breathe the next morning cause my eyes were puffed up so bad and my nose was all red
you know what?
a couple days later she sends me an email with links to reviews about the school i decided NOT to go to and how everyone else that she told was disappointed in me not going. To me that just says "oh you're not going to this school anymore but here are some things so that you can realize how great the school is and everyone is going to make you feel guilty about not going... but this shows that i support your decision. - love mom"
wow i can really rant when i'm overwhelmed
rawr don't mess with me~~
gosh i hate being serious so i'll end with a happy note
NO SCHOOL FOR A WHOLE WEEK CAUSE OF ALL THE SNOW~~~~~
and I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL AND NOTHING WILL STOP ME I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED~~~~
round and round~