Personal rant, don't read if you don't want to.
Do you know the worst thing? When you contemplate suicide over grades. Because of your parent’s expectations, because of a sister’s failure to meet her parent’s expectations, because they believe that because you can’t get good grades you will fail at life.
And because you can’t stand their disappointment, you think death’s better than that, that nothingness is better than that.
Thats why you hate going to class all the time, that’s why you don’t like going home from college; because then you have to face them, face their disappointing, yet disbelieving faces.
Why can’t you be like your sister? Why can’t you get good grades like her?
And you start hating yourself more and more, and start resenting both her and your parents, and it seems like you can’t do anything right. Like you will always be too stupid, too meek, too unwilling to go and get help, too fat, too everything wrong. Too much of a dreamer, get your mind into the real world, well, fantasies are so much nicer than the world we live in, in fantasy land, no one cares about grades, they care how far and how fast you dream and create.
In the real world, everything hurts. You have expectations pushed upon you.
“What do you want to be when you grow up? What’re you thinking of doing after college? What are your plans for internships or jobs?
Always the future. Never the now. Because right now, you’re obviously not good enough, you need to change yourself to match their expectations, you can’t be you.
Grades. When did grades start dictating our lives?