Fanfiction: The Things You Say
Title: The Things You Say
Pairing: Hyukjae/Donghae/Junsu, and some Yoosu
Rating: PG-13
Nooooo why in the world did I write angst -cries- This is my first time doing angst and angst always makes me ridiculously sad and I can't say I'm any good at it. I really shouldn't write angst anymore =(
Hyukjae loves Donghae, but is quite sure he isn’t in love with him. He isn’t sure when he first truly understood the distinction, but deep down he knows it’s always been this way.
I love you, Donghae whispers into his shoulder in the dark of night when he thinks Hyukjae can’t hear, his arms around Hyukjae’s waist, skin soft against Hyukjae’s bare back. Hyukjae holds his eyes closed and listens, as Donghae repeats it again and again and again, I love you, I love you, and memorises the lilt of his voice as he says them.
Hyukjae practices in front of the mirror one day when no one’s at home. I love-
(junsu)
-you, he tries to say, but the words don’t come out right, and he gives up after the tenth try.
When Junsu first debuts Hyukjae records the performance and sits on the couch, alone in the dark, and plays it over again and again and again, pausing occasionally so he can stare at Junsu’s smile, frozen on the screen, and he laughs and laughs and laughs, even as he tries his best not to cry.
When it’s his turn to debut, he is all frayed nerves and brittle smile and while it is Donghae who comes over and squeezes his hand and smiles so reassuringly at him that he knows they’ll all be fine, it is Junsu -who calls right after the performance, full of praise and exuberant laughter- that makes his heart swell with pride.
Junsu never talks about Yoochun when he is with Hyukjae, but Hyukjae knows, all the same.
The first time they win an award, Hyukjae tries not to, but ends up crying anyway. Backstage, Donghae laughs and swipes a hand roughly across his eyes before kissing Hyukjae’s tears away.
Hyukjae is never meant to see Junsu press Yoochun up against a wall, eyes bright and laugh rich, before he tangles his hands in his hair and kisses him and kisses him, and Hyukjae thinks, incoherently, if this is what dying feels like, before he turns and slips back around the corner, unseen, and runs all the way home.
Donghae doesn’t say anything when, that same night, Hyukjae comes into the room, locks the door, and starts kissing him with a strange ferocity, swallowing Donghae’s surprised gasp whole. When Hyukjae starts backing him towards the wall, hands tugging at the waistband of Donghae’s pants, breaths starting to come in harsh pants, eyes wild and oddly unseeing, Donghae lets him.
I’m sorry, Hyukjae says later and tries to leave, already bending down to pick up his shirt, face unreadable in the darkness. Donghae only laughs softly and pulls him back to bed. Don’t be stupid, he breathes, and he is kissing Hyukjae and pressing up against him, and Hyukjae sinks into his touch gratefully.
Junsu is his best friend, but so is Donghae, now. After the first time it gets easier to come to Donghae, and sometimes Hyukjae almost thinks he doesn’t miss Junsu anymore.
When Junsu comes back from Japan after an extended tour, Hyukjae is at the airport waiting for him. Junsu flies into his arms and hugs tight, as if they haven’t seen each other in years, when in reality they’ve talked on the phone almost every night Junsu’s been away, international call charges or no. Hyukjae laughs even as his heart clenches, and he has to force himself to let go.
I love-
(junsu)
-you, Hyukjae tries to say one night, and Donghae pulls away abruptly.
Don’t, Donghae says, please don’t, and he is crying, and Hyukjae is sorry, because he’s never meant to hurt Donghae this way.
The next day Hyukjae brings Donghae to the amusement park and buys him cotton candy, and hurls wooden balls at stacked cans until his arm aches from swinging and he wins Donghae a huge stuffed bear. When Donghae leans in to kiss him on the cheek and whisper, thank you, in his ear, Hyukjae knows he’s been forgiven.
Junsu is sporting a new piece of jewelry, a silver ring hanging from a chain about his neck, and he fingers it absently as he talks. Hyukjae thinks he knows what it means, but pretends not to.
The news of Dong Bang Shin Ki going their separate ways soon after shocks the whole of Korea and most of Asia, and suicide hotlines are set up for distraught fans. While the ensuing uproar is huge, Hyukjae can’t say he didn’t see it coming. He’s known ever since he’s seen Junsu’s ring. We’re going away, Hyukjae-ah, Junsu says over the phone, we’re going somewhere no one knows us, where we can finally be together, and even over the line Hyukjae can hear the joy, the relief in Junsu’s voice, and his voice cracks, even as he says, I’m happy for you, Junsu-ah, I really am, and Junsu laughs and tells him to come visit once their new home’s all done up.
After Junsu leaves it no longer matters.
While Hyukjae is not in love with Donghae, he loves Donghae and Donghae loves him, and as he holds Donghae at night, and Donghae buries his face in his shoulder, and murmurs sleepily, it’s more than enough for the both of them.
Pairing: Hyukjae/Donghae/Junsu, and some Yoosu
Rating: PG-13
Nooooo why in the world did I write angst -cries- This is my first time doing angst and angst always makes me ridiculously sad and I can't say I'm any good at it. I really shouldn't write angst anymore =(
Hyukjae loves Donghae, but is quite sure he isn’t in love with him. He isn’t sure when he first truly understood the distinction, but deep down he knows it’s always been this way.
I love you, Donghae whispers into his shoulder in the dark of night when he thinks Hyukjae can’t hear, his arms around Hyukjae’s waist, skin soft against Hyukjae’s bare back. Hyukjae holds his eyes closed and listens, as Donghae repeats it again and again and again, I love you, I love you, and memorises the lilt of his voice as he says them.
Hyukjae practices in front of the mirror one day when no one’s at home. I love-
(junsu)
-you, he tries to say, but the words don’t come out right, and he gives up after the tenth try.
When Junsu first debuts Hyukjae records the performance and sits on the couch, alone in the dark, and plays it over again and again and again, pausing occasionally so he can stare at Junsu’s smile, frozen on the screen, and he laughs and laughs and laughs, even as he tries his best not to cry.
When it’s his turn to debut, he is all frayed nerves and brittle smile and while it is Donghae who comes over and squeezes his hand and smiles so reassuringly at him that he knows they’ll all be fine, it is Junsu -who calls right after the performance, full of praise and exuberant laughter- that makes his heart swell with pride.
Junsu never talks about Yoochun when he is with Hyukjae, but Hyukjae knows, all the same.
The first time they win an award, Hyukjae tries not to, but ends up crying anyway. Backstage, Donghae laughs and swipes a hand roughly across his eyes before kissing Hyukjae’s tears away.
Hyukjae is never meant to see Junsu press Yoochun up against a wall, eyes bright and laugh rich, before he tangles his hands in his hair and kisses him and kisses him, and Hyukjae thinks, incoherently, if this is what dying feels like, before he turns and slips back around the corner, unseen, and runs all the way home.
Donghae doesn’t say anything when, that same night, Hyukjae comes into the room, locks the door, and starts kissing him with a strange ferocity, swallowing Donghae’s surprised gasp whole. When Hyukjae starts backing him towards the wall, hands tugging at the waistband of Donghae’s pants, breaths starting to come in harsh pants, eyes wild and oddly unseeing, Donghae lets him.
I’m sorry, Hyukjae says later and tries to leave, already bending down to pick up his shirt, face unreadable in the darkness. Donghae only laughs softly and pulls him back to bed. Don’t be stupid, he breathes, and he is kissing Hyukjae and pressing up against him, and Hyukjae sinks into his touch gratefully.
Junsu is his best friend, but so is Donghae, now. After the first time it gets easier to come to Donghae, and sometimes Hyukjae almost thinks he doesn’t miss Junsu anymore.
When Junsu comes back from Japan after an extended tour, Hyukjae is at the airport waiting for him. Junsu flies into his arms and hugs tight, as if they haven’t seen each other in years, when in reality they’ve talked on the phone almost every night Junsu’s been away, international call charges or no. Hyukjae laughs even as his heart clenches, and he has to force himself to let go.
I love-
(junsu)
-you, Hyukjae tries to say one night, and Donghae pulls away abruptly.
Don’t, Donghae says, please don’t, and he is crying, and Hyukjae is sorry, because he’s never meant to hurt Donghae this way.
The next day Hyukjae brings Donghae to the amusement park and buys him cotton candy, and hurls wooden balls at stacked cans until his arm aches from swinging and he wins Donghae a huge stuffed bear. When Donghae leans in to kiss him on the cheek and whisper, thank you, in his ear, Hyukjae knows he’s been forgiven.
Junsu is sporting a new piece of jewelry, a silver ring hanging from a chain about his neck, and he fingers it absently as he talks. Hyukjae thinks he knows what it means, but pretends not to.
The news of Dong Bang Shin Ki going their separate ways soon after shocks the whole of Korea and most of Asia, and suicide hotlines are set up for distraught fans. While the ensuing uproar is huge, Hyukjae can’t say he didn’t see it coming. He’s known ever since he’s seen Junsu’s ring. We’re going away, Hyukjae-ah, Junsu says over the phone, we’re going somewhere no one knows us, where we can finally be together, and even over the line Hyukjae can hear the joy, the relief in Junsu’s voice, and his voice cracks, even as he says, I’m happy for you, Junsu-ah, I really am, and Junsu laughs and tells him to come visit once their new home’s all done up.
After Junsu leaves it no longer matters.
While Hyukjae is not in love with Donghae, he loves Donghae and Donghae loves him, and as he holds Donghae at night, and Donghae buries his face in his shoulder, and murmurs sleepily, it’s more than enough for the both of them.