Benjamin Charles

[mira_yamcha]

A year ago today Ben Pugh hung himself. He was a great friend and none of us saw it coming. Still can't comprehend it really and don't think I ever will. I've been trying to avoid a feeling of guilt that I think most of us must feel because we didn't know. Why didn't we know? Were we shit friends? Maybe there was nothing we could have done but I

Comments

[shadow_princess]

Seeing it coming isn't any better than not because you can never be sure. A hundred people can(and probably will) tell you it wasn't your fault but it won't do any good until you can say it to yourself and mean it and believe that it wasn't your fault, that you couldn't have known, that there was nothing you could do. You're not making it about you. He's your friend, he was part of your life, how can you not be confused and hurt when someone takes a walk and leaves you behind? At least in part, it was already about you.

I often find myself asking, if I could change my life and make it so that I'd never met Stephanie, would I? The answer is always,"No!" I'm glad that she was part of my life and that I was her friend. I'm thankful for every second that she and I ever spent together. And maybe it's different for you. Maybe it always is...but for me my memories of her are worth every ounce of pain and I wouldn't part with them for anything.

I'm sorry about your friend and I hope that in time, you'll be okay. {hugs}