s a m e O L D t h i ng + for music_loner
Dawn, it’s cold, cloudy and blurry. The sun hasn’t come up yet, there is no noise, no bustling life, no rush, no stress, just another sleepless night and foodless day, a groggy, dark, cold morning. At unholy hours I was already in the shower, water coming out strong and hot, scarring my skin like I wanted it too. After drying, styling and clothing, I moved around hotel, picking the mess that had been made in the halls and rooms of the building we currently stayed at. I went through each room, careful not to wake anyone as the sun still hadn’t come out, and schedual didn’t start till some hours after.
After cleaning , preparing their bags, clean clothes and food, I went back to my own room, seeing 3 sleeping figures inside of the dark room, smiling softly, even if I wasn’t really sure who had slept in my room that night, like I never even went to sleep and stayed in the balcony until everyone was asleep; the same balcony in which I sat in now.There I waited until the sun came out, when it did I opened the glass door carefully, and ate a small, quick breakfeast , went out to wake up the manager and go over the important plans of the day.
I had been awake for 3 hours now, and it was already six; for me, morning went by so fast. Days are usually slow when you are awake to prescense every hour, every minute, every second. As I shut the bathroom door behind me, my stomach hadn’t agreed with my breakfeast today either; I looked around the room, to find a sleepy figure out of bed, Yesung. He was always awake before everyone, he as well had his morning rutine. As he shuffled to the bathroom, giving me a tiered smile before he shut the door.It was a ritual, I went to the kitchen to prepare his coffee as he entered the bathroom, then we waited together until it was time to wake the others, this is when he’d slip by and leave me to do my thing and he did his.
As he sat down next to me, his coffe mug in his hand, his carbon eyes fixed on his equally black coffee, he opened his mouth to talk. Sometimes, he’d stay quiet and we’d spend the hour in silence, sometimes we’d chat, and other times, he’d realize thing that I had always always hidden so well, and he’d spend not just an hour, but the whole day, or week worrying over me. I hated it. They were my secretes, he had no right to figure them out. Even if it felt when he held me when he noticed things weren’t as they should be.
But I was like their mother, or so they said, and a mother couldn’t have a son taking after one.
“You’re thin.” He stated simply, his face sad. Sure we were all tiered, stressed and overworked, but it’s because we wanted to, we didn’t mind the pressure because it was worth the outcome. My suffering is worth the enjoyment I get from singing, dancing, performing, mc-ing, dj-ing and the huge reward I get for being a leader which is having 13 men, no, boys, around me all the time, no matter how unervning and stressful it might be, and the toll everything seemed to take on my body. “It doesn’t really matter.” I answered to this, because for me, it really didn’t.
It wasn’t until I saw tears in his eyes, then I realized how worrisome all this had become. “It matters to me! I know that when Kangin goes to drink with his girlfriend, you spend hours inside the bathroom crying and you won’t eat in days. And the days when you eat your stomach can’t process it anymore! I know that you never sleep at night and you sleep inbetween our schedual. I know how you try to take advantage of fanservice so you can have a few minutes of glory with someone who doesn’t love you back! I know you are hurting, and I know that I can help! You don’t have to be Eeteuk who is paired with Kangin, you can be Jungsu, who is paired with Jongwoon.” His voice was nothing but a hushed whisper, his sentences fast, his eyes wet, his words broken by the tears. Tears over me. Tears over how he had found out everything there was to know about me. I let a small sigh out, closing my eyes; we spent minutes in silence, only thing heard were the small sniff’s of a man trying to get himself together, heartbroken.
It was never going to be the same old thing anymore. He started something new. A new same old thing, but this time at his side.
After another small sigh, I opened my mouth and let out a shaky, “Jongwoon, help me please.” And as I opened my eyes, now teary like his, I felt strong arms wrapped around me, my head pressed against his chest, his face buried in my hair. “I love you Jungsu, you’ll forget all about him, you’ll be healthy again, I’ll help you Jungsu, it’ll be our new some old thing together.” He chuckled, reading my mind, yet again.
“I-“ I couldn’t say those words, it was too soon, to new for me. “Shh it’s fine Jungsu, love takes time, I’ll wait for you, even if it takes forever.” With a soft kiss to my temple, we both stayed quiet until it was the time to start our scheduals. Instead of parting like we usually do, he held my hand, helping me wake up everyone, a smile plastered in our faces as we used my crazy methods of getting everyone out of bed.
After cleaning , preparing their bags, clean clothes and food, I went back to my own room, seeing 3 sleeping figures inside of the dark room, smiling softly, even if I wasn’t really sure who had slept in my room that night, like I never even went to sleep and stayed in the balcony until everyone was asleep; the same balcony in which I sat in now.There I waited until the sun came out, when it did I opened the glass door carefully, and ate a small, quick breakfeast , went out to wake up the manager and go over the important plans of the day.
I had been awake for 3 hours now, and it was already six; for me, morning went by so fast. Days are usually slow when you are awake to prescense every hour, every minute, every second. As I shut the bathroom door behind me, my stomach hadn’t agreed with my breakfeast today either; I looked around the room, to find a sleepy figure out of bed, Yesung. He was always awake before everyone, he as well had his morning rutine. As he shuffled to the bathroom, giving me a tiered smile before he shut the door.It was a ritual, I went to the kitchen to prepare his coffee as he entered the bathroom, then we waited together until it was time to wake the others, this is when he’d slip by and leave me to do my thing and he did his.
As he sat down next to me, his coffe mug in his hand, his carbon eyes fixed on his equally black coffee, he opened his mouth to talk. Sometimes, he’d stay quiet and we’d spend the hour in silence, sometimes we’d chat, and other times, he’d realize thing that I had always always hidden so well, and he’d spend not just an hour, but the whole day, or week worrying over me. I hated it. They were my secretes, he had no right to figure them out. Even if it felt when he held me when he noticed things weren’t as they should be.
But I was like their mother, or so they said, and a mother couldn’t have a son taking after one.
“You’re thin.” He stated simply, his face sad. Sure we were all tiered, stressed and overworked, but it’s because we wanted to, we didn’t mind the pressure because it was worth the outcome. My suffering is worth the enjoyment I get from singing, dancing, performing, mc-ing, dj-ing and the huge reward I get for being a leader which is having 13 men, no, boys, around me all the time, no matter how unervning and stressful it might be, and the toll everything seemed to take on my body. “It doesn’t really matter.” I answered to this, because for me, it really didn’t.
It wasn’t until I saw tears in his eyes, then I realized how worrisome all this had become. “It matters to me! I know that when Kangin goes to drink with his girlfriend, you spend hours inside the bathroom crying and you won’t eat in days. And the days when you eat your stomach can’t process it anymore! I know that you never sleep at night and you sleep inbetween our schedual. I know how you try to take advantage of fanservice so you can have a few minutes of glory with someone who doesn’t love you back! I know you are hurting, and I know that I can help! You don’t have to be Eeteuk who is paired with Kangin, you can be Jungsu, who is paired with Jongwoon.” His voice was nothing but a hushed whisper, his sentences fast, his eyes wet, his words broken by the tears. Tears over me. Tears over how he had found out everything there was to know about me. I let a small sigh out, closing my eyes; we spent minutes in silence, only thing heard were the small sniff’s of a man trying to get himself together, heartbroken.
It was never going to be the same old thing anymore. He started something new. A new same old thing, but this time at his side.
After another small sigh, I opened my mouth and let out a shaky, “Jongwoon, help me please.” And as I opened my eyes, now teary like his, I felt strong arms wrapped around me, my head pressed against his chest, his face buried in my hair. “I love you Jungsu, you’ll forget all about him, you’ll be healthy again, I’ll help you Jungsu, it’ll be our new some old thing together.” He chuckled, reading my mind, yet again.
“I-“ I couldn’t say those words, it was too soon, to new for me. “Shh it’s fine Jungsu, love takes time, I’ll wait for you, even if it takes forever.” With a soft kiss to my temple, we both stayed quiet until it was the time to start our scheduals. Instead of parting like we usually do, he held my hand, helping me wake up everyone, a smile plastered in our faces as we used my crazy methods of getting everyone out of bed.