Single fic and 100 Super Junior Fics Challenge
100 Super Junior Fics Challenge
Miracle Archive
Number Completed: 2/100
Date Started: 11/20/207
Date Completed: n/a
001. Freefall, Eeteuk/Kangin
"He's a good boy. Loves his momma. Loves Jesus and America too. He's a good boy, crazy about Elvis. Loves horses and his boyfriend too." Eeteuk twirls around as he sings along with the song. Using his feather duster as an impromptu mic, he falls to his knees for the refrain.
"And I'm Freeeeee!!! Freeefallllling!!!!!"
He quickly gets back up and begins dusting the apartment again. Really, for being the only person who lived there his apartment collected a ton of dust.
"And it's a long day living in Recita. There's a freeway running through the yard. And I'm a bad boy cause I don't even miss him. I'm a bad boy for breaking his heart. And I'm freeeeeee! Freefallling!" Using the duster again, Eeteuk strums it like a guitar as the memories bubble up in his mind.
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"I'm sorry Kangin. But I can't do this anymore. I can't take this from you." Eeteuk looks down at the floor as he slowly breaks the heart of the one boy who seems to love him more than anything. "We're just not working out. I..I need space, you know?" Eeteuk moves to the large windows in his apartment looking out over the city. "I feel trapped here with you." He looks over his shoulder at the boy he's spent the past three years with, "I know you don't mean to make me feel like this. You just do. I'm sorry."
Kangin has been standing in front of him while he's talked. The news has been a great shock to him. He's done nothing but try and please Eeteuk since they got together one cold day in February. He's wracked his brain trying to make him feel loved and wanted, to make him feel free and supported. It hasn't worked apparently.
"Why?" he asks brokenly. "Why, what can I do to fix this? Please, please let me fix this!" Kangin is almost begging now. He doesn't understand. He can't comprehend.
Eeteuk just turns from the windows and gives him a look. It's part pity and part genuine sadness at having to do this to someone he cares so deeply for. "We're just not right for each other. You'll find someone better than me. Really." Eeteuk tries to break the news gently. He tries to give him hope for the future.
It's the look, that pitying sad look that does it. Kangin's mind goes blank and crystal clear.
"You wanted space. I'll set you free."
Eeteuk doesn't hear the noise of shattering glass. He doesn't feel the sharp edges as they slash at his clothes and skin when he passes by them. The rush of wind ruffles his hair and his body feels light. He doesn't see the building pass by him in a blur or the window he fell through grow small. All he sees is Kangin's eyes.
And I'm freeee!! Freeefallling!!!!!!!!
And then he wakes. He's in his apartment, covered in dust. The days never seem to end. He never seems to age, but it's ok. He's free...
And all the vampires, walking through the valley move west down Ventura Boulevard. All the bad boys are standing in the shadows and the good girls are home with broken hearts. And I'm freeee!! Freeefallling!!!!!!!! Yeah I'm freeee!!!! Freefallling!!'
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003. Blindfolds, Hankyung/Yesung (NC-17 warning)
It's dark and Yesung can't see anything. He opens his eyes and nothing changes. Darkness. His eyes flutter and he feels something brush his eyelashes.
'Ah, a blindfold. That explains a lot.' He sighs for a moment, thankful that he hasn't somehow become blind in the night. He reaches up but someone grabs his hands.
"Yesung! You're awake!" the voice happily exclaims. "I'm so glad. I was told you might be waking up sometime today."
Yesung can feel the smile in the voice.
"Hangeng? Is that you?" Yesung queries, trying to make sure that the voice is indeed the voice of his lover.
"Of-of course is it silly. Who else did you think would be here?" Hangeng's voice shakes a little at first but evens out as he continues to talk.
"Well, will you let go of my hand so I can take this thing off my face? It's kind of annoying and really, I'd like to see you if we're going to have a conversation." Yesung smiles as he tries to dislodge his hand from Hangeng's grip.
"Eh, how about we leave it on for a little while longer Yesung?" Hangeng's voice drops, "You look really sexy with it on."
Yesung's voice catches a bit in his throat at the tone of voice. It sends shivers down his back and blood rushing southward. "I don't know Hannie..." Yesung drawls as a slow smirk spread across his face, "I'd really like to see you."
"And I'd really like to take you right now." Hangeng's voice is husky in Yesung's ear, the blindfold serving to heighten all his other senses. Yesung can't see it, but he can feel it as Hangeng slowly draws his fingertips along Yesung's forearm. The light touch making him shiver as Hangeng licks lightly at the shell of his ear.
Drawing in a shaky breath, Yesung lifts his head searching for Hangeng's lips. He's quickly rewarded with a searing kiss from his love. As the kiss deepens, Hangeng moves onto the...bed? couch? whatever it is Yesung is lying on, and straddles him. Yesung feels Hangeng's fingers carding through his hair as he trails kisses across his jaw and down onto his throat. Moaning, Yesung tilts his head back, granting Hangeng better access to the column of muscle.
"You taste divine Yesung," Hangeng mumbles against his throat as he deftly slides a hand down his chest. 'When did I take my shirt off? I thought I went to bed with it on?' Yesung briefly thinks before Hangeng is distracting him again with a wet mouth on his chest. His moans sound loud in his ears as he lets Hangeng know just how much the attention is appreciated.
"Ah, I wish I could see you Hannie." Yesung pants as Hangeng grinds his hips down onto Yesung's. "Not yet Yeh. Just wait. Please. Let me love you first."
Yesung yields against the onslaught of feelings and sounds: Hangeng's growl in his ear, the feel of denim grinding against him through his thin pants, wet lips against his collar bone, and a warm hand rubbing his stomach. It's almost too much to bear with his lack of sight. He can still see it though, in his mind.
Hangeng leaning over him, mouth slightly parted and lips kiss bruised, the dark look in his eyes, and the slightly tousled look of his hard. The mental image is enough to make him moan while he arches against his lover as Hangeng palms him through his thin pants.
"Hannie, please. Get rid of the clothes. If I can't see you I should at least be able to feel you." Yesung pants as he runs his hands along Hangeng's chest, searching for buttons. Taking pity on his blindfolded love, Hangeng shifts off of Yesung and quickly sheds his clothes. While he is at it, he also takes a moment to remove Yesung's pants. It's a welcome sight for his eyes. Yesung has been working out lately and he can tell. He's always looked good but now...now he's good enough to eat. He just wishes his lovely dessert wasn't so bruised.
Hangeng moves back onto the bed and crouches at Yesung's feet. Slowly he presses kisses to his ankle, massaging the area as he moves onto Yesung's calves. Taking his time, Hangeng inches his way up Yesung's legs, leaving kisses and light nips in his wake. When he reaches his hips, Hangeng licks the prominent hipbone. Laving it with his tongue and sucking on it till a beautiful red mark blossomed. With Yesung's moans filling his ears, Hangeng licks along his length before taking him fully into his mouth. Pressing two fingers against his lips, Hangeng shows Yesung the plan he has for him. Yesung quickly takes the fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking at them as he desperately tries to fill his lugs with oxygen.
Removing his fingers, Hangeng quickly slides one into Yesung, preparing him as best he can. Soon, Yesung is arching off the bed, his back bowing as he tries to get more friction and pull the fingers deeper. Hangeng removes his fingers and positions himself at Yesung's entrance. Pushing in, Hangeng pauses once he is fully seated, giving Yesung a moment to breathe and adjust. It's not what he wants apparently, as Yesung grinds against him and tries to make him thrust. Growling, Hangeng pulls back and thrusts deeply into Yesung, making him moan and arch against him. Soon, Yesung's legs are wrapped around his waist as he pounds into the boy beneath him. Sweat trickles down his back and he wraps a hand around Yesung's cock, pumping it in time with his thrusts. It doesn't take long before Yesung is shouting his name and coming between them. The spasms quickly milk Hangeng of his own orgasm and he falls into that black space after Yesung.
Waking from his light nap, he finds that only a few minutes have passed. He looks down at the boy underneath him, light pale skin, taunt muscle, beautiful features which are obscured partially by a white blindfold. Hangeng sighs as he rolls to the side of Yesung and wraps him in his arms.
'Hopefully he won't wake for awhile.' he thinks as he nuzzles his neck.
"Hangeng?" Yesung mutters sleepily.
'shit.' "Yes Yesung?"
"Can I take off this blindfold now? It's kind of itchy."
'He sounds so cute' Hangeng thinks as he runs his hand along the thick gauze. "Are you sure you want to take it off now? Don't you want to wait until tomorrow after we've had some sleep?"
"No, not really. I'd rather take it off now if you don't mind." Yesung states, a small amount of annoyance creeping into his voice.
Sighing Hangeng reaches forward and begins to unwrap the blindfold from Yesung's eyes and head. "Ok, it's off." He says as the last of the gauze falls from Yesung's eyes.
Yesung blinks for a moment. He can feel his eyes opening and closing but...
"Hannie," Yesung's voice trembles as he tries to stay calm, "why can't I see?" Hangeng leans over and places a kiss on his lips. "I love you, Yesung."
Here's another fic that's not a part of the 100 Fics Challenge
Title: The Lies Between Us
Author: catnip1613
Rating: PG-13?... Angst
Pairing: one-sided EunTeuk
Comments: For cybermuffin18 who requested this angsty story ^^
Summary: Eunhyuk has a secret love...and it backfires, badly.
(Present)
Ok. Lights on. Computers up. Mics in position. Smile wide. Lies ready. Let's go.
"Welcome to Kiss the Radio!!!!!"
The program goes along as usual. Eeteuk is happily talking into the mic, babbling on about songs, music, and anything that comes across his mind. I talk too. Don't get me wrong. I talk and smile and dance, oh god the dances. We are such dorks for dancing. Always goofing around and trying to pull off the moves we've seen others do. I usually do them better, but Eeteuk...Eeteuk is Eeteuk. He'll always draw the eye no matter how good or bad he is. There's just something about him, something special.
"Eunhyuk-ah," Eeteuk whispers into his ear as he leans over, "what are you staring at? It's almost time for the commercial!"
I jerk up, my hand falling away from my face. Did he notice? Was I staring that long at him? Damn.
"Right Teukie. Ok, I'm ready." Quickly I grab the print out and begin the commercial right on time. Hopefully by the time I'm finished, he will have forgotten that I was staring at anything.
"So what were you staring at Hyukie? You looked pretty out of it."
Crap. "Nothing really, just staring into space. It's late and I didn't get as much sleep as usual. You know how it is." I laugh a bit trying to play it off as nothing. Eeteuk gives me a sharp look, but lets it slide. I heave an inner sigh.
But it's not nothing
I've had feelings for the super leader for a long time now. I can't remember the first time I caught myself staring or the first time I began to go out of my way to make him smile. I just know that nowadays I can't sleep at night if I haven't seen at least one smile and been able to see him for more than thirty minutes. Rushing about in the morning doesn't count either. I hope that he doesn't notice. But I lie. I know he notices. I can see it in his eyes. He knows my feelings...I suppose it's just one of the many lies between us. If he doesn't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist. More importantly, I and my feelings don't exist. Maybe it's better that way.
"Eunhyuk, are you ready? We're done." Eeteuk places a hand on Eunhyuk's shoulder and pushes him a little, making him unbalance and almost fall onto the table.
"Hey!" Eunhyuk protests as his face almost leaves a dent in the table. His hip jars against the chair arm and he winces at the sharp pain. "What was that for?"
Eeteuk sticks out his tongue and cheekily replies, "You were spacing out again. You need to stop it, especially since you tend to stare at me when you do it. It's odd and I don't like it." Eeteuk smiles a sharp smile and grabs his bag as he heads for the door.
Sighing I pack my bag and begin to head after the leader. Really, for someone so responsible, he's rather childish. Never though I'd say that. However, sometimes, when you really need him, he'll be there...for awhile anyway.
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(Past)
"Eunhyuk? Are you ok in there?" Eeteuk asks through the bedroom door. Eunhyuk had locked it over three hours ago. No one has been able to get in to see him or get a response from him. They're starting to get worried. "Eunhyuk? Please, open the door. We're really worried about you." This got no response. Waving off the rest of the members as they tried to crowd around the locked door, Eeteuk sits down and prepares himself to wait.
"Eunhyuk? Please. I am worried about you."
Suddenly Eeteuk hears a small click of a lock popping open. Standing, Eeteuk quietly opens the door and moves into the room closing it behind him. Eunhyuk is sitting on his bed with his back to the door. Eeteuk moves to sit beside him, gently placing his arm around his shoulders.
"Hyukkie? What's wrong?" Eeteuk places his fingers under Eunhyuk's chin and pulls his face around to look at him. Eunhyuk's face is tear streaked and his eyes will not meet the leader's.
"Hyukkie?" Eeteuk frowns and pulls the younger boy against him in a side hug. "Please tell me what's wrong?"
Eunhyuk tucks his face into the elder's shoulder and mumbles. "I'm sorry. I can't hear you Hyukkie. Please, look at me and tell me."
"I'm gay, hyung."
Eeteuk freezes. Eunhyuk can feel the change in his hyung. The sudden stiffness in the arms and the muscles clenching under his head that is still resting on Eeteuk's shoulder. Sitting up, Eunhyuk scoots over to put some space between him and Eeteuk. "It's ok. I figured you'd react like that" he mumbles as he curls in on himself, hugging his pillow. "You can go now. Though," Eunhyuk looks over at the shell-shocked Eeteuk, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the others yet. I'd like to tell them myself...when I'm ready."
Eeteuk nods stiffly as he stands. Moving towards the door, Eeteuk is still trying to get a hold of himself. Pausing, he asks, "Why do you say you're...gay?" The way the word rolls off of Eeteuk's tongue makes it sound like it's the most disgusting thing he's ever had to say. Eunhyuk can hear the condemnation and scorn in the word.
Sighing, Eunhyuk thinks about it momentarily, "Hyung, I've always been busy with life. When I was younger, I always wanted to play soccer and hang out with friends. When I got older, I wanted to dance and sing. I made that dream come true. However, I never thought about a partner really. I always looked at girls with my friends." Eunhyuk can see Eeteuk nod as he listens, as if what Eunhyuk is saying is what he expects of him...as if it's what he should be saying...as if it's the right thing to say.
"But then, as we've gotten older and all the fans keep speculating about secret romances we have with any girl that looks twice at us, I started thinking about what I wanted in a wife. For awhile, it was easy. I just picked one of the pretty girls out of a magazine or a commercial. We've met a lot of them. They're really very cute and charming." Again, Eeteuk nods along. He even has a small smile on his face as if thinking about those girls somehow brings good memories back.
'Lucky him.'
"Then...I started talking to those girls you know? They were usually very sweet and nice to talk to...but I never made that connection with them, you know?" Eunhyuk pauses to look up at the leader still at the door. The leader is actually starting to turn around and face him finally.
"So, maybe it just means that you haven't found the right girl. Just because you don't feel that special connection doesn't mean you're...gay." Eeteuk's face scrunches up a bit when he says "the word". "Really, you shouldn't go around saying such things about yourself. You'll just attract bad attention and really...you could jeopardize your friendship with the other guys as well as the reputation of the group."
Eeteuk sits back down next to Eunhyuk. Comfortable again in his knowledge that Eunhyuk is just confused and distressed that he can't find a girl that really interests him. "You just haven't found the right girl yet. She's out there. You just have to be patient." The Super Leader smiles comfortingly and pats his shoulder. "Chin up. You're not alone. We're all struggling with finding a real girl who we can connect with. We're all looking for someone who will like us for who we are and not our popularity. If you ever want to just hang out to ease the loneliness just ask. Or better yet, if you ever want I can try to see if we can set you up with a new girl. Heechul knows a lot of the girls at the SM administration building and some of the other boys know the other girl groups and trainees. We can find someone for you easily." Smiling like he's solved the world's problems, Eeteuk stands and moves towards the door again.
"I'm glad we had this talk Eunhyuk. I hope you'll come to me with any other problems or concerns you have. I'd hate for you to say something you'll regret just because you're confused or depressed." Eeteuk opens the door and walks down the hallway shouting back, "I'll be starting dinner soon. Will you help round up the others and set the table?"
'He doesn't understand...but he might be right.' Eunhyuk thinks as he heaves himself off the bed. 'Maybe I'm just depressed because none of the girls I've dated are right for me.' Eunhyuk pushes the thoughts of strong, slim arms, and muscular, flat chests from his mind. 'Eeteuk is right. He's always right...even if he's not. I guess this just means I can't tell anyone...' Eunhyuk stops dead in the hall. 'This has to stop now.' Eunhyuk steels himself, 'I am not gay. I just can't find the right girl. That's all.' Pursing his lips in frustration, Eunhyuk begins to go and round up the others like a good dongsaeng.
A few days have passed since Eunhyuk's talk with the leader. The other boys don't seem to treat him any differently, a testament to the leader's closed mouth about the subject of their talk. However, Eunhyuk can see the slight difference in Eeteuk. The leader watches him sometimes, when they're at dance practice, when they're singing, when they're all sitting far too close together in the packed van. So, Eunhyuk takes precautions to show Eeteuk his change of heart. He comments on the pretty girls in the magazines the others read. He chats with all the pretty girls he can, before and after the shows and performances they do. Even though Eeteuk doesn't actually watch all this, Eunhyuk always feels like Eeteuk is sending him subliminal messages. Giving him smiles with his eyes when he sees Eunhyuk smiling at a cute girl or drooling over one in a magazine.
It's now been 10 days since he talked to Eeteuk and Eunhyuk couldn't be more miserable. He finally figured out why Eeteuk was watching him so much and why he always felt that Eeteuk smiled when he checked out a girl. Eeteuk was scared, scared that Eunhyuk was checking out him or the others. He was scared that Eunhyuk was enjoying the forced skinship and touches far too much. Eeteuk was scared shitless by the thought that his friend, one of his best friends, was homosexual. He was scared that Eunhyuk had the hots for him.
Worse yet, Eunhyuk couldn't feel more guilty about the fact that Eeteuk was right. It happened at about the fifth day Eunhyuk thinks, he had been practicing his moves for his rap solo and the others were doing their individual parts. Eeteuk was practicing in the mirror next to his and Eunhyuk found himself staring. Pale skin, panting breath, a few drops of sweat on the neck, and Eunhyuk watches as they roll down past the collar of the t-shirt that blocks his view of the rest of Eeteuk's body.
Feeling his mouth begin to drop open, Eunhyuk quickly moves into a complex dance move to distract himself as well as anyone who might of been watching. Luckily for him, no one was watching him. Unfortunately, he was watching himself. He knew that he had been checking out his best friend. The one who believed in him so fully that he continued to be his friend even when he thought he was gay.
Eunhyuk starts when he hears everyone leaving. It was time to go home. It was the most uncomfortable car ride of Eunhyuk's life. It was just his luck of course, that he was squished between Eeteuk and the window. Mortification set in quickly when Eunhyuk noticed his hand had drifted from his own lap to sit between Eetuek's leg and his. His treacherous hand was almost lying on Eeteuk's thigh for Christ's sake! He immediately moved it when he leaned forward to look at the magazine Kangin was reading in the seat in front of him. Immediately he started pointing out the cute girl and how he wondered if he could get her number.
It's three hours later, one and a half of which have been spent in the bathroom of their dorm. Eunnhyuk is the last to take a shower. All the others have gone to bed, which is probably why Eunhyuk could spend such a long time in the bathroom without someone banging on the locked door.
No one would recognize Eunhyuk at this point. The sodden boy huddling in the shower shaking under the water that has long since gone cold. The running water had masked the sound of retching when Eunhyuk emptied his stomach of the dinner he had eaten only hours before. There's a small razor blade on the counter. It looks clean, but there's still some specks of clean water on it.
Eunhyuk finally stands and turns the water off. Slumping back onto the floor of the shower, he stares blankly at the wall and hugs himself. There's no one else to do it. The tears have stopped but his heart is still heavy. He saw the look that Eeteuk had when Kangin teased him about a fanfiction he found on the internet. In it, the author had said Eeteuk was gay. Eunhyuk had never seen the leader's eyes so cold.
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(Present)
'So we're back to the now. I can't stop my feelings. I tried. Really! I did.' Eunhyuk unconsciously rubs his hip bone as his arms wrap around himself briefly. 'Eeteuk ignores the signs for the most part. I tried to confess to him. That was a stupid idea.'
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(Past)
Eunhyuk knocks on the leader's door. He knows that he's alone at the moment. The others are busy and he wants to talk to Eeteuk alone.
"Come in."
Eunhyuk steps into the room with a small smile. "Hey Teukie."
Eeteuk looks up from his desk and smiles at his friend, "Hey yourself. How are you doing? I haven't talked to you in awhile."
Eunhyuk moves to the bed and sits lightly on the edge. "I'm doing ok. As best as can be expected with all the stuff we have to do lately."
Eeteuk nods in a slightly distracted way as he puts up his book. "I know. I can't believe Lee Soo-Man is being such a prick about the schedule. We could just spread the schedule out a bit but no. He wants to run us into the ground." Shaking his head he turns to face his friend. "So what brings you here? Did you need anything?"
Eunhyuk can read the innuendo behind the question. 'Do you need me to find you a girl?'
"Ah, nothing much. I was just hoping I could talk to you before the others get back."
"Ok, shoot. What do you want to talk about?"
Eunhyuk feels his tongue swell up and his heartbeat pound in his chest. He is not ready for this, but he can't back out now. He needs to get it off his chest, before he does something stupid that he can't take back. Something in front of the other guys who might not be as forgiving as Eeteuk has been.
"Hyung, I know the last time we talked you said I could come to you about anything right?" Eeteuk nods, encouraging his friend to speak his mind. "Well, I...I found someone I think I have a connection with." Eunhyuk can see Eeteuk's smile break out across his face. He can already see the images of girls running through the leader's head as he tries to figure out who the lucky girl could be.
"It's you."
Eeteuk's smile freezes and then plummets. His face gets blotchy with anger as his mouth turns up in a snarl. Before Eunhyuk can think, Eeteuk has punched him across the face, a dull thud of a fist on cheek. He's on the floor looking up at his best friend and love, and he almost misses the flash of recognition in Eeteuk's eyes. It's recognition of what he just did, and maybe a small bit of regret.
Suddenly Eeteuk is smiling, breathing heavily and helping Eunhyuk up off the floor. "Ha ha ha ha ha. That's a funny joke dongsaeng. I'm sorry I overreacted to your humor. I didn't think you would joke about something like that. Ah ha ha..." Eeteuk lets his fake laughter trail off as soon as Eunhyuk is off the floor and standing on his own. "Eunhyuk. You're my best friend. You know that but really. You can't go around saying things like this. Imagine what could have happened if I had believed you? I'm so glad I realized it was a joke. I don't know what I would have done."
Eunhyuk keeps his head down, wiping at the tears in his eyes and trying to hide them from Eeteuk. He didn't want the leader to know that it wasn't a joke. It might cost him his life.
"Oh, Eunhyuk. Mian hae. I didn't realize I'd hit you hard enough to bring tears to your eyes. Let's go get you some ice for that. It's the least I can do." Eeteuk moves towards the door and almost grabs onto Eunhyuk's hand to drag him along. About an inch from his skin, Eeteuk's hand pauses and yanks back as if he were burned. Eunhyuk pretends not to notice and instead closes his eyes and smiles at his hyung.
"Yes, let's get that ice. You have a really strong punch hyung! Man, I didn't think my...I didn't think my joke would upset you so much. I'm really sorry to scare you like that." He quickly moves into the hallway and heads for the kitchen. After getting the ice for his face, Eeteuk retreats back into his room, saying he has a lot of work to do by tomorrow. Eunhyuk just waves him off with a smile and an apology for scaring him. He doesn't let him know that he notices the complete lack of touch. He doesn't let him know he sees the cracks around his fake smile and excuse.
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(Present)
The water is falling down around him, masking the tears and the hiccups. 'My only friend' Eunhyuk morbidly thinks as he draws the razor blade across his hip. The water swirling down the drain is tinged pink and Eunhyuk lets the water wash away the blood seeping from his hip. 'We're almost there.' Eunhyuk thinks as he looks at the mess of scars on his hips. He's already finished the left side. He's been working on the right lately. It's taken him the better part of two months to finish it but it's all worth it he thinks. When he looks in the mirror, the name Eeteuk is spelled out in angry red edges and white puffy scars. 'He'll never know, but it's the only fitting punishment for me, the pathetic, useless, evil, condemned, and degenerate boy.
Miracle Archive
Number Completed: 2/100
Date Started: 11/20/207
Date Completed: n/a
001. Freefall, Eeteuk/Kangin
"He's a good boy. Loves his momma. Loves Jesus and America too. He's a good boy, crazy about Elvis. Loves horses and his boyfriend too." Eeteuk twirls around as he sings along with the song. Using his feather duster as an impromptu mic, he falls to his knees for the refrain.
"And I'm Freeeeee!!! Freeefallllling!!!!!"
He quickly gets back up and begins dusting the apartment again. Really, for being the only person who lived there his apartment collected a ton of dust.
"And it's a long day living in Recita. There's a freeway running through the yard. And I'm a bad boy cause I don't even miss him. I'm a bad boy for breaking his heart. And I'm freeeeeee! Freefallling!" Using the duster again, Eeteuk strums it like a guitar as the memories bubble up in his mind.
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"I'm sorry Kangin. But I can't do this anymore. I can't take this from you." Eeteuk looks down at the floor as he slowly breaks the heart of the one boy who seems to love him more than anything. "We're just not working out. I..I need space, you know?" Eeteuk moves to the large windows in his apartment looking out over the city. "I feel trapped here with you." He looks over his shoulder at the boy he's spent the past three years with, "I know you don't mean to make me feel like this. You just do. I'm sorry."
Kangin has been standing in front of him while he's talked. The news has been a great shock to him. He's done nothing but try and please Eeteuk since they got together one cold day in February. He's wracked his brain trying to make him feel loved and wanted, to make him feel free and supported. It hasn't worked apparently.
"Why?" he asks brokenly. "Why, what can I do to fix this? Please, please let me fix this!" Kangin is almost begging now. He doesn't understand. He can't comprehend.
Eeteuk just turns from the windows and gives him a look. It's part pity and part genuine sadness at having to do this to someone he cares so deeply for. "We're just not right for each other. You'll find someone better than me. Really." Eeteuk tries to break the news gently. He tries to give him hope for the future.
It's the look, that pitying sad look that does it. Kangin's mind goes blank and crystal clear.
"You wanted space. I'll set you free."
Eeteuk doesn't hear the noise of shattering glass. He doesn't feel the sharp edges as they slash at his clothes and skin when he passes by them. The rush of wind ruffles his hair and his body feels light. He doesn't see the building pass by him in a blur or the window he fell through grow small. All he sees is Kangin's eyes.
And I'm freeee!! Freeefallling!!!!!!!!
And then he wakes. He's in his apartment, covered in dust. The days never seem to end. He never seems to age, but it's ok. He's free...
And all the vampires, walking through the valley move west down Ventura Boulevard. All the bad boys are standing in the shadows and the good girls are home with broken hearts. And I'm freeee!! Freeefallling!!!!!!!! Yeah I'm freeee!!!! Freefallling!!'
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003. Blindfolds, Hankyung/Yesung (NC-17 warning)
It's dark and Yesung can't see anything. He opens his eyes and nothing changes. Darkness. His eyes flutter and he feels something brush his eyelashes.
'Ah, a blindfold. That explains a lot.' He sighs for a moment, thankful that he hasn't somehow become blind in the night. He reaches up but someone grabs his hands.
"Yesung! You're awake!" the voice happily exclaims. "I'm so glad. I was told you might be waking up sometime today."
Yesung can feel the smile in the voice.
"Hangeng? Is that you?" Yesung queries, trying to make sure that the voice is indeed the voice of his lover.
"Of-of course is it silly. Who else did you think would be here?" Hangeng's voice shakes a little at first but evens out as he continues to talk.
"Well, will you let go of my hand so I can take this thing off my face? It's kind of annoying and really, I'd like to see you if we're going to have a conversation." Yesung smiles as he tries to dislodge his hand from Hangeng's grip.
"Eh, how about we leave it on for a little while longer Yesung?" Hangeng's voice drops, "You look really sexy with it on."
Yesung's voice catches a bit in his throat at the tone of voice. It sends shivers down his back and blood rushing southward. "I don't know Hannie..." Yesung drawls as a slow smirk spread across his face, "I'd really like to see you."
"And I'd really like to take you right now." Hangeng's voice is husky in Yesung's ear, the blindfold serving to heighten all his other senses. Yesung can't see it, but he can feel it as Hangeng slowly draws his fingertips along Yesung's forearm. The light touch making him shiver as Hangeng licks lightly at the shell of his ear.
Drawing in a shaky breath, Yesung lifts his head searching for Hangeng's lips. He's quickly rewarded with a searing kiss from his love. As the kiss deepens, Hangeng moves onto the...bed? couch? whatever it is Yesung is lying on, and straddles him. Yesung feels Hangeng's fingers carding through his hair as he trails kisses across his jaw and down onto his throat. Moaning, Yesung tilts his head back, granting Hangeng better access to the column of muscle.
"You taste divine Yesung," Hangeng mumbles against his throat as he deftly slides a hand down his chest. 'When did I take my shirt off? I thought I went to bed with it on?' Yesung briefly thinks before Hangeng is distracting him again with a wet mouth on his chest. His moans sound loud in his ears as he lets Hangeng know just how much the attention is appreciated.
"Ah, I wish I could see you Hannie." Yesung pants as Hangeng grinds his hips down onto Yesung's. "Not yet Yeh. Just wait. Please. Let me love you first."
Yesung yields against the onslaught of feelings and sounds: Hangeng's growl in his ear, the feel of denim grinding against him through his thin pants, wet lips against his collar bone, and a warm hand rubbing his stomach. It's almost too much to bear with his lack of sight. He can still see it though, in his mind.
Hangeng leaning over him, mouth slightly parted and lips kiss bruised, the dark look in his eyes, and the slightly tousled look of his hard. The mental image is enough to make him moan while he arches against his lover as Hangeng palms him through his thin pants.
"Hannie, please. Get rid of the clothes. If I can't see you I should at least be able to feel you." Yesung pants as he runs his hands along Hangeng's chest, searching for buttons. Taking pity on his blindfolded love, Hangeng shifts off of Yesung and quickly sheds his clothes. While he is at it, he also takes a moment to remove Yesung's pants. It's a welcome sight for his eyes. Yesung has been working out lately and he can tell. He's always looked good but now...now he's good enough to eat. He just wishes his lovely dessert wasn't so bruised.
Hangeng moves back onto the bed and crouches at Yesung's feet. Slowly he presses kisses to his ankle, massaging the area as he moves onto Yesung's calves. Taking his time, Hangeng inches his way up Yesung's legs, leaving kisses and light nips in his wake. When he reaches his hips, Hangeng licks the prominent hipbone. Laving it with his tongue and sucking on it till a beautiful red mark blossomed. With Yesung's moans filling his ears, Hangeng licks along his length before taking him fully into his mouth. Pressing two fingers against his lips, Hangeng shows Yesung the plan he has for him. Yesung quickly takes the fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking at them as he desperately tries to fill his lugs with oxygen.
Removing his fingers, Hangeng quickly slides one into Yesung, preparing him as best he can. Soon, Yesung is arching off the bed, his back bowing as he tries to get more friction and pull the fingers deeper. Hangeng removes his fingers and positions himself at Yesung's entrance. Pushing in, Hangeng pauses once he is fully seated, giving Yesung a moment to breathe and adjust. It's not what he wants apparently, as Yesung grinds against him and tries to make him thrust. Growling, Hangeng pulls back and thrusts deeply into Yesung, making him moan and arch against him. Soon, Yesung's legs are wrapped around his waist as he pounds into the boy beneath him. Sweat trickles down his back and he wraps a hand around Yesung's cock, pumping it in time with his thrusts. It doesn't take long before Yesung is shouting his name and coming between them. The spasms quickly milk Hangeng of his own orgasm and he falls into that black space after Yesung.
Waking from his light nap, he finds that only a few minutes have passed. He looks down at the boy underneath him, light pale skin, taunt muscle, beautiful features which are obscured partially by a white blindfold. Hangeng sighs as he rolls to the side of Yesung and wraps him in his arms.
'Hopefully he won't wake for awhile.' he thinks as he nuzzles his neck.
"Hangeng?" Yesung mutters sleepily.
'shit.' "Yes Yesung?"
"Can I take off this blindfold now? It's kind of itchy."
'He sounds so cute' Hangeng thinks as he runs his hand along the thick gauze. "Are you sure you want to take it off now? Don't you want to wait until tomorrow after we've had some sleep?"
"No, not really. I'd rather take it off now if you don't mind." Yesung states, a small amount of annoyance creeping into his voice.
Sighing Hangeng reaches forward and begins to unwrap the blindfold from Yesung's eyes and head. "Ok, it's off." He says as the last of the gauze falls from Yesung's eyes.
Yesung blinks for a moment. He can feel his eyes opening and closing but...
"Hannie," Yesung's voice trembles as he tries to stay calm, "why can't I see?" Hangeng leans over and places a kiss on his lips. "I love you, Yesung."
Here's another fic that's not a part of the 100 Fics Challenge
Title: The Lies Between Us
Author: catnip1613
Rating: PG-13?... Angst
Pairing: one-sided EunTeuk
Comments: For cybermuffin18 who requested this angsty story ^^
Summary: Eunhyuk has a secret love...and it backfires, badly.
(Present)
Ok. Lights on. Computers up. Mics in position. Smile wide. Lies ready. Let's go.
"Welcome to Kiss the Radio!!!!!"
The program goes along as usual. Eeteuk is happily talking into the mic, babbling on about songs, music, and anything that comes across his mind. I talk too. Don't get me wrong. I talk and smile and dance, oh god the dances. We are such dorks for dancing. Always goofing around and trying to pull off the moves we've seen others do. I usually do them better, but Eeteuk...Eeteuk is Eeteuk. He'll always draw the eye no matter how good or bad he is. There's just something about him, something special.
"Eunhyuk-ah," Eeteuk whispers into his ear as he leans over, "what are you staring at? It's almost time for the commercial!"
I jerk up, my hand falling away from my face. Did he notice? Was I staring that long at him? Damn.
"Right Teukie. Ok, I'm ready." Quickly I grab the print out and begin the commercial right on time. Hopefully by the time I'm finished, he will have forgotten that I was staring at anything.
"So what were you staring at Hyukie? You looked pretty out of it."
Crap. "Nothing really, just staring into space. It's late and I didn't get as much sleep as usual. You know how it is." I laugh a bit trying to play it off as nothing. Eeteuk gives me a sharp look, but lets it slide. I heave an inner sigh.
But it's not nothing
I've had feelings for the super leader for a long time now. I can't remember the first time I caught myself staring or the first time I began to go out of my way to make him smile. I just know that nowadays I can't sleep at night if I haven't seen at least one smile and been able to see him for more than thirty minutes. Rushing about in the morning doesn't count either. I hope that he doesn't notice. But I lie. I know he notices. I can see it in his eyes. He knows my feelings...I suppose it's just one of the many lies between us. If he doesn't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist. More importantly, I and my feelings don't exist. Maybe it's better that way.
"Eunhyuk, are you ready? We're done." Eeteuk places a hand on Eunhyuk's shoulder and pushes him a little, making him unbalance and almost fall onto the table.
"Hey!" Eunhyuk protests as his face almost leaves a dent in the table. His hip jars against the chair arm and he winces at the sharp pain. "What was that for?"
Eeteuk sticks out his tongue and cheekily replies, "You were spacing out again. You need to stop it, especially since you tend to stare at me when you do it. It's odd and I don't like it." Eeteuk smiles a sharp smile and grabs his bag as he heads for the door.
Sighing I pack my bag and begin to head after the leader. Really, for someone so responsible, he's rather childish. Never though I'd say that. However, sometimes, when you really need him, he'll be there...for awhile anyway.
--------------------------------------
(Past)
"Eunhyuk? Are you ok in there?" Eeteuk asks through the bedroom door. Eunhyuk had locked it over three hours ago. No one has been able to get in to see him or get a response from him. They're starting to get worried. "Eunhyuk? Please, open the door. We're really worried about you." This got no response. Waving off the rest of the members as they tried to crowd around the locked door, Eeteuk sits down and prepares himself to wait.
"Eunhyuk? Please. I am worried about you."
Suddenly Eeteuk hears a small click of a lock popping open. Standing, Eeteuk quietly opens the door and moves into the room closing it behind him. Eunhyuk is sitting on his bed with his back to the door. Eeteuk moves to sit beside him, gently placing his arm around his shoulders.
"Hyukkie? What's wrong?" Eeteuk places his fingers under Eunhyuk's chin and pulls his face around to look at him. Eunhyuk's face is tear streaked and his eyes will not meet the leader's.
"Hyukkie?" Eeteuk frowns and pulls the younger boy against him in a side hug. "Please tell me what's wrong?"
Eunhyuk tucks his face into the elder's shoulder and mumbles. "I'm sorry. I can't hear you Hyukkie. Please, look at me and tell me."
"I'm gay, hyung."
Eeteuk freezes. Eunhyuk can feel the change in his hyung. The sudden stiffness in the arms and the muscles clenching under his head that is still resting on Eeteuk's shoulder. Sitting up, Eunhyuk scoots over to put some space between him and Eeteuk. "It's ok. I figured you'd react like that" he mumbles as he curls in on himself, hugging his pillow. "You can go now. Though," Eunhyuk looks over at the shell-shocked Eeteuk, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the others yet. I'd like to tell them myself...when I'm ready."
Eeteuk nods stiffly as he stands. Moving towards the door, Eeteuk is still trying to get a hold of himself. Pausing, he asks, "Why do you say you're...gay?" The way the word rolls off of Eeteuk's tongue makes it sound like it's the most disgusting thing he's ever had to say. Eunhyuk can hear the condemnation and scorn in the word.
Sighing, Eunhyuk thinks about it momentarily, "Hyung, I've always been busy with life. When I was younger, I always wanted to play soccer and hang out with friends. When I got older, I wanted to dance and sing. I made that dream come true. However, I never thought about a partner really. I always looked at girls with my friends." Eunhyuk can see Eeteuk nod as he listens, as if what Eunhyuk is saying is what he expects of him...as if it's what he should be saying...as if it's the right thing to say.
"But then, as we've gotten older and all the fans keep speculating about secret romances we have with any girl that looks twice at us, I started thinking about what I wanted in a wife. For awhile, it was easy. I just picked one of the pretty girls out of a magazine or a commercial. We've met a lot of them. They're really very cute and charming." Again, Eeteuk nods along. He even has a small smile on his face as if thinking about those girls somehow brings good memories back.
'Lucky him.'
"Then...I started talking to those girls you know? They were usually very sweet and nice to talk to...but I never made that connection with them, you know?" Eunhyuk pauses to look up at the leader still at the door. The leader is actually starting to turn around and face him finally.
"So, maybe it just means that you haven't found the right girl. Just because you don't feel that special connection doesn't mean you're...gay." Eeteuk's face scrunches up a bit when he says "the word". "Really, you shouldn't go around saying such things about yourself. You'll just attract bad attention and really...you could jeopardize your friendship with the other guys as well as the reputation of the group."
Eeteuk sits back down next to Eunhyuk. Comfortable again in his knowledge that Eunhyuk is just confused and distressed that he can't find a girl that really interests him. "You just haven't found the right girl yet. She's out there. You just have to be patient." The Super Leader smiles comfortingly and pats his shoulder. "Chin up. You're not alone. We're all struggling with finding a real girl who we can connect with. We're all looking for someone who will like us for who we are and not our popularity. If you ever want to just hang out to ease the loneliness just ask. Or better yet, if you ever want I can try to see if we can set you up with a new girl. Heechul knows a lot of the girls at the SM administration building and some of the other boys know the other girl groups and trainees. We can find someone for you easily." Smiling like he's solved the world's problems, Eeteuk stands and moves towards the door again.
"I'm glad we had this talk Eunhyuk. I hope you'll come to me with any other problems or concerns you have. I'd hate for you to say something you'll regret just because you're confused or depressed." Eeteuk opens the door and walks down the hallway shouting back, "I'll be starting dinner soon. Will you help round up the others and set the table?"
'He doesn't understand...but he might be right.' Eunhyuk thinks as he heaves himself off the bed. 'Maybe I'm just depressed because none of the girls I've dated are right for me.' Eunhyuk pushes the thoughts of strong, slim arms, and muscular, flat chests from his mind. 'Eeteuk is right. He's always right...even if he's not. I guess this just means I can't tell anyone...' Eunhyuk stops dead in the hall. 'This has to stop now.' Eunhyuk steels himself, 'I am not gay. I just can't find the right girl. That's all.' Pursing his lips in frustration, Eunhyuk begins to go and round up the others like a good dongsaeng.
A few days have passed since Eunhyuk's talk with the leader. The other boys don't seem to treat him any differently, a testament to the leader's closed mouth about the subject of their talk. However, Eunhyuk can see the slight difference in Eeteuk. The leader watches him sometimes, when they're at dance practice, when they're singing, when they're all sitting far too close together in the packed van. So, Eunhyuk takes precautions to show Eeteuk his change of heart. He comments on the pretty girls in the magazines the others read. He chats with all the pretty girls he can, before and after the shows and performances they do. Even though Eeteuk doesn't actually watch all this, Eunhyuk always feels like Eeteuk is sending him subliminal messages. Giving him smiles with his eyes when he sees Eunhyuk smiling at a cute girl or drooling over one in a magazine.
It's now been 10 days since he talked to Eeteuk and Eunhyuk couldn't be more miserable. He finally figured out why Eeteuk was watching him so much and why he always felt that Eeteuk smiled when he checked out a girl. Eeteuk was scared, scared that Eunhyuk was checking out him or the others. He was scared that Eunhyuk was enjoying the forced skinship and touches far too much. Eeteuk was scared shitless by the thought that his friend, one of his best friends, was homosexual. He was scared that Eunhyuk had the hots for him.
Worse yet, Eunhyuk couldn't feel more guilty about the fact that Eeteuk was right. It happened at about the fifth day Eunhyuk thinks, he had been practicing his moves for his rap solo and the others were doing their individual parts. Eeteuk was practicing in the mirror next to his and Eunhyuk found himself staring. Pale skin, panting breath, a few drops of sweat on the neck, and Eunhyuk watches as they roll down past the collar of the t-shirt that blocks his view of the rest of Eeteuk's body.
Feeling his mouth begin to drop open, Eunhyuk quickly moves into a complex dance move to distract himself as well as anyone who might of been watching. Luckily for him, no one was watching him. Unfortunately, he was watching himself. He knew that he had been checking out his best friend. The one who believed in him so fully that he continued to be his friend even when he thought he was gay.
Eunhyuk starts when he hears everyone leaving. It was time to go home. It was the most uncomfortable car ride of Eunhyuk's life. It was just his luck of course, that he was squished between Eeteuk and the window. Mortification set in quickly when Eunhyuk noticed his hand had drifted from his own lap to sit between Eetuek's leg and his. His treacherous hand was almost lying on Eeteuk's thigh for Christ's sake! He immediately moved it when he leaned forward to look at the magazine Kangin was reading in the seat in front of him. Immediately he started pointing out the cute girl and how he wondered if he could get her number.
It's three hours later, one and a half of which have been spent in the bathroom of their dorm. Eunnhyuk is the last to take a shower. All the others have gone to bed, which is probably why Eunhyuk could spend such a long time in the bathroom without someone banging on the locked door.
No one would recognize Eunhyuk at this point. The sodden boy huddling in the shower shaking under the water that has long since gone cold. The running water had masked the sound of retching when Eunhyuk emptied his stomach of the dinner he had eaten only hours before. There's a small razor blade on the counter. It looks clean, but there's still some specks of clean water on it.
Eunhyuk finally stands and turns the water off. Slumping back onto the floor of the shower, he stares blankly at the wall and hugs himself. There's no one else to do it. The tears have stopped but his heart is still heavy. He saw the look that Eeteuk had when Kangin teased him about a fanfiction he found on the internet. In it, the author had said Eeteuk was gay. Eunhyuk had never seen the leader's eyes so cold.
--------------------------------------
(Present)
'So we're back to the now. I can't stop my feelings. I tried. Really! I did.' Eunhyuk unconsciously rubs his hip bone as his arms wrap around himself briefly. 'Eeteuk ignores the signs for the most part. I tried to confess to him. That was a stupid idea.'
--------------------------------------
(Past)
Eunhyuk knocks on the leader's door. He knows that he's alone at the moment. The others are busy and he wants to talk to Eeteuk alone.
"Come in."
Eunhyuk steps into the room with a small smile. "Hey Teukie."
Eeteuk looks up from his desk and smiles at his friend, "Hey yourself. How are you doing? I haven't talked to you in awhile."
Eunhyuk moves to the bed and sits lightly on the edge. "I'm doing ok. As best as can be expected with all the stuff we have to do lately."
Eeteuk nods in a slightly distracted way as he puts up his book. "I know. I can't believe Lee Soo-Man is being such a prick about the schedule. We could just spread the schedule out a bit but no. He wants to run us into the ground." Shaking his head he turns to face his friend. "So what brings you here? Did you need anything?"
Eunhyuk can read the innuendo behind the question. 'Do you need me to find you a girl?'
"Ah, nothing much. I was just hoping I could talk to you before the others get back."
"Ok, shoot. What do you want to talk about?"
Eunhyuk feels his tongue swell up and his heartbeat pound in his chest. He is not ready for this, but he can't back out now. He needs to get it off his chest, before he does something stupid that he can't take back. Something in front of the other guys who might not be as forgiving as Eeteuk has been.
"Hyung, I know the last time we talked you said I could come to you about anything right?" Eeteuk nods, encouraging his friend to speak his mind. "Well, I...I found someone I think I have a connection with." Eunhyuk can see Eeteuk's smile break out across his face. He can already see the images of girls running through the leader's head as he tries to figure out who the lucky girl could be.
"It's you."
Eeteuk's smile freezes and then plummets. His face gets blotchy with anger as his mouth turns up in a snarl. Before Eunhyuk can think, Eeteuk has punched him across the face, a dull thud of a fist on cheek. He's on the floor looking up at his best friend and love, and he almost misses the flash of recognition in Eeteuk's eyes. It's recognition of what he just did, and maybe a small bit of regret.
Suddenly Eeteuk is smiling, breathing heavily and helping Eunhyuk up off the floor. "Ha ha ha ha ha. That's a funny joke dongsaeng. I'm sorry I overreacted to your humor. I didn't think you would joke about something like that. Ah ha ha..." Eeteuk lets his fake laughter trail off as soon as Eunhyuk is off the floor and standing on his own. "Eunhyuk. You're my best friend. You know that but really. You can't go around saying things like this. Imagine what could have happened if I had believed you? I'm so glad I realized it was a joke. I don't know what I would have done."
Eunhyuk keeps his head down, wiping at the tears in his eyes and trying to hide them from Eeteuk. He didn't want the leader to know that it wasn't a joke. It might cost him his life.
"Oh, Eunhyuk. Mian hae. I didn't realize I'd hit you hard enough to bring tears to your eyes. Let's go get you some ice for that. It's the least I can do." Eeteuk moves towards the door and almost grabs onto Eunhyuk's hand to drag him along. About an inch from his skin, Eeteuk's hand pauses and yanks back as if he were burned. Eunhyuk pretends not to notice and instead closes his eyes and smiles at his hyung.
"Yes, let's get that ice. You have a really strong punch hyung! Man, I didn't think my...I didn't think my joke would upset you so much. I'm really sorry to scare you like that." He quickly moves into the hallway and heads for the kitchen. After getting the ice for his face, Eeteuk retreats back into his room, saying he has a lot of work to do by tomorrow. Eunhyuk just waves him off with a smile and an apology for scaring him. He doesn't let him know that he notices the complete lack of touch. He doesn't let him know he sees the cracks around his fake smile and excuse.
--------------------------------------
(Present)
The water is falling down around him, masking the tears and the hiccups. 'My only friend' Eunhyuk morbidly thinks as he draws the razor blade across his hip. The water swirling down the drain is tinged pink and Eunhyuk lets the water wash away the blood seeping from his hip. 'We're almost there.' Eunhyuk thinks as he looks at the mess of scars on his hips. He's already finished the left side. He's been working on the right lately. It's taken him the better part of two months to finish it but it's all worth it he thinks. When he looks in the mirror, the name Eeteuk is spelled out in angry red edges and white puffy scars. 'He'll never know, but it's the only fitting punishment for me, the pathetic, useless, evil, condemned, and degenerate boy.