Love Still Goes On (Part 1)
Title: Love Still Goes On
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Length: A painfully long oneshot, ripped in two parts.
Warning: English is not my mother’s tongue, yet I can’t write in another language.
Summary: A story about Key and his grandma. I tried to use some real events, yet the rest are fictional.
-
“Halmeoni!”
The old woman turned around at the sound of the chirpy voice. A smile broke out of her face as she noticed who just called her. “Kibummie!”
The little boy with feline eyes, high cheekbones, and bow-shaped lips entered the gate, his pink backpack bouncing on his back. A folded paper was held on his small hand. He ran to his grandma’s direction, too fast that he didn’t pay attention to his path, and so he tripped on a stone.
The old woman immediately approached him, taking the little boy on her arms. “Aigoooo, are you okay, my grandson?”
Kibum’s eyes were filled with tears as he stared at his knees, which were now scratched and bloodied. “I....I.....”
The old woman carried him on her arms and brought him inside the house. There, she cleaned up the wounds and placed a plaster on each knee. The plasters were pink with blue stars on it.
“There,” she said, kissing Kibum’s forehead. “Feeling better now?”
The boy smiled and hugged his grandma. “Kamsahamnida, halmeoni!”
The old woman laughed and hugged him back. “Next time, pay attention to your surroundings, okay?”
Kibum pouted, but he nodded cutely. “I ran because I want to give this to you.”
“What is this?” The old woman asked, eyeing the paper given to her.
“Teacher asked us to draw something today,” he chirped happily. “And I drew you, Halmeoni.”
The old woman unfolded the paper, and it showed a picture of a tall woman with extremely protruded cheekbones, two diagonal lines as her eyes, and big smile. She wore triangle-shaped pink dress and big pink shoes. There was a spatula on her left hand, while her right hand held a little boy only as tall as her waist. The picture didn’t look like her at all, but it was a work of a kindergarten student, and she knew her grandson had poured out all his efforts into this picture. So she smiled and patted Kibum’s head. “I like it. Thank you, Bummie.”
“Jinjja?” The boy’s eyes widened.
“Yes,” she smiled and walked to the kitchen. There, she placed the picture on the refrigerator with a pineapple-shaped magnet. “There.”
“I love you, Halmeoni,” Kibum murmured, burying his face inside his grandma’s chest.
“I love you too, Kibummie,” she laughed, ruffling her grandson’s hair. “Now, who wants a chocolate cake?”
“Me!”
-
“Kibummie?”
A few hurried steps and small giggles were heard, but the little boy was nowhere in sight.
The old woman smiled, knowing his grandson must be playing hide-and-seek again. He loved to do that, especially every time she’d just come home. So she decided to play with his game. “Omo, my Kibummie is missing!!”
Soft giggles again.
“Is he kidnapped?” she asked with faked tone of worry.
Sound of something got kicked, maybe Kibum accidentally hit something in his excitement.
“Ah, my poor Kibummie, how can I give him his presents then?” she faked a sob.
Immediately, the door of her wardrobe swung open, and a little boy emerged out of it, bright eyes and hopeful smile on his face.
“You bought me presents?” Kibum asked gleefully, bouncing to his grandma.
His grandma stared at him with playful anger. “So, Kibummie didn’t get kidnapped? Kibummie only hid inside the wardrobe?”
The little boy giggled and put his hands on his mouth.
“Bad Kibummie!” the old woman faked a sob again and pretended to leave the room. “Then there won’t be any presents for him!”
“NOOOOOOOO!!!” Kibum cried, quickly hugging his grandma as much as a six year old could do. “I’m sorry, Halmeoni! I’m just playing a little bit!”
“Really?” the old woman asked, still pretending to be angry. “Then, would Kibummie promise not to do that anymore?”
The little boy nodded frantically. “I want my present.”
The old woman smiled at her grandson’s straightforwardness. Taking the little boy to sit on her lap, she pulled out a book from his bag and opened it for Kibum.
Turned out it was a book about all kinds of occupations. Those two had a fun time that afternoon, the old woman pointed at the pictures inside the book and made Kibum guess what occupation it was.
“What about this?” the old woman asked, pointing at the picture of a firetruck.
Kibum thought about it for a while. “Mmm,” he said. “Fireman!”
“This one?” this time, she chose the picture of someone wearing coat and holding a magnifying glass.
“Detective!”
“And this one?” a picture of someone holding guitar with a standing mic in front of him.
“Singer!”
“Aigoooo, my Kibummie is so smart!” the old woman planted a kiss on Kibum’s cheek.
The little boy smiled proudly. “Of course, Halmeoni! Kibummie is smart!”
His grandma smiled back and closed the book, putting it on a table. “What about Kibummie? What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Kibum pursed his lips, but he didn’t look that confused. “I want to be a singer.”
The quickness of the answer surprised the old woman. In her view, kids around Kibum’s age usually still didn’t really know what they want to be in the future. If they did have an answer, it was typical - doctor, engineer, army, and so forth. She never heard of a six year old who wanted to be a singer, especially if they said it with such certainty.
“Are you sure?” the old woman asked.
Kibum nodded firmly. “Yes!” he said. “I will be a great singer! I will be famous worldwide!”
Staring at her grandson’s confident face, the old woman knew nothing she could do to alter his dream. And when their eyes met, somehow she could even imagine it - a stage, his grandson standing on it, thousands of fans cheering over him....
So, she smiled and hugged the little boy. “I’m sure you’ll be a great singer, Kibummie.”
“Really?” Kibum asked, eyes wide.
The old woman nodded assuringly.
Kibum hugged his grandma’s back. “Then, if I succeed later, I’ll dedicate my first song, and my first concert to you, Halmeoni! I’ll think of you as I sing on stage, always.”
Quickly looking away so that Kibum wouldn’t see emotional tears brimming on her eyes, the old woman held the little boy tighter in her arms. “Thank you, Kibummie. Thank you.”
-
The house was already dark as the boy probably around his mid-teens opened the back door slowly. Peeking around to make sure no one’s there, he entered the house and closed the door, careful to make sound as little as possible. Now he only had to walk to his bedroom and...
“Where have you been?”
Shit, Kibum cursed mentally. Of course, his grandma had to be there, waiting for her late grandson to show up.
The old woman stared at the silent young teenager. “Where have you been, young man?!” She asked again, louder this time.
“It’s nothing, I just went to meet some friends,” Kibum muttered, trying to walk to his bedroom.
His grandma walked past him, blocking his way. “Don’t talk to me that way! What do you mean by meeting some friends?! Do you know that it’s past midnight now?!”
“Halmeoni, it’s really nothing! It’s just a simple party and....”
“Party?!” His grandma cut in, her eyes lit with anger and worry. “What did you do there? Did you drink?!”
Kibum felt anger starting to rise inside him. “Halmeoni....”
“How could you do this, Kibummie?! Do you know how worried I am?! You could have been in an accident or something! I stayed up all night because I was afraid something would happen to you, but....”
“ENOUGH!”
The old woman blinked and stared at her grandson. Did he....did he just shout at her?
“I know you’re afraid of me and blah blah blah,” Kibum snapped, eyes blazing with fury. “But I’m not a kid anymore, Halmeoni! I’m a teenager. I’m fully responsible of my actions. And I didn’t drink!”
“Bummie! Don’t talk to me like that, I’m still your grandmother! I take care of you, and....”
“Who asked you to take care of me then?! You’re not my mother!”
The old woman’s eyes widened in shock as those words escaped her grandson’s mouth. She stared at Kibum, her expression ranged from disbelief to sadness.
Kibum himself was shocked by his words. He actually didn’t mean to be that harsh, especially to his grandma, who had done a lot of things for him. But he was just so angry that he couldn’t think straight. As his grandma’s hurt expression filled his view, Kibum felt his heart sank to the deepest pit in the ocean. But somehow he still couldn’t bring himself to apologize to his grandma.
The old woman turned around and went to her own bedroom so that Kibum wouldn’t see her tears. Kibum also ran to his bedroom. He didn’t cry, but he found the night extremely long as he tossed and turned on his bed, unable to even close his eyes...
-
Kibum was watching television when his mother entered the room.
“Kibum-ah, you don’t want to eat?” She asked her only son.
“Later, Umma,” Kibum answered, eyes still glued on the screen.
His mother sighed, but went to the dining room nevertheless. Kibum sighed as well. It wasn’t like he hated his parents, far from it, but well, they’re always busy so he always looked at his grandma for a parent figure. But soon the thoughts about his parents were wiped out from his head as a commercial film popped on the screen.
The smiling face of BoA immediately entered his view. The famous singer explained about SM’s National Tour Casting. Then TVXQ appeared and expressed how glad they were to have new faces joining them. Lastly, Kangta listed the towns where the auditions would be held, along with the dates.
That was it. THAT WAS IT. Kibum punched the air, feeling victorious all of a sudden. Despite living with a pretty wealthy family in Daegu and having a father that worked in financial department, Kibum was never interested in following his father’s path. He knew, he always wanted to be an artist. He himself was a fan of BoA and had been collecting informations about the female singer (and other SM artists) for years. He knew he wanted to join them someday, and sang on the same stage. Maybe for a “country boy” like him it was a mere dream, but hey, he did go to US before for an exchange program. Passing an audition wouldn’t be that hard, right?
Heart beating hard against his ribcage, Kibum entered the dining room, where his parents were enjoying their breakfast.
“Umma, Appa,” the young boy spoke slowly. “I need to tell you something.”
His father raised his head from his newspaper. “Yes, Kibum?”
Kibum inhaled. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. “I....I just watched a commercial and it’s about SM National Tour Casting.”
His mother raised an eyebrow at him. “And....?”
Kibum swallowed. “I want to go to the audition. I want to be a singer.”
Silence enveloped the room. Kibum kept his head down, eyes glued at the carpet, but he could feel his parents staring at him. His hands shook slightly as he waited for his parents’ decision.
After a few seconds that felt like centuries for Kibum, his father finally broke the silence with a deep breath. “You? A singer?”
“.......Yes,” Kibum whispered.
His father laughed, which startled Kibum because he didn’t expect that kind of reaction to come from his father. “Are you kidding me? A shy person like you, how can you be a singer?”
Kibum blinked and stared at his father in disbelief. Did he really think of Kibum that way? Of course, Kibum wasn’t the most talkative person in the world, but he considered himself quite good in singing and dancing, and he even showcased his performances in his school festivals a few times.
He never sees me in school, Kibum reminded himself sadly. That’s why he never know.
“Kibum-ah,” his mother began. “It’s not like we don’t support you, it’s a good thing you have a dream. But don’t you think it’s better to have a dream that is....closer to reality? A dream that suits you better? You can go to college and....”
“It isn’t a dream,” Kibum spoke low, looking at his parents in their eyes. “I will prove that it’s close to my reality. Just let me do the audition. If I fail....I will go to college to be whatever you want.”
His father shrugged and sipped on his coffee. “Do as you want, then.”
-
“How is it?” The old woman asked as she entered the dining room and found his grandson, sitting on a chair with sullen face.
It had been almost a year since Kibum asked for his parents’ permission to audition for SM, and since then he had gone to a few auditions, but he hadn’t succeeded even once. He even went to Seoul, for goodness’ sakes! Kibum knew his parents were being skeptical of his chances to enter SM, and he’s starting to doubt himself as well. Am I that bad? Kibum thought.
The old woman stared at her grandson’s face, and knew immediately what was on his mind. She went into the kitchen and a few minutes later came back with a tray with two cups of tea and a plate full of Kibum’s favorite cakes.
“Here,” she said, placing the tray on the table. “It will make you feel better.”
They sipped their tea in silence, Kibum was busy with his thoughts while his grandma simply didn’t want to interrupt him. After a while, Kibum finally sighed and placed back his now empty cup. “I’m so useless.”
“No, you’re not, Bummie,” the old woman patted his grandson’s hand lovingly. “You’re the best.”
“For you, maybe, but certainly I’m not good enough to enter SM,” Kibum mumbled.
His grandma poured more tea to Kibum’s cup. “Maybe you need more practice.”
“I have practiced!”
“Even so, it’s certainly not enough. There are thousands, even millions of people in this country, Kibummie. And I’m sure most of them want to be an artist. In my opinion, your singing and dancing aren’t bad, but are they good enough to break the records? And it’s SM. They only accept the best of the best. You have to match their level to pass.”
Kibum fell silent for a while. “...Maybe you’re right, Halmeoni.”
“Of course I am,” his grandma smiled. “Now what you have to do is practice and practice again. And maybe, one day, you’ll eventually be able to reach your dreams.”
Kibum felt his spirit peaked again as he heard his grandma’s words. Leaning forward, he hugged his grandma tightly. “I love you, Halmeoni.”
“I love you too, Kibummie,” the old woman laughed and returned the hug. “Oh, and one more thing...”
“What?”
The old woman pulled a paper out of her pocket and gave it to Kibum. “Maybe you’ll need this.”
Kibum stared at the paper. It was an advertisement about SM National Tour Audition Casting that would be held in Daegu in a few weeks.
“Go there,” his grandma said, “and take it.”
Kibum bit his lower lip. “Are you sure I can do this, Halmeoni? I mean, I even went to Seoul and failed....”
“Yes, but that’s Seoul. Every people in this country would go there. While in Daegu, I think there will be less rivals for you. Take this chance, Kibummie.”
Kibum took a deep breath and stared again at the paper for a while. Then he folded and slipped it to his back pocket. He didn’t say anything, but his grandma knew what he would do.
-
Kibum stared at the line of people in front of him. All of them wore their trendiest clothes on their bodies and hopeful expressions on their faces. They were all people who were going to take the audition to become SM trainee. Because of his grandma’s words, Kibum initially thought there wouldn’t be much people who came, but it turned out to be almost the same amount with the one in Seoul. Sighing, Kibum leaned himself to the wall and stared at a lady, maybe an SM staff, who was calling the names.
“Lee Jaehyuk,” the lady called, and a red-haired boy stood up and entered the room.
“Song Minah,” she called a few minutes later, and a girl in ponytail entered the room as well.
“Kang Minwoo,” and a boy in leather jacket and sunglasses stood as well.
“Shin Injung....”
“Park Seungmin....”
“Yang Heyeol....”
The line in front of Kibum kept on getting shorter as more people entered the room. At each step closer, Kibum closed his eyes and prayed that he did the right thing.
And finally.... “Kim Kibum.”
Kibum opened his eyes and realized that he was standing at the very front. Taking a few deep breaths in a vain attempt to calm his fluttering heart, he stepped inside the room.
Three people were there, looking at him with judging eyes. Kibum immediately recognized the one in the middle as Lee Sooman, but the other two were anonymous for him, though he had auditioned many times. Well, that’s not really important, right? He had to give his best for them.
“Kim Kibum, right?” Sooman asked, looking at a paper in front of him.
Kibum nodded mutely, too nervous to speak.
The lady sitting next to Sooman gave Kibum an encouraging smile. “What are you going to sing today?” she asked patiently.
Kibum swallowed and forced some words out of his mouth. “I....I’m going to sing Hug by TVXQ-sunbaenims.”
“Alright, go ahead.”
Kibum cleared his throat and started singing, a bit shakily.
Haruman nibangui chimdaega dwegoshipo
Do dasuhi pogunhi nae pume gamssa ango jaeugo shipo
Aju jagun dwichogimdo noui joguman sogsagime
Nan ggumsogui gwemurdo I gyonae borir thende
As he kept on singing, his confidence rose, and finally his voice went steadier. He slowly lost himself in the song, he didn’t see the judges, he didn’t hear his own voice, he just poured all his feelings inside the song.
Nae maumi iron goya jigyo bor suman issodo
Nomu gamsahae manhi haengboghae na jogumun bujoghaedo
Onjeggaji noui gyothe yoniuro igo shipo
Norur nae pume gadug anun chae
Gudoboryossomyon shipo
Yongwonhi
Kibum finished the song with a bow. The three judges didn’t smile at him, nor did they clap. They kept their serious look while whispering to each other, leaving Kibum nervously biting his nails.
The lady turned back at Kibum. “Now we’re going to play you a random song to dance now,” she said, and pressed a button on her computer.
Soon, the sound of BoA’s debut song ID: Peace B filled the room. Kibum secretly smiled at himself. What a fluke, to give BoA’s song to a fan of BoA. He had been practicing the choreography of this song since it came out, and he even added a few twists by himself. His body immediately reacted to the music, his lips moved along with the lyrics.
As he finished his dance, the three judges started whispering again, one busy making notes. But they still didn’t say anything to Kibum, until the anonymous man sitting on Sooman’s left finally spoke for the first time. “Do you have another talent, Kibum-sshi?”
“I....” Kibum bit his nails again, “can rap.”
“Try rapping then.”
Praying that it would be the last one, Kibum started to rap the beginning part of Fly by Epik High.
Ddo hollo sooljaneul peeoogo
Don’t know where to go
Tan hanbeone sheelsooro modeungeoseul anko
Kogaeruel soogeelddaen soneul moa
Nalgaereul peego you can fly!
The three judges continued to stare at Kibum for a while. Then the people beside Sooman looked at him and each gave a small nod. The boy, who was now closing his eyes tightly, didn’t see it.
“Kim Kibum,” Sooman spoke, his voice flat and emotionless.
“Y-Yes?” Kibum squeaked, still not daring to open his eyes, legs trembling hard.
For a second, there wasn’t any response from Sooman. Maybe two. And then....
“Congratulations.”
-
Kibum sat on his seat, in a train that would finally bring him to Seoul. As he looked outside,the sight of the station and familiar view of Daegu was getting blur and more blur, and might be replaced by buildings and skyscrapers in Seoul soon.
He couldn’t believe it. A few days earlier, he was just a normal high school student from Daegu who strived for his dreams to be a singer, but now he was going to Seoul. Yes, Seoul. And it wasn’t for a school trip or something, but to start his long journey to be an artist.
Yes, Kibum was finally accepted as an SM trainee. After auditioning here and there, he was finally accepted in an audition on his own hometown. Kibum knew, the path in front of him was still long and twisted. But he promised himself to never give up.
The train journey was long and Kibum started to feel bored. Rummaging inside his bag, he looked for his mp3 player. He felt something and pulled it out. But it wasn’t his mp3 player, instead it was a small wallet.
Hmm, weird, Kibum thought. I don’t recall to bring this wallet, besides I don’t have a wallet like this anyway....well, let’s see what’s inside it.
As he opened the wallet, his eyes grew wide at the money inside it. Looking around quickly to make sure no one noticed him, he began counting on the money. It wasn’t that much, but it was the biggest amount of money Kibum had ever brought by himself.
As he shakily put the money back inside the wallet, a small pink paper flew down. Catching it quickly before it hit the floor, Kibum unfolded it to find three words, written in a shaky, slightly messy handwriting.
Halmeoni loves Kibummie.
Kibum felt tears stinging his eyes as understanding swept his brain. So, the money was given by his grandma - and she even put this little note inside! It was just a small message, but it warmed Kibum’s heart. Quickly wiping away all his tears before other people on the train looked at him weirdly, Kibum pressed the message on his chest.
I promise I won’t disappoint you, Halmeoni. I will succeed, and I will make you proud.
-
“Okay, now you can take fifteen minutes break. After this, you have to practice this dance again.”
Kibum huffed and slumped to the floor. He was tired and his muscles felt sore. It was Saturday, yet he didn’t spend it by playing with his friends, but by a session of dance training. And somehow, he couldn’t get the moves right. What happens with me? Usually I can grasp a dance just by looking once.... Aish, is my skill deteroriating??
It had been a few months since Kibum was accepted, and since then he had started his life as a trainee. At first he was overjoyed, maybe a bit victorious, with the fact that he was an SM trainee, and he was sure that he could debut soon. But as time passed, Kibum slowly realized how wrong he was.
First, it wasn’t easy at all to debut, even to keep your place as a trainee. SM, as one of the biggest entertainment industries in South Korea, only wanted the best and demanded much from their trainees. The trainees were weighed by impossible amount of trainings, including singing, dancing, acting, modeling, even rapping. Every day, there would be trainees who couldn’t take it anymore or got kicked out from SM’s training program.
Second, Kibum still lived and schooled in Daegu, and SM was located in Seoul, thus he didn’t have many chances to train. He had to go back and forth from Daegu to Seoul on weekends in order to join the training, but he still felt that wasn’t enough. Well, the other trainees had seven days in a week, while he only had two days at last!
Would he ever had the chance to debut?
Could he even keep his place as an SM trainee?
Kibum’s thoughts were interrupted by a light kick on the side of his body. “Yah,” a low baritone voice spoke. “Don’t sleep here, you’re blocking our way.”
Kibum looked at the owner of the voice and immediately scowled.
That guy was Choi Minho, an SM trainee like himself. Kibum knew him quite well, they were on the same age and often took the same class, but they were, in the better words, not the closest of friends with each other. Kibum himself didn’t know why, but it seemed like they hadn’t been in best terms since Minho had set those big, alien eyes on him.
Maybe it was their differences that made it hard for them to even talk to each other. Kibum was considered tall, but Minho was skyscraper high (which left Kibum wondering why he didn’t become an athlete instead). Minho’s skin was a bit dark, while Kibum had his milky-white skin which he always kept in perfect condition by using skin products. Minho was handsome, like handsome in a manly way, while Kibum’s face was always considered “pretty” and “effeminate”. Kibum was talkative, while Minho was more the quiet type. Minho kept a soccer magazine in his bag and read it on his breaks, while Kibum buried his nose inside the latest fashions from famous designers.
Either I would be able to debut or not, I wish I don’t have to be in the same group as him, Kibum thought as he rose on his feet and went to take a bottle of water. Well, if he keeps on being like this, I don’t have to worry. He has nothing but that froggy face and height. His dancing and rapping are just average and I’d rather not talk about his singing.
Satisfied with his conclusion, Kibum finished his bottle of water and sat with other trainees, waiting for their dance practice to start again.
But his problem with Minho certainly didn’t simply end there.
They finished their dance practice and went to cafetaria to eat lunch. The cafetaria was very full and much to Kibum’s dismay, the only seat available was next to Minho. But he didn’t look forward to eat while standing, so he brought his tray to the table.
“Can I sit here?” Kibum asked, trying to be as polite as posssible.
Minho stared at him for a while and then quietly nodded before resuming his lunch. Kibum put the tray on the table and began to eat. The food was delicious but Kibum couldn’t say he enjoyed it much. The presence of this annoying frog had killed his appetites already.
After a few minutes of silence, Minho finally finished his lunch. From the corner of his eyes, Kibum watched as the taller boy wiped his hands on a tissue and placed the tissue inside his styrofoam lunchbox, along with the aluminium paper wrap and plastic spoon. Then he stood up, leaving the styrofoam box on the table.
“Yah!” Kibum shouted, making a few people looked at him. “Why don’t you put your lunchbox in the dustbin?!”
Minho raised his eyebrows. “Why should I? You did it.”
Kibum blinked. Once. Twice. Then he narrowed his eyes. “Me?! What do you mean by that?! Why should I take care of your trash?!”
“You’re my junior, you have to clean the table,” Minho said nonchalantly.
Kibum jumped on his feet, eyes blazing with anger. “Since when I’m your junior?! I’m on the same age as you!” he shouted, accidentally revealing his Daegu accent.
“I joined SM’s training program earlier than you, missy.”
“What did you just call me?!”
“Nothing.”
Kibum slammed his palm onto the table. “First you asked me to clean the table, and now you insulted me. What the hell?! We don’t have a fucking monarchy between people of the same age in Daegu!”
Minho’s eyes turned cold. “This isn’t Daegu, Kibum-sshi.”
Kibum’s hand balled into a fist. How dare this fucking frog insulted him, and his hometown too?! Did he feel superior only because he entered SM earlier and lived quite close to Seoul?! Did he consider Kibum a mere country boy or something? Well, Kibum would show him what this ‘country boy’ can do. Kibum heard someone calling his name but he couldn’t care less, as he had swung his fist to Minho’s face.
A hand suddenly caught his fist, stopping him on his track. Kibum blinked and turned around. Beside him, there was a slightly shorter boy with sharp facial features and puppy brown eyes. He was Kim Jonghyun, Kibum’s friend and an SM trainee as well.
“Kibum, please don’t,” Jonghyun whispered. “I know you’re mad at him, but please don’t fight here. You’ll be in trouble. Please.”
Kibum blinked and stared at Minho. Only now he realized that the taller boy was being held by other trainees as well. If only Kibum and Minho weren’t stopped, they would have fought by now.
Slowly Kibum put down his fist and turned around, not wanting to see the frog any longer. Minho did the same. The two didn’t see each other anymore for the rest of the day, much to Kibum’s gratitude.
Since then, there were awkward tension between Kibum and Minho for two years.
-
Dear Halmeoni,
I’m going to debut! Yes, you read it right, I’m really going to debut, in one or two years time! Your wonderful grandson will finally reach his dream as a singer! Well, don’t tell anyone, because it’s supposed to be a secret until our debut day, okay??
Right now, I’m in the dorm where I currently live in with my future bandmates. There are four of them, as we’re going to be a five-membered band. I’m going to explain about them to you, one by one.
The oldest here and soon-to-be our leader is named Lee Jinki. He’s two years older than me, yet he doesn’t look that way. I swear he takes immortality pill or something because I have seen his baby photos and he still looks the same! Hmph. Some people never seem to grow old. Anyway, he’s about on the same height as me, he has long black hair and small eyes that will disappear when he smiles. And his smile is one of the brightest ones I’ve ever seen, even I think it sometimes puts the lights into shame. He LOVES eating very much (especially chicken), but Manager-hyung (yes, we already get our manager by now) told him that he should lose some weight before debuting. Sometimes I’m worried about him, not because of his weight but his clumsiness. He’s the type to walk on the front with charisma brimming from him, only to trip on a chair, a rug, or even air a few seconds after *shakes head*. And seeing that we’re going to be a dance group, I have no heart to tell you the amount of bruises and injuries he gets on daily basis, especially when we’re in dance practice. He’s a very cheerful person and always tries to lighten up the mood, though his jokes mostly end with cricket sounds, not laughter. His position in our group will be lead vocalist, as he has a truly sweet and soft voice, like butter and honey on a bread. I’ll send you a recording of his voice one day, I guess you’ll love it.
Then there’s this boy who is the youngest of us all, Lee Taemin. He’s still in junior high school, and yet the company wants him to debut with us! They must be crazy. But I never hear him complaining. Taemin is a bright and carefree kid, maybe a bit shy when he meets new people but will open himself as you know him further. He mostly clings to Jinki-hyung, and if you see them playing together, you won’t believe there are four years difference between them *sigh*. I like him though, he’s a very shy and polite boy, and apparently he appreciates my effort to take care of him. He even called me “Umma” once! Hmph, I’m not a girl, will never be! But I don’t really mind, maybe Taemin misses his real umma, he is still a kid after all. He has jet black hair in mushroom cut and round innocent eyes. His cheeks are so chubby that I want to pinch them every time, especially when he smiles (and he does that A LOT). But despite his cute appearance and young age, he’s the best among us when it comes to dancing. I consider myself quite good but I still can’t match him! Hmph, just wait and see, Taeminnie. Just wait.
The third, I have told you about him, is Jonghyun. I’m so glad I can debut with him! We’ve known each other as trainees and we’re very close since then. It seems like we’re soulmates or something, but not in the way you think, of course! Anyway, Jjong (that’s what I usually call him) is a good boy as well, and he loves skinship. I don’t mind at first, but then he wants to kiss my cheeks! I consider that too intimate. He loves eating too, same as Jinki-hyung (actually, we all do) but he often restrains himself from eating instant food or fast food, as he says he wants to be healthy. I seriously think that he’s not supposed to meet Jinki-hyung, because I’m sure, if they aren’t singers, they’re going to be gagman duo or something. They’re simply CRAZY. Jjong is the shortest among us, he’s a bit sensitive about it and we love to tease him. He has slightly spiky black hair and puppy brown eyes (not like I would fall for those eyes!!). His facial features are sharp and he has this big nose that makes him look like a dinosaur *snicker*. But maybe that nose is like an asset for him or something, cause he has this powerful vocal with incredible high notes that will make you hold your breath. I can’t believe this guy used to be a bassist in his school band. Why didn’t he just be the vocalist?! His vocal is simply AMAZING. And apparently his talent doesn’t stop there. He can play guitar, piano, bass, and he even writes songs. Yes, he told me that he wants to be a composer. He said that he’ll write me a song one day, though I’m not sure whether he’s only joking or not....
The fourth member, I’m sure you’ve known him as well. His name is Choi Minho. Yes, Halmeoni, don’t be that surprised. THE Choi Minho, the one that almost fought with me. You remember how I wished not to debut in the same group as him? Well, now I do. I’m sure God really hates me. What did I do wrong? Is it my punishment because I have messed up with His lost sheep or something *sigh*? Anyway, I decide that what’s past was left in the past and I’m ready to open up a new page for me and him. You must be proud with my way of thinking. But let me tell you, Halmeoni, it’s a very HARD thing to do. He’s a very quiet person, even quieter than Taeminnie. He seems like a clam hiding inside his shell, and doesn’t let anyone to open or break it. I wonder why... He stands 1,81 meters tall and he totally looks like a skyscraper, especially when he’s beside Jjong. He also has these big, alien eyes that remind me of a frog, with straight nose and round lips. He will be the visual in our group (no surprise here, he’s the best-looking among us after all) and main rapper (WHAT?? I can totally rap better than him! But maybe the company wants him not to be left behind or something). I hope one day he’ll eventually open up to us, and even maybe get close to me. I still can’t imagine myself being friends with him though, but I’ll keep trying.
Introducing the fifth member, your one and only grandson, Kim Kibum. I will be the lead dancer, lead rapper, and vocalist in this group. I know, I know, I have no specific role whatsoever but hey, I can do either dancing, rapping, or singing well, unlike the others who only specialize in one area. Aren’t I great? (Yes, Halmeoni, you may say that I’m boasting myself too much).
Living with four other guys, correction, four immature guys is so damn hard. They really had no sense to clean our room or not to drop their clothes anywhere. Really, are they that spoiled at home? I nagged them a few times to clean their trash but they only complained that I was such a mother. I’m not a mother! I just hate seeing our dorm messy. Taemin is such a sweetie, he cleans his stuffs before I even have the chance to nag at him and he’ll smile that adorable smile of his while saying “I’m finished, umma!” He’s such a kid in every mother’s dream (do I start to talk like a mother now?). And why the others look at me when I give him an extra piece of dessert?
Ugh, this letter has been too long already but I can’t help it. I want to tell you everything happening here but it will take maybe thousands of letters. I won’t explain our hardships of training and my loneliness right now because the other members are all going out to spend their weekend with their family, you already know much about it anyway and I don’t want to make you sad. Trust me, though it gets hard sometimes but I’m happy here.
And I’m sorry because I won’t be able to call you for a while. Our phones are confiscated and we’re only allowed to use it in an emergency. Answer my letter, will you? Or if it’s too hard for you (I know your eyesight isn’t that good anymore) you may call my manager and tell him you’re okay, he’ll say that to me. I’ll give you my manager’s number on the bottom of this letter. For now, I hope you’ll stay healthy as always.
Love,
Kibummie.
-
( part 2)
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Length: A painfully long oneshot, ripped in two parts.
Warning: English is not my mother’s tongue, yet I can’t write in another language.
Summary: A story about Key and his grandma. I tried to use some real events, yet the rest are fictional.
-
“Halmeoni!”
The old woman turned around at the sound of the chirpy voice. A smile broke out of her face as she noticed who just called her. “Kibummie!”
The little boy with feline eyes, high cheekbones, and bow-shaped lips entered the gate, his pink backpack bouncing on his back. A folded paper was held on his small hand. He ran to his grandma’s direction, too fast that he didn’t pay attention to his path, and so he tripped on a stone.
The old woman immediately approached him, taking the little boy on her arms. “Aigoooo, are you okay, my grandson?”
Kibum’s eyes were filled with tears as he stared at his knees, which were now scratched and bloodied. “I....I.....”
The old woman carried him on her arms and brought him inside the house. There, she cleaned up the wounds and placed a plaster on each knee. The plasters were pink with blue stars on it.
“There,” she said, kissing Kibum’s forehead. “Feeling better now?”
The boy smiled and hugged his grandma. “Kamsahamnida, halmeoni!”
The old woman laughed and hugged him back. “Next time, pay attention to your surroundings, okay?”
Kibum pouted, but he nodded cutely. “I ran because I want to give this to you.”
“What is this?” The old woman asked, eyeing the paper given to her.
“Teacher asked us to draw something today,” he chirped happily. “And I drew you, Halmeoni.”
The old woman unfolded the paper, and it showed a picture of a tall woman with extremely protruded cheekbones, two diagonal lines as her eyes, and big smile. She wore triangle-shaped pink dress and big pink shoes. There was a spatula on her left hand, while her right hand held a little boy only as tall as her waist. The picture didn’t look like her at all, but it was a work of a kindergarten student, and she knew her grandson had poured out all his efforts into this picture. So she smiled and patted Kibum’s head. “I like it. Thank you, Bummie.”
“Jinjja?” The boy’s eyes widened.
“Yes,” she smiled and walked to the kitchen. There, she placed the picture on the refrigerator with a pineapple-shaped magnet. “There.”
“I love you, Halmeoni,” Kibum murmured, burying his face inside his grandma’s chest.
“I love you too, Kibummie,” she laughed, ruffling her grandson’s hair. “Now, who wants a chocolate cake?”
“Me!”
-
“Kibummie?”
A few hurried steps and small giggles were heard, but the little boy was nowhere in sight.
The old woman smiled, knowing his grandson must be playing hide-and-seek again. He loved to do that, especially every time she’d just come home. So she decided to play with his game. “Omo, my Kibummie is missing!!”
Soft giggles again.
“Is he kidnapped?” she asked with faked tone of worry.
Sound of something got kicked, maybe Kibum accidentally hit something in his excitement.
“Ah, my poor Kibummie, how can I give him his presents then?” she faked a sob.
Immediately, the door of her wardrobe swung open, and a little boy emerged out of it, bright eyes and hopeful smile on his face.
“You bought me presents?” Kibum asked gleefully, bouncing to his grandma.
His grandma stared at him with playful anger. “So, Kibummie didn’t get kidnapped? Kibummie only hid inside the wardrobe?”
The little boy giggled and put his hands on his mouth.
“Bad Kibummie!” the old woman faked a sob again and pretended to leave the room. “Then there won’t be any presents for him!”
“NOOOOOOOO!!!” Kibum cried, quickly hugging his grandma as much as a six year old could do. “I’m sorry, Halmeoni! I’m just playing a little bit!”
“Really?” the old woman asked, still pretending to be angry. “Then, would Kibummie promise not to do that anymore?”
The little boy nodded frantically. “I want my present.”
The old woman smiled at her grandson’s straightforwardness. Taking the little boy to sit on her lap, she pulled out a book from his bag and opened it for Kibum.
Turned out it was a book about all kinds of occupations. Those two had a fun time that afternoon, the old woman pointed at the pictures inside the book and made Kibum guess what occupation it was.
“What about this?” the old woman asked, pointing at the picture of a firetruck.
Kibum thought about it for a while. “Mmm,” he said. “Fireman!”
“This one?” this time, she chose the picture of someone wearing coat and holding a magnifying glass.
“Detective!”
“And this one?” a picture of someone holding guitar with a standing mic in front of him.
“Singer!”
“Aigoooo, my Kibummie is so smart!” the old woman planted a kiss on Kibum’s cheek.
The little boy smiled proudly. “Of course, Halmeoni! Kibummie is smart!”
His grandma smiled back and closed the book, putting it on a table. “What about Kibummie? What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Kibum pursed his lips, but he didn’t look that confused. “I want to be a singer.”
The quickness of the answer surprised the old woman. In her view, kids around Kibum’s age usually still didn’t really know what they want to be in the future. If they did have an answer, it was typical - doctor, engineer, army, and so forth. She never heard of a six year old who wanted to be a singer, especially if they said it with such certainty.
“Are you sure?” the old woman asked.
Kibum nodded firmly. “Yes!” he said. “I will be a great singer! I will be famous worldwide!”
Staring at her grandson’s confident face, the old woman knew nothing she could do to alter his dream. And when their eyes met, somehow she could even imagine it - a stage, his grandson standing on it, thousands of fans cheering over him....
So, she smiled and hugged the little boy. “I’m sure you’ll be a great singer, Kibummie.”
“Really?” Kibum asked, eyes wide.
The old woman nodded assuringly.
Kibum hugged his grandma’s back. “Then, if I succeed later, I’ll dedicate my first song, and my first concert to you, Halmeoni! I’ll think of you as I sing on stage, always.”
Quickly looking away so that Kibum wouldn’t see emotional tears brimming on her eyes, the old woman held the little boy tighter in her arms. “Thank you, Kibummie. Thank you.”
-
The house was already dark as the boy probably around his mid-teens opened the back door slowly. Peeking around to make sure no one’s there, he entered the house and closed the door, careful to make sound as little as possible. Now he only had to walk to his bedroom and...
“Where have you been?”
Shit, Kibum cursed mentally. Of course, his grandma had to be there, waiting for her late grandson to show up.
The old woman stared at the silent young teenager. “Where have you been, young man?!” She asked again, louder this time.
“It’s nothing, I just went to meet some friends,” Kibum muttered, trying to walk to his bedroom.
His grandma walked past him, blocking his way. “Don’t talk to me that way! What do you mean by meeting some friends?! Do you know that it’s past midnight now?!”
“Halmeoni, it’s really nothing! It’s just a simple party and....”
“Party?!” His grandma cut in, her eyes lit with anger and worry. “What did you do there? Did you drink?!”
Kibum felt anger starting to rise inside him. “Halmeoni....”
“How could you do this, Kibummie?! Do you know how worried I am?! You could have been in an accident or something! I stayed up all night because I was afraid something would happen to you, but....”
“ENOUGH!”
The old woman blinked and stared at her grandson. Did he....did he just shout at her?
“I know you’re afraid of me and blah blah blah,” Kibum snapped, eyes blazing with fury. “But I’m not a kid anymore, Halmeoni! I’m a teenager. I’m fully responsible of my actions. And I didn’t drink!”
“Bummie! Don’t talk to me like that, I’m still your grandmother! I take care of you, and....”
“Who asked you to take care of me then?! You’re not my mother!”
The old woman’s eyes widened in shock as those words escaped her grandson’s mouth. She stared at Kibum, her expression ranged from disbelief to sadness.
Kibum himself was shocked by his words. He actually didn’t mean to be that harsh, especially to his grandma, who had done a lot of things for him. But he was just so angry that he couldn’t think straight. As his grandma’s hurt expression filled his view, Kibum felt his heart sank to the deepest pit in the ocean. But somehow he still couldn’t bring himself to apologize to his grandma.
The old woman turned around and went to her own bedroom so that Kibum wouldn’t see her tears. Kibum also ran to his bedroom. He didn’t cry, but he found the night extremely long as he tossed and turned on his bed, unable to even close his eyes...
-
Kibum was watching television when his mother entered the room.
“Kibum-ah, you don’t want to eat?” She asked her only son.
“Later, Umma,” Kibum answered, eyes still glued on the screen.
His mother sighed, but went to the dining room nevertheless. Kibum sighed as well. It wasn’t like he hated his parents, far from it, but well, they’re always busy so he always looked at his grandma for a parent figure. But soon the thoughts about his parents were wiped out from his head as a commercial film popped on the screen.
The smiling face of BoA immediately entered his view. The famous singer explained about SM’s National Tour Casting. Then TVXQ appeared and expressed how glad they were to have new faces joining them. Lastly, Kangta listed the towns where the auditions would be held, along with the dates.
That was it. THAT WAS IT. Kibum punched the air, feeling victorious all of a sudden. Despite living with a pretty wealthy family in Daegu and having a father that worked in financial department, Kibum was never interested in following his father’s path. He knew, he always wanted to be an artist. He himself was a fan of BoA and had been collecting informations about the female singer (and other SM artists) for years. He knew he wanted to join them someday, and sang on the same stage. Maybe for a “country boy” like him it was a mere dream, but hey, he did go to US before for an exchange program. Passing an audition wouldn’t be that hard, right?
Heart beating hard against his ribcage, Kibum entered the dining room, where his parents were enjoying their breakfast.
“Umma, Appa,” the young boy spoke slowly. “I need to tell you something.”
His father raised his head from his newspaper. “Yes, Kibum?”
Kibum inhaled. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. “I....I just watched a commercial and it’s about SM National Tour Casting.”
His mother raised an eyebrow at him. “And....?”
Kibum swallowed. “I want to go to the audition. I want to be a singer.”
Silence enveloped the room. Kibum kept his head down, eyes glued at the carpet, but he could feel his parents staring at him. His hands shook slightly as he waited for his parents’ decision.
After a few seconds that felt like centuries for Kibum, his father finally broke the silence with a deep breath. “You? A singer?”
“.......Yes,” Kibum whispered.
His father laughed, which startled Kibum because he didn’t expect that kind of reaction to come from his father. “Are you kidding me? A shy person like you, how can you be a singer?”
Kibum blinked and stared at his father in disbelief. Did he really think of Kibum that way? Of course, Kibum wasn’t the most talkative person in the world, but he considered himself quite good in singing and dancing, and he even showcased his performances in his school festivals a few times.
He never sees me in school, Kibum reminded himself sadly. That’s why he never know.
“Kibum-ah,” his mother began. “It’s not like we don’t support you, it’s a good thing you have a dream. But don’t you think it’s better to have a dream that is....closer to reality? A dream that suits you better? You can go to college and....”
“It isn’t a dream,” Kibum spoke low, looking at his parents in their eyes. “I will prove that it’s close to my reality. Just let me do the audition. If I fail....I will go to college to be whatever you want.”
His father shrugged and sipped on his coffee. “Do as you want, then.”
-
“How is it?” The old woman asked as she entered the dining room and found his grandson, sitting on a chair with sullen face.
It had been almost a year since Kibum asked for his parents’ permission to audition for SM, and since then he had gone to a few auditions, but he hadn’t succeeded even once. He even went to Seoul, for goodness’ sakes! Kibum knew his parents were being skeptical of his chances to enter SM, and he’s starting to doubt himself as well. Am I that bad? Kibum thought.
The old woman stared at her grandson’s face, and knew immediately what was on his mind. She went into the kitchen and a few minutes later came back with a tray with two cups of tea and a plate full of Kibum’s favorite cakes.
“Here,” she said, placing the tray on the table. “It will make you feel better.”
They sipped their tea in silence, Kibum was busy with his thoughts while his grandma simply didn’t want to interrupt him. After a while, Kibum finally sighed and placed back his now empty cup. “I’m so useless.”
“No, you’re not, Bummie,” the old woman patted his grandson’s hand lovingly. “You’re the best.”
“For you, maybe, but certainly I’m not good enough to enter SM,” Kibum mumbled.
His grandma poured more tea to Kibum’s cup. “Maybe you need more practice.”
“I have practiced!”
“Even so, it’s certainly not enough. There are thousands, even millions of people in this country, Kibummie. And I’m sure most of them want to be an artist. In my opinion, your singing and dancing aren’t bad, but are they good enough to break the records? And it’s SM. They only accept the best of the best. You have to match their level to pass.”
Kibum fell silent for a while. “...Maybe you’re right, Halmeoni.”
“Of course I am,” his grandma smiled. “Now what you have to do is practice and practice again. And maybe, one day, you’ll eventually be able to reach your dreams.”
Kibum felt his spirit peaked again as he heard his grandma’s words. Leaning forward, he hugged his grandma tightly. “I love you, Halmeoni.”
“I love you too, Kibummie,” the old woman laughed and returned the hug. “Oh, and one more thing...”
“What?”
The old woman pulled a paper out of her pocket and gave it to Kibum. “Maybe you’ll need this.”
Kibum stared at the paper. It was an advertisement about SM National Tour Audition Casting that would be held in Daegu in a few weeks.
“Go there,” his grandma said, “and take it.”
Kibum bit his lower lip. “Are you sure I can do this, Halmeoni? I mean, I even went to Seoul and failed....”
“Yes, but that’s Seoul. Every people in this country would go there. While in Daegu, I think there will be less rivals for you. Take this chance, Kibummie.”
Kibum took a deep breath and stared again at the paper for a while. Then he folded and slipped it to his back pocket. He didn’t say anything, but his grandma knew what he would do.
-
Kibum stared at the line of people in front of him. All of them wore their trendiest clothes on their bodies and hopeful expressions on their faces. They were all people who were going to take the audition to become SM trainee. Because of his grandma’s words, Kibum initially thought there wouldn’t be much people who came, but it turned out to be almost the same amount with the one in Seoul. Sighing, Kibum leaned himself to the wall and stared at a lady, maybe an SM staff, who was calling the names.
“Lee Jaehyuk,” the lady called, and a red-haired boy stood up and entered the room.
“Song Minah,” she called a few minutes later, and a girl in ponytail entered the room as well.
“Kang Minwoo,” and a boy in leather jacket and sunglasses stood as well.
“Shin Injung....”
“Park Seungmin....”
“Yang Heyeol....”
The line in front of Kibum kept on getting shorter as more people entered the room. At each step closer, Kibum closed his eyes and prayed that he did the right thing.
And finally.... “Kim Kibum.”
Kibum opened his eyes and realized that he was standing at the very front. Taking a few deep breaths in a vain attempt to calm his fluttering heart, he stepped inside the room.
Three people were there, looking at him with judging eyes. Kibum immediately recognized the one in the middle as Lee Sooman, but the other two were anonymous for him, though he had auditioned many times. Well, that’s not really important, right? He had to give his best for them.
“Kim Kibum, right?” Sooman asked, looking at a paper in front of him.
Kibum nodded mutely, too nervous to speak.
The lady sitting next to Sooman gave Kibum an encouraging smile. “What are you going to sing today?” she asked patiently.
Kibum swallowed and forced some words out of his mouth. “I....I’m going to sing Hug by TVXQ-sunbaenims.”
“Alright, go ahead.”
Kibum cleared his throat and started singing, a bit shakily.
Haruman nibangui chimdaega dwegoshipo
Do dasuhi pogunhi nae pume gamssa ango jaeugo shipo
Aju jagun dwichogimdo noui joguman sogsagime
Nan ggumsogui gwemurdo I gyonae borir thende
As he kept on singing, his confidence rose, and finally his voice went steadier. He slowly lost himself in the song, he didn’t see the judges, he didn’t hear his own voice, he just poured all his feelings inside the song.
Nae maumi iron goya jigyo bor suman issodo
Nomu gamsahae manhi haengboghae na jogumun bujoghaedo
Onjeggaji noui gyothe yoniuro igo shipo
Norur nae pume gadug anun chae
Gudoboryossomyon shipo
Yongwonhi
Kibum finished the song with a bow. The three judges didn’t smile at him, nor did they clap. They kept their serious look while whispering to each other, leaving Kibum nervously biting his nails.
The lady turned back at Kibum. “Now we’re going to play you a random song to dance now,” she said, and pressed a button on her computer.
Soon, the sound of BoA’s debut song ID: Peace B filled the room. Kibum secretly smiled at himself. What a fluke, to give BoA’s song to a fan of BoA. He had been practicing the choreography of this song since it came out, and he even added a few twists by himself. His body immediately reacted to the music, his lips moved along with the lyrics.
As he finished his dance, the three judges started whispering again, one busy making notes. But they still didn’t say anything to Kibum, until the anonymous man sitting on Sooman’s left finally spoke for the first time. “Do you have another talent, Kibum-sshi?”
“I....” Kibum bit his nails again, “can rap.”
“Try rapping then.”
Praying that it would be the last one, Kibum started to rap the beginning part of Fly by Epik High.
Ddo hollo sooljaneul peeoogo
Don’t know where to go
Tan hanbeone sheelsooro modeungeoseul anko
Kogaeruel soogeelddaen soneul moa
Nalgaereul peego you can fly!
The three judges continued to stare at Kibum for a while. Then the people beside Sooman looked at him and each gave a small nod. The boy, who was now closing his eyes tightly, didn’t see it.
“Kim Kibum,” Sooman spoke, his voice flat and emotionless.
“Y-Yes?” Kibum squeaked, still not daring to open his eyes, legs trembling hard.
For a second, there wasn’t any response from Sooman. Maybe two. And then....
“Congratulations.”
-
Kibum sat on his seat, in a train that would finally bring him to Seoul. As he looked outside,the sight of the station and familiar view of Daegu was getting blur and more blur, and might be replaced by buildings and skyscrapers in Seoul soon.
He couldn’t believe it. A few days earlier, he was just a normal high school student from Daegu who strived for his dreams to be a singer, but now he was going to Seoul. Yes, Seoul. And it wasn’t for a school trip or something, but to start his long journey to be an artist.
Yes, Kibum was finally accepted as an SM trainee. After auditioning here and there, he was finally accepted in an audition on his own hometown. Kibum knew, the path in front of him was still long and twisted. But he promised himself to never give up.
The train journey was long and Kibum started to feel bored. Rummaging inside his bag, he looked for his mp3 player. He felt something and pulled it out. But it wasn’t his mp3 player, instead it was a small wallet.
Hmm, weird, Kibum thought. I don’t recall to bring this wallet, besides I don’t have a wallet like this anyway....well, let’s see what’s inside it.
As he opened the wallet, his eyes grew wide at the money inside it. Looking around quickly to make sure no one noticed him, he began counting on the money. It wasn’t that much, but it was the biggest amount of money Kibum had ever brought by himself.
As he shakily put the money back inside the wallet, a small pink paper flew down. Catching it quickly before it hit the floor, Kibum unfolded it to find three words, written in a shaky, slightly messy handwriting.
Halmeoni loves Kibummie.
Kibum felt tears stinging his eyes as understanding swept his brain. So, the money was given by his grandma - and she even put this little note inside! It was just a small message, but it warmed Kibum’s heart. Quickly wiping away all his tears before other people on the train looked at him weirdly, Kibum pressed the message on his chest.
I promise I won’t disappoint you, Halmeoni. I will succeed, and I will make you proud.
-
“Okay, now you can take fifteen minutes break. After this, you have to practice this dance again.”
Kibum huffed and slumped to the floor. He was tired and his muscles felt sore. It was Saturday, yet he didn’t spend it by playing with his friends, but by a session of dance training. And somehow, he couldn’t get the moves right. What happens with me? Usually I can grasp a dance just by looking once.... Aish, is my skill deteroriating??
It had been a few months since Kibum was accepted, and since then he had started his life as a trainee. At first he was overjoyed, maybe a bit victorious, with the fact that he was an SM trainee, and he was sure that he could debut soon. But as time passed, Kibum slowly realized how wrong he was.
First, it wasn’t easy at all to debut, even to keep your place as a trainee. SM, as one of the biggest entertainment industries in South Korea, only wanted the best and demanded much from their trainees. The trainees were weighed by impossible amount of trainings, including singing, dancing, acting, modeling, even rapping. Every day, there would be trainees who couldn’t take it anymore or got kicked out from SM’s training program.
Second, Kibum still lived and schooled in Daegu, and SM was located in Seoul, thus he didn’t have many chances to train. He had to go back and forth from Daegu to Seoul on weekends in order to join the training, but he still felt that wasn’t enough. Well, the other trainees had seven days in a week, while he only had two days at last!
Would he ever had the chance to debut?
Could he even keep his place as an SM trainee?
Kibum’s thoughts were interrupted by a light kick on the side of his body. “Yah,” a low baritone voice spoke. “Don’t sleep here, you’re blocking our way.”
Kibum looked at the owner of the voice and immediately scowled.
That guy was Choi Minho, an SM trainee like himself. Kibum knew him quite well, they were on the same age and often took the same class, but they were, in the better words, not the closest of friends with each other. Kibum himself didn’t know why, but it seemed like they hadn’t been in best terms since Minho had set those big, alien eyes on him.
Maybe it was their differences that made it hard for them to even talk to each other. Kibum was considered tall, but Minho was skyscraper high (which left Kibum wondering why he didn’t become an athlete instead). Minho’s skin was a bit dark, while Kibum had his milky-white skin which he always kept in perfect condition by using skin products. Minho was handsome, like handsome in a manly way, while Kibum’s face was always considered “pretty” and “effeminate”. Kibum was talkative, while Minho was more the quiet type. Minho kept a soccer magazine in his bag and read it on his breaks, while Kibum buried his nose inside the latest fashions from famous designers.
Either I would be able to debut or not, I wish I don’t have to be in the same group as him, Kibum thought as he rose on his feet and went to take a bottle of water. Well, if he keeps on being like this, I don’t have to worry. He has nothing but that froggy face and height. His dancing and rapping are just average and I’d rather not talk about his singing.
Satisfied with his conclusion, Kibum finished his bottle of water and sat with other trainees, waiting for their dance practice to start again.
But his problem with Minho certainly didn’t simply end there.
They finished their dance practice and went to cafetaria to eat lunch. The cafetaria was very full and much to Kibum’s dismay, the only seat available was next to Minho. But he didn’t look forward to eat while standing, so he brought his tray to the table.
“Can I sit here?” Kibum asked, trying to be as polite as posssible.
Minho stared at him for a while and then quietly nodded before resuming his lunch. Kibum put the tray on the table and began to eat. The food was delicious but Kibum couldn’t say he enjoyed it much. The presence of this annoying frog had killed his appetites already.
After a few minutes of silence, Minho finally finished his lunch. From the corner of his eyes, Kibum watched as the taller boy wiped his hands on a tissue and placed the tissue inside his styrofoam lunchbox, along with the aluminium paper wrap and plastic spoon. Then he stood up, leaving the styrofoam box on the table.
“Yah!” Kibum shouted, making a few people looked at him. “Why don’t you put your lunchbox in the dustbin?!”
Minho raised his eyebrows. “Why should I? You did it.”
Kibum blinked. Once. Twice. Then he narrowed his eyes. “Me?! What do you mean by that?! Why should I take care of your trash?!”
“You’re my junior, you have to clean the table,” Minho said nonchalantly.
Kibum jumped on his feet, eyes blazing with anger. “Since when I’m your junior?! I’m on the same age as you!” he shouted, accidentally revealing his Daegu accent.
“I joined SM’s training program earlier than you, missy.”
“What did you just call me?!”
“Nothing.”
Kibum slammed his palm onto the table. “First you asked me to clean the table, and now you insulted me. What the hell?! We don’t have a fucking monarchy between people of the same age in Daegu!”
Minho’s eyes turned cold. “This isn’t Daegu, Kibum-sshi.”
Kibum’s hand balled into a fist. How dare this fucking frog insulted him, and his hometown too?! Did he feel superior only because he entered SM earlier and lived quite close to Seoul?! Did he consider Kibum a mere country boy or something? Well, Kibum would show him what this ‘country boy’ can do. Kibum heard someone calling his name but he couldn’t care less, as he had swung his fist to Minho’s face.
A hand suddenly caught his fist, stopping him on his track. Kibum blinked and turned around. Beside him, there was a slightly shorter boy with sharp facial features and puppy brown eyes. He was Kim Jonghyun, Kibum’s friend and an SM trainee as well.
“Kibum, please don’t,” Jonghyun whispered. “I know you’re mad at him, but please don’t fight here. You’ll be in trouble. Please.”
Kibum blinked and stared at Minho. Only now he realized that the taller boy was being held by other trainees as well. If only Kibum and Minho weren’t stopped, they would have fought by now.
Slowly Kibum put down his fist and turned around, not wanting to see the frog any longer. Minho did the same. The two didn’t see each other anymore for the rest of the day, much to Kibum’s gratitude.
Since then, there were awkward tension between Kibum and Minho for two years.
-
Dear Halmeoni,
I’m going to debut! Yes, you read it right, I’m really going to debut, in one or two years time! Your wonderful grandson will finally reach his dream as a singer! Well, don’t tell anyone, because it’s supposed to be a secret until our debut day, okay??
Right now, I’m in the dorm where I currently live in with my future bandmates. There are four of them, as we’re going to be a five-membered band. I’m going to explain about them to you, one by one.
The oldest here and soon-to-be our leader is named Lee Jinki. He’s two years older than me, yet he doesn’t look that way. I swear he takes immortality pill or something because I have seen his baby photos and he still looks the same! Hmph. Some people never seem to grow old. Anyway, he’s about on the same height as me, he has long black hair and small eyes that will disappear when he smiles. And his smile is one of the brightest ones I’ve ever seen, even I think it sometimes puts the lights into shame. He LOVES eating very much (especially chicken), but Manager-hyung (yes, we already get our manager by now) told him that he should lose some weight before debuting. Sometimes I’m worried about him, not because of his weight but his clumsiness. He’s the type to walk on the front with charisma brimming from him, only to trip on a chair, a rug, or even air a few seconds after *shakes head*. And seeing that we’re going to be a dance group, I have no heart to tell you the amount of bruises and injuries he gets on daily basis, especially when we’re in dance practice. He’s a very cheerful person and always tries to lighten up the mood, though his jokes mostly end with cricket sounds, not laughter. His position in our group will be lead vocalist, as he has a truly sweet and soft voice, like butter and honey on a bread. I’ll send you a recording of his voice one day, I guess you’ll love it.
Then there’s this boy who is the youngest of us all, Lee Taemin. He’s still in junior high school, and yet the company wants him to debut with us! They must be crazy. But I never hear him complaining. Taemin is a bright and carefree kid, maybe a bit shy when he meets new people but will open himself as you know him further. He mostly clings to Jinki-hyung, and if you see them playing together, you won’t believe there are four years difference between them *sigh*. I like him though, he’s a very shy and polite boy, and apparently he appreciates my effort to take care of him. He even called me “Umma” once! Hmph, I’m not a girl, will never be! But I don’t really mind, maybe Taemin misses his real umma, he is still a kid after all. He has jet black hair in mushroom cut and round innocent eyes. His cheeks are so chubby that I want to pinch them every time, especially when he smiles (and he does that A LOT). But despite his cute appearance and young age, he’s the best among us when it comes to dancing. I consider myself quite good but I still can’t match him! Hmph, just wait and see, Taeminnie. Just wait.
The third, I have told you about him, is Jonghyun. I’m so glad I can debut with him! We’ve known each other as trainees and we’re very close since then. It seems like we’re soulmates or something, but not in the way you think, of course! Anyway, Jjong (that’s what I usually call him) is a good boy as well, and he loves skinship. I don’t mind at first, but then he wants to kiss my cheeks! I consider that too intimate. He loves eating too, same as Jinki-hyung (actually, we all do) but he often restrains himself from eating instant food or fast food, as he says he wants to be healthy. I seriously think that he’s not supposed to meet Jinki-hyung, because I’m sure, if they aren’t singers, they’re going to be gagman duo or something. They’re simply CRAZY. Jjong is the shortest among us, he’s a bit sensitive about it and we love to tease him. He has slightly spiky black hair and puppy brown eyes (not like I would fall for those eyes!!). His facial features are sharp and he has this big nose that makes him look like a dinosaur *snicker*. But maybe that nose is like an asset for him or something, cause he has this powerful vocal with incredible high notes that will make you hold your breath. I can’t believe this guy used to be a bassist in his school band. Why didn’t he just be the vocalist?! His vocal is simply AMAZING. And apparently his talent doesn’t stop there. He can play guitar, piano, bass, and he even writes songs. Yes, he told me that he wants to be a composer. He said that he’ll write me a song one day, though I’m not sure whether he’s only joking or not....
The fourth member, I’m sure you’ve known him as well. His name is Choi Minho. Yes, Halmeoni, don’t be that surprised. THE Choi Minho, the one that almost fought with me. You remember how I wished not to debut in the same group as him? Well, now I do. I’m sure God really hates me. What did I do wrong? Is it my punishment because I have messed up with His lost sheep or something *sigh*? Anyway, I decide that what’s past was left in the past and I’m ready to open up a new page for me and him. You must be proud with my way of thinking. But let me tell you, Halmeoni, it’s a very HARD thing to do. He’s a very quiet person, even quieter than Taeminnie. He seems like a clam hiding inside his shell, and doesn’t let anyone to open or break it. I wonder why... He stands 1,81 meters tall and he totally looks like a skyscraper, especially when he’s beside Jjong. He also has these big, alien eyes that remind me of a frog, with straight nose and round lips. He will be the visual in our group (no surprise here, he’s the best-looking among us after all) and main rapper (WHAT?? I can totally rap better than him! But maybe the company wants him not to be left behind or something). I hope one day he’ll eventually open up to us, and even maybe get close to me. I still can’t imagine myself being friends with him though, but I’ll keep trying.
Introducing the fifth member, your one and only grandson, Kim Kibum. I will be the lead dancer, lead rapper, and vocalist in this group. I know, I know, I have no specific role whatsoever but hey, I can do either dancing, rapping, or singing well, unlike the others who only specialize in one area. Aren’t I great? (Yes, Halmeoni, you may say that I’m boasting myself too much).
Living with four other guys, correction, four immature guys is so damn hard. They really had no sense to clean our room or not to drop their clothes anywhere. Really, are they that spoiled at home? I nagged them a few times to clean their trash but they only complained that I was such a mother. I’m not a mother! I just hate seeing our dorm messy. Taemin is such a sweetie, he cleans his stuffs before I even have the chance to nag at him and he’ll smile that adorable smile of his while saying “I’m finished, umma!” He’s such a kid in every mother’s dream (do I start to talk like a mother now?). And why the others look at me when I give him an extra piece of dessert?
Ugh, this letter has been too long already but I can’t help it. I want to tell you everything happening here but it will take maybe thousands of letters. I won’t explain our hardships of training and my loneliness right now because the other members are all going out to spend their weekend with their family, you already know much about it anyway and I don’t want to make you sad. Trust me, though it gets hard sometimes but I’m happy here.
And I’m sorry because I won’t be able to call you for a while. Our phones are confiscated and we’re only allowed to use it in an emergency. Answer my letter, will you? Or if it’s too hard for you (I know your eyesight isn’t that good anymore) you may call my manager and tell him you’re okay, he’ll say that to me. I’ll give you my manager’s number on the bottom of this letter. For now, I hope you’ll stay healthy as always.
Love,
Kibummie.
-
( part 2)