...I really love number 5. I don't know if it was intentional, but one thing really stuck out to me on the second readthrough: ...we'd go explore the road that our school was on?" Somehow, usually, you'd say "the road that our school's on", wouldn't you? And then this: "It's a shame that all the stores are closed."
One thing I've really realised while reading your work is that even though I have so many bones to pick with your style (so, so so many) it works just fine in certain contexts. Pick battles you can win, and...bleh.
The endddddd~ I'm a sucker for those short, snappy ending lines. XD
Ah, really? o; Personally I think four is my favourite. ;;; I'm going to not admit that that was unintentional give you the reason that since not only school is over and it's going to be gone in anyways, that's why she refers to it in past tense.
*laugh* go ahead and pick them! there's no guarantee that I'll actually listen to them, but I'd like to see what you have to say. C: this actually doesn't feel much like my usual style. (well, no, my usual style is more like this.)
ah, same here! it's the reason why vox by denwa and this fic by sowing poppies are two of my favourites. ;o;
The nice thing about four, is unsurprisingly, the end. Because "know" is such a strong word, because "knowing" something is so very final, it ties up that section with a complete sense of...solidarity?
That's sorta what I figured happened, but hey, unintentionally it's kinda awesome too XD
*cough* Um, I tend to lean towards lots of description, long-short-short sentences, sentences that have a lot more cadence, a lot more rhythm to them...? [Ooh, caught a typo. that looks interesting They go past missing a period.] Your style, on the other hand, is very simplistic. What I've read of your stuff, recently, is a lot more "emotional oomph". It's also ridiculously dialogue heavy. Like Jaime's! I usually cringe so hard when I just see lines and lines and lines of dialogue, but...
...Or (just read the other one) it's very conversational.
But lately, I guess I'm less adverse to it, because I've found how amazing things can get with such conversational tones. Kilter. omg. So. Awesomeeeeeee. [only it's kinda dead 'cause my brother spilled a
( ... )
When I wrote it, I was thinking of it more along the lines of him telling her that they don't have to pretend, it's already fact (lol, 1984). At the same time, pretending and thinking are different things--pretending is a little mocking, so he's fixing that. When I reread it, to me it seemed a little ironic because they do really have all the time in the world left because it's ending in three or four days, although really I meant for it to be a 'forever' kind of way.
o; you do tend to do that. I think I used to do that a lot too; right now it feels as if I'm rediscovering my style (again) with what I've been writing lately. I'm a huge fan of description, but it's hard to find it done well in my current fandoms and it's started to hurt my eyes a little because of the screen. ;;; I definitely agree with you on the dialogue bit. It's odd, because I used to never use dialogue in fic and now I rely on it quite a bit. (& I know, there are plenty of typos in this...I'm just too lazy to fix it all |D
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Hi - I'm from Brigit's Flame, & I'll be ROARing for you today! First of all, I liked the way they were pretending everything was all right: that's very typical of humans, I reckon. I don't know why, but it reminded me of something Haruki Murakami would write (probs because he has a book called Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World). "Playgrounds are meant to be played on. This one must be sad." Thought that sentence was cute. :D Um - what else? You have a couple of typos (e.g. "she answer" instead of " she answers", but that's about all.
from one of your editorsfaerie_sparkMay 23 2009, 20:38:25 UTC
Your writing style is very immediate, in the moment, and brief; you waste few, if any, words. But I'm left with questions: Who are these people? How old are they? How do they know the world is ending? Do their families know? Do other people know
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Comments 9
I don't know if it was intentional, but one thing really stuck out to me on the second readthrough:
...we'd go explore the road that our school was on?"
Somehow, usually, you'd say "the road that our school's on", wouldn't you? And then this: "It's a shame that all the stores are closed."
One thing I've really realised while reading your work is that even though I have so many bones to pick with your style (so, so so many) it works just fine in certain contexts. Pick battles you can win, and...bleh.
The endddddd~
I'm a sucker for those short, snappy ending lines. XD
Reply
I'm going to not admit that that was unintentional give you the reason that since not only school is over and it's going to be gone in anyways, that's why she refers to it in past tense.
*laugh* go ahead and pick them! there's no guarantee that I'll actually listen to them, but I'd like to see what you have to say. C: this actually doesn't feel much like my usual style. (well, no, my usual style is more like this.)
ah, same here! it's the reason why vox by denwa and this fic by sowing poppies are two of my favourites. ;o;
Reply
That's sorta what I figured happened, but hey, unintentionally it's kinda awesome too XD
*cough* Um, I tend to lean towards lots of description, long-short-short sentences, sentences that have a lot more cadence, a lot more rhythm to them...? [Ooh, caught a typo. that looks interesting They go past missing a period.] Your style, on the other hand, is very simplistic. What I've read of your stuff, recently, is a lot more "emotional oomph". It's also ridiculously dialogue heavy. Like Jaime's! I usually cringe so hard when I just see lines and lines and lines of dialogue, but...
...Or (just read the other one) it's very conversational.
But lately, I guess I'm less adverse to it, because I've found how amazing things can get with such conversational tones. Kilter. omg. So. Awesomeeeeeee. [only it's kinda dead 'cause my brother spilled a ( ... )
Reply
o; you do tend to do that. I think I used to do that a lot too; right now it feels as if I'm rediscovering my style (again) with what I've been writing lately. I'm a huge fan of description, but it's hard to find it done well in my current fandoms and it's started to hurt my eyes a little because of the screen. ;;; I definitely agree with you on the dialogue bit. It's odd, because I used to never use dialogue in fic and now I rely on it quite a bit. (& I know, there are plenty of typos in this...I'm just too lazy to fix it all |D ( ... )
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First of all, I liked the way they were pretending everything was all right: that's very typical of humans, I reckon. I don't know why, but it reminded me of something Haruki Murakami would write (probs because he has a book called Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World).
"Playgrounds are meant to be played on. This one must be sad." Thought that sentence was cute. :D
Um - what else? You have a couple of typos (e.g. "she answer" instead of " she answers", but that's about all.
Mistrali :D
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