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June 30, 2005
Are These Parties for Real?
By
TAMAR LEWIN IF drinking, driving and college admissions aren't enough for the parents of teenagers to worry about, there's a new specter on the horizon: "rainbow parties."
As explained in a new paperback novel for teenagers from Simon & Schuster, rainbow parties are group oral sex parties in which each girl wears a different shade of lipstick, and each guy tries to emerge sporting every one of the various colors.
While "Rainbow Party," by Paul Ruditis, has received a less-than-enthusiastic reception from booksellers, it has won plenty of attention from bloggers and conservative columnists and prompted lots of talk among teenagers, parents and school officials.
"We knew it would be controversial," Mr. Ruditis said. "But everyone involved felt it was an issue worth exploring in a fictional setting. And I don't think anyone who reads the book could come out wanting to have a rainbow party."
Mr. Ruditis and his publishers see the book as useful for teaching young people about the dangers of oral sex. But many parents and commentators see it as exploitative, and publications from Publishers Weekly to USA Today have weighed in with articles about large book chains and small children's bookstores shying away from the book.
Michelle Malkin, a syndicated columnist, found the book appalling. "Why on earth would a publisher market such smut to kids?" she asked. Ms. Malkin was heartened by the many children's booksellers not stocking "Rainbow Party." But she worries that it could nonetheless end up on school library shelves in the name of helping children "deal with reality."
But in reality, how common are rainbow parties? It's hard to say.
Certainly, almost any sexual practice that can be imagined stands a good chance of having been tried somewhere, sometime. But many sex researchers and adolescent-health professionals say that rainbow parties are not a big part of teenage sexual behavior.
"This 'phenomenon' has all the classic hallmarks of a moral panic," said Dr. Deborah Tolman, director of the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality at San Francisco State University. "One day we have never heard of rainbow parties and then suddenly they are everywhere, feeding on adults' fears that morally bankrupt sexuality among younger teens is rampant, despite any actual evidence, as well as evidence to the contrary."
Oral sex has, undoubtedly, become part of many teenagers' sexual repertory. According to the 1995 National Survey of Adolescent Males, released in 2000, about half of boys aged 15 to 19 had received oral sex from a girl, and slightly more than a third had performed it. A 2004 NBC-People survey of 13- to 16-year- olds found that 12 percent had engaged in oral sex, and 4 percent of those - or less than half a percent overall - had been to an oral sex party.
Dr. Tolman and others said most teenagers would avoid such parties.
"One of the reasons this is so dubious to me," Dr. Tolman said, "is that girls, particularly early adolescents, are still getting labeled as sluts and suffering painful consequences. The double standard is remarkably intact. So what could be girls' motivations for participating in such parties? And I can't quite imagine, even for a moment, teenage boys comparing their lipstick rings."
Many say rainbow parties are just a new urban legend - suburban, actually - not much more trustworthy than the old stories about alligators in the sewer.
At Planned Parenthood of New York, teenagers trained to discuss sex with their peers in the Bronx and on the Lower East Side, reported that while most teenagers do not see oral sex as sex, and some use it to preserve virginity, they had never heard of young people in those communities having rainbow parties.
The whole question has prompted some head scratching among adolescent-health professionals.
"There was a posting on the Society for Adolescent Medicine listserv, asking if anyone had heard about rainbow parties, and no one knew anything about them," said Dr. Donna Futterman, a clinical pediatrics professor who works with HIV-positive and at-risk adolescents at the Children's Hospital at Montefiore in the Bronx.
Still, an informal survey of teenagers found that most of those aged 13 to 16 knew what rainbow parties were, believe they take place and hear of them through the school gossip mill. "I think it's completely gross, but there's a girl in my class and everybody says she's been to one," said the girl, a 13-year-old from New York. "I heard two guys talk about her."
Bethany Buck, the editorial director at Simon Pulse, a paperback imprint for teenagers at Simon & Schuster, the publisher of "Rainbow Party," got the idea for the book from an Oprah Winfrey show on which an editor at O magazine discussed adolescent code words for sexual practices. Ms. Buck took the idea to Mr. Ruditis, who has written novels for teenagers for Simon & Schuster and books for other publishers like "The Brady Bunch Guide to Life" and "Sabrina the Teenage Witch: the Official Episode Guide."
"Are rainbow parties real?" Ms. Buck said. "I really hope not. But this gives people a tool to think about them. The approach is really, what if this is happening? How would you arm yourself if this was presented?"
Together she and Mr. Ruditis created characters to illustrate a broad spectrum of experiences: the president of the school Celibacy Club; the truly-in-love class couple who have remained virgins; two boys who have had oral sex with each other; and another couple, less committed, who have had intercourse.
The party never happens, partly because the hostess's father comes home early, and partly because the sex-ed teacher helps some kids resist pressure to attend. (As if the book's premise is not enough to enrage conservatives, the sex-ed teacher is a heroine who angrily quits her job because she has been forced to teach an abstinence-only curriculum, and 39 students get oral gonorrhea.)
The book is less salacious than the subject matter would suggest. Its message is actually rather grim, emphasizing adolescent anxieties about image, adequacy and friendships.
Some guidance counselors see rainbow parties as a real concern. And discussion of such parties is now common at presentations for parents on risky teenage behaviors, including one last year at Fox Lane Middle School in Bedford, N.Y.
"One of the health teachers there said it was an issue, and it came up in the questions," said Michael Nerney, the consultant who made the presentation. "I don't make it the centerpiece of any presentation, because as soon as you mention it, there's this huge gasp, and then you hear, 'Are you talking about our girls?' and they stop listening to anything else you're saying."
Mr. Nerney, who gives presentations on adolescent risk-taking nationwide, said he first heard about rainbow parties about three years ago in Westchester County. He believes these parties do take place and usually involve middle school girls and older boys.
"I don't think there's a lot of myth to it," said Dorothy Parham, the head of guidance at Harrisburg High School in Pennsylvania. "I think it is happening, but to what extent I don't know. It's part of the whole scene around AIDS and teens thinking oral sex is O.K."
Every generation has its own way of pushing the envelope, said Ms. Parham, a counselor for 35 years.
"When we were young, listening to rock 'n' roll and wearing pedal-pushers," she said, "our parents thought it would be the downfall of young people."