(no subject)
Melodee and Jon-Paul,
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> Your unnecessary stunt today has just won you to a full week of doing the dishes - every day, all day, for anyone who dirties a dish. Your duty will be to wash them each & every single day, and monitor the kitchen so that it's clean.
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> You MUST wash ALL of the dishes in the kitchen BEFORE I wake up Saturday morning (tomorrow, being Saturday). No discussion. No argument. YOU BOTH are responsible, you BOTH will take care of it.
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> You MUST fix the lock in the bedroom /bathroom to it's original position before I wake up Saturday morning. No discussion. No argument. YOU BOTH are responsible, you BOTH will take care of it.
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> Here are the final consequences to your actions: If the above is NOT adhered to, Jon-Paul, you must leave my house and not come back.
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> If the above is not done by Saturday morning, Jon-Paul, you have until SUNDAY morning (note this date: AUGUST 14) to be gone, your items packed, the keys left in my possession - ALL OF THEM. If your car stays, take note, I will have it towed away on Monday.
>
> Mel, if you should choose to follow him, that's fine. Know that the doors will always be open to you, but I hope that you would leave under better circumstances. To let anyone tear apart our family is pretty sad and if that's your choice to let him do that to us, so be it. I promise, we'll get along just fine - my question is, will you?
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> When you most need it, I'll be here for you just like I always have been, but I won't be taken advantage of the way you two have been doing. I'm disappointed that you, with all your intelligence can't see the forest for the trees. But again, that's your choice and I won't stand in your way.
>
> I'm sure, Jon-Paul, that you've been goading us into this so that you can be "the poor victim" so that you're "kicked out" rather than choosing to leave on your own. Others may buy into that routine, but know that we all know better. You are anything but a victim - and we all know it - more like a lazy, disrespectful, ungrateful primadona who is spoiled rotten and who's taken my kindness and Monica's generosity for granted for the very last time.
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> If you prefer the chaotic lifestyle you've grown up with rather than the relatively peace & quiet here you should have left peacefully and went with good will so that you are welcomed to return. If you aren't happy here, the manly thing would be to just go where you ARE happy and not attempt to make others around as miserable as you are.
>
> I opened my house, my heart and my family to you and you have repaid us with dirt and unkindness that hasn't gone un-noticed. You've belittled us, insulted us and treated us badly, not to mention isolated my daughter from her family because YOU don't like whatever or whomever. There isn't a thing we did to you - you just choose to believe that you are king and all of us must acquiesce to your desires, and we can't seem to be or do anything that's good enough for you. This is the final straw. Enough is enough.
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> You both have proven so far that you're part of the problem rather than the solution. Now, I present the final and only solution - which is to get rid of the offending party. As it's STILL my house - I'm the sole provider, the one who brings food to you, the one who allows you to drink and eat here, play your computer games, provide you cable and television and and you sleep here in comfort, rather than in the heat of outdoors.
>
> I get to call the shots. I earned that right - neither of you have any rights what-so-ever and only by my grace and generosity are you even here. You should attempt to live by MY rules and by MY lifestyle, rather than demanding that WE live by yours. I've never asked much from you - but I guess asking you to be part of my family and helping out here & there is just too much for you to accept.
>
> Jon-Paul, don't even bother to respond to this email with your wise-ass remarks - there's nothing you can say to help your case any. If you want back into my good graces, you have the ability to stand up like a man, be mature, and take care of business. You think you are a grown man, well, here's your chance to prove it to all of us because right now your actions show me little that I can trust my daughter with - you won't help around here and it leads me to believe that you'll abandon her when she no longer plays by your rules. I don't believe you have it within you to even take care of her - but that's her choice and I won't stand in her way whether I approve or not. If you are what she wants - believe it, I have faith in her that she will see you for what you are eventually. OR...you will shape up at some point because of her before you do her too much harm.
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> You CAN earn my trust back, it's not too late - but I assure you, stunts like what's been pulled today with the dishes aren't the way to fix things and garner trust. As far as I'm concerned, you're both in on it together.
>
> If you don't like what I'm saying, just pack up and leave me the keys & get out. Simple. No discussion. No arguments. No problems. Just go.
> This can be easy, or this can be hard. The choice is yours on which way you're going to decide to do things.
>
> I promise you - you have until the time I wake up on Saturday - AUGUST 13 - to comply. I'm not going to put up with your primadona ways another day.
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> If you choose to not abide by my wishes, this is fine. By default, you are choosing to leave my household and I will abide by your choice.
>
>
>
>
>
--
Dearest Mother,
You may read this at your angry leisure, however and whenever it suits you, but I do suggest that you do eventually get around to reading it, as it may hold some relatively important information that you might not want to be without. To prevent misunderstandings, I, at the moment, am entirely calm and anger-free (which is not the same thing as your version of calm, I have noticed), so you should read with the tone of utter bewilderment that I am writing it with.
I honestly do not know to which "stunt" you are referring. We stayed out all night with Justin because we were in West Houston and decided to have some fun after our business. You probably already know that for a week or so, we have been seeking out alternative living situations. Yesterday we left around 4:00 P.M. with Justin to go investigate a possible roommate, who happens to live near Justin's mother's house. We spent maybe half an hour looking at the place and talking to the guy and headed off to play with Justin's friends.
I've noticed Monica's notes, yesterday and today, and this leads me to believe that you mean to say that we are responsible for the dish pileup currently in the kitchen. I would like to very politely point out to you that a total of three dishes in the sink right now are from our meals (which is not including the additional two forks). The cookie sheet Jon-Paul used for his dinner last night - some cinnamon toast - and rinsed thoroughly, as was requested. (I will admit, as does he, that he left the sheet haphazardly on top of the sink in his tiredness, but at least the thing's been rinsed.) I used the small pot for my only meal yesterday of Ramen noodles, as well as a bowl and fork, and Jon-Paul subsequently used the same pot for his Ramen, using up a bowl and fork himself but leaving the pot more sanitary than he found it.
That being said, we're leaving. We are leaving, not because you TOLD us to, but because we are very tired and would like to get some sleep. We have been losing quite a lot of sleep lately, on our toes about being kicked out, feeling all sorts of resentment and other bad energies from the rest of the house for no apparent reason other than your need for a scapegoat, and it's really had us very nervous, you see; the idea of living behind a Sears is not very appealing. So, I repeat, we are very tired and would like to get some sleep.
(Please do not blame our insomnia on video games; we are not blaming our insomnia on anything you enjoy in your free time, such as sitting, or chewing things, or watching cartoons, what have you. We're simply stating that we've been very nervous; every time we turn around someone's threatening to kick us out of the house for some random thing or another, some things that are entirely our fault and others that are entirely not.)
You will notice that we have taken some objects from the house that you have previously treated as your own. We have taken a few things, such as my pillows and blankets, that you have no other use for, and if you would like them back we will be happy to mail them to you free of charge; you are, however, burdened with the naming of the objects you would like to see back, and the description thereof. The other things we have taken (the shower curtain lining, the hose, the cutting boards and knives, etc. etc.) are ours. We bought them, and it is only fair that we take the things that we bought with us.
We have also taken several trash bags, and as a courtesy, we have left the towel rack up in the bathroom. This is due in part to our own laziness, but also because we knew we should leave you something.
I have a phone. (508) 577-6763. Jon-Paul has a phone. (817) 686-3516. Feel free to call at any time. We, however, will not be calling you unless it is upon a desperately important matter. Take that as you will - we choose not to listen to your yelling any more. I do encourage that you call so that we may further discuss the issues between us - and when I say DISCUSS, I mean DISCUSS. Our last "discussion" left me a little disappointed.
As a last comment, I would like to make it clear that HE is not taking me away from YOU. You have made it very clear that you do not want either of us around with your actions this past month, and we are simply honoring your wishes by ceasing to use up your power, your water, your food, your shampoo, and your air. You have rightfully earned these things, and we do not desire to keep them from you any longer.
We're sorry we didn't get around to turning that doorknob around. We know how important privacy is whilst you travel between shower and hallway, and we're sure if you enlist Chris, he will be happy to figure the thing out. It only took Jon-Paul half an hour or so, and Chris is a bright boy.
We love you all very much,
Mel and Jon-Paul
From : JP Williams
Sent : Sunday, August 14, 2005 4:39 AM
To : Leslie Johnson
Subject : RE: FWD: congratulations
1. The Dishes
Monica, for whatever reason, got her panties in a wad over the dishes several days ago. This is no big deal, we all know that she circles them like a turkey vulture over a rapidly bloating corpse, but all she asked is that we rinsed off our dishes. So, last night I made cinnamon toast and washed off the cookie sheet. Yesterday morning I made ramen, and again, washed off the resulting dishes (which is far more than I can say for the dishes that were already there, filled as they were with the remnants of past half-eaten computerside meals). WHY did I make ramen, you ask? Because it is a simple and easy thing, and I happen to enjoy it from time to time, and it has nothing to do with there being or not being anything else to eat.
Afterwords, we went out with Justin, meaning that until we got home at 3:30am, we did not accrue any other dishes than a cookie sheet, two bowls, some forks, and a pot (all of which were, I repeat, rinsed thoroughly). When we did get home, however, we found this long, scathing email detailing about how we pulled a "stunt" with the dishes. Personally, I would like to know what this stunt was, because if I did know I might actually be proud of it, but for now I'm rather insulted that we're getting blamed for something that we have not provenly done. As such, since I didn't accumulate any massive quantities of dishware, I decided to forego any dishes before our departure. Besides, you like to say that we don't do anything anyway, and why take the wild chance at starting now?
2. The Lock
Now humor me -- your argument is that you enjoy having privacy whilst you take a shower. First of all, neither of us is ever awake at approximately 6:30am when you take your shower, and second, one would assume that you dry yourself off in the shower before leaving so as to not get water everywhere. Nothing is stopping you, therefor, from closing the door to the bathroom itself and locking that, and simply putting on your clothes/robe in there like everyone else, so that on the off-chance that someone DOES wake up with plans to be somewhere, they can brush their teeth and hair without having to wait for you to get out of the shower. This, I believe, is why that door exists in the first place. Third, you have a bathtub of your own, a better one even which is larger, but you either haven't cleaned it out, haven't cleaned it thoroughly, or are just too anal-retentive to switch your daily habits.
As has been mentioned before, our other door was hanging from the top hinge only, and using a door in that condition with any sort of regularity can and will warp or destroy the hinge itself, as well as stripping the screw holes in the door frame in the process. We kept that door locked and unused ninety percent of the time for expressly that reason, and locking the other door under ANY circumstances is much the same as locking us in our room (which we don't take kindly to).
3. Ettiquitte, or The Art of Being Nice
You like to say that I have been ignorant, manipulative, irrational, immature, insulting (and other such synonyms thereof), controlling, and a litany of other such remarks along similar lines. Mostly, I don't mind when you take your jollies off of pinning all your life's problems on someone else, much less a teenager of all people, but I will get to that in a minute.
The last thing I have ever done while I lived there was lie about something. Yes, I didn't enjoy what you cook; I have reasons why (such as that lamb does not belong in spaghetti or lasagna), but every time this happened I curteously said that I simply was not hungry, and I would wait for everyone to disappear into the living room and then make myself something. I knew that I was one out of five that didn't enjoy it, and I knew that I was perfectly happy and perfectly able to go in the kitchen and make myself something alternative. I tried everything when it was made, made an honest effort to eat as much as I could, and otherwise was rather quiet about the whole thing. I held similar habits with other things, but there are some things -- like throwing away the package to the Lipton noodles after you make them, or not leaving plates full of Ritz and peanut butter lying around the end table -- that I did voice publicly, simply because such things are both counterproductive and disgusting in many instances (butter is a DAIRY product -- what happens when you leave milk out? Butter is made from milk and therefor suffers the same fate when left to congeal on the counter). It was not until later, when I was being confronted in a more hostile manner, that I dropped any pretense of being pleasant at all. You cannot blame this on the fact that I was already acting that way toward you, simply because at the time this started I was trying my best not to come in contact with you at all because you were radiating a rather seething aura anywhere you stomped around the house, and glared at everything you set your sights on. All in all, I have only ever spoken the truth, whether or not you wanted to hear what I had to say.
In short, though, I would also like to say that you're welcome for every time I cleaned the kitchen (which when you first moved in to the house was around every 2-3 days for 1-3 hours depending on how bad it'd gotten), every time I cleaned the front living room, every time I cleaned the dining room, every time I got your mail, the day and a half or so I spent out in the garage sifting through ALL of your stuff -- Monica, you, and Mel's -- in an attempt to create more space and rid some of the bulkier items from the garage so that you could fit your mom's car in there, you're welcome for when I went up on the roof and got all the dead branches out of the tree and clipped the ones close to the roof so that during hurricane season, there wouldn't be a risk of developing a hole that you would have to get repaired, as well as cleaning out the gutters around the garage before I'd had enough for the day, you're welcome for any time I cooked, you're welcome for all the errands that we ever did for you and Monica, and you're welcome for everything I ever bought to improve living around the house (most of which I took with me, as you have yet to express gratification for most of it), and most of all, you're welcome for having my help and my car when you moved in to your new house, which is probably what accelerated the mechanical problems my car is facing today.
4. Melodee
After a long deliberation during our trip up here, I have discovered why, exactly, I cannot be "tearing this family apart," as you so put it.
First is the fact that you yourself told us not to move further than a day's drive away. Seeing as how Arlington is 4.5 hours north, this is 19.5 hours short of being a "day." Second, like I said, is the fact that I didn't make the decision. I mentioned it as a possibility to Melodee, and after we thought it through she decided that we should act on it. I asked her several times if she was sure about it, and waited two and a half hours from the time she said that, yes, it was what she wanted, before I called my mom to come get us. She didn't get on the road for another three hours or so, which is roughly about six hours during which we could have called it off and decided to stay. Third is that you told us to get out yourself, and often threatened us with being kicked out before you actually did it. I quote from your own email:
"If you don't like what I'm saying, just pack up and leave me the keys & get out.
Simple. No discussion. No arguments. No problems. Just go.
This can be easy, or this can be hard. The choice is yours on which way you're
going to decide to do things.
...If you choose to not abide by my wishes, this is fine. By default, you are
choosing to leave my household and I will abide by your choice."
So, we took the proferred option of leaving and did just that. If anything, this proves that it was not me that "tore up" the family, but instead you did, which wasn't aided by the fact that we DID leave you the keys and began to get out nice and quiet and easy with no discussions, no arguments, no problems, and you instead decided to lecture us on the fact that this decision would haunt us for the rest of our lives, and proceeded into a wildly inaccurate monologue about how I don't really love her and won't ever take care of her.
I will never, EVER put up with hearing this again. Like I said earlier, I could care less whether you choose to insult me or not, but questioning my devotion to her is stepping way over a very vast line. Furthermore, I refuse to put up with hearing this from a woman who has forsaken her own family, and expressed veiled concern that her daughters might do the same to her, effectively becoming just as manipulative as you accused me of being in the process. I may not be able to, and indeed never will prohibit her from talking to you, but I sure as hell can say that you cannot be in a house where I pay the rent (just the same courtesy as you extended to us, as I believe is only fair). You accused me of deciding things for her -- but have you asked her yourself what it was that SHE wanted? No, you have not, and until you do so, do not ever accuse me of getting her to do something that she didn't want to do.
You still have issues about past relationships that you need to deal with. Insecurities from past boyfriends, drama that not even your daughters know I'm sure, I don't know and I don't care. But do them a favor and don't take it out on THEIR relationships and do not try to contort the fact that they have what they yearn for, significant others that will see sure that they will want for nothing for the rest of their lives, simply because you ran into a bad apple or two in your misguided youth.
5. Laziness and the Art of Sitting
You have long accused us of sitting around and doing nothing all the time, isolating ourselves from the rest of you. To some extent this is true -- we sit around and do nothing very commonly, except for the fact that we usually go outside the house if only to walk around the neighborhood at least once a week, which is far more than could be said of Chris and Monica or even yourself, short of going to work and the store. Last I checked, all you ever do is wake up, go to work, come home, sit in front of the computer or TV for hours on end, go to sleep, rinse, wash, repeat until the weekend, when all you do is sit on the computer or watch TV all day (which is exactly what you express contempt at us doing, as you recall). Last I checked, all Monica does is wake up, get on the computer, watch TV any time you kick her off, and go to sleep, with absolutely no variance in habit. Hell, last I checked, if the internet is down for fifteen seconds she goes into coniption fits and starts hyperventilating.
Monica is in her mid-twenties. She relies completely upon you. She has no work skills, and she never goes outside or does work short of the dishes, and even then only spartanly. She is agoraphobic with a martyr streak, and you will not live forever. One day, you WILL die, and if Sir Galahad hasn't come along and swept her off her feet by then, she is never going to be able to support herself. If her wrist hurts any time she lifts anything heavier than a spoon and it gets blamed on carpal tunnel, I have news for you -- then maybe she should stay off the computer for awhile. THAT is how you develop carpal tunnel. From what I hear, with the only job she's had, she frequently didn't go and when she decided to quit, just quit showing up altogether. Supposedly you have been trying to "understand" her and encourage her, but maybe her ADDICTION (and yes, I do stress addiction) to the internet could be solved simply by cutting off her fix.
6. Insomnia
Mostly as a side note, I would like to elaborate on something Melodee said in her note. My insomnia, in particular, has been caused during the last two weeks where I have been holding back a nervous breakdown with all sincerity. Going on two months ago (about the time you started skimping your bills apparently), you started acting very brash for no particular or apparent reason, and toward us in particular. You have always favored Monica and treated her with a do-no-wrong attitude, which probably has a lot to do with her inability to function independently as I mentioned earlier. I digress.
Since you started this, I have attempted the following sequence: first, I tried cleaning incessantly, damn near every day, as well as organizing things and making sure the trash got out. Since this was rewarded simply with more pissy fits of throwing things around the kitchen and slamming doors (both of which, I should mention, are EXTREME pet peeves of mine), I wrote the infamous message on the fridge to which I am still amused that you got so vehement over a little mysterious voice in a magnetboard. Since this solved nothing either, I finished off with attempting to avoid you altogether, but the vindictivity kept escalating to the point that, as I mentioned, I began to feel the oncomings of another nervous breakdown. Now, had this breakdown occured, it would have been my third before the age of 20, which I'm entirely certain is an unhealthy number. Mostly I just thought you should know that, regardless of whether or not we actually purposefully and maliciously piled a pair of ramen bowls in the sink with which to terrorize the whole of eternity, you have successfully stressed the shit out of two people who you "cared" about. You managed to get us so stressed out that, when we realized the root cause of the fact that we were always on edge and losing sleep, we started looking for other places to live. Yes, in fact, we have been looking for the last week or so, quite hurriedly. Whether or not we left today, we would have left soon, and it was only a matter of time either way. When we went out with Justin, we met with a potential roommate to check out the house and see if we wanted to move in, and when we borrowed your car the other night, we were going to meet yet another potential roommate. (Also, you're welcome for the $5 we put in the gas tank afterwards, as well as the squeegee I took to your windows for you.) Us moving out is NOT a new thing.
7. An Interlude
I thought that, since I devoted a paragraph to Monica, I might as well devote one to you, too. We all know that nowhere near all of that is scar tissue. You need to actually do something for yourself for a change; take a walk, join a gym for Saturdays (we all know that since we're gone now, your monetary troubles will cease, right?), eat something other than bleached flour and treated sugar. Throw some fresh fruits and vegetables in with your energy drink in the morning. You'll have more energy and you'll be a lot more pleasant to be around for everyone involved.
8. To Summarize
We did not pull any "stunt," not now, not ever. You have been being completely irrational and unreasonable. You have hidden fears that you need to get over. You are inattentive and blame all of your problems on whoever seems to be the most convenient target. You need to gain the maturity and intelligence that you so love to say we are without -- leaving crude notes around the house is very obviously neither civilized nor is it responsible an any iteration of the word. I personally never want to hear from you again, and I assume you don't want the same. I do expect that you might recieve an invitation to our wedding, and until then, I bid you adieu.
Date: 8/14/2005 20:55:26 -0500
From: "lj"
Reply-to:
To:
CC:
Subject: final reply All headers
Because you are so damn young and immature, I'm not going to bother to reply to the stupidity of what either of you have written.
Neither of you knows a blessed thing about taking responsibility for anything or anyone. You can't even be responsible for yourselves. You know nothing about being responsible for five people - you can't even take care of yourselves. You know nothing about what it's like to sacrifice anything for the good of someone else. Ohhh, you may think you do, but you haven't got a single clue. Your "sacrifice" of keeping quiet for the sake of peace pales in comparison to the sacrifices a parent makes for the family.
Why is that? Because the family comes first in ALL circumstances. You don't know that, because you've never had to take care of anything or anyone in your short existence on this earth. This kind of responsibility transcends all love, all desire, all fear and all need to do for one's self - something you have no concept of. To you, everyone should just do their own thing & everyone else can just f*ck themselves. Well, it just don't work that way in the real world. That's selfish insanity - and it doesn't work.
Should I charge you rent for the time you were here? For every bite of food you ate at my expense? Or everything I bought for you to drink? Should I charge you for every dollar I gave you for whatever reason? Should I charge you for the birth control pills I've bought since what, Jan - Feb? Should I charge you for the $$ it took to get them? Should I charge you for every drop of soda I poured down the drain that you wasted? Or every drop of water left in those bottles you left behind for me to clean in the bedroom? Should I charge you for all the food you wasted - that you knew was waiting for you to eat, and that you chose to NOT eat? Should I charge you for the food wasted that we didn't eat because we left it for you? Should I charge you for each time you used the washer & dryer to do your clothes? Should I charge for every tampon & pad I bought?
And there you are - you took back all that you bought note this: what you bought for the good of our family - but now you're gone, family be damned. You've done too much "tit for tat" - so bent on "I did this & you didn't do that"...blah blah blah.
You don't know piddly. You haven't a clue about anything at all. There's a lot you just don't get. And for that, you will be forgiven for all that you've said and done. You are children, behaving like children - aware that you've done something wrong but not quite sure what it was that was wrong, but pissed at the consequences. And there are consequences, aren't there? Absolutely!! Whine all you want, there are consequences.
So, you want a Thank you for every little thing you did? Where was the thank you when I went out every day to work - not just one job, but many so we could live in such a nice house rather than in a ghetto? Where was the thank you when I bought the soap for you to bathe with? Or the food for you to eat? Or the water/juice/soda for you to drink? Where was the thank you for the electric bill I paid? Or the cable bill so you could play the computer games or watch telelvision? Where was the thank you for giving you money (when I had it) so you could go out once in a while for whatever reason? Where was the thank you when you needed to go somewhere and I was dead-tired from working at the same time I was sick like I have been the last few months, and still I went out to get for you or take you to get something you needed? Where was the thank you when I had no money in the back, but I bounced checks so you could have something you needed? Where was the thank you on those days that you spent sleeping in bed all day, playing games or watching television or whatever, so that when I got home after working all day, I got to wash all the dishes that you created during your daily / nightly snacking because you wouldn't eat the food that was made for you? Where was the thank you when I didn't get what I NEEDED just so YOU could have because you WANTED?
Children, children - you really need to grow up soon. You need to know that I do NOT owe YOU - if anything, YOU owe ME.
It sure must be nice to know everything there is to know about the world; must be great to understand the heavens, the earth, and how & why God made everything that is. Must be really nice to have been there & done all that - and be totally bored with everything else because it's done.
One day, little boy & girl, you will figure out that all lives don't revolve around you - that you really aren't the center of the universe - that you really haven't been there & done all that. And then, maybe then, you will understand what has happened in this house and why things went bad the way that they did.
You just cannot take people for granted and think they're going to like it. You just cannot live like no one else matters - and expect that they'll clean up after you and enjoy it. If either of you had just tried as hard to help us, as we tried hard to please YOU...maybe none of this would have been so sour. You can't even look back & say, "Hey, I tried" because you didn't, nor did you ever intend to. You just ran away and hid when you were found out. You're just the poor guys being sorrowful about being incarcerated, but not the least bit sorry you did the crime.
And so, I finished it. Gave you the choice. Shape up, or ship out. This house isn't big enough for TWO families - one which lives, breathes & eats & does on its own time schedule at MY expense. I doubt you'll ever find any house that will allow you to mooch off it for long before it gives you the same ultimatum.
When you figure it all out, you will know. Until then, you can play "victim" as we all already knew that you would. I'm the bitch - I'm the rotten person because I won't let you take advantage of me any more. I suck because I won't let you run rough-shod all over me. *sigh* I am rotten to the core because I had to make sure the bills were paid, food was in the house and everyone else had what they needed, but no extras were in the budget so that you two could live the way you want without having to pitch in. Oh, am I such a rotten shit for not giving you more.
I'll quit here, because frankly, your pity party makes me want to vomit.
PS. Mel has to get that TB test - if she shows up positive - we're all in trouble, especially JP (but you "love her" and want the best for her - which is why you made her stay so she could get it next week at school, right?). And Mel needs to finish that last credit so she can have a better chance at working for something other than McDonalds (but you "love her" and "want the best for her" so you made her stick it out for the next 3 months so she could get it, right?) *sigh* Oh yeah, very responsible, caring and adult-like. Damn, I'm such a shit because I care - even now. I should be whipped for caring.
Must be really nice to know everything. Love is so much more than an emotion - but then, you'd unselfishly know that, wouldn't you? Neither of you have a single clue about where any of it's at.
Lucky for you, because you're so young & immature, you can still be forgiven.........
1. Houston, and more specifically Klein Forest High School, is far from the only place that she can get tested or treated for T.B. She may have been able to get tested for free, but certainly not treated for it -- and as you recall, you're a thousand dollars behind on various bills. Here she has a much better chance of being taken care of for that simply because we DO have the money to deal with it as the need arises.
2. Lamar High School, my own high school, is right down the street. She'll be finishing her last half-credit; she's already called her Klein Forest counselor and left a message (and will call again tomorrow, when the counselors will actually be in) to find out what, exactly, she needs to do to transfer, and I'll take her to Lamar myself to help her register. We're going to get my car put in the shop tomorrow, too, so that I'll also be able to drive her in the mornings instead of making her walk the whole way.
3. As you recall, I gave up a job paying me $20/hr to an amount that totalled up to around $2k/mo to come live in Houston to be near her -- this is a job that I, personally, can easilly get back. I'm also friends with the owners of a metaphysical shop who need weekend help for minimum wage, which is the same pay but a lot better than flipping burgers, and a lot funner, too. In addition to this, D/FW is a commercial metroplex, not an industrial sinkhole like Houston, and there are a good half-dozen jobsites around here that are hiring people just like us. For example, the company my aunt works for is two exits down the highway and is hiring temps for $10/hr with as much overtime as you want just for simple data entry, and if they like you after a few weeks they'll hire you full time. You can see, then, that between all these options, it is not unlikely that between the two of us, we will be able to support ourselves quite comfortably in the near future. I never moved out on my own simply because I didn't want to be by myself, which is entirely unpleasant.
4. Don't talk to me about "family" -- you don't even talk to your own brothers, or even Melodee's father, who is her FATHER, the person that you created life with, a man whom still loves you for all your faults. You will never, ever be able to circumvent the biological strings tying you two together, and the least you could do would be have a friend "how are you doing" conversation every blue moon.
Since I do not feel that his reply adequately addresses the pile of shit loaded onto my e-mail server... I'll be sending my own reply. Stay tuned for an update.
He wasn't asking you for a thank you, he was making it clear that he wasn't as useless as you accused him of being.
He wasn't going for pity when he explained that he held his opinions to himself until goaded - he was making it clear that he was as nice as humanly possible until conditions made niceties impossible.
Obviously we aren't seeing eye to eye.
Perhaps you'd like to come up and have a chat some weekend - I'm sure you can make some time in your busy schedule. We could arrange for coffee, or perhaps some cokes at the local Denny's and talk this thing through.
I know that you're no villain, and you know that I'm no villain - maybe it's time we all stopped blaming each other for things and started embracing the changes that are taking place in all of our lives. Change can be a very stressful thing - why, I've heard of cats who have died from the shock of moving into a new house with their owners, even changing cat foods after a long time of eating the same thing.
If you would like to remain an admitted part of your daughter's life, I suggest you stop belittling, antagonizing, harping on, and otherwise terrorizing her and her husband.
Otherwise I see no other choice but to discontinue communication and commense disownment.
You are welcome to call me and arrange a meeting at any time. Feel free to leave a message on my phone if I am otherwise occupied with work or various recreational activities. If you feel that a meeting in person is unnecessary, do feel free to call so that we may converse like civilized people.
P.S.: You really ought to get yourself a new e-mail address. It would save you $10 a month that you're paying for an internet service that you no longer use. In all the time that has passed, have you even created a new account on a server like Hotmail or your own askleslie.net that can just as easily be sent straight to your Netscape browser?
Sent at 4:38 AM:
Melodee,
I can't and won't stop you from making what I might (or might not) consider to be a life-long mistake; it's not my place. It's your path to follow and see through to whatever end and I was even quite prepared to help you along your way. It's your right - hell, it's your heritage to make your own way into the world in the manner you see fit.
Whether or not I approve isn't at issue here at all, but how you treat me in your life is - and always has been - at issue. I don't care so much about what you do as I care how you treat me in the process. I'm kind of surprised that you haven't figured that out yet.
If you choose to remain part of my family as my daughter, I caution you to remember your place and put a muzzle on JP. For your sake, I will cease all communications with him from this moment on. As you already know, I won't tolerate that kind of behavior; it's what got you both in the mess you're in with me in the first place.
I sense in you a genuine desire to fix this rift between us, and so for you, I will forgive JP's last burst of anger and venomous words he wrote - however, know this: this is the last time. He has not earned the right to question anything about me, my family nor any decisions I have made in the present nor in the past. If JP continues to disrespect me and take aim at places he is incapable of understanding and has not been invited to nor been welcomed to discuss, I will consider it to be betrayal on both your parts, and it will lead you to the point of no return. You are the only subject of concern that he is allowed to discuss with me with a fair amount of freedom, as long as its done with respect. If you two decide to have children, this will extend to them as well, but that's where it ends. Nothing in my life is "fair game" unless I give him - or you - permission.
There are only 2 people I've loved at one time, and who reached the point that they are forever banished from my mind, my heart and my life and they remain unforgiven. They simply no longer exist in any part of me that had feelings or thoughts for them. Although I suspect it would please him no end at this time, you both are in extreme danger of becoming number 3 and number 4 in this area of unforgiveness. If you reach that point, you will never be allowed to return.
I'm not quite sure that your heart desires this, but I promise you, I've taken great lengths to ensure the safety of my peace of mind, heart and home and will continue to do so. I no longer allow any kind of abuse near me. Betrayal is the ultimate form of abuse and I won't allow that in my life - even if it comes from you. I think you recall the last time you attempted to abuse me and what I told you then and I'm reminding you now, that warning still stands.
I haven't once taken aim at any of JP's weak areas - of which you and I both know are many. Not only would it be unkind, it's not part of the rift between any of us and it would solve nothing. I would hope that he learn his place quickly and keep quiet if for no other reason than out of respect for you. If he doesn't - it will show me one of two things: either he does not really respect you or you condone and fuel that disrespect towards me.
Remember this: unless you forfeit your relationship with me as mentioned above, as I have been since the day you were born, I will be there when you need until the day that I die.
When you are ready, I'll be here.
At least she doesn't sound angry; just stuck in her own little world... kinda pathetic... Ruth, have you been talking to her? Because that is a big, desireable change. I'd rather her sound that way than completely insane.
Sorry about the loss of comments during the merger; I went back and cut everything but it looked very unattractive, all split up the way it was... so here it is in chronological order, top to bottom. For easy reading, I am in pink, my mother is in purple, and JP is in red.
>
> Your unnecessary stunt today has just won you to a full week of doing the dishes - every day, all day, for anyone who dirties a dish. Your duty will be to wash them each & every single day, and monitor the kitchen so that it's clean.
>
> You MUST wash ALL of the dishes in the kitchen BEFORE I wake up Saturday morning (tomorrow, being Saturday). No discussion. No argument. YOU BOTH are responsible, you BOTH will take care of it.
>
> You MUST fix the lock in the bedroom /bathroom to it's original position before I wake up Saturday morning. No discussion. No argument. YOU BOTH are responsible, you BOTH will take care of it.
>
> Here are the final consequences to your actions: If the above is NOT adhered to, Jon-Paul, you must leave my house and not come back.
>
> If the above is not done by Saturday morning, Jon-Paul, you have until SUNDAY morning (note this date: AUGUST 14) to be gone, your items packed, the keys left in my possession - ALL OF THEM. If your car stays, take note, I will have it towed away on Monday.
>
> Mel, if you should choose to follow him, that's fine. Know that the doors will always be open to you, but I hope that you would leave under better circumstances. To let anyone tear apart our family is pretty sad and if that's your choice to let him do that to us, so be it. I promise, we'll get along just fine - my question is, will you?
>
> When you most need it, I'll be here for you just like I always have been, but I won't be taken advantage of the way you two have been doing. I'm disappointed that you, with all your intelligence can't see the forest for the trees. But again, that's your choice and I won't stand in your way.
>
> I'm sure, Jon-Paul, that you've been goading us into this so that you can be "the poor victim" so that you're "kicked out" rather than choosing to leave on your own. Others may buy into that routine, but know that we all know better. You are anything but a victim - and we all know it - more like a lazy, disrespectful, ungrateful primadona who is spoiled rotten and who's taken my kindness and Monica's generosity for granted for the very last time.
>
> If you prefer the chaotic lifestyle you've grown up with rather than the relatively peace & quiet here you should have left peacefully and went with good will so that you are welcomed to return. If you aren't happy here, the manly thing would be to just go where you ARE happy and not attempt to make others around as miserable as you are.
>
> I opened my house, my heart and my family to you and you have repaid us with dirt and unkindness that hasn't gone un-noticed. You've belittled us, insulted us and treated us badly, not to mention isolated my daughter from her family because YOU don't like whatever or whomever. There isn't a thing we did to you - you just choose to believe that you are king and all of us must acquiesce to your desires, and we can't seem to be or do anything that's good enough for you. This is the final straw. Enough is enough.
>
> You both have proven so far that you're part of the problem rather than the solution. Now, I present the final and only solution - which is to get rid of the offending party. As it's STILL my house - I'm the sole provider, the one who brings food to you, the one who allows you to drink and eat here, play your computer games, provide you cable and television and and you sleep here in comfort, rather than in the heat of outdoors.
>
> I get to call the shots. I earned that right - neither of you have any rights what-so-ever and only by my grace and generosity are you even here. You should attempt to live by MY rules and by MY lifestyle, rather than demanding that WE live by yours. I've never asked much from you - but I guess asking you to be part of my family and helping out here & there is just too much for you to accept.
>
> Jon-Paul, don't even bother to respond to this email with your wise-ass remarks - there's nothing you can say to help your case any. If you want back into my good graces, you have the ability to stand up like a man, be mature, and take care of business. You think you are a grown man, well, here's your chance to prove it to all of us because right now your actions show me little that I can trust my daughter with - you won't help around here and it leads me to believe that you'll abandon her when she no longer plays by your rules. I don't believe you have it within you to even take care of her - but that's her choice and I won't stand in her way whether I approve or not. If you are what she wants - believe it, I have faith in her that she will see you for what you are eventually. OR...you will shape up at some point because of her before you do her too much harm.
>
> You CAN earn my trust back, it's not too late - but I assure you, stunts like what's been pulled today with the dishes aren't the way to fix things and garner trust. As far as I'm concerned, you're both in on it together.
>
> If you don't like what I'm saying, just pack up and leave me the keys & get out. Simple. No discussion. No arguments. No problems. Just go.
> This can be easy, or this can be hard. The choice is yours on which way you're going to decide to do things.
>
> I promise you - you have until the time I wake up on Saturday - AUGUST 13 - to comply. I'm not going to put up with your primadona ways another day.
>
> If you choose to not abide by my wishes, this is fine. By default, you are choosing to leave my household and I will abide by your choice.
>
>
>
>
>
--
Dearest Mother,
You may read this at your angry leisure, however and whenever it suits you, but I do suggest that you do eventually get around to reading it, as it may hold some relatively important information that you might not want to be without. To prevent misunderstandings, I, at the moment, am entirely calm and anger-free (which is not the same thing as your version of calm, I have noticed), so you should read with the tone of utter bewilderment that I am writing it with.
I honestly do not know to which "stunt" you are referring. We stayed out all night with Justin because we were in West Houston and decided to have some fun after our business. You probably already know that for a week or so, we have been seeking out alternative living situations. Yesterday we left around 4:00 P.M. with Justin to go investigate a possible roommate, who happens to live near Justin's mother's house. We spent maybe half an hour looking at the place and talking to the guy and headed off to play with Justin's friends.
I've noticed Monica's notes, yesterday and today, and this leads me to believe that you mean to say that we are responsible for the dish pileup currently in the kitchen. I would like to very politely point out to you that a total of three dishes in the sink right now are from our meals (which is not including the additional two forks). The cookie sheet Jon-Paul used for his dinner last night - some cinnamon toast - and rinsed thoroughly, as was requested. (I will admit, as does he, that he left the sheet haphazardly on top of the sink in his tiredness, but at least the thing's been rinsed.) I used the small pot for my only meal yesterday of Ramen noodles, as well as a bowl and fork, and Jon-Paul subsequently used the same pot for his Ramen, using up a bowl and fork himself but leaving the pot more sanitary than he found it.
That being said, we're leaving. We are leaving, not because you TOLD us to, but because we are very tired and would like to get some sleep. We have been losing quite a lot of sleep lately, on our toes about being kicked out, feeling all sorts of resentment and other bad energies from the rest of the house for no apparent reason other than your need for a scapegoat, and it's really had us very nervous, you see; the idea of living behind a Sears is not very appealing. So, I repeat, we are very tired and would like to get some sleep.
(Please do not blame our insomnia on video games; we are not blaming our insomnia on anything you enjoy in your free time, such as sitting, or chewing things, or watching cartoons, what have you. We're simply stating that we've been very nervous; every time we turn around someone's threatening to kick us out of the house for some random thing or another, some things that are entirely our fault and others that are entirely not.)
You will notice that we have taken some objects from the house that you have previously treated as your own. We have taken a few things, such as my pillows and blankets, that you have no other use for, and if you would like them back we will be happy to mail them to you free of charge; you are, however, burdened with the naming of the objects you would like to see back, and the description thereof. The other things we have taken (the shower curtain lining, the hose, the cutting boards and knives, etc. etc.) are ours. We bought them, and it is only fair that we take the things that we bought with us.
We have also taken several trash bags, and as a courtesy, we have left the towel rack up in the bathroom. This is due in part to our own laziness, but also because we knew we should leave you something.
I have a phone. (508) 577-6763. Jon-Paul has a phone. (817) 686-3516. Feel free to call at any time. We, however, will not be calling you unless it is upon a desperately important matter. Take that as you will - we choose not to listen to your yelling any more. I do encourage that you call so that we may further discuss the issues between us - and when I say DISCUSS, I mean DISCUSS. Our last "discussion" left me a little disappointed.
As a last comment, I would like to make it clear that HE is not taking me away from YOU. You have made it very clear that you do not want either of us around with your actions this past month, and we are simply honoring your wishes by ceasing to use up your power, your water, your food, your shampoo, and your air. You have rightfully earned these things, and we do not desire to keep them from you any longer.
We're sorry we didn't get around to turning that doorknob around. We know how important privacy is whilst you travel between shower and hallway, and we're sure if you enlist Chris, he will be happy to figure the thing out. It only took Jon-Paul half an hour or so, and Chris is a bright boy.
We love you all very much,
Mel and Jon-Paul
From : JP Williams
Sent : Sunday, August 14, 2005 4:39 AM
To : Leslie Johnson
Subject : RE: FWD: congratulations
1. The Dishes
Monica, for whatever reason, got her panties in a wad over the dishes several days ago. This is no big deal, we all know that she circles them like a turkey vulture over a rapidly bloating corpse, but all she asked is that we rinsed off our dishes. So, last night I made cinnamon toast and washed off the cookie sheet. Yesterday morning I made ramen, and again, washed off the resulting dishes (which is far more than I can say for the dishes that were already there, filled as they were with the remnants of past half-eaten computerside meals). WHY did I make ramen, you ask? Because it is a simple and easy thing, and I happen to enjoy it from time to time, and it has nothing to do with there being or not being anything else to eat.
Afterwords, we went out with Justin, meaning that until we got home at 3:30am, we did not accrue any other dishes than a cookie sheet, two bowls, some forks, and a pot (all of which were, I repeat, rinsed thoroughly). When we did get home, however, we found this long, scathing email detailing about how we pulled a "stunt" with the dishes. Personally, I would like to know what this stunt was, because if I did know I might actually be proud of it, but for now I'm rather insulted that we're getting blamed for something that we have not provenly done. As such, since I didn't accumulate any massive quantities of dishware, I decided to forego any dishes before our departure. Besides, you like to say that we don't do anything anyway, and why take the wild chance at starting now?
2. The Lock
Now humor me -- your argument is that you enjoy having privacy whilst you take a shower. First of all, neither of us is ever awake at approximately 6:30am when you take your shower, and second, one would assume that you dry yourself off in the shower before leaving so as to not get water everywhere. Nothing is stopping you, therefor, from closing the door to the bathroom itself and locking that, and simply putting on your clothes/robe in there like everyone else, so that on the off-chance that someone DOES wake up with plans to be somewhere, they can brush their teeth and hair without having to wait for you to get out of the shower. This, I believe, is why that door exists in the first place. Third, you have a bathtub of your own, a better one even which is larger, but you either haven't cleaned it out, haven't cleaned it thoroughly, or are just too anal-retentive to switch your daily habits.
As has been mentioned before, our other door was hanging from the top hinge only, and using a door in that condition with any sort of regularity can and will warp or destroy the hinge itself, as well as stripping the screw holes in the door frame in the process. We kept that door locked and unused ninety percent of the time for expressly that reason, and locking the other door under ANY circumstances is much the same as locking us in our room (which we don't take kindly to).
3. Ettiquitte, or The Art of Being Nice
You like to say that I have been ignorant, manipulative, irrational, immature, insulting (and other such synonyms thereof), controlling, and a litany of other such remarks along similar lines. Mostly, I don't mind when you take your jollies off of pinning all your life's problems on someone else, much less a teenager of all people, but I will get to that in a minute.
The last thing I have ever done while I lived there was lie about something. Yes, I didn't enjoy what you cook; I have reasons why (such as that lamb does not belong in spaghetti or lasagna), but every time this happened I curteously said that I simply was not hungry, and I would wait for everyone to disappear into the living room and then make myself something. I knew that I was one out of five that didn't enjoy it, and I knew that I was perfectly happy and perfectly able to go in the kitchen and make myself something alternative. I tried everything when it was made, made an honest effort to eat as much as I could, and otherwise was rather quiet about the whole thing. I held similar habits with other things, but there are some things -- like throwing away the package to the Lipton noodles after you make them, or not leaving plates full of Ritz and peanut butter lying around the end table -- that I did voice publicly, simply because such things are both counterproductive and disgusting in many instances (butter is a DAIRY product -- what happens when you leave milk out? Butter is made from milk and therefor suffers the same fate when left to congeal on the counter). It was not until later, when I was being confronted in a more hostile manner, that I dropped any pretense of being pleasant at all. You cannot blame this on the fact that I was already acting that way toward you, simply because at the time this started I was trying my best not to come in contact with you at all because you were radiating a rather seething aura anywhere you stomped around the house, and glared at everything you set your sights on. All in all, I have only ever spoken the truth, whether or not you wanted to hear what I had to say.
In short, though, I would also like to say that you're welcome for every time I cleaned the kitchen (which when you first moved in to the house was around every 2-3 days for 1-3 hours depending on how bad it'd gotten), every time I cleaned the front living room, every time I cleaned the dining room, every time I got your mail, the day and a half or so I spent out in the garage sifting through ALL of your stuff -- Monica, you, and Mel's -- in an attempt to create more space and rid some of the bulkier items from the garage so that you could fit your mom's car in there, you're welcome for when I went up on the roof and got all the dead branches out of the tree and clipped the ones close to the roof so that during hurricane season, there wouldn't be a risk of developing a hole that you would have to get repaired, as well as cleaning out the gutters around the garage before I'd had enough for the day, you're welcome for any time I cooked, you're welcome for all the errands that we ever did for you and Monica, and you're welcome for everything I ever bought to improve living around the house (most of which I took with me, as you have yet to express gratification for most of it), and most of all, you're welcome for having my help and my car when you moved in to your new house, which is probably what accelerated the mechanical problems my car is facing today.
4. Melodee
After a long deliberation during our trip up here, I have discovered why, exactly, I cannot be "tearing this family apart," as you so put it.
First is the fact that you yourself told us not to move further than a day's drive away. Seeing as how Arlington is 4.5 hours north, this is 19.5 hours short of being a "day." Second, like I said, is the fact that I didn't make the decision. I mentioned it as a possibility to Melodee, and after we thought it through she decided that we should act on it. I asked her several times if she was sure about it, and waited two and a half hours from the time she said that, yes, it was what she wanted, before I called my mom to come get us. She didn't get on the road for another three hours or so, which is roughly about six hours during which we could have called it off and decided to stay. Third is that you told us to get out yourself, and often threatened us with being kicked out before you actually did it. I quote from your own email:
"If you don't like what I'm saying, just pack up and leave me the keys & get out.
Simple. No discussion. No arguments. No problems. Just go.
This can be easy, or this can be hard. The choice is yours on which way you're
going to decide to do things.
...If you choose to not abide by my wishes, this is fine. By default, you are
choosing to leave my household and I will abide by your choice."
So, we took the proferred option of leaving and did just that. If anything, this proves that it was not me that "tore up" the family, but instead you did, which wasn't aided by the fact that we DID leave you the keys and began to get out nice and quiet and easy with no discussions, no arguments, no problems, and you instead decided to lecture us on the fact that this decision would haunt us for the rest of our lives, and proceeded into a wildly inaccurate monologue about how I don't really love her and won't ever take care of her.
I will never, EVER put up with hearing this again. Like I said earlier, I could care less whether you choose to insult me or not, but questioning my devotion to her is stepping way over a very vast line. Furthermore, I refuse to put up with hearing this from a woman who has forsaken her own family, and expressed veiled concern that her daughters might do the same to her, effectively becoming just as manipulative as you accused me of being in the process. I may not be able to, and indeed never will prohibit her from talking to you, but I sure as hell can say that you cannot be in a house where I pay the rent (just the same courtesy as you extended to us, as I believe is only fair). You accused me of deciding things for her -- but have you asked her yourself what it was that SHE wanted? No, you have not, and until you do so, do not ever accuse me of getting her to do something that she didn't want to do.
You still have issues about past relationships that you need to deal with. Insecurities from past boyfriends, drama that not even your daughters know I'm sure, I don't know and I don't care. But do them a favor and don't take it out on THEIR relationships and do not try to contort the fact that they have what they yearn for, significant others that will see sure that they will want for nothing for the rest of their lives, simply because you ran into a bad apple or two in your misguided youth.
5. Laziness and the Art of Sitting
You have long accused us of sitting around and doing nothing all the time, isolating ourselves from the rest of you. To some extent this is true -- we sit around and do nothing very commonly, except for the fact that we usually go outside the house if only to walk around the neighborhood at least once a week, which is far more than could be said of Chris and Monica or even yourself, short of going to work and the store. Last I checked, all you ever do is wake up, go to work, come home, sit in front of the computer or TV for hours on end, go to sleep, rinse, wash, repeat until the weekend, when all you do is sit on the computer or watch TV all day (which is exactly what you express contempt at us doing, as you recall). Last I checked, all Monica does is wake up, get on the computer, watch TV any time you kick her off, and go to sleep, with absolutely no variance in habit. Hell, last I checked, if the internet is down for fifteen seconds she goes into coniption fits and starts hyperventilating.
Monica is in her mid-twenties. She relies completely upon you. She has no work skills, and she never goes outside or does work short of the dishes, and even then only spartanly. She is agoraphobic with a martyr streak, and you will not live forever. One day, you WILL die, and if Sir Galahad hasn't come along and swept her off her feet by then, she is never going to be able to support herself. If her wrist hurts any time she lifts anything heavier than a spoon and it gets blamed on carpal tunnel, I have news for you -- then maybe she should stay off the computer for awhile. THAT is how you develop carpal tunnel. From what I hear, with the only job she's had, she frequently didn't go and when she decided to quit, just quit showing up altogether. Supposedly you have been trying to "understand" her and encourage her, but maybe her ADDICTION (and yes, I do stress addiction) to the internet could be solved simply by cutting off her fix.
6. Insomnia
Mostly as a side note, I would like to elaborate on something Melodee said in her note. My insomnia, in particular, has been caused during the last two weeks where I have been holding back a nervous breakdown with all sincerity. Going on two months ago (about the time you started skimping your bills apparently), you started acting very brash for no particular or apparent reason, and toward us in particular. You have always favored Monica and treated her with a do-no-wrong attitude, which probably has a lot to do with her inability to function independently as I mentioned earlier. I digress.
Since you started this, I have attempted the following sequence: first, I tried cleaning incessantly, damn near every day, as well as organizing things and making sure the trash got out. Since this was rewarded simply with more pissy fits of throwing things around the kitchen and slamming doors (both of which, I should mention, are EXTREME pet peeves of mine), I wrote the infamous message on the fridge to which I am still amused that you got so vehement over a little mysterious voice in a magnetboard. Since this solved nothing either, I finished off with attempting to avoid you altogether, but the vindictivity kept escalating to the point that, as I mentioned, I began to feel the oncomings of another nervous breakdown. Now, had this breakdown occured, it would have been my third before the age of 20, which I'm entirely certain is an unhealthy number. Mostly I just thought you should know that, regardless of whether or not we actually purposefully and maliciously piled a pair of ramen bowls in the sink with which to terrorize the whole of eternity, you have successfully stressed the shit out of two people who you "cared" about. You managed to get us so stressed out that, when we realized the root cause of the fact that we were always on edge and losing sleep, we started looking for other places to live. Yes, in fact, we have been looking for the last week or so, quite hurriedly. Whether or not we left today, we would have left soon, and it was only a matter of time either way. When we went out with Justin, we met with a potential roommate to check out the house and see if we wanted to move in, and when we borrowed your car the other night, we were going to meet yet another potential roommate. (Also, you're welcome for the $5 we put in the gas tank afterwards, as well as the squeegee I took to your windows for you.) Us moving out is NOT a new thing.
7. An Interlude
I thought that, since I devoted a paragraph to Monica, I might as well devote one to you, too. We all know that nowhere near all of that is scar tissue. You need to actually do something for yourself for a change; take a walk, join a gym for Saturdays (we all know that since we're gone now, your monetary troubles will cease, right?), eat something other than bleached flour and treated sugar. Throw some fresh fruits and vegetables in with your energy drink in the morning. You'll have more energy and you'll be a lot more pleasant to be around for everyone involved.
8. To Summarize
We did not pull any "stunt," not now, not ever. You have been being completely irrational and unreasonable. You have hidden fears that you need to get over. You are inattentive and blame all of your problems on whoever seems to be the most convenient target. You need to gain the maturity and intelligence that you so love to say we are without -- leaving crude notes around the house is very obviously neither civilized nor is it responsible an any iteration of the word. I personally never want to hear from you again, and I assume you don't want the same. I do expect that you might recieve an invitation to our wedding, and until then, I bid you adieu.
Date: 8/14/2005 20:55:26 -0500
From: "lj"
Reply-to:
To:
CC:
Subject: final reply All headers
Because you are so damn young and immature, I'm not going to bother to reply to the stupidity of what either of you have written.
Neither of you knows a blessed thing about taking responsibility for anything or anyone. You can't even be responsible for yourselves. You know nothing about being responsible for five people - you can't even take care of yourselves. You know nothing about what it's like to sacrifice anything for the good of someone else. Ohhh, you may think you do, but you haven't got a single clue. Your "sacrifice" of keeping quiet for the sake of peace pales in comparison to the sacrifices a parent makes for the family.
Why is that? Because the family comes first in ALL circumstances. You don't know that, because you've never had to take care of anything or anyone in your short existence on this earth. This kind of responsibility transcends all love, all desire, all fear and all need to do for one's self - something you have no concept of. To you, everyone should just do their own thing & everyone else can just f*ck themselves. Well, it just don't work that way in the real world. That's selfish insanity - and it doesn't work.
Should I charge you rent for the time you were here? For every bite of food you ate at my expense? Or everything I bought for you to drink? Should I charge you for every dollar I gave you for whatever reason? Should I charge you for the birth control pills I've bought since what, Jan - Feb? Should I charge you for the $$ it took to get them? Should I charge you for every drop of soda I poured down the drain that you wasted? Or every drop of water left in those bottles you left behind for me to clean in the bedroom? Should I charge you for all the food you wasted - that you knew was waiting for you to eat, and that you chose to NOT eat? Should I charge you for the food wasted that we didn't eat because we left it for you? Should I charge you for each time you used the washer & dryer to do your clothes? Should I charge for every tampon & pad I bought?
And there you are - you took back all that you bought note this: what you bought for the good of our family - but now you're gone, family be damned. You've done too much "tit for tat" - so bent on "I did this & you didn't do that"...blah blah blah.
You don't know piddly. You haven't a clue about anything at all. There's a lot you just don't get. And for that, you will be forgiven for all that you've said and done. You are children, behaving like children - aware that you've done something wrong but not quite sure what it was that was wrong, but pissed at the consequences. And there are consequences, aren't there? Absolutely!! Whine all you want, there are consequences.
So, you want a Thank you for every little thing you did? Where was the thank you when I went out every day to work - not just one job, but many so we could live in such a nice house rather than in a ghetto? Where was the thank you when I bought the soap for you to bathe with? Or the food for you to eat? Or the water/juice/soda for you to drink? Where was the thank you for the electric bill I paid? Or the cable bill so you could play the computer games or watch telelvision? Where was the thank you for giving you money (when I had it) so you could go out once in a while for whatever reason? Where was the thank you when you needed to go somewhere and I was dead-tired from working at the same time I was sick like I have been the last few months, and still I went out to get for you or take you to get something you needed? Where was the thank you when I had no money in the back, but I bounced checks so you could have something you needed? Where was the thank you on those days that you spent sleeping in bed all day, playing games or watching television or whatever, so that when I got home after working all day, I got to wash all the dishes that you created during your daily / nightly snacking because you wouldn't eat the food that was made for you? Where was the thank you when I didn't get what I NEEDED just so YOU could have because you WANTED?
Children, children - you really need to grow up soon. You need to know that I do NOT owe YOU - if anything, YOU owe ME.
It sure must be nice to know everything there is to know about the world; must be great to understand the heavens, the earth, and how & why God made everything that is. Must be really nice to have been there & done all that - and be totally bored with everything else because it's done.
One day, little boy & girl, you will figure out that all lives don't revolve around you - that you really aren't the center of the universe - that you really haven't been there & done all that. And then, maybe then, you will understand what has happened in this house and why things went bad the way that they did.
You just cannot take people for granted and think they're going to like it. You just cannot live like no one else matters - and expect that they'll clean up after you and enjoy it. If either of you had just tried as hard to help us, as we tried hard to please YOU...maybe none of this would have been so sour. You can't even look back & say, "Hey, I tried" because you didn't, nor did you ever intend to. You just ran away and hid when you were found out. You're just the poor guys being sorrowful about being incarcerated, but not the least bit sorry you did the crime.
And so, I finished it. Gave you the choice. Shape up, or ship out. This house isn't big enough for TWO families - one which lives, breathes & eats & does on its own time schedule at MY expense. I doubt you'll ever find any house that will allow you to mooch off it for long before it gives you the same ultimatum.
When you figure it all out, you will know. Until then, you can play "victim" as we all already knew that you would. I'm the bitch - I'm the rotten person because I won't let you take advantage of me any more. I suck because I won't let you run rough-shod all over me. *sigh* I am rotten to the core because I had to make sure the bills were paid, food was in the house and everyone else had what they needed, but no extras were in the budget so that you two could live the way you want without having to pitch in. Oh, am I such a rotten shit for not giving you more.
I'll quit here, because frankly, your pity party makes me want to vomit.
PS. Mel has to get that TB test - if she shows up positive - we're all in trouble, especially JP (but you "love her" and want the best for her - which is why you made her stay so she could get it next week at school, right?). And Mel needs to finish that last credit so she can have a better chance at working for something other than McDonalds (but you "love her" and "want the best for her" so you made her stick it out for the next 3 months so she could get it, right?) *sigh* Oh yeah, very responsible, caring and adult-like. Damn, I'm such a shit because I care - even now. I should be whipped for caring.
Must be really nice to know everything. Love is so much more than an emotion - but then, you'd unselfishly know that, wouldn't you? Neither of you have a single clue about where any of it's at.
Lucky for you, because you're so young & immature, you can still be forgiven.........
1. Houston, and more specifically Klein Forest High School, is far from the only place that she can get tested or treated for T.B. She may have been able to get tested for free, but certainly not treated for it -- and as you recall, you're a thousand dollars behind on various bills. Here she has a much better chance of being taken care of for that simply because we DO have the money to deal with it as the need arises.
2. Lamar High School, my own high school, is right down the street. She'll be finishing her last half-credit; she's already called her Klein Forest counselor and left a message (and will call again tomorrow, when the counselors will actually be in) to find out what, exactly, she needs to do to transfer, and I'll take her to Lamar myself to help her register. We're going to get my car put in the shop tomorrow, too, so that I'll also be able to drive her in the mornings instead of making her walk the whole way.
3. As you recall, I gave up a job paying me $20/hr to an amount that totalled up to around $2k/mo to come live in Houston to be near her -- this is a job that I, personally, can easilly get back. I'm also friends with the owners of a metaphysical shop who need weekend help for minimum wage, which is the same pay but a lot better than flipping burgers, and a lot funner, too. In addition to this, D/FW is a commercial metroplex, not an industrial sinkhole like Houston, and there are a good half-dozen jobsites around here that are hiring people just like us. For example, the company my aunt works for is two exits down the highway and is hiring temps for $10/hr with as much overtime as you want just for simple data entry, and if they like you after a few weeks they'll hire you full time. You can see, then, that between all these options, it is not unlikely that between the two of us, we will be able to support ourselves quite comfortably in the near future. I never moved out on my own simply because I didn't want to be by myself, which is entirely unpleasant.
4. Don't talk to me about "family" -- you don't even talk to your own brothers, or even Melodee's father, who is her FATHER, the person that you created life with, a man whom still loves you for all your faults. You will never, ever be able to circumvent the biological strings tying you two together, and the least you could do would be have a friend "how are you doing" conversation every blue moon.
Since I do not feel that his reply adequately addresses the pile of shit loaded onto my e-mail server... I'll be sending my own reply. Stay tuned for an update.
He wasn't asking you for a thank you, he was making it clear that he wasn't as useless as you accused him of being.
He wasn't going for pity when he explained that he held his opinions to himself until goaded - he was making it clear that he was as nice as humanly possible until conditions made niceties impossible.
Obviously we aren't seeing eye to eye.
Perhaps you'd like to come up and have a chat some weekend - I'm sure you can make some time in your busy schedule. We could arrange for coffee, or perhaps some cokes at the local Denny's and talk this thing through.
I know that you're no villain, and you know that I'm no villain - maybe it's time we all stopped blaming each other for things and started embracing the changes that are taking place in all of our lives. Change can be a very stressful thing - why, I've heard of cats who have died from the shock of moving into a new house with their owners, even changing cat foods after a long time of eating the same thing.
If you would like to remain an admitted part of your daughter's life, I suggest you stop belittling, antagonizing, harping on, and otherwise terrorizing her and her husband.
Otherwise I see no other choice but to discontinue communication and commense disownment.
You are welcome to call me and arrange a meeting at any time. Feel free to leave a message on my phone if I am otherwise occupied with work or various recreational activities. If you feel that a meeting in person is unnecessary, do feel free to call so that we may converse like civilized people.
P.S.: You really ought to get yourself a new e-mail address. It would save you $10 a month that you're paying for an internet service that you no longer use. In all the time that has passed, have you even created a new account on a server like Hotmail or your own askleslie.net that can just as easily be sent straight to your Netscape browser?
Sent at 4:38 AM:
Melodee,
I can't and won't stop you from making what I might (or might not) consider to be a life-long mistake; it's not my place. It's your path to follow and see through to whatever end and I was even quite prepared to help you along your way. It's your right - hell, it's your heritage to make your own way into the world in the manner you see fit.
Whether or not I approve isn't at issue here at all, but how you treat me in your life is - and always has been - at issue. I don't care so much about what you do as I care how you treat me in the process. I'm kind of surprised that you haven't figured that out yet.
If you choose to remain part of my family as my daughter, I caution you to remember your place and put a muzzle on JP. For your sake, I will cease all communications with him from this moment on. As you already know, I won't tolerate that kind of behavior; it's what got you both in the mess you're in with me in the first place.
I sense in you a genuine desire to fix this rift between us, and so for you, I will forgive JP's last burst of anger and venomous words he wrote - however, know this: this is the last time. He has not earned the right to question anything about me, my family nor any decisions I have made in the present nor in the past. If JP continues to disrespect me and take aim at places he is incapable of understanding and has not been invited to nor been welcomed to discuss, I will consider it to be betrayal on both your parts, and it will lead you to the point of no return. You are the only subject of concern that he is allowed to discuss with me with a fair amount of freedom, as long as its done with respect. If you two decide to have children, this will extend to them as well, but that's where it ends. Nothing in my life is "fair game" unless I give him - or you - permission.
There are only 2 people I've loved at one time, and who reached the point that they are forever banished from my mind, my heart and my life and they remain unforgiven. They simply no longer exist in any part of me that had feelings or thoughts for them. Although I suspect it would please him no end at this time, you both are in extreme danger of becoming number 3 and number 4 in this area of unforgiveness. If you reach that point, you will never be allowed to return.
I'm not quite sure that your heart desires this, but I promise you, I've taken great lengths to ensure the safety of my peace of mind, heart and home and will continue to do so. I no longer allow any kind of abuse near me. Betrayal is the ultimate form of abuse and I won't allow that in my life - even if it comes from you. I think you recall the last time you attempted to abuse me and what I told you then and I'm reminding you now, that warning still stands.
I haven't once taken aim at any of JP's weak areas - of which you and I both know are many. Not only would it be unkind, it's not part of the rift between any of us and it would solve nothing. I would hope that he learn his place quickly and keep quiet if for no other reason than out of respect for you. If he doesn't - it will show me one of two things: either he does not really respect you or you condone and fuel that disrespect towards me.
Remember this: unless you forfeit your relationship with me as mentioned above, as I have been since the day you were born, I will be there when you need until the day that I die.
When you are ready, I'll be here.
At least she doesn't sound angry; just stuck in her own little world... kinda pathetic... Ruth, have you been talking to her? Because that is a big, desireable change. I'd rather her sound that way than completely insane.
Sorry about the loss of comments during the merger; I went back and cut everything but it looked very unattractive, all split up the way it was... so here it is in chronological order, top to bottom. For easy reading, I am in pink, my mother is in purple, and JP is in red.