(no subject)
From : JP Williams
Sent : Monday, August 22, 2005 4:35 AM
To : lj@mail.ev1.net
Subject : Re: nothing
You know, I mostly have one resounding question for you: what is your deal? The last two emails that Melodee sent you, she has bent over backward to try and be nice and empathetic with you in the hopes that MAYBE, just maybe, you two might be able to talk either in person or on the phone in civil, benevolent tones. The only response you have shown her is continued acidic emails, totally ignoring her want of the aforementioned conversation. You speak of forgiveness and understanding, but you have yet to actually DEMONSTRATE anything of the sort to either of us, but most particularly her, the person you "believe in." The last thing that she has done has threatened or guilt tripped you in any way. If anything, you were guilt tripping her as we were trying to leave, but I'll get to that.
Perhaps you should be reminded of who is "judging" you. According to you, we have no life experiences from which to draw our conclusions; no "knowledge," no "understanding." As far as you are concerned, we are but two newborn kittens opening our eyes for the first time and being greeted by a world that we could never imagine. Where you are wrong, however, is that we are not newborns. Granted we are half your age, but this doesn't mean either of us hasn't seen our own share of problems. Due to my mother's own drug habits, I have been my own sole guardian and caretaker since I was eleven. I have seen through my own drug problems, I have had (many) family members and close friends die due to illness, old age, and accidents. I've been kicked out of where I was living twice, once because I called CPS on a woman who was neglecting her children, and the second time because my mother was, once again, on drugs and I confronted her about it. I've "run away" once when I was sixteen, simply to get away from her drug habit, and wound up living away from her for a year and a half. I say none of this (and there is more that I could go into, believe you me) to gain "sympathy" or "pity" like you love to accuse me of, but merely instead to justify the fact that I am not an ignoramus and I do have a perfectly fine set of eyes.
This entire mess started, as I have said before and will continue to say, after you brought Melodee downstairs for your "little talk." I eventually went downstairs during the course of this "discussion" and made myself food to get away from the yelling which I could understand perfectly fine from UPSTAIRS. You expressed fear that I had been isolating Melodee from your "family" without bothering to realize several facts: first, that there is not enough seating for the all of us in that living room in the first place; second, that not everyone likes to watch the same computer games or television shows; and third, that we were easilly capable of watching or playing whatever computer games or television shows as we wanted in a seperate room. You suggested familial grocery shopping as a sort of social event; whilst I personally enjoy the activity, I don't enjoy it with four other people (perhaps one or two others tops), and Melodee doesn't enjoy it at all. In addition to this, the sheer amount of groceries we bought because of how many of us there were was such that having even three people go was restricting once it had to all be put into a four-door sedan. The option of, say, going to the dollar-fifty theatre once every week or two seemed a foreign concept, or perhaps encouraging eating at the table, which was an idea that you at first bolstered but then abandoned the same as the rest of us.
After this lackluster confrontation, I spent weeks calming Melodee down and you began posting angry notes everywhere about the house instead of actually confronting the issue at hand and dealing with it, such as your facecloth supposedly being used, and as I recall I was the one that asked if anyone really HAD been using it. In the space of approximately a month and a half between when you had this "discussion" and when we left, you locked our main door of choice twice, both times when you had already displayed vindictive tendencies and were well known to be irritated at us, to say the least. Both of us have a hard time believing that these were "accidents," and regardless we enjoy our privacy, too, which CANNOT be had by having one door be able to be opened when you have a perfectly fine door you could lock yourself.
And THEN, oh this is my favorite part, we somehow committed a "stunt" by using two bowls, a pot, and a cookie sheet that were all properly rinsed off as was asked of us via the mysterious, angry eraser board voice. This was done, I will note, whilst we were in West Houston, no less than a thirty-minute drive away, for the entire span of our waking day. When we then returned to find your email, we decided that one way or another we were leaving, and after several hours of discussion we decided upon escaping to North Texas, which you then heralded simply as me trying to "tear [your] family apart."
Let's also get another matter set straight. I asked Melodee about this when I read your last email to her, and she agreed with me -- neither of us ever recalls you screaming anything along these lines: "I believe in you - no matter how long it takes or what experiences you have to go through, I believe in you." To the best of our recollection, as we stood there attempting to make the peaceful and discussionless exit that you demanded ("If you don't like what I'm saying, just pack up and leave me the keys & get out. Simple. No discussion. No arguments. No problems. Just go."), you had nothing but insulting remarks and baseless fears for our ears. Do NOT try to turn the tables now and take the high road, the same dignified aura you took on when you realized there was a man with a very large truck outside who had every intention of leaving with your daughter and her fiance. In fact, in your last email you have tacked our arguments up as being about monetary concerns ("Money concerns were but a minor part in all of this mess...") and OUR entire argument has been about the way you treated us (which again, you didn't discuss any of your problems with us at ALL, whether civilized or not, you instead just sent us irate, vague emails and left clueless notes taped to the walls).
I would like to reiterate that: you never once TALKED with us, in ANY fashion, about the problems you had with us, regardless of what those were. Instead you merely seethed animosity and hardly communicated anything at all, which is a situation that is NOT pleasant for ANYONE to be in. This is the same exact problem you seem to be having now: instead of TALKING to Melodee about your maternal differences and trying to heal this rift between you, you have nothing but emails full of vaguities and disrespect at most. You want respect? It can never be given to you if you do not give it in return. If there was anything I learned in boot camp, damn was that it.
You have questioned my ability to, in turn, question anything having to do with your life. What I think is interesting is that, in the interests of being nice and empathic, your daughter deleted a nice little paragraph in her last email (that I wish she'd have let me read) detailing exactly why I had the right to do so. I don't think she'll rewrite it in her next email to come, so let me detail four reasons why I, of all people, have the right to tell you what is fucked up in your life. First, I earned the right the second I called and asked your permission to marry her, and you said yes. Second, I earned the right when you invited me to move in. Third, I earned the right the second you took Melodee downstairs for your "discussion" to criticise my love and intentions toward her. And fourth, I earned the right when you stood at the top of those stairs saying the things you did as you prevented us from leaving peacefully like you had "wanted." If there could be a fifth reason, it would simply echo all of those statements in one: I earned the right via the fact that I respect you, and that as such I would tell you if something was wrong the same as I would have an intervention with my best friend if he acquired a drug habit. I earned the right by gaining a tie that will never be severed: the fact that I am and will be the first, if not only, man your daughter marries, and quite possibly the father of your future grandchild(ren).
You said yourself that there were two people you refuse to talk to anymore simply because they have made similar statements as I have. If you feel the need to abandon the two of us from your heart of hearts, I am atleast content in that I have said what NEEDED to be said, things which are FACTS, unswayed by emotion or bias. I also believe that if you wind up with four people you don't ever talk to for telling you the same thing, maybe you should seriously consider whether what they have to say might be the truth.
Now, if you have read this and any sense of understanding over WHY we had to get away, and understanding that we DID try to leave without confrontation, understanding that ALL she asked for was reconciliation, has come over you then I encourage you to actually TALK to Melodee. This means using your voice, not your fingers. If not, then just hit the delete button and don't look back. I'm sure that this point, right now, is the turning point over what sort of active participation we take in eachothers' lives.
See, Justine? All you need is patience. I'm sure you just didn't read where I said that I planned to post everything WITHOUT cutting it for a day or two and then go back to cut it.
Sent : Monday, August 22, 2005 4:35 AM
To : lj@mail.ev1.net
Subject : Re: nothing
You know, I mostly have one resounding question for you: what is your deal? The last two emails that Melodee sent you, she has bent over backward to try and be nice and empathetic with you in the hopes that MAYBE, just maybe, you two might be able to talk either in person or on the phone in civil, benevolent tones. The only response you have shown her is continued acidic emails, totally ignoring her want of the aforementioned conversation. You speak of forgiveness and understanding, but you have yet to actually DEMONSTRATE anything of the sort to either of us, but most particularly her, the person you "believe in." The last thing that she has done has threatened or guilt tripped you in any way. If anything, you were guilt tripping her as we were trying to leave, but I'll get to that.
Perhaps you should be reminded of who is "judging" you. According to you, we have no life experiences from which to draw our conclusions; no "knowledge," no "understanding." As far as you are concerned, we are but two newborn kittens opening our eyes for the first time and being greeted by a world that we could never imagine. Where you are wrong, however, is that we are not newborns. Granted we are half your age, but this doesn't mean either of us hasn't seen our own share of problems. Due to my mother's own drug habits, I have been my own sole guardian and caretaker since I was eleven. I have seen through my own drug problems, I have had (many) family members and close friends die due to illness, old age, and accidents. I've been kicked out of where I was living twice, once because I called CPS on a woman who was neglecting her children, and the second time because my mother was, once again, on drugs and I confronted her about it. I've "run away" once when I was sixteen, simply to get away from her drug habit, and wound up living away from her for a year and a half. I say none of this (and there is more that I could go into, believe you me) to gain "sympathy" or "pity" like you love to accuse me of, but merely instead to justify the fact that I am not an ignoramus and I do have a perfectly fine set of eyes.
This entire mess started, as I have said before and will continue to say, after you brought Melodee downstairs for your "little talk." I eventually went downstairs during the course of this "discussion" and made myself food to get away from the yelling which I could understand perfectly fine from UPSTAIRS. You expressed fear that I had been isolating Melodee from your "family" without bothering to realize several facts: first, that there is not enough seating for the all of us in that living room in the first place; second, that not everyone likes to watch the same computer games or television shows; and third, that we were easilly capable of watching or playing whatever computer games or television shows as we wanted in a seperate room. You suggested familial grocery shopping as a sort of social event; whilst I personally enjoy the activity, I don't enjoy it with four other people (perhaps one or two others tops), and Melodee doesn't enjoy it at all. In addition to this, the sheer amount of groceries we bought because of how many of us there were was such that having even three people go was restricting once it had to all be put into a four-door sedan. The option of, say, going to the dollar-fifty theatre once every week or two seemed a foreign concept, or perhaps encouraging eating at the table, which was an idea that you at first bolstered but then abandoned the same as the rest of us.
After this lackluster confrontation, I spent weeks calming Melodee down and you began posting angry notes everywhere about the house instead of actually confronting the issue at hand and dealing with it, such as your facecloth supposedly being used, and as I recall I was the one that asked if anyone really HAD been using it. In the space of approximately a month and a half between when you had this "discussion" and when we left, you locked our main door of choice twice, both times when you had already displayed vindictive tendencies and were well known to be irritated at us, to say the least. Both of us have a hard time believing that these were "accidents," and regardless we enjoy our privacy, too, which CANNOT be had by having one door be able to be opened when you have a perfectly fine door you could lock yourself.
And THEN, oh this is my favorite part, we somehow committed a "stunt" by using two bowls, a pot, and a cookie sheet that were all properly rinsed off as was asked of us via the mysterious, angry eraser board voice. This was done, I will note, whilst we were in West Houston, no less than a thirty-minute drive away, for the entire span of our waking day. When we then returned to find your email, we decided that one way or another we were leaving, and after several hours of discussion we decided upon escaping to North Texas, which you then heralded simply as me trying to "tear [your] family apart."
Let's also get another matter set straight. I asked Melodee about this when I read your last email to her, and she agreed with me -- neither of us ever recalls you screaming anything along these lines: "I believe in you - no matter how long it takes or what experiences you have to go through, I believe in you." To the best of our recollection, as we stood there attempting to make the peaceful and discussionless exit that you demanded ("If you don't like what I'm saying, just pack up and leave me the keys & get out. Simple. No discussion. No arguments. No problems. Just go."), you had nothing but insulting remarks and baseless fears for our ears. Do NOT try to turn the tables now and take the high road, the same dignified aura you took on when you realized there was a man with a very large truck outside who had every intention of leaving with your daughter and her fiance. In fact, in your last email you have tacked our arguments up as being about monetary concerns ("Money concerns were but a minor part in all of this mess...") and OUR entire argument has been about the way you treated us (which again, you didn't discuss any of your problems with us at ALL, whether civilized or not, you instead just sent us irate, vague emails and left clueless notes taped to the walls).
I would like to reiterate that: you never once TALKED with us, in ANY fashion, about the problems you had with us, regardless of what those were. Instead you merely seethed animosity and hardly communicated anything at all, which is a situation that is NOT pleasant for ANYONE to be in. This is the same exact problem you seem to be having now: instead of TALKING to Melodee about your maternal differences and trying to heal this rift between you, you have nothing but emails full of vaguities and disrespect at most. You want respect? It can never be given to you if you do not give it in return. If there was anything I learned in boot camp, damn was that it.
You have questioned my ability to, in turn, question anything having to do with your life. What I think is interesting is that, in the interests of being nice and empathic, your daughter deleted a nice little paragraph in her last email (that I wish she'd have let me read) detailing exactly why I had the right to do so. I don't think she'll rewrite it in her next email to come, so let me detail four reasons why I, of all people, have the right to tell you what is fucked up in your life. First, I earned the right the second I called and asked your permission to marry her, and you said yes. Second, I earned the right when you invited me to move in. Third, I earned the right the second you took Melodee downstairs for your "discussion" to criticise my love and intentions toward her. And fourth, I earned the right when you stood at the top of those stairs saying the things you did as you prevented us from leaving peacefully like you had "wanted." If there could be a fifth reason, it would simply echo all of those statements in one: I earned the right via the fact that I respect you, and that as such I would tell you if something was wrong the same as I would have an intervention with my best friend if he acquired a drug habit. I earned the right by gaining a tie that will never be severed: the fact that I am and will be the first, if not only, man your daughter marries, and quite possibly the father of your future grandchild(ren).
You said yourself that there were two people you refuse to talk to anymore simply because they have made similar statements as I have. If you feel the need to abandon the two of us from your heart of hearts, I am atleast content in that I have said what NEEDED to be said, things which are FACTS, unswayed by emotion or bias. I also believe that if you wind up with four people you don't ever talk to for telling you the same thing, maybe you should seriously consider whether what they have to say might be the truth.
Now, if you have read this and any sense of understanding over WHY we had to get away, and understanding that we DID try to leave without confrontation, understanding that ALL she asked for was reconciliation, has come over you then I encourage you to actually TALK to Melodee. This means using your voice, not your fingers. If not, then just hit the delete button and don't look back. I'm sure that this point, right now, is the turning point over what sort of active participation we take in eachothers' lives.
See, Justine? All you need is patience. I'm sure you just didn't read where I said that I planned to post everything WITHOUT cutting it for a day or two and then go back to cut it.