100 fic Challenge-Prompt 044
Title:Rejection
Pairing:Eunhyuk/Eunhyuk;eunhae;Eunhyuk and Kangin friendship
Rating:R, just cuz of the subject matter
Warning:mention of noncon;angst
Spoilers:read Parts 1-3 first!!!
Disclaimer:...according to a MASH game I played yesterday, I'm marrying Eunhyuk...Does THAT count?!?!...No? Well that sux...I guess I don't own them...::sulks in dark corner::
This is Part 4 of 5!! I'm winding down!! I relabeled the archive, so it says Part 1-4 next to the Prompt, so that should help. Again, DO NOT READ THIS OUT OF ORDER!! Your brain will melt and you will turn into a giant puddle of GOO!! Me no clean up!!XP
"Stop."
Donghae looked up in evident surprise. "But, what-"
"Please, Hae. If you're going to apologize, just stop. It wasn't your fault, or Yesung Hyung's. It was mine."
"What?! How can you possibly think that any of this is your fault?!"
Eunhyuk looked down, eyes focused on his hands. "I should've listened to you and Hyung when you said to stay home, but I was too stubborn. I should've stayed in the arcade, but I wanted to go outside. I should've fought harder. I mean, I practically let him do it with how much I fought back."
As he spoke, the rapper noticed his body unconsciously tense. The normally calming presence of his loving boyfriend did little to no good in helping relax him. At that thought, he realized that Donghae had shifted a bit closer, causing his body to react.
"W-what're you doing?" Eunhyuk asked, slowly backing away in a futile attempt to calm his racing heartbeat.
"Can I hug you?"
He blinked, considering the seemingly simple request. "I-don't know."
"Nothing more, I promise."
Taking a deep breath, he slowly nodded his assent, all the while reminding himself that the person in front of him was Donghae. He fought down the sudden urge to panic as he felt his boyfriend's familiar arms curl around him, carefully pulling the boy close. Trying to steady his horribly shaken nerves, he closed his eyes...
...only to find himself in that dark alley, rather than in the safety of his bedroom.
Loving arms were no longer wrapped around him in a gentle embrace, but cruel hands held him in a bruising grip.
Rather than the soft scent of peppermint, his senses were invaded by dirt and sweat.
Saline was strong on his tongue instead of mint.
All he could hear was taunting groans, not the caring whispers he knew so well.
His body, which had been completely tense, began shaking fiercely as the memories took control of him. Placing trembling hands against Donghae's chest, he weakly began pushing him back.
"Please," he whimpered, too quiet to be heard properly. As he felt tears flood his eyes, he suddenly realized that it was growing increasingly harder to breathe. Summoning all of his energy, he shoved Donghae away. "No!"
The singer looked at the other boy in shock at the exclamation. Before he could react, he realized that Eunhyuk was gasping for air, his entire body shaking. His now open eyes shone with fear and panic before closing again.
Scrambling to his feet, Donghae went to his side in an attempt to calm him. "Open your eyes, Love. You're home. You aren't there, you're here with us. It's me, Donghae. I need you to breathe for me," he soothed. "Just in, and out. Please, Hyukjae. Please breathe for me."
Donghae watched on as Eunhyuk's eyes slowly opened. His erratic breathing began to slow as he realized that he was home.
"D,ong-hae," he gasped as he tried to regain control of himself.
He smiled, but was unable to mask his worry. "Yeah, it's me, but just keep breathing, okay?" He received a jerky nod in reply. After a few heart-pounding minutes, Eunhyuk was breathing normally, much to Donghae's relief. "What happened? Was it because of me?"
He averted his eyes. "Yeah..."
"What was it?"
"Flashback."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"What do you wanna do?"
"Dunno."
"Sleep?" Donghae saw fear once again creep into the other's eyes. "I'll stay here with you, if you want me to." He then ran over what he said in his head before quickly adding, "I mean, in the room. I'll be in the room. I'll sleep in my bed and you can sleep in yours." He held up his hands. "I didn't mean that we-"
"I know," Eunhyuk chuckled quietly. "I guess I could try."
"I promise that I'll be here if you need me...Well, in the dorm, if not in here. I might not be in here cuz, well, you know, a guy's gotta, you know, go...and eat...and I-" He was cut short when the quiet chuckles grew a bit louder.
"I get it, Donghae. You can stop rambling now."
Donghae tilted his head to the side. "I was rambling?"
He smiled a small, but visible smile. "Just a little."
The singer smiled back, watching as his boyfriend got up and returned to his own bed, crawling under the covers as he did the same, turning out the lights.
"Night, Love."
"Night."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kangin was deeply engrossed in the movie that he'd been watching on his laptop when there came a hesitant knock on his door.
"Come in!" he called, not turning his attention from the movie even as the door opened.
"Hyung?"
The movie no longer existed as he heard the unsure voice of his dongsaeng, who now had Kangin's undivided attention. "Hey, Hyukkie, what's up?" he asked, shutting down the computer.
"Um, am I interrupting anything? Cuz I can come back..."
He shook his head and smiled. "Nah. I always got time for you. Come on inside." Nodding, the rapper slowly entered the room, closing the door behind him. "So, what'd you need?"
The younger member looked down at his sock-covered feet and began playing with the hem of the much-too-large shirt that he borrowed from Shindong. "Can I, um, talk to you?"
Kangin looked at his dongsaeng in surprise. It had only been a week since the attack, but Eunhyuk kept most of his thoughts to himself. He was also unable to handle anything more than small, quick touches. There were a few steps forward-allowing his hand to be held and sleeping two consecutive full nights without waking up screaming-as well as steps back-frequent panic attacks and Junsu's return to Japan for album promotion.
Smiling, he set the laptop on the floor and placed his hand on the bed next to him. "Sit down." He did, but made sure to keep his distance. "So, what'd you wanna talk to me about?"
All was quiet until Eunhyuk spoke, so softly and sadly that it hurt the older man to listen.
"I think me and Hae should break up."
Saying Kangin was shocked would have been a gross understatement. Eunhyuk and Donghae were a couple like no other. If he were to be completely honest with himself, he'd say that he was envious of the two. They complimented each other in every possible way, from their personalities to the way their bodies fit together. Theirs was a love that he aspired to attain for himself one day.
Schooling his expression, he looked at the younger boy and noticed tears running rapidly down his slightly pale cheeks. "Hey. I'm gonna go and get some tissues from the bathroom, okay?" He received a small nod in response. "I'll be right back."
Getting up, he took one more look at the boy, who had pulled his legs up to his chest, and ran out of his room and into the living room, where he knew Donghae was playing video games. "Donghae."
He paused the game and looked up. "Hey, Hyung. What's up?"
"Shut the game off. I'll be right back."
As the older man ran into the bathroom, Donghae did as he was told, sensing the urgency in the order. When Kangin returned, tissues in hand, he motioned for Donghae to follow him.
They stopped outside his room. "Stay here. You need to hear this," he whispered, entering his room and closing the door, leaving it open a crack. Returning to the bed, he handed the handful of tissues to his dongsaeng, who accepted them before sniffing and wiping his eyes.
"Now, what's going on? What's this about breaking up with Donghae?" Kangin heard a quiet gasp from outside and prayed to God that Eunhyuk hadn't heard.
He hadn't. "He deserves better."
"Better? What do you mean? There is no better."
He dropped his head sadly. "Yes, there is. He should be with someone who'll hug him, and kiss him, and cling to him." He paused. "Someone who's not filthy or weak. Who isn't worthless."
"THAT'S ENOUGH!!" Kangin shouted, startling the boy, who jumped back in fright. Noticing, Kangin sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, but don't you ever talk about yourself like that."
"But, it's-" he began, but was cut off.
"No. You're certainly not filthy or worthless. You're precious to us all, and our view of you hasn't changed, except in one way. To me, you are probably one of the strongest people I know."
He held his hand out in front of Eunhyuk, who, understanding the silent request, slowly reached out and took the offered hand. Smiling slightly, Kangin continued.
"What happened to you was horrific, but you survived it. Sure, it's gonna take a while, but you're slowly learning how to cope. I mean, you couldn't even hold my hand a few days ago." He grew somber. "Eunhyuk, what if it had been Leeteuk? Or Ryeowook? I doubt they would have been able to handle it. If it were me, I would've died the second day."
The loose grip tightened. "I-I think about it."
"It's okay, as long as you remember that there are people who will miss you and are willing to help you through this. You have eleven older and younger brothers, plus Junsu, and a boyfriend who would walk through Hell and back if you asked him to."
"Really?"
"Well, Duh! What've we been trying to beat into your head for the past week?" he joked. It was then that he remembered something that he had been meaning to ask about. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Um, yeah. What is it?"
"I noticed that you're getting a little better with contact, but you seem petrified of hugging people. I was just wondering why, is all."
The room was silent. Kangin didn't think he'd get an answer when Eunhyuk quietly began speaking.
"He kept holding me against him, no matter how hard I tried to get away."
The singer was shocked. It was the first time Eunhyuk had spoken of what had happened and he felt honored to be the one he opened up to.
"The feeling of arms around me just brings everything back. It-"
"It, what?"
"It just doesn't feel innocent anymore, Hyung." Kangin gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "We were talking about it..."
The older member looked at the younger in confusion. "Talking about what?"
"Taking things to the next level. I knew he wanted to, but I was scared."
"Understandable. Everyone's scared their first time."
"But knowing that it was Donghae was what made me decide that if he asked, I'd say yes. Now, all I'm doing is rejecting him. I hate doing it to him, but I'm more afraid of him than anyone else because I know that he wants me in that way."
"You should talk to Donghae about this. Don't do anything hasty."
He shook his head. "I can't."
"You just did," came a quiet voice from the doorway.
Sorry about the wait, but it was worth it, right?! hehe I'll be starting the 5th and final part as soon as I figure out how to start it...I have the middle/end in my head, buuuut....hehe
Pairing:Eunhyuk/Eunhyuk;eunhae;Eunhyuk and Kangin friendship
Rating:R, just cuz of the subject matter
Warning:mention of noncon;angst
Spoilers:read Parts 1-3 first!!!
Disclaimer:...according to a MASH game I played yesterday, I'm marrying Eunhyuk...Does THAT count?!?!...No? Well that sux...I guess I don't own them...::sulks in dark corner::
This is Part 4 of 5!! I'm winding down!! I relabeled the archive, so it says Part 1-4 next to the Prompt, so that should help. Again, DO NOT READ THIS OUT OF ORDER!! Your brain will melt and you will turn into a giant puddle of GOO!! Me no clean up!!XP
"Stop."
Donghae looked up in evident surprise. "But, what-"
"Please, Hae. If you're going to apologize, just stop. It wasn't your fault, or Yesung Hyung's. It was mine."
"What?! How can you possibly think that any of this is your fault?!"
Eunhyuk looked down, eyes focused on his hands. "I should've listened to you and Hyung when you said to stay home, but I was too stubborn. I should've stayed in the arcade, but I wanted to go outside. I should've fought harder. I mean, I practically let him do it with how much I fought back."
As he spoke, the rapper noticed his body unconsciously tense. The normally calming presence of his loving boyfriend did little to no good in helping relax him. At that thought, he realized that Donghae had shifted a bit closer, causing his body to react.
"W-what're you doing?" Eunhyuk asked, slowly backing away in a futile attempt to calm his racing heartbeat.
"Can I hug you?"
He blinked, considering the seemingly simple request. "I-don't know."
"Nothing more, I promise."
Taking a deep breath, he slowly nodded his assent, all the while reminding himself that the person in front of him was Donghae. He fought down the sudden urge to panic as he felt his boyfriend's familiar arms curl around him, carefully pulling the boy close. Trying to steady his horribly shaken nerves, he closed his eyes...
...only to find himself in that dark alley, rather than in the safety of his bedroom.
Loving arms were no longer wrapped around him in a gentle embrace, but cruel hands held him in a bruising grip.
Rather than the soft scent of peppermint, his senses were invaded by dirt and sweat.
Saline was strong on his tongue instead of mint.
All he could hear was taunting groans, not the caring whispers he knew so well.
His body, which had been completely tense, began shaking fiercely as the memories took control of him. Placing trembling hands against Donghae's chest, he weakly began pushing him back.
"Please," he whimpered, too quiet to be heard properly. As he felt tears flood his eyes, he suddenly realized that it was growing increasingly harder to breathe. Summoning all of his energy, he shoved Donghae away. "No!"
The singer looked at the other boy in shock at the exclamation. Before he could react, he realized that Eunhyuk was gasping for air, his entire body shaking. His now open eyes shone with fear and panic before closing again.
Scrambling to his feet, Donghae went to his side in an attempt to calm him. "Open your eyes, Love. You're home. You aren't there, you're here with us. It's me, Donghae. I need you to breathe for me," he soothed. "Just in, and out. Please, Hyukjae. Please breathe for me."
Donghae watched on as Eunhyuk's eyes slowly opened. His erratic breathing began to slow as he realized that he was home.
"D,ong-hae," he gasped as he tried to regain control of himself.
He smiled, but was unable to mask his worry. "Yeah, it's me, but just keep breathing, okay?" He received a jerky nod in reply. After a few heart-pounding minutes, Eunhyuk was breathing normally, much to Donghae's relief. "What happened? Was it because of me?"
He averted his eyes. "Yeah..."
"What was it?"
"Flashback."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"What do you wanna do?"
"Dunno."
"Sleep?" Donghae saw fear once again creep into the other's eyes. "I'll stay here with you, if you want me to." He then ran over what he said in his head before quickly adding, "I mean, in the room. I'll be in the room. I'll sleep in my bed and you can sleep in yours." He held up his hands. "I didn't mean that we-"
"I know," Eunhyuk chuckled quietly. "I guess I could try."
"I promise that I'll be here if you need me...Well, in the dorm, if not in here. I might not be in here cuz, well, you know, a guy's gotta, you know, go...and eat...and I-" He was cut short when the quiet chuckles grew a bit louder.
"I get it, Donghae. You can stop rambling now."
Donghae tilted his head to the side. "I was rambling?"
He smiled a small, but visible smile. "Just a little."
The singer smiled back, watching as his boyfriend got up and returned to his own bed, crawling under the covers as he did the same, turning out the lights.
"Night, Love."
"Night."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kangin was deeply engrossed in the movie that he'd been watching on his laptop when there came a hesitant knock on his door.
"Come in!" he called, not turning his attention from the movie even as the door opened.
"Hyung?"
The movie no longer existed as he heard the unsure voice of his dongsaeng, who now had Kangin's undivided attention. "Hey, Hyukkie, what's up?" he asked, shutting down the computer.
"Um, am I interrupting anything? Cuz I can come back..."
He shook his head and smiled. "Nah. I always got time for you. Come on inside." Nodding, the rapper slowly entered the room, closing the door behind him. "So, what'd you need?"
The younger member looked down at his sock-covered feet and began playing with the hem of the much-too-large shirt that he borrowed from Shindong. "Can I, um, talk to you?"
Kangin looked at his dongsaeng in surprise. It had only been a week since the attack, but Eunhyuk kept most of his thoughts to himself. He was also unable to handle anything more than small, quick touches. There were a few steps forward-allowing his hand to be held and sleeping two consecutive full nights without waking up screaming-as well as steps back-frequent panic attacks and Junsu's return to Japan for album promotion.
Smiling, he set the laptop on the floor and placed his hand on the bed next to him. "Sit down." He did, but made sure to keep his distance. "So, what'd you wanna talk to me about?"
All was quiet until Eunhyuk spoke, so softly and sadly that it hurt the older man to listen.
"I think me and Hae should break up."
Saying Kangin was shocked would have been a gross understatement. Eunhyuk and Donghae were a couple like no other. If he were to be completely honest with himself, he'd say that he was envious of the two. They complimented each other in every possible way, from their personalities to the way their bodies fit together. Theirs was a love that he aspired to attain for himself one day.
Schooling his expression, he looked at the younger boy and noticed tears running rapidly down his slightly pale cheeks. "Hey. I'm gonna go and get some tissues from the bathroom, okay?" He received a small nod in response. "I'll be right back."
Getting up, he took one more look at the boy, who had pulled his legs up to his chest, and ran out of his room and into the living room, where he knew Donghae was playing video games. "Donghae."
He paused the game and looked up. "Hey, Hyung. What's up?"
"Shut the game off. I'll be right back."
As the older man ran into the bathroom, Donghae did as he was told, sensing the urgency in the order. When Kangin returned, tissues in hand, he motioned for Donghae to follow him.
They stopped outside his room. "Stay here. You need to hear this," he whispered, entering his room and closing the door, leaving it open a crack. Returning to the bed, he handed the handful of tissues to his dongsaeng, who accepted them before sniffing and wiping his eyes.
"Now, what's going on? What's this about breaking up with Donghae?" Kangin heard a quiet gasp from outside and prayed to God that Eunhyuk hadn't heard.
He hadn't. "He deserves better."
"Better? What do you mean? There is no better."
He dropped his head sadly. "Yes, there is. He should be with someone who'll hug him, and kiss him, and cling to him." He paused. "Someone who's not filthy or weak. Who isn't worthless."
"THAT'S ENOUGH!!" Kangin shouted, startling the boy, who jumped back in fright. Noticing, Kangin sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, but don't you ever talk about yourself like that."
"But, it's-" he began, but was cut off.
"No. You're certainly not filthy or worthless. You're precious to us all, and our view of you hasn't changed, except in one way. To me, you are probably one of the strongest people I know."
He held his hand out in front of Eunhyuk, who, understanding the silent request, slowly reached out and took the offered hand. Smiling slightly, Kangin continued.
"What happened to you was horrific, but you survived it. Sure, it's gonna take a while, but you're slowly learning how to cope. I mean, you couldn't even hold my hand a few days ago." He grew somber. "Eunhyuk, what if it had been Leeteuk? Or Ryeowook? I doubt they would have been able to handle it. If it were me, I would've died the second day."
The loose grip tightened. "I-I think about it."
"It's okay, as long as you remember that there are people who will miss you and are willing to help you through this. You have eleven older and younger brothers, plus Junsu, and a boyfriend who would walk through Hell and back if you asked him to."
"Really?"
"Well, Duh! What've we been trying to beat into your head for the past week?" he joked. It was then that he remembered something that he had been meaning to ask about. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Um, yeah. What is it?"
"I noticed that you're getting a little better with contact, but you seem petrified of hugging people. I was just wondering why, is all."
The room was silent. Kangin didn't think he'd get an answer when Eunhyuk quietly began speaking.
"He kept holding me against him, no matter how hard I tried to get away."
The singer was shocked. It was the first time Eunhyuk had spoken of what had happened and he felt honored to be the one he opened up to.
"The feeling of arms around me just brings everything back. It-"
"It, what?"
"It just doesn't feel innocent anymore, Hyung." Kangin gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "We were talking about it..."
The older member looked at the younger in confusion. "Talking about what?"
"Taking things to the next level. I knew he wanted to, but I was scared."
"Understandable. Everyone's scared their first time."
"But knowing that it was Donghae was what made me decide that if he asked, I'd say yes. Now, all I'm doing is rejecting him. I hate doing it to him, but I'm more afraid of him than anyone else because I know that he wants me in that way."
"You should talk to Donghae about this. Don't do anything hasty."
He shook his head. "I can't."
"You just did," came a quiet voice from the doorway.
Sorry about the wait, but it was worth it, right?! hehe I'll be starting the 5th and final part as soon as I figure out how to start it...I have the middle/end in my head, buuuut....hehe