EunHae
So then I found out that the second chapter of my EunHae no longer works... (Even though nobody probably looks all the back to about 140 entries or somewhere around that big number...)
Anyway~ I decided to repost my EunHae fanfic, with it all in one piece and the second chapter working. (I can do that right?)
Title: when An Apology Just Barely Passes (all five Chapters combined)
Rating: Somewhere in the PG-13 range? Just to be safe I guess...
Pairing: EunHae, KangTeuk
Warnings: rape, no beta, just spell check
EunHyuk's PoV
“Tell me.” DongHae pressures for the forth time that night as he cuddles deeper into my grasp.
“You wouldn’t understand…” I tell him.
“Tell me.” He demands again.
“You’re too fragile for it.” I tell him with a sigh. I can tell he’s frowning now.
“I think I’m ready.”
“You’re not.”
“I can handle it.”
“You can’t.”
He breaks my arms apart and turns around in bed, looking angry. “Why won’t you even give me a chance?”
I sigh and scratch my head, trying to get myself to calm a temper I didn’t realize was rising. “You won’t be able to handle it.” I say again, slower. I look at him and my heart skips a beat as I notice he’s about to cry.
“You don’t trust me? You don’t like me..? What?!” He asked, his voice squeaking.
“That’s not it.” I try to keep my voice level, but I feel myself getting angry at DongHae’s mistrust of me.
“Then what?!” He asks. I grab him and pull him into a hug. He shakes a bit and I realize I shocked him.
“You want it?” I ask him angrily. He nods cautiously, not quite sure what going on.
I grab onto him through his pajama pants, and he winces.
Stop
I turn him around and kiss him, forcing my tongue into his mouth. He feels limp in my arms. It seems like if I let go, he’ll fall away from me.
Why are you doing this?
I take off his shirt hastily and bring my kisses down his chest. My fingers roam over his body, a little too rough and I hear him whine.
Stop
I slide off his pants and grab onto him, deaf to his whines and pleads. I kiss him against as I start stroking him. I ignore the wetness I feel go down his cheek.
You don’t want to do this
I take off my own pants while kissing him.
Before I know it, I’m inside him and I’m going faster and faster and my mind goes blank as I hear DongHae whimpering and crying and I go harder but I don’t know why.
Why…
I stop. Why was I doing this? I pull out and DongHae cries, curling up into a ball on the bed.
“DongHae…” I hear myself whisper.
“Go.” He cries. I feel my heart stop at his command. I wrap my arms around his chest and he flinches. “Don’t touch me!” He screams, and I let go.
“Leave!” He demands again, curling into a tighter and I want to help him but at the same time I feel I don’t deserve to ever touch him again.
I run off, putting my pants back on in a rush before shutting the door, deciding to hide in the bathroom until someone called me out.
Chapter 2
DongHae’s PoV
It hurt it hurt it hurt…
Why did EunHyuk do that?
Did I really ask him for that?
Someone knocks on my door and just roll over in bed, my eyes shut tight to avoid the tears that hadn’t gone away for who know how long.
It still hurts
I sigh as I realize I’m holding back a sob.
Why?
I can’t think straight.
I can’t do anything right.
I lay in bed and try to sleep the pain off.
I’m not hungry.
What time is it?
The person at my door knocks again, and I think it might be LeeTeuk hyung.
I don’t want to talk
“DongHae?” LeeTeuk calls to me as he opens the door.
Blank
I don’t see him.
He must not see me.
I hear walk over to me.
Why can he see me?
“DongHae..? What is it?”
I don’t know
He puts a hand on my shoulder.
I flinch.
He flinches back, probably unsure how to respond to me.
“What happened?” He whispers.
I don’t answer.
Nothing.
LeeTeuk frowns as he shuts DongHae’s door.
“Get out of the bathroom already!” He hears someone shout. He goes over to the door, to see a rather anxious ShiWon. LeeTeuk smiled a bit. “What is it?” He asked ShiWon. ShiWon sighed. “All the other bathrooms are taken… This is the only one left and EunHyuk’s hogging it.” He explained, yelling the last few words through the door.
Eunhyuk quickly wiped his eyes dry, slowly opening the door. He shuffled out and LeeTeuk furrowed his eyebrows.
“EunHyuk..?”
“Hmm?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
LeeTeuk looked at EunHyuk curiously… DongHae was acting in a similar way. ‘Did something happen between them?’ He wondered to himself.
“I know what happened.” KiBum told LeeTeuk. LeeTeuk turned around and he saw the younger member leaning against the wall, a mysterious smile playing on his lips.
“Then tell me.” LeeTeuk replied pointedly.
“DongHae was raped.” He told LeeTeuk harshly. LeeTeuk flinched, wrapping his arms around his waist as he leaned against the wall for support. He shook his head. “What… What are you talking about KiBum?” He stuttered.
KiBum stood up fully and walked closer to LeeTeuk.
“EunHyuk let his emotions get the better of him, and forced DongHae into sex.”
No one asked how KiBum knew.
Later that day, HeeChul knocked on DongHae’s door. He grumbled a bit when he got no response. He opened the door, finding DongHae in the same place they had left him earlier: curled up in bed. He set down a tray of food he had been forced to bring up (“DongHae likes you best, HeeChul,” LeeTeuk had so kindly reminded him).
DongHae glanced over at the door, seeing HeeChul. He cast his eyes downward again and sighed.
“At least I know you’re alive.”
Go away
“Here’s some food… LeeTeuk told me you didn’t eat breakfast, so you better eat this.”
I’m not hungry
DongHae’s stomach growled in protest to his thoughts. The younger boy sighed again.
“I’ll be back in a little bit, unless you want me to stay?” Kind words… DongHae shook his head no.
Help me… It hurts.
“No? I’ll be taking my leave then.”
My heart hurts.
HeeChul looked back at DongHae one last time before gently shutting his door and storming to EunHyuk.
“What did you do to him?” He snarled. EunHyuk looked at him wide eyed. “What-?” He started. HeeChul grabbed the collar of his shirt. “What. Did. You. Do?” He repeated.
“I… I didn’t mean…”
“Why did you do it?!” HeeChul screamed. EunHyuk broke into tears.
“I don’t know!” He cried. HeeChul let go and his face softened. These tears weren’t fake.
“I don’t know what happened!” EunHyuk cried. He fell onto the couch and HeeChul stood there like an idiot.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him.” EunHyuk sobbed. He wiped his eyes and stared at the floor, choking out small sobs as HeeChul tried to think of what to say next. HeeChul fell onto the couch.
Chapter 3
A few hours pass before either member moved from their spot. EunHyuk moved to the kitchen, with LeeTeuk’s eyes following him, making him uncomfortable.
Everyone knows.
“Talk to him.” LeeTeuk says suddenly, making EunHyuk spin around and look at his leader curiously. Said leader took a breath before telling the stunned dancer, “Talk to him. Tell him what you feel right now and hold him and don’t let go. No matter what.”
“What if I can’t tell him what I feel?”
I’m scared to face him.
“You’ll be able to.” LeeTeuk smiles all-knowingly.
“What if he freaks out on me?”
“Hold him. Don’t let go.” LeeTeuk closes his eyes, reminiscing something EunHyuk can’t place. The younger singer casts his eyes downward and he’s left wondering what to do.
I’m afraid he’ll be afraid of me…
DongHae hears the door open, but he doesn’t move. HeeChul picks up the full tray of food and brings it to DongHae’s bed. “I told you to eat.”
I’m not hungry.
The younger singer’s stomach growls in protest. HeeChul turns him around. DongHae flinches and retreats into a corner, curling into a ball. HeeChul doesn’t know what to make of it, and casts his eyes to the food.
“I’m not going to force feed you now, but if you don’t eat dinner I just might…” HeeChul threatened. DongHae nodded, looking at the bed and regretting pulling away from one of his best friends. HeeChul stands up and brings the tray with him.
DongHae lays back down.
It still hurts…
He wrapped his arms around himself. He didn’t want to be secluded… He half wished he had asked HeeChul to stay with him.
DongHae hears a door open and he stares at the wall.
“DongHae?”
I don’t want to talk to you.
“I… I’m sorry…”
For what?
“I… Didn’t mean to hurt you…”
But you did…
“And… I’m sorry…” DongHae hears EunHyuk sniff and he knows the older singer is crying. He ignores the wet drop going down his own face. He feels the bed sink and EunHyuk wraps his arms around him and he doesn’t know what to do and his mind is racing and he can’t think straight…
I don’t hate you…
EunHyuk snuggles into DongHae’s hair.
It’s still hurts…
“I’m sorry…” He repeats, DongHae feels a tear reach through his hair. Then one reaches his mouth, it’s his own the second time.
DongHae fidgets and tries to shake EunHyuk off him. EunHyuk holds on tightly, just like LeeTeuk told him.
It takes a few hours before DongHae is comfortably sleeping in EunHyuk’s arms, tears dried on his face as EunHyuk brushes some hair out of DongHae’s face and the younger boy twitches as it tickles him.
No one questions how LeeTeuk knew exactly what to do.
Chapter 4
The next morning, DongHae woke up, looking down only to find EunHyuk’s arm around him still, loose as the other boy was asleep. He fidgeted a bit as he tried to get the arm off him, but it wasn’t panicked as he took hold of the hand to get the arm off him.
I can’t hate you
DongHae looked at himself in the mirror. He didn’t like what he saw, to be honest… Dried tears left some water marks on his face as his eyes were puffy and red. His hair was a mess as well. He sniffed and noticed his nose was red. He ruffled his hair as he watched platinum blonde and brown mix together.
I don’t want to be afraid of you…
DongHae locked the door as he pulled off his clothes to take a shower. His hand moved over a bruise from the… experience and he winced.
It still hurts
His voice whined a little and it didn’t sound like himself. He looked over himself in the mirror, half his body reflecting rough handling of the day before. He quickly turned away from the mirror, his eyes glistening with tears.
He didn’t mean it…
He opened the shower curtain and turned on the water.
Then why did he do it?
He sat down in the shower, crossing his legs and wrapping his arms around them. He sighed into his legs, a shaky breath that turned into a sob with a small choke. He buried his tears in water, letting the stream fall on his head as some of his hair falls into his face and he has no energy left to put it back.
It’s empty.
EunHyuk woke up to a cool wind where DongHae’s body had been. He looked to the bathroom, almost feeling that it was locked instead of knowing. It took a moment before he heard the shower water running. He knocked quietly on the door.
“DongHae? Can I come in?”
Please don’t hate me…
A shower curtain.
A towel being pulled off the rack.
A door being unlocked… there was trust.
EunHyuk came into the living room later that day to find LeeTeuk sitting on the couch, comfortably bundled in three blankets and a KangIn. EunHyuk sighed as he scanned the scene for a remote, only to find it in his leader’s hand. He plopped down on the couch, seeing LeeTeuk glance at him finally from the corner of his eye.
“How is Donghae?”
“Alright…” He debating telling LeeTeuk they took a shower together that morning. LeeTeuk gave EunHyuk another all-knowing smile. “I told you it would work.”
“How did you know?” The smile quickly faded and the leader looked away, staring intently at the television, though EunHyuk swore he saw nothing happening on the box. He was acting in a strange way again…
KangIn wrapped an arm around LeeTeuk, sensing the emotions building up in the oldest member but not knowing exactly what to do. EunHyuk wondered if he should apologize for even inquiring how the leader knew.
Of course… he was the leader, he knew everything.
LeeTeuk let out a shaky breath and brought his legs up to his chest. KangIn protested a bit and shifted his weight.
“I’ll… tell you…” LeeTeuk finally replied, his voice reflecting his shaky breaths.
“KangIn… Helped me get over my own… issues…” He continued evasively. EunHyuk tilted his head to the side curiously, wondering if it was story time already.
LeeTeuk leaned more onto KangIn, and he suddenly reminded EunHyuk of a small child. “I don’t want you to tell anyone else… maybe DongHae if you feel you must…” LeeTeuk told him, looking at the younger singer pleadingly. EunHyuk nodded, captivated by the leader’s strong gaze.
Chapter 5
LeeTeuk took a shaky breath as he thought of where to begin his story.
I was scared…
It hurt too much…
The leader shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He licked his lips as his fist clenched onto one of the blankets, memories flooding back to him.
“I….I was fourteen… But… It started long before that.” He began to explain. He shook his head.
Stay focused.
Don’t let yourself get too involved in memories…
KangIn rubbed LeeTeuk’s back, gently moving his hand up and down the leader’s back as the older singer got chills. EunHyuk waited patiently, leaning back into the couch.
“My… father… he’s not really… He’s actually my step-father.” LeeTeuk began explaining again, words getting jumbled up as he tried to begin on too many explanations. He shook his head again.
“My real father… is…” He winced, realizing the time since the occurrence he was trying to tell, “was in jail.”
He’s free now.
“For rape.” LeeTeuk breathed out the words. He stared at one spot on the floor constantly. Past KangIn. Past EunHyuk. Not looking at anybody.
EunHyuk looked away, wondering how this related to how LeeTeuk knew what to do last night, but not saying anything.
“When I was fourteen… my mother and sister left… to go do something… I can’t remember anymore.” He waved his arm in the air, a bit frustrated.
“I was left alone with my father. He… He’d been throwing hints at me virtually all my life… that he… Wanted me…” LeeTeuk clenched tighter onto the blanket. He took a deep breath that ended up more like the beginning of crying as water lined his eyes in the memory.
“I… was raped… by my father.”
EunHyuk nodded, still not completely sure how it tied in. LeeTeuk swallowed and continued, “You know how KangIn and I have been together for a while now…” EunHyuk nodded again. LeeTeuk looked to KangIn with a look EunHyuk couldn’t place, but would soon find out it was permission to tell someone else about their… personal time. KangIn sighed and nodded, all but saying “You started it, may as well finish it…”
“The first few times… KangIn and I tried…” He looked away blushing, and EunHyuk nodded to show he knew what LeeTeuk was talking about. LeeTeuk cleared his throat. “I… freaked out. I didn’t want him near me. But he would just hold me for the night instead. I got comfortable knowing he was someone I could trust… Just by being in his arms…” He smiled and EunHyuk feared he’d be the next victim of the KangTeuk mush scene.
“DongHae wanted someone to hold him close and comfort him.” LeeTeuk said suddenly. “That’s what HeeChul told me earlier.”
“But…”
“But he didn’t ask HeeChul to stay.”
“He didn’t want me to stay either.”
But we both know he did.
LeeTeuk stayed in his curled up position for a little while in heavy silence. No one knew exactly what to say. EunHyuk fiddled with the edge of a blanket that made its way to his leg.
“So then I need to just… hold DongHae to get him to trust me?”
LeeTeuk nodded.
They heard a noise from the doorway and all three of them looked up. DongHae looked like a deer in highlights, his eyes wide as the sudden notice.
“I… didn’t mean to eavesdrop…” He told the group on the couch as he glanced to the floor.
“It’s alright…” LeeTeuk told him softly.
DongHae took a breath before looking back to EunHyuk.
“Um.” He stated matter-of-factly. EunHyuk raised an eyebrow. “I’m hungry…” He told EunHyuk.
EunHyuk smiled as he got up, putting his arms around his lover.
“Me too.”
LeeTeuk smiled at KangIn as the two younger members left. “I told you it would work.” LeeTeuk said with a smile, his tongue sticking out teasingly. KangIn smiled and shook his head. “Did you really have to include our sex life in this though?” He asked, trying his best to sound annoyed. LeeTeuk laughed softly and gave him a kiss.
Anyway~ I decided to repost my EunHae fanfic, with it all in one piece and the second chapter working. (I can do that right?)
Title: when An Apology Just Barely Passes (all five Chapters combined)
Rating: Somewhere in the PG-13 range? Just to be safe I guess...
Pairing: EunHae, KangTeuk
Warnings: rape, no beta, just spell check
EunHyuk's PoV
“Tell me.” DongHae pressures for the forth time that night as he cuddles deeper into my grasp.
“You wouldn’t understand…” I tell him.
“Tell me.” He demands again.
“You’re too fragile for it.” I tell him with a sigh. I can tell he’s frowning now.
“I think I’m ready.”
“You’re not.”
“I can handle it.”
“You can’t.”
He breaks my arms apart and turns around in bed, looking angry. “Why won’t you even give me a chance?”
I sigh and scratch my head, trying to get myself to calm a temper I didn’t realize was rising. “You won’t be able to handle it.” I say again, slower. I look at him and my heart skips a beat as I notice he’s about to cry.
“You don’t trust me? You don’t like me..? What?!” He asked, his voice squeaking.
“That’s not it.” I try to keep my voice level, but I feel myself getting angry at DongHae’s mistrust of me.
“Then what?!” He asks. I grab him and pull him into a hug. He shakes a bit and I realize I shocked him.
“You want it?” I ask him angrily. He nods cautiously, not quite sure what going on.
I grab onto him through his pajama pants, and he winces.
Stop
I turn him around and kiss him, forcing my tongue into his mouth. He feels limp in my arms. It seems like if I let go, he’ll fall away from me.
Why are you doing this?
I take off his shirt hastily and bring my kisses down his chest. My fingers roam over his body, a little too rough and I hear him whine.
Stop
I slide off his pants and grab onto him, deaf to his whines and pleads. I kiss him against as I start stroking him. I ignore the wetness I feel go down his cheek.
You don’t want to do this
I take off my own pants while kissing him.
Before I know it, I’m inside him and I’m going faster and faster and my mind goes blank as I hear DongHae whimpering and crying and I go harder but I don’t know why.
Why…
I stop. Why was I doing this? I pull out and DongHae cries, curling up into a ball on the bed.
“DongHae…” I hear myself whisper.
“Go.” He cries. I feel my heart stop at his command. I wrap my arms around his chest and he flinches. “Don’t touch me!” He screams, and I let go.
“Leave!” He demands again, curling into a tighter and I want to help him but at the same time I feel I don’t deserve to ever touch him again.
I run off, putting my pants back on in a rush before shutting the door, deciding to hide in the bathroom until someone called me out.
Chapter 2
DongHae’s PoV
It hurt it hurt it hurt…
Why did EunHyuk do that?
Did I really ask him for that?
Someone knocks on my door and just roll over in bed, my eyes shut tight to avoid the tears that hadn’t gone away for who know how long.
It still hurts
I sigh as I realize I’m holding back a sob.
Why?
I can’t think straight.
I can’t do anything right.
I lay in bed and try to sleep the pain off.
I’m not hungry.
What time is it?
The person at my door knocks again, and I think it might be LeeTeuk hyung.
I don’t want to talk
“DongHae?” LeeTeuk calls to me as he opens the door.
Blank
I don’t see him.
He must not see me.
I hear walk over to me.
Why can he see me?
“DongHae..? What is it?”
I don’t know
He puts a hand on my shoulder.
I flinch.
He flinches back, probably unsure how to respond to me.
“What happened?” He whispers.
I don’t answer.
Nothing.
LeeTeuk frowns as he shuts DongHae’s door.
“Get out of the bathroom already!” He hears someone shout. He goes over to the door, to see a rather anxious ShiWon. LeeTeuk smiled a bit. “What is it?” He asked ShiWon. ShiWon sighed. “All the other bathrooms are taken… This is the only one left and EunHyuk’s hogging it.” He explained, yelling the last few words through the door.
Eunhyuk quickly wiped his eyes dry, slowly opening the door. He shuffled out and LeeTeuk furrowed his eyebrows.
“EunHyuk..?”
“Hmm?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
LeeTeuk looked at EunHyuk curiously… DongHae was acting in a similar way. ‘Did something happen between them?’ He wondered to himself.
“I know what happened.” KiBum told LeeTeuk. LeeTeuk turned around and he saw the younger member leaning against the wall, a mysterious smile playing on his lips.
“Then tell me.” LeeTeuk replied pointedly.
“DongHae was raped.” He told LeeTeuk harshly. LeeTeuk flinched, wrapping his arms around his waist as he leaned against the wall for support. He shook his head. “What… What are you talking about KiBum?” He stuttered.
KiBum stood up fully and walked closer to LeeTeuk.
“EunHyuk let his emotions get the better of him, and forced DongHae into sex.”
No one asked how KiBum knew.
Later that day, HeeChul knocked on DongHae’s door. He grumbled a bit when he got no response. He opened the door, finding DongHae in the same place they had left him earlier: curled up in bed. He set down a tray of food he had been forced to bring up (“DongHae likes you best, HeeChul,” LeeTeuk had so kindly reminded him).
DongHae glanced over at the door, seeing HeeChul. He cast his eyes downward again and sighed.
“At least I know you’re alive.”
Go away
“Here’s some food… LeeTeuk told me you didn’t eat breakfast, so you better eat this.”
I’m not hungry
DongHae’s stomach growled in protest to his thoughts. The younger boy sighed again.
“I’ll be back in a little bit, unless you want me to stay?” Kind words… DongHae shook his head no.
Help me… It hurts.
“No? I’ll be taking my leave then.”
My heart hurts.
HeeChul looked back at DongHae one last time before gently shutting his door and storming to EunHyuk.
“What did you do to him?” He snarled. EunHyuk looked at him wide eyed. “What-?” He started. HeeChul grabbed the collar of his shirt. “What. Did. You. Do?” He repeated.
“I… I didn’t mean…”
“Why did you do it?!” HeeChul screamed. EunHyuk broke into tears.
“I don’t know!” He cried. HeeChul let go and his face softened. These tears weren’t fake.
“I don’t know what happened!” EunHyuk cried. He fell onto the couch and HeeChul stood there like an idiot.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him.” EunHyuk sobbed. He wiped his eyes and stared at the floor, choking out small sobs as HeeChul tried to think of what to say next. HeeChul fell onto the couch.
Chapter 3
A few hours pass before either member moved from their spot. EunHyuk moved to the kitchen, with LeeTeuk’s eyes following him, making him uncomfortable.
Everyone knows.
“Talk to him.” LeeTeuk says suddenly, making EunHyuk spin around and look at his leader curiously. Said leader took a breath before telling the stunned dancer, “Talk to him. Tell him what you feel right now and hold him and don’t let go. No matter what.”
“What if I can’t tell him what I feel?”
I’m scared to face him.
“You’ll be able to.” LeeTeuk smiles all-knowingly.
“What if he freaks out on me?”
“Hold him. Don’t let go.” LeeTeuk closes his eyes, reminiscing something EunHyuk can’t place. The younger singer casts his eyes downward and he’s left wondering what to do.
I’m afraid he’ll be afraid of me…
DongHae hears the door open, but he doesn’t move. HeeChul picks up the full tray of food and brings it to DongHae’s bed. “I told you to eat.”
I’m not hungry.
The younger singer’s stomach growls in protest. HeeChul turns him around. DongHae flinches and retreats into a corner, curling into a ball. HeeChul doesn’t know what to make of it, and casts his eyes to the food.
“I’m not going to force feed you now, but if you don’t eat dinner I just might…” HeeChul threatened. DongHae nodded, looking at the bed and regretting pulling away from one of his best friends. HeeChul stands up and brings the tray with him.
DongHae lays back down.
It still hurts…
He wrapped his arms around himself. He didn’t want to be secluded… He half wished he had asked HeeChul to stay with him.
DongHae hears a door open and he stares at the wall.
“DongHae?”
I don’t want to talk to you.
“I… I’m sorry…”
For what?
“I… Didn’t mean to hurt you…”
But you did…
“And… I’m sorry…” DongHae hears EunHyuk sniff and he knows the older singer is crying. He ignores the wet drop going down his own face. He feels the bed sink and EunHyuk wraps his arms around him and he doesn’t know what to do and his mind is racing and he can’t think straight…
I don’t hate you…
EunHyuk snuggles into DongHae’s hair.
It’s still hurts…
“I’m sorry…” He repeats, DongHae feels a tear reach through his hair. Then one reaches his mouth, it’s his own the second time.
DongHae fidgets and tries to shake EunHyuk off him. EunHyuk holds on tightly, just like LeeTeuk told him.
It takes a few hours before DongHae is comfortably sleeping in EunHyuk’s arms, tears dried on his face as EunHyuk brushes some hair out of DongHae’s face and the younger boy twitches as it tickles him.
No one questions how LeeTeuk knew exactly what to do.
Chapter 4
The next morning, DongHae woke up, looking down only to find EunHyuk’s arm around him still, loose as the other boy was asleep. He fidgeted a bit as he tried to get the arm off him, but it wasn’t panicked as he took hold of the hand to get the arm off him.
I can’t hate you
DongHae looked at himself in the mirror. He didn’t like what he saw, to be honest… Dried tears left some water marks on his face as his eyes were puffy and red. His hair was a mess as well. He sniffed and noticed his nose was red. He ruffled his hair as he watched platinum blonde and brown mix together.
I don’t want to be afraid of you…
DongHae locked the door as he pulled off his clothes to take a shower. His hand moved over a bruise from the… experience and he winced.
It still hurts
His voice whined a little and it didn’t sound like himself. He looked over himself in the mirror, half his body reflecting rough handling of the day before. He quickly turned away from the mirror, his eyes glistening with tears.
He didn’t mean it…
He opened the shower curtain and turned on the water.
Then why did he do it?
He sat down in the shower, crossing his legs and wrapping his arms around them. He sighed into his legs, a shaky breath that turned into a sob with a small choke. He buried his tears in water, letting the stream fall on his head as some of his hair falls into his face and he has no energy left to put it back.
It’s empty.
EunHyuk woke up to a cool wind where DongHae’s body had been. He looked to the bathroom, almost feeling that it was locked instead of knowing. It took a moment before he heard the shower water running. He knocked quietly on the door.
“DongHae? Can I come in?”
Please don’t hate me…
A shower curtain.
A towel being pulled off the rack.
A door being unlocked… there was trust.
EunHyuk came into the living room later that day to find LeeTeuk sitting on the couch, comfortably bundled in three blankets and a KangIn. EunHyuk sighed as he scanned the scene for a remote, only to find it in his leader’s hand. He plopped down on the couch, seeing LeeTeuk glance at him finally from the corner of his eye.
“How is Donghae?”
“Alright…” He debating telling LeeTeuk they took a shower together that morning. LeeTeuk gave EunHyuk another all-knowing smile. “I told you it would work.”
“How did you know?” The smile quickly faded and the leader looked away, staring intently at the television, though EunHyuk swore he saw nothing happening on the box. He was acting in a strange way again…
KangIn wrapped an arm around LeeTeuk, sensing the emotions building up in the oldest member but not knowing exactly what to do. EunHyuk wondered if he should apologize for even inquiring how the leader knew.
Of course… he was the leader, he knew everything.
LeeTeuk let out a shaky breath and brought his legs up to his chest. KangIn protested a bit and shifted his weight.
“I’ll… tell you…” LeeTeuk finally replied, his voice reflecting his shaky breaths.
“KangIn… Helped me get over my own… issues…” He continued evasively. EunHyuk tilted his head to the side curiously, wondering if it was story time already.
LeeTeuk leaned more onto KangIn, and he suddenly reminded EunHyuk of a small child. “I don’t want you to tell anyone else… maybe DongHae if you feel you must…” LeeTeuk told him, looking at the younger singer pleadingly. EunHyuk nodded, captivated by the leader’s strong gaze.
Chapter 5
LeeTeuk took a shaky breath as he thought of where to begin his story.
I was scared…
It hurt too much…
The leader shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He licked his lips as his fist clenched onto one of the blankets, memories flooding back to him.
“I….I was fourteen… But… It started long before that.” He began to explain. He shook his head.
Stay focused.
Don’t let yourself get too involved in memories…
KangIn rubbed LeeTeuk’s back, gently moving his hand up and down the leader’s back as the older singer got chills. EunHyuk waited patiently, leaning back into the couch.
“My… father… he’s not really… He’s actually my step-father.” LeeTeuk began explaining again, words getting jumbled up as he tried to begin on too many explanations. He shook his head again.
“My real father… is…” He winced, realizing the time since the occurrence he was trying to tell, “was in jail.”
He’s free now.
“For rape.” LeeTeuk breathed out the words. He stared at one spot on the floor constantly. Past KangIn. Past EunHyuk. Not looking at anybody.
EunHyuk looked away, wondering how this related to how LeeTeuk knew what to do last night, but not saying anything.
“When I was fourteen… my mother and sister left… to go do something… I can’t remember anymore.” He waved his arm in the air, a bit frustrated.
“I was left alone with my father. He… He’d been throwing hints at me virtually all my life… that he… Wanted me…” LeeTeuk clenched tighter onto the blanket. He took a deep breath that ended up more like the beginning of crying as water lined his eyes in the memory.
“I… was raped… by my father.”
EunHyuk nodded, still not completely sure how it tied in. LeeTeuk swallowed and continued, “You know how KangIn and I have been together for a while now…” EunHyuk nodded again. LeeTeuk looked to KangIn with a look EunHyuk couldn’t place, but would soon find out it was permission to tell someone else about their… personal time. KangIn sighed and nodded, all but saying “You started it, may as well finish it…”
“The first few times… KangIn and I tried…” He looked away blushing, and EunHyuk nodded to show he knew what LeeTeuk was talking about. LeeTeuk cleared his throat. “I… freaked out. I didn’t want him near me. But he would just hold me for the night instead. I got comfortable knowing he was someone I could trust… Just by being in his arms…” He smiled and EunHyuk feared he’d be the next victim of the KangTeuk mush scene.
“DongHae wanted someone to hold him close and comfort him.” LeeTeuk said suddenly. “That’s what HeeChul told me earlier.”
“But…”
“But he didn’t ask HeeChul to stay.”
“He didn’t want me to stay either.”
But we both know he did.
LeeTeuk stayed in his curled up position for a little while in heavy silence. No one knew exactly what to say. EunHyuk fiddled with the edge of a blanket that made its way to his leg.
“So then I need to just… hold DongHae to get him to trust me?”
LeeTeuk nodded.
They heard a noise from the doorway and all three of them looked up. DongHae looked like a deer in highlights, his eyes wide as the sudden notice.
“I… didn’t mean to eavesdrop…” He told the group on the couch as he glanced to the floor.
“It’s alright…” LeeTeuk told him softly.
DongHae took a breath before looking back to EunHyuk.
“Um.” He stated matter-of-factly. EunHyuk raised an eyebrow. “I’m hungry…” He told EunHyuk.
EunHyuk smiled as he got up, putting his arms around his lover.
“Me too.”
LeeTeuk smiled at KangIn as the two younger members left. “I told you it would work.” LeeTeuk said with a smile, his tongue sticking out teasingly. KangIn smiled and shook his head. “Did you really have to include our sex life in this though?” He asked, trying his best to sound annoyed. LeeTeuk laughed softly and gave him a kiss.