contest entry #14
title: (you can't) love me.
genre: something left of angst.
rating: pg.
pairing: donghae/hyukjae.
a/n: i'm really pushing this deadline thing. sorry. and happy halloween!
donghae was twenty two, to be twenty three later that year, when he found hyukjae shivering in the snow, legs tucked to his chest. hyukjae had only been wearing a faded blue t-shirt and black jeans, donghae with a scarf wrapped around his neck and up to his mouth. a stranger in the snow. his skin shimmered when he shifted, eyes the color of medieval castles alight, and donghae had been enraptured.
donghae's voice made hyukjae flinch, cowering further into the shadows, and it takes forty one minutes of coaxing and staring, endless it'll be okay. you'll be okays, for hyukjae to follow him home.
the second they're in the house, donghae's throwing off his gloves and scarf and boots, turning on the heater. hyukjae stands awkwardly by the doorway, impossibly small and eyes flying over the hardwood flooring, the photographs on the walls. donghae pushes hyukjae into the kitchen, presses a cup of hot chocolate into his hands, and watches from across the granite countertop with amused eyes.
"i'm donghae, and since i saved you from freezing to death, you have to repay me by staying here until you get a warm fuzzy home of your own," the boy says and hyukjae doesn't reply at all, eyes fixed on the steam rising from the cup.
---
it takes two weeks before hyukjae starts talking. the very first time was when donghae had asked about the weather, if it had stopped snowing or not. "it's like when we first met," hyukjae had whispered, voice unsure and stuttered. donghae had dropped the box in his hands and looked up at hyukjae with startled eyes.
"what did you say?"
"it's like when we first met; the weather." that time, donghae had laughed, pleased, while hyukjae turned around to get donghae's blue and black scarf from the closet, hiding his smile.
it gets easier after that. hyukjae's voice gets smoother and there's pretty rings to it, when he says certain words. donghae talks a lot, a lot more than he usually did, just to hear hyukjae's reply. after a couple days of that though, the questions start coming.
things like, "why were you out in the snow that day?" and, "how come you never asked for help?"
"a while ago, they figured out that i was crazy. they left me and i ran out of places to go. and donghae, hae, you helped me find my voice again," hyukjae would simply reply, holding back they can't help things like me anyways.
donghae leaves it at that because hyukjae's speech always falters a little, like he'll lose his voice again. instead, donghae helps him learn to laugh all over again, smiles turned into grins with glimpses of gums and teeth.
---
days and weeks and months pass by quick. the snow melts to budding sunflowers with dandelion wishes flying off in the breeze. hyukjae likes to sit on the windowsill and pick petals off the yellow weeds that grow in between the tiles on the roof, throwing them into the air and watching them fall afterwards.
donghae sometimes comes home late at night, always comes home to a sleeping hyukjae on the couch with the television still on while everything else was pitched in black. he turns off the tv and grabs two blankets from his room. one is thrown over hyukjae after he presses a kiss to the boy's forehead.
on the days when donghae comes home late at night, he sleeps on the hardwood floor next to the couch that hyukjae's on, but hyukjae doesn't sleep.
---
halloween approaches as spring sunsets and summer afternoons pass. hyukjae's skin shimmers and sparkles a little bit more every day, but donghae doesn't really notice, blames it on lighting tricks on his eyes. they tease and bicker, same as always, but he starts to cuddle hyukjae on those days when he comes home late at night instead of sleeping on the floor.
it's those days, when donghae's fast asleep with his arms draped easily over hyukjae's waist, that hyukjae remembers how to cry.
a week before halloween night and things fall apart. hyukjae stops laughing, forgets how to do so in the middle of the night, and cries a lot more, silent tears that track down his flawless pale skin and sharp angles. donghae asks one time, "why are you crying into your cereal, hyuk?"
"donghae, hae, you can't love me."
---
"you can't love me," hyukjae says again two days prior to halloween. he nudges donghae awake with his elbow poking into the other's stomach. "you can't love me," he repeats, whispering, with his voice shaking and skin shimmering even with the lack of light.
"mmph?"
"hae, you can't love me."
"what if i already do?"
"but you can't, you can't."
"it's too early for this."
"i'm a monster, donghae."
donghae doesn't believe him, and falls back asleep after a couple of heartbeats, but hyukjae doesn't sleep.
---
the next morning, it's cold when donghae wakes up, blankets that don't have any warmth. hyukjae's sitting on the windowsill again even though the weather's been getting meaner these days. a silent blanket is settled throughout the house but the shutters rattle in the wind and laughter could be heard from somewhere outside.
the day passes by like that until donghae leaves for work. after he leaves, hyukjae closes the blinds and turns off all the lights. he locks all the doors and windows and hopes donghae forgot to bring his key like he did every couple of days.
the bathtub gets filled three fourths of the way and hyukjae undresses without the nights on; he sees perfectly fine. the clothes that he borrowed from donghae, the clothes that have always been a little bit too big, are folded impeccably neat and are placed on the corner of the cabinet.
hyukjae sinks his body into the water, pressing a hand tightly to the end of the tub to keep himself under, and tries hard not to breathe.
---
when donghae comes home late that night, a minute or two after midnight, he opens the door to darkness that floods into the hallway. "happy halloween hyuk! i got candy from the boss and it's your favor--" but then a pained scream comes from the bathroom.
donghae drops all his things and runs. the bathroom is locked and another scream can be heard, higher pitched this time. donghae throws himself at the door, pounding on it with his fists. "hyukjae! hyuk! are you okay? hyuk!" donghae runs back into the kitchen and digs out the spare key from under dead batteries and dated newspaper clippings of the horoscope.
when he opens the door, it's pitch black. the screams had stopped only seconds earlier, and when donghae clicks on the light, his breath catches in his throat.
hyukjae has black wings, so dark that it looks blue when he moves, skin shimmering. there are cities burning in his eyes, lined red and black. he cries tears of ink and the window next to him is broken, pieces of it on the floor by his feet. hyukjae steps on some when he backs away but he doesn't bleed.
"see, hae? you can't love me, you can't love me."
i'm just a monster.
genre: something left of angst.
rating: pg.
pairing: donghae/hyukjae.
a/n: i'm really pushing this deadline thing. sorry. and happy halloween!
donghae was twenty two, to be twenty three later that year, when he found hyukjae shivering in the snow, legs tucked to his chest. hyukjae had only been wearing a faded blue t-shirt and black jeans, donghae with a scarf wrapped around his neck and up to his mouth. a stranger in the snow. his skin shimmered when he shifted, eyes the color of medieval castles alight, and donghae had been enraptured.
donghae's voice made hyukjae flinch, cowering further into the shadows, and it takes forty one minutes of coaxing and staring, endless it'll be okay. you'll be okays, for hyukjae to follow him home.
the second they're in the house, donghae's throwing off his gloves and scarf and boots, turning on the heater. hyukjae stands awkwardly by the doorway, impossibly small and eyes flying over the hardwood flooring, the photographs on the walls. donghae pushes hyukjae into the kitchen, presses a cup of hot chocolate into his hands, and watches from across the granite countertop with amused eyes.
"i'm donghae, and since i saved you from freezing to death, you have to repay me by staying here until you get a warm fuzzy home of your own," the boy says and hyukjae doesn't reply at all, eyes fixed on the steam rising from the cup.
---
it takes two weeks before hyukjae starts talking. the very first time was when donghae had asked about the weather, if it had stopped snowing or not. "it's like when we first met," hyukjae had whispered, voice unsure and stuttered. donghae had dropped the box in his hands and looked up at hyukjae with startled eyes.
"what did you say?"
"it's like when we first met; the weather." that time, donghae had laughed, pleased, while hyukjae turned around to get donghae's blue and black scarf from the closet, hiding his smile.
it gets easier after that. hyukjae's voice gets smoother and there's pretty rings to it, when he says certain words. donghae talks a lot, a lot more than he usually did, just to hear hyukjae's reply. after a couple days of that though, the questions start coming.
things like, "why were you out in the snow that day?" and, "how come you never asked for help?"
"a while ago, they figured out that i was crazy. they left me and i ran out of places to go. and donghae, hae, you helped me find my voice again," hyukjae would simply reply, holding back they can't help things like me anyways.
donghae leaves it at that because hyukjae's speech always falters a little, like he'll lose his voice again. instead, donghae helps him learn to laugh all over again, smiles turned into grins with glimpses of gums and teeth.
---
days and weeks and months pass by quick. the snow melts to budding sunflowers with dandelion wishes flying off in the breeze. hyukjae likes to sit on the windowsill and pick petals off the yellow weeds that grow in between the tiles on the roof, throwing them into the air and watching them fall afterwards.
donghae sometimes comes home late at night, always comes home to a sleeping hyukjae on the couch with the television still on while everything else was pitched in black. he turns off the tv and grabs two blankets from his room. one is thrown over hyukjae after he presses a kiss to the boy's forehead.
on the days when donghae comes home late at night, he sleeps on the hardwood floor next to the couch that hyukjae's on, but hyukjae doesn't sleep.
---
halloween approaches as spring sunsets and summer afternoons pass. hyukjae's skin shimmers and sparkles a little bit more every day, but donghae doesn't really notice, blames it on lighting tricks on his eyes. they tease and bicker, same as always, but he starts to cuddle hyukjae on those days when he comes home late at night instead of sleeping on the floor.
it's those days, when donghae's fast asleep with his arms draped easily over hyukjae's waist, that hyukjae remembers how to cry.
a week before halloween night and things fall apart. hyukjae stops laughing, forgets how to do so in the middle of the night, and cries a lot more, silent tears that track down his flawless pale skin and sharp angles. donghae asks one time, "why are you crying into your cereal, hyuk?"
"donghae, hae, you can't love me."
---
"you can't love me," hyukjae says again two days prior to halloween. he nudges donghae awake with his elbow poking into the other's stomach. "you can't love me," he repeats, whispering, with his voice shaking and skin shimmering even with the lack of light.
"mmph?"
"hae, you can't love me."
"what if i already do?"
"but you can't, you can't."
"it's too early for this."
"i'm a monster, donghae."
donghae doesn't believe him, and falls back asleep after a couple of heartbeats, but hyukjae doesn't sleep.
---
the next morning, it's cold when donghae wakes up, blankets that don't have any warmth. hyukjae's sitting on the windowsill again even though the weather's been getting meaner these days. a silent blanket is settled throughout the house but the shutters rattle in the wind and laughter could be heard from somewhere outside.
the day passes by like that until donghae leaves for work. after he leaves, hyukjae closes the blinds and turns off all the lights. he locks all the doors and windows and hopes donghae forgot to bring his key like he did every couple of days.
the bathtub gets filled three fourths of the way and hyukjae undresses without the nights on; he sees perfectly fine. the clothes that he borrowed from donghae, the clothes that have always been a little bit too big, are folded impeccably neat and are placed on the corner of the cabinet.
hyukjae sinks his body into the water, pressing a hand tightly to the end of the tub to keep himself under, and tries hard not to breathe.
---
when donghae comes home late that night, a minute or two after midnight, he opens the door to darkness that floods into the hallway. "happy halloween hyuk! i got candy from the boss and it's your favor--" but then a pained scream comes from the bathroom.
donghae drops all his things and runs. the bathroom is locked and another scream can be heard, higher pitched this time. donghae throws himself at the door, pounding on it with his fists. "hyukjae! hyuk! are you okay? hyuk!" donghae runs back into the kitchen and digs out the spare key from under dead batteries and dated newspaper clippings of the horoscope.
when he opens the door, it's pitch black. the screams had stopped only seconds earlier, and when donghae clicks on the light, his breath catches in his throat.
hyukjae has black wings, so dark that it looks blue when he moves, skin shimmering. there are cities burning in his eyes, lined red and black. he cries tears of ink and the window next to him is broken, pieces of it on the floor by his feet. hyukjae steps on some when he backs away but he doesn't bleed.
"see, hae? you can't love me, you can't love me."
i'm just a monster.