someday we'll know
one of the worst fics i've written ;________; but i promised somebody a 2junkwang fic so here it is
someday we'll know. pg-13
beast, junkwang, dookwang, 2jun
angst/fluff, 1816 words
someday we will know why we weren't meant to be
someday we'll know
面具
(mask)
storms and thunders. living with junhyung wasn’t supposed to be like this. it was supposed to be bright sunny days with light showers of rain to run through, unadulterated laughter erupting from them as their fingers weaved together in a tight knot.
kikwang hated those fights. arguments that tore at his heart little by little with every angry word they spat at each other (ugly words they never meant but that still ended up making all the difference). he doesn’t know how a simple thing (like wet towels on the floor) can lead into something so huge that he can’t control. so big that he had to run and hide, sheltering himself from the loud sounds that terrified him.
(i’m scared, why aren’t you here to protect me?)
hours after locking himself in the bathroom, he could hear the softly padded footsteps hesitating outside the door.
(i’m counting the seconds before it blows up in our face and leaves our tangled hearts in a mess on the floor.)
“kwang? will you please come out? you can’t hide in the bathroom forever. ...please just come out and we can talk things through.”
his fingernails dug deeper into his flesh, leaving red angry marks on his thighs that reminded him of every fight they have had, every hurtful word said to him.
(i wish you will take my hand and take me away from this destruction but...)
“... do you know?”
a soft sigh could be heard and he imagined it leaving from those perfect heart-shaped lips (that used to be so gentle and loving). “know what?”
“it wasn’t till today that i realized... we have been trying to keep things from breaking down because i treasure the love between us, and you, you cherish this relationship, i know you do...”
“.... i’m really sorry, will you-”
(it’s too late, why don’t you see that?)
“...but why haven’t we, from the start, learned to love each other... instead of this thing between us?”
this thing. because it was no longer something they could define and believe in anymore. it wasn’t love, it wasn’t a relationship; it was just something that bounded them far too tightly to each other with no room left to breathe.
(i miss the times you told me you love me. i miss the times when i was certain that you still love me.)
they sat like this with the door between them, for the rest of the night. thick solid wood prevented junhyung from seeing and understanding the man hidden inside, the man who was supposed to be the person closest to him.
and he wondered whether it had always been this way from the start.
a few days later, he came back to a house that was devoid of kikwang’s presence. (no more wet towels on the floor and silly doodles held up by colourful gaudy magnets on the fridge door. everything was finally back in their proper place, just the way he liked them.) the only reminder of the other’s presence was the yellow note and the set of keys, placed on top of the coffee table.
“i always knew that you were a good actor. but i didn’t know i was one too, being able to pretend that everything was alright between us and that we didn’t change in different ways. we were so good that we even fooled ourselves into believing that our happiness could be found in each other.
the next time you find someone special, please don’t put on a mask the way we did. because you have a beautiful smile and you really shouldn’t be hiding it.”
the storms and thunders were gone (only the lonely grey clouds remained). the rainbows never appeared and junhyung felt foolish waiting for them.
(because the sun wasn’t there to create the rainbows anymore.)
稀客
(special visitor)
doojoon met him in the park. it was raining and people were hurrying with their umbrellas held above their heads, eager to get under shelter and into buildings where they could dry themselves (where embraces and the warmth from a lover’s body was waiting for them).
perched on a bench, he was wearing a pair of oversized glasses (that accentuated dark brown eyes glazed with something quite akin to sadness) and tightly clutching a small backpack to his chest, seemingly unconscious of the fact that it was raining.
doojoon wasn’t someone who will go up and start a conversation with random strangers, much less with someone who was stupid enough to sit in the pouring rain. but there was a certain vulnerability in this particular stranger that made him stop in his tracks.
“hey erm.... are you okay?”
dark eyes turned to him and he felt a sudden jolt in his heart at the overwhelming helplessness in them. “... i don’t know. isn’t that funny, i don’t even know whether i’m okay. tell me, is there anything i know for sure.” bitter hollow laughter sounded from the stranger’s lips and he didn’t know what else to say in response. (he also suspected that those droplets of water streaming down the stranger’s cheeks weren’t just simple raindrops.)
an hour later, they were in his apartment, sitting across each other. silence reigned in the air and doojoon thought he must have gone crazy, inviting a random, soaked stranger back to his house. (then again he wasn’t surprised; his parents had always said that his heart was too soft for his own damn good.)
they fell into a comfortable pattern over the next few weeks. doojoon would go to work in the morning and would come home to find kikwang, the stranger cooking something simple and yet, nice and warm. kikwang never says much but was always polite with his smiles and doojoon could never have the heart to ask him when he was going to leave.
(maybe he really didn’t mind the other staying forever)
the couch wasn’t too bad a place to sleep and doojoon is a nice enough guy to offer his only bed to a guest. but for some reason, kikwang kept creeping into the (cramp) couch, night after night, hands searching for another pair of hands to hold and ears searching for a steady rhythm of heartbeats. doojoon just grunts in laziness and falls back to dreamland, filling the whole of the living room with his snores.
(once or twice, he could hear the soft whispers: i don’t like to sleep alone.)
day by day, the sadness in kikwang’s eyes slowly disappeared and doojoon fell in love with his bright smiling eyes. home was no longer an affair of just black, white and grey; there were now red mugs, purple plates and even yellow sunflowers on the coffee table every morning. kikwang once bought green bedsheets with pink huge hearts all over it as a joke and even though doojoon thought they were atrocious, it felt kinda nice sleeping on sheets that weren’t his usual navy blue ones.
(nice too to be able to put his arm around the smaller man when it gets a little bit too cold at night)
but doojoon, in a very small part of his heart, knew that kikwang wasn’t going to stay with him forever, that there will come a day when the other wouldn’t be there when he comes home from work. and so every day, he acted as if it was their last day spent together; starting the day with a quiet relief and joy that kikwang was still there beside him, and ending the day with a soft goodnight kiss.
(at 11:11pm every night, he makes a simple wish: i wish to have another day with him.)
one day, the stranger he once took in on that rainy day, left and never came back. doojoon told himself that it’s okay, it was something he has known all along and that he has always been okay before meeting the stranger.
(then his heart whispered back: he could have stayed, if you had asked him to. and you know i’m not the same anymore without him.)
兩個人的幸福
(the happiness of two person)
they met at a coffee-shop. perfect strangers sharing a small table on a rainy Saturday afternoon, they smiled and nodded at each other as a form of awkward greeting and then went on with whatever that occupied their attention (a comic book in one’s hand and a historical novel in the other’s).
after three Saturdays of continuously sharing the same table, doojoon slid a post-it note over with a “hi” written on it (drawn on it also was a pretty horrible doodle of junhyung sipping on his coffee). the rest of the afternoon went by quickly with notes passing back and forth between the two of them and when night came, they went home with a little (stupid) smile stuck on their face.
(for two people, once living on a heartbreak that wouldn’t mend with time, this was the first time they had any reason of smiling, however silly it is. and it felt nice to be this happy, they both thought as they laid on their bed that night, waiting for sweet dreams to come to them.)
doojoon began to notice the way junhyung covers his mouth with the back of his hand whenever he’s laughing. every time he does it, doojoon will pry his hand away and leave a little kiss on his heart-shaped lips with a whisper of “don’t hide your smile, i like it”.
(and so he stopped hiding his smiles, his vulnerability and the simple fact that he loves yoon doojoon, the guy with that never-ending smile.)
one sunny Friday afternoon (when the world had dissolved to just the two of them lazing around in doojoon’s apartment), doojoon stuck a post-it note on junhyung’s arm (stay here with me etched in his neat handwriting with a lopsided heart drawn beside the words). the other just rolled his eyes and went on reading his magazine (but he still stuck the silly note on the walls of his heart, next to the hundreds already there).
the next day, he stuck a similar note on doojoon’s shirt (left side, near his heart). “let’s stay like this together.” it read, in his scrawl. when the other looked back quizzically (he always thought that it’s cute whenever yoon doobong was confused), he raised the pen in his hand.
“ahh...permanently?” doojoon asked with an amused smile playing on his lips.
junhyung drew near, weaved their fingers together and whispered softly.
“i prefer the word “forever”.”
(kikwang found his forever when he met dongwoon at the train station, a boy with a beautiful smile and a deep hearty laugh to complete it. together they travelled around, never staying in one place for too long because they know the only place they want to be is next to each other.)
someday we'll know. pg-13
beast, junkwang, dookwang, 2jun
angst/fluff, 1816 words
someday we will know why we weren't meant to be
someday we'll know
面具
(mask)
storms and thunders. living with junhyung wasn’t supposed to be like this. it was supposed to be bright sunny days with light showers of rain to run through, unadulterated laughter erupting from them as their fingers weaved together in a tight knot.
kikwang hated those fights. arguments that tore at his heart little by little with every angry word they spat at each other (ugly words they never meant but that still ended up making all the difference). he doesn’t know how a simple thing (like wet towels on the floor) can lead into something so huge that he can’t control. so big that he had to run and hide, sheltering himself from the loud sounds that terrified him.
(i’m scared, why aren’t you here to protect me?)
hours after locking himself in the bathroom, he could hear the softly padded footsteps hesitating outside the door.
(i’m counting the seconds before it blows up in our face and leaves our tangled hearts in a mess on the floor.)
“kwang? will you please come out? you can’t hide in the bathroom forever. ...please just come out and we can talk things through.”
his fingernails dug deeper into his flesh, leaving red angry marks on his thighs that reminded him of every fight they have had, every hurtful word said to him.
(i wish you will take my hand and take me away from this destruction but...)
“... do you know?”
a soft sigh could be heard and he imagined it leaving from those perfect heart-shaped lips (that used to be so gentle and loving). “know what?”
“it wasn’t till today that i realized... we have been trying to keep things from breaking down because i treasure the love between us, and you, you cherish this relationship, i know you do...”
“.... i’m really sorry, will you-”
(it’s too late, why don’t you see that?)
“...but why haven’t we, from the start, learned to love each other... instead of this thing between us?”
this thing. because it was no longer something they could define and believe in anymore. it wasn’t love, it wasn’t a relationship; it was just something that bounded them far too tightly to each other with no room left to breathe.
(i miss the times you told me you love me. i miss the times when i was certain that you still love me.)
they sat like this with the door between them, for the rest of the night. thick solid wood prevented junhyung from seeing and understanding the man hidden inside, the man who was supposed to be the person closest to him.
and he wondered whether it had always been this way from the start.
a few days later, he came back to a house that was devoid of kikwang’s presence. (no more wet towels on the floor and silly doodles held up by colourful gaudy magnets on the fridge door. everything was finally back in their proper place, just the way he liked them.) the only reminder of the other’s presence was the yellow note and the set of keys, placed on top of the coffee table.
“i always knew that you were a good actor. but i didn’t know i was one too, being able to pretend that everything was alright between us and that we didn’t change in different ways. we were so good that we even fooled ourselves into believing that our happiness could be found in each other.
the next time you find someone special, please don’t put on a mask the way we did. because you have a beautiful smile and you really shouldn’t be hiding it.”
the storms and thunders were gone (only the lonely grey clouds remained). the rainbows never appeared and junhyung felt foolish waiting for them.
(because the sun wasn’t there to create the rainbows anymore.)
稀客
(special visitor)
doojoon met him in the park. it was raining and people were hurrying with their umbrellas held above their heads, eager to get under shelter and into buildings where they could dry themselves (where embraces and the warmth from a lover’s body was waiting for them).
perched on a bench, he was wearing a pair of oversized glasses (that accentuated dark brown eyes glazed with something quite akin to sadness) and tightly clutching a small backpack to his chest, seemingly unconscious of the fact that it was raining.
doojoon wasn’t someone who will go up and start a conversation with random strangers, much less with someone who was stupid enough to sit in the pouring rain. but there was a certain vulnerability in this particular stranger that made him stop in his tracks.
“hey erm.... are you okay?”
dark eyes turned to him and he felt a sudden jolt in his heart at the overwhelming helplessness in them. “... i don’t know. isn’t that funny, i don’t even know whether i’m okay. tell me, is there anything i know for sure.” bitter hollow laughter sounded from the stranger’s lips and he didn’t know what else to say in response. (he also suspected that those droplets of water streaming down the stranger’s cheeks weren’t just simple raindrops.)
an hour later, they were in his apartment, sitting across each other. silence reigned in the air and doojoon thought he must have gone crazy, inviting a random, soaked stranger back to his house. (then again he wasn’t surprised; his parents had always said that his heart was too soft for his own damn good.)
they fell into a comfortable pattern over the next few weeks. doojoon would go to work in the morning and would come home to find kikwang, the stranger cooking something simple and yet, nice and warm. kikwang never says much but was always polite with his smiles and doojoon could never have the heart to ask him when he was going to leave.
(maybe he really didn’t mind the other staying forever)
the couch wasn’t too bad a place to sleep and doojoon is a nice enough guy to offer his only bed to a guest. but for some reason, kikwang kept creeping into the (cramp) couch, night after night, hands searching for another pair of hands to hold and ears searching for a steady rhythm of heartbeats. doojoon just grunts in laziness and falls back to dreamland, filling the whole of the living room with his snores.
(once or twice, he could hear the soft whispers: i don’t like to sleep alone.)
day by day, the sadness in kikwang’s eyes slowly disappeared and doojoon fell in love with his bright smiling eyes. home was no longer an affair of just black, white and grey; there were now red mugs, purple plates and even yellow sunflowers on the coffee table every morning. kikwang once bought green bedsheets with pink huge hearts all over it as a joke and even though doojoon thought they were atrocious, it felt kinda nice sleeping on sheets that weren’t his usual navy blue ones.
(nice too to be able to put his arm around the smaller man when it gets a little bit too cold at night)
but doojoon, in a very small part of his heart, knew that kikwang wasn’t going to stay with him forever, that there will come a day when the other wouldn’t be there when he comes home from work. and so every day, he acted as if it was their last day spent together; starting the day with a quiet relief and joy that kikwang was still there beside him, and ending the day with a soft goodnight kiss.
(at 11:11pm every night, he makes a simple wish: i wish to have another day with him.)
one day, the stranger he once took in on that rainy day, left and never came back. doojoon told himself that it’s okay, it was something he has known all along and that he has always been okay before meeting the stranger.
(then his heart whispered back: he could have stayed, if you had asked him to. and you know i’m not the same anymore without him.)
兩個人的幸福
(the happiness of two person)
they met at a coffee-shop. perfect strangers sharing a small table on a rainy Saturday afternoon, they smiled and nodded at each other as a form of awkward greeting and then went on with whatever that occupied their attention (a comic book in one’s hand and a historical novel in the other’s).
after three Saturdays of continuously sharing the same table, doojoon slid a post-it note over with a “hi” written on it (drawn on it also was a pretty horrible doodle of junhyung sipping on his coffee). the rest of the afternoon went by quickly with notes passing back and forth between the two of them and when night came, they went home with a little (stupid) smile stuck on their face.
(for two people, once living on a heartbreak that wouldn’t mend with time, this was the first time they had any reason of smiling, however silly it is. and it felt nice to be this happy, they both thought as they laid on their bed that night, waiting for sweet dreams to come to them.)
doojoon began to notice the way junhyung covers his mouth with the back of his hand whenever he’s laughing. every time he does it, doojoon will pry his hand away and leave a little kiss on his heart-shaped lips with a whisper of “don’t hide your smile, i like it”.
(and so he stopped hiding his smiles, his vulnerability and the simple fact that he loves yoon doojoon, the guy with that never-ending smile.)
one sunny Friday afternoon (when the world had dissolved to just the two of them lazing around in doojoon’s apartment), doojoon stuck a post-it note on junhyung’s arm (stay here with me etched in his neat handwriting with a lopsided heart drawn beside the words). the other just rolled his eyes and went on reading his magazine (but he still stuck the silly note on the walls of his heart, next to the hundreds already there).
the next day, he stuck a similar note on doojoon’s shirt (left side, near his heart). “let’s stay like this together.” it read, in his scrawl. when the other looked back quizzically (he always thought that it’s cute whenever yoon doobong was confused), he raised the pen in his hand.
“ahh...permanently?” doojoon asked with an amused smile playing on his lips.
junhyung drew near, weaved their fingers together and whispered softly.
“i prefer the word “forever”.”
(kikwang found his forever when he met dongwoon at the train station, a boy with a beautiful smile and a deep hearty laugh to complete it. together they travelled around, never staying in one place for too long because they know the only place they want to be is next to each other.)