Don't Read This If You Don't Want To.

May 15, 2011 23:39

Sadness and Grief are not fun emotions at all. Neither are anger and hatred. And yet, we feel them anyways. We feel desperation and fear, happiness and contentment.

I sometimes feel like I don't feel anything. That nothing gets to the core of me, that nothing makes me truly feel. That I am living a mask, and that I'm shallow and superficial. Ironic, no?

I wish I could be young again. When I didn't have to worry about anything, when I could be myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't see things until it's too late, I'm regretting everything I've ever done, but I know that there are people who have it worse than me, and that I atleast have a home, and food and a family.

But I want to love. I want to have relationships in that we don't have to go to private places to talk, in that we don't have to hide our issues in fear of the judgment of people around us. I want someone to love me for me, the person inside, despite the age, weight, or gender.

I also think that's why so many people are "turning gay". We relate the best with our respective sexes, and we are basically barred from each other from puberty to college, where we have to bridge that gap. It's easier to stay with people who have known you, and to grow to love you, and who you have grown to love, like your best friends.

It's hard for men and women to become best friends without communication, and if a man and women do interact, then they are automatically deemed a couple and are "together".

It scares the shit out of us in middle- and high school, and so we distance ourselves away from each other, making it even more awkward.

It sucks.
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