Facebook Fun: Ruining Every Gift-Giving Occasion
Dot Fischer: In honor of Yakko's birthday, best/ worst things to give your significant other on their birthday...
Taz Bryan: Herpes Herpes Herpes and more Herpes
Maggie El-Fakahany: An abortion
MEF: Or a baby. Where's the gift receipt on that one?
DF: Sex; I suppose they'll decide after if it was the best or the worst gift, but at least it was cheap...
Tweety Workman Thompson: The One Ring. Take your pick if it's the best or worst.
DF: An engagement ring...and an iron-clad pre-nup that pretty much signs all your assets, worth, self-esteem, and soul over to them should this thing go south. Ya' know, just as a precaution.
TWT: The news that you've just converted to Mormonism and now you want to get married and start having babies ASAP
DF: ...and you'd like to introduce her to her four future sister wives. Happy birthday, baby!
TWT: If he gets sister wives, how about brother husbands?
MEF: A gift certificate for couple's counseling. Is there any gift better than that of tears and communication after all?
TB: Breast implants for ether of you depending who wants them more
TWT: A WoW subscription. >.>
TB: The key to their chastity belt
MEF: A hefty donation in their name to NAMBLA
DF: A chastity belt. Now your junk belongs to me; it really is better to give than receive.
TWT: A copy of the Silmarillion.
DF: Their dignity. "Bet you thought you'd never see that again."
MEF: The good news about Jesus Christ
DF: Promise rings. "Look, honey, his and hers!"
DF: Murder-suicide. "SURPRISE! No, baby, shhh, don't cry. Now we'll be together forever! Yay!"
MEF: A subscription to "Doxie Digest" the premier magazine for Dauchshund afficianados. This is a real magazine and this is what I will be getting Stewie for Christmas. I hope he is surprised.
TB: A restraining Order nothing says happy birthday like stay the hell away from me.
DF: "It's your what now? Oh...yeah, I got you a gift. Of course, I did. What kind of girlfriend do you think I am? I got you the gift of...imagination? And, look, it's completely portable! ...What? You don't want it? Oh, okay... How about sex? Yeah? Like that one better? Well, what about imaginary sex?"
TWT: Plastic jewelry from Claire's.
TWT: Likes from Dot Fischer.
DF: ...those are freakin' worthless!
TWT: They're not even a dime a dozen!
DF: Inflation's a bitch!
DF: I love that herpes & murder-suicide got the most likes. ::shakes head:: There is something very wrong with us.
TWT: ...or something very right. :D
TB: Just poop in a box
TB: I got a rock
MEF: Worst Christmas gifts to give someone...
TWT: Your virginity.
DF: A baby fathered by some jerkwad who thinks he's a god.
MEF: A baby fathered by someone who is not you. Merry Christmas Stewie Edstrom!
Stewie Edstrom: Missed that train wreck...
MEF: In HaeKyeung's defense she gave you that one for your birthday.
TWT: A baby fathered by Animal Lloyd.
MEF: Diet pills and syrup of ipecac
TB: Cd wrapped in paper then shrunk wrapped then wrapped in paper then shrunk wrapped then wrapped in paper then shrunk wrapped then wrapped in paper then shrunk wrapped then wrapped in paper then shrunk wrapped The Wrapped in wrapping paper. (I actually did this to my sister and this is now part of the reason my father, sister and me exchange gifts before going to my G-parents for family Christmas.)
TB: HERPES HERPES HERPES HERPES
TB: The extended directors cut Blu-ray of The Room
SE: Genocide....
TB: A gift certificate for planned parenthood
MEF: The broken condom that resulted in your conception.
DF: The tampered condom that resulted in your sham, for-the-sake-of-the-children marriage. Hey, all's well that end's well, right?
Marvin Awe: Deoderant
MA: A package of bacon!
TWT: The Star Wars prequels on Blue Ray.
TB: A puppy “oh crap forgot to put air holes in “ or “ uh oh guesse I should have punched the air wholes before it put him in there” This is yet again a thread that proves I truly know how to ruin a holiday.
MEF: A bunch of candy for someone who is severely diabetic.
MEF: An empty box, except it actually contains the best gift of all: hope. Now daddy has to go to the bar. Quit crying. I gave you an amazing gift.
TB: No better give them a Prosthetic Leg Filled with candy instead of a stocking.
MA: Whale sperm
DF: The truth that Santa doesn't exist, because you're a big girl now and don't get to have dreams anymore.
MEF: The harsh reality that you aren't as talented and special as you think you are.
TB: After the kids open up all their gift gather them up and burn them in front of them. (sadly one of my father step-dads did this to him and his siblings when they were young.)
TB: A collection of various Clown Dolls.
TWT: This one's for Dot. USPS Priority Mail Clown Commercial
TB: yes 2nd post the video has made an appearance.
TB: lol glad to see i didn't kill the thread with my post
MEF: A little peace and quiet from the kids... because you smothered them.
TB: I got you something from Jehad Online. BOOOM!!!!
TB: Surprise we’re Converting to Judaism
TWT: Taz, that actually happened with my sister. One holiday she's all "haha, I converted to Judaism, so not only do I not eat bacon anymore, I'm way better than you assholes." YEAH. :|
TWT: But to be clear, it's not the conversion that pissed me off, but the fact that she thinks she's better than everyone else because of it.
TWT: Surprise! We're converting to Norse paganism, because real gods yank out their own eyeballs and impale themselves with their own spears to obtain power and wisdom. And also because Vikings are badass.
TB: Tinky Winky Schar is going to be staying for another Year
TB: A repeat of my last Christmas eve and Day.
Sylvester Thompson: "Merry Christmas, Billy. I got you a handle of whiskey. Now put it in a glass with ice and bring it to me before you 'fall down the stairs' again. Daddy loves you, but not when you stand in front of the fucking TV!"
TB: Surprise it’s the baby we aborted last Christmas. Ah the memories
TWT: I thought we had that ground up and used as compost?
TB: lol almost accidentally posted that on a friends status
Gonzo Haller: Chemo therapy
TB: The gift that works for all occasions: A Restraining Order
Betty Rivers: Pork chops given to a Jew.
TB: Damn how did you guess your gift.
TB: A Merken
SE: Easy Bake Oven to a jew...
DF: To be fair, wouldn't ANY Christmas gift given to a Jew kinda be a not well-thought-out Christmas present?
SE: My mother has asked me for Christmas gift ideas and I never know what to ask for... What are some of the worst Christmas gift ideas?
TWT: Ask her to give you your foreskin back.
SE: A formal apology for all the molestation.
TB: Herpes Herpes Herpes
TWT: And the nice thing about herpes is all the regifting potential.
MEF: An all expenses paid vacation back to the womb
SE: Unfortunately for herpes, I can't get a gift receipt for it if it is the wrong size or I already have one...
Kanga Rose: A closet full of Christmas sweaters.
MEF: A bunch of peroxide and an entire cake for Shunka.
SE: ^ Theme of this past weekend.
MEF: It's really a gift for everyone involved: Shunka gets to eat a whole cake and we get to watch him barf. Merry Christmas. Get some Scotch Guard.
TWT: A sequel to P90X: P180X - designed as a brutal method of suicide.
Pac Varas: An illuminated cow
TB: Portal 2 for Tinky Winky
MEF: When you have kids you should ask for one of those men's nursing bras.
DF: The Karma Sutra and condoms
SE: I'm pretty sure I would rather be waterboarded than do P180X...
DF: ...We can make that happen...
Peach Trench: A box enclosed with Shunka, Bogart & Neco's farts after they have all partaken in a chocolate cake eating binge
TWT: Codex can drop some stinkers, don't forget about him!
PT: Oh yes yes of course I knew I was forgetting a dog sorry!
TWT: Sometimes they are so nasty, we check the floor for piles of shit.
PT: The gift would actually be getting to watch all four of them eating the cake and the joy in their eyes
DF: ...I've seen what happens when your dogs get into a big group of dogs, Peach. It turns in to one orgiastic doggie frat party fast. Cakes and farts aren't their only source of joy.
PT: If Neco is really in the mood poor Codex may want to run and hide....
PT: Neco humping your ass, enough said!
PT: I feel we've gotte off track here....I love the fued!
DF: A purple Care Bear suit and a coupon for one romantic night with Neco. Try looking in his eyes after that, Stewie.
PT: AHH!
PT: A porn star theme with pictures of your favorite holiday porn scenes hung up on the walls. Also your favorite satrs dressed up as santa. You can sit on their laps if you catch my drift.
MEF: That sex change you've had your eye on for all those years.
Gonzo Haller: A vibrator to match her's
ST: A new daddy.
MA: Poop in a box
SE: Dick in a box.
MA: A sex tape of your parents having sex when they made you.
SE: Awwwwwwwwwww... Memories
TWT: A chunk of radium
MEF: A prescription for Valtrex
DF: Best/ Worst Re-Gifting Ideas...
TWT: Your wedding/engagement rings from previous marriages.
DF: Naked pictures of your exes
TB: HaeKyung.
DF: Moncur-sorry, Tweet :(
TWT: You win. That WAS the worst.
PT: An STD
ST: Peach, That's the gift that keeps on giving.
TB: No that’s the gift that you keep on giving.
MEF: Stuff from the back of your refrigerator.
TB: A nasty moldy coffee maker
TWT: That gift card to Billy Jim-Bob's Feed Shop and Liquor Store that your redneck cousin picked up for you while wasted.
MEF: Your undying love
GH: A book about how lazy you are
TWT: All I want for Christmas is...
TWT: for Lars Ulrich to trip over a landmine.
TWT: ONE BILLION DOLLARS! *pinky*
TWT: For world peace! (by all the stupid people suddenly dropping dead)
TB: Someone to knockout Bachmann’s two front teeth. (Make her look like the white trash bigot she is)
TWT: For my crazy ex to become a nun and join a monastery somewhere in the Alps.
ST: The people I hate to spontaneously burst into flame.
MA: To take over the world
MA: The winning lottery numbers
GH: A carton on smokes and a bottle of Jack
TWT: A cure for herpes.
GH: Kosher Bacon
TWT: Screw the kosher part. I'll just take the bacon.
PT: Candy-flavored bacon
PT: Porn. Lots of porn.
MEF: The joy that comes from seeing human misery
TWT: Bacon-flavored porn.
DF: ...Gah, the idea of licking anyone's porn, gah!
MEF: Babies. Delicious babies.
Yuki Kothe: a stocking filled with morphine?
SE: Christmas gifts and the worst over reactions and conclusions that result...
TWT: Glee porn and instant ejaculation.
TWT: Twilight porn and instant death.
SE: A card with cash: "What am I to you? Some kind of whore?!"
DF: Any christmas gift at all: "Fuck you, I reject your shallow commercialism and your over-dressed, bastardized holiday."
DF: An elaborate live performance involving costumes, a flash mob, a musical number, and a full orchestra professing your undying love for your significant other: "Hehe... Neat... So...where's my real gift?"
TWT: A bunch of tired, as seen on TV products delivered to your doorstep the second week of January. At least your SO is a clearance shopper.
DF: An engagement ring: ::recoiling from the proffered unopened box:: "So if I don't actually open it, it's not an official 'no,' right?"
ST: An ear: "No, I don't love you, Van Gogh..."
MEF: An engagement ring: So what? You don't think I can do any better than you? FUCK YOU!
Yakko Wilkes: A box of condoms given to my 14 year old brother in his Christmas stocking. The initial shock and puzzlement on his face, followed by the abject horror as my grandmother asked "What did you get there?" was CLASSIC. Best Christmas Ever!
TWT: A pet dragon. It sneezed and the house caught fire. Sorry...
MEF: That kidney that you so desperately need. "You couldn't even spend a freaking dollar on me? Plus, *sniffs kidney* Oh my God! Did you pee in this? You did! You peed in it for 27 fucking years. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'd rather die than accept this gift you cheap filthy bastard!"
TWT: Top insensitive birthday gifts.
TWT: Diet books
TB: Tombstone
TWT: ^ an actual Tombstone or the shitty pizza brand? I think either would suck.
TB: tombstone isnt that bad. it's not jacks or tontinos
TWT: A book of baby names to your friend that has been struggling with IVF for years.
TWT: Twilight books to someone with taste.
TB: HERPES HERPES HERPES
GH: A womb shaped sign that says "You Can Never Go Home Again"
TB: A date with a certain fairy princess.
TWT: A date with me. Yes, I am just that awesome. What? Why are you crying?
TWT: A starring role in one of Dot 's porn stories.
TB: as the bottom
DF: ...Hey, then you get cuddles; everyone loves cuddles!
TB: Asking to reschedule you birthday for a more convenient day.
TB: News that 2 of your friends/Temp cousins are being deport. (my mom did this to my sister last week)
TWT: "Since I lost 40 pounds, you can have all my old fat clothes!"
TB: Surprise butt sex
TB: A coat rack
TWT: A coat rack shrink-wrapped eight times.
TB: I would like to hear Dot's murder suicide gift again
DF: My deity, Ian, do you know how far back I had to look to find that murder-suicide post?! Brava, man, brava on the obscure reference. And, goddamn, but we have a lot of gift-giving prompts...
TWT: ^ we just want to make sure that no one is at a loss for the party tomorrow. :3