Me and the Founding Fathers
It has come to my attention recently, that I may not be the very best American I can be; that I may actually lack patriotism and loyalty to my country. So for a change of pace, I have decided to defend myself against these ridiculous accusations. Shame on you Karl Rove for attempting to smear my good name!
There can be no question that the Founding Fathers, of this great nation, were the most patriotic chaps around. So I have decided to look to them for my inspiration, and I suggest that you do the same, Mr. Rove.
What I have in common with our founding fathers:
- I have thrown tea from a boat (or rather, leaned over the edge to far and accidentally dropped my morning cup)
- I am not particularly fond of the color red as outer wear, it’s much better served as underwear (the red coats are coming; the red coats are coming…)
- I enjoy a good, healthy revolution (it’s about time, isn’t it?)
- I endorse lace on men, especially around the neck (I’m looking at you Jefferson)
- I conspicuously leave God, or any reference to a particular religion, out of politics and governance (once in a while I might slip though)
- I like to wear wigs (not white ones, mind you, but a nice hot pink wig is damn sexy)
- I detest taxation without representation (I know that my current state representatives aren’t really representing me at all anymore)
- I have seen black powder muskets fired (although I have not yet fired one myself)
- I think civil liberties are wicked cool! (take that Patriot Act!)
- I have inadvertently signed my name quite large on a petition and was later grateful when no one noticed too much (shout out to Hancock!)
- I like monkeys (hmm, not sure if that one belongs here or not)
- I am not opposed to hero worship by my fellow contemporaries (didn’t they basically want to make G’dawg King of sorts after his second term?)
- I don’t think the French are all that bad (sometimes they can help you out in a pinch when you need money or munitions)
- I want to cross the Delaware river on a cold dark night at least once in my life (I will of course remember my warm, non-red coat)
- I believe in the value of higher education (‘nuff said)
- I have a sense of humor (re: Bill of Rights, Amendment II)
I think I have proven my point. I am quite the patriot!