Comments | miscarriage: Bitter & Jealous

carafbaby in miscarriage

Bitter & Jealous

Oct 04, 2011 14:31

Originally posted by carafbabyat Bitter & Jealous
Welp the 2 girls that were exactly as far along as i should be right now just both posted what they are having on FB... literally 10 minues apart. I feel physically sick over it, one is having a boy and the other a little girl. I feel bad for feeling bad, I should be happy for these women right? I am not, i ( Read more... )

Comments 13

fallchildnichya October 4 2011, 20:47:02 UTC

It's okay to be having these feelings. I miscarried my little girl five days after my roommate had her little girl. For months, I avoided her and missed out on a lot of my niece's development because it was too painful to watch. My best friend had her little boy a month before. It's hard to be surrounded by babies when you're missing yours so much ( ... )

carafbaby October 4 2011, 21:01:05 UTC

Thank you for your kind words and for having faith in me, I think you might be the first person to tell me that and it means more than you can imagine. I do feel like a stronger person for surviving this but then i just think i'd rather be weak and have my baby! I am not Lutheran yet, my husband is and I am thinking of converting because my family just isn't much into religion (possibly why i am having such a hard time wrapping my mind around what I have been through). I hope this book helps me find my way spiritually or at least get me on the right path. I tell my close friends that i feel like i tourettes in my head when i hear people speak religiously... i can't help the hateful thoughts in my heart. We went to my nephew's babtism about a month after the mc and i felt like i might burst into flames in the church because everything the pastor said i had an immediate hateful though pop into my head!

ms_hecubus October 4 2011, 21:11:15 UTC

Anger is a normal and healthy part of grief.

niki28 October 4 2011, 21:23:46 UTC

I have been where you are at and it is so hard. I avoided a pregnant family member and her eventual newborn at all of the family gatherings and holidays. I felt guilty about it but I did it in order to protect myself from further pain. I can't answer the god question either. Someone told me that we are all reunited with our children eventually (she put it more poetically but you get the idea)and that help me let go or a lot of my anger. I think it is also important to realize that the pain will subside over time but it will never go away and you shouldn't expect yourself to get over it so to speak. Take care of yourself!

carafbaby October 4 2011, 23:12:03 UTC

i bet in some ways it makes them feel guilty too, i don't know if you saw my post about leaving my family get together in tears and i just hugged my cousin who is like an older sister to me, and who had just had a baby 1 month before) and burst into tears "i have to get out of here" i can't imagine how that made her feel. so now i feel bad for making her feel bad that i feel bad AHH its all so confusing and sad. I feel like even though it gets easier with time our relationship will not be back to normal until i have my baby and have nothing to be envious of.

I too have read that you are reunited after death, i even read a story about a small child that died for a minute and was brought back to life and told his mother that he met his sister for the first time... there was no way that child new his mother had had a mc. gives me the chills!

lynn82md October 4 2011, 21:58:10 UTC

There are times where I feel pangs of jealousy and sadness at hearing my friends on Facebook annoucing they are pregnant or just had a baby. My SO's sister-in-law found out this time last year that she was pregnant...which was around the time I was pregnant. She had my niece in May and my baby would've been due the following month, so the cousins would've been close in age with my niece being older than my daughter/son by a month. *Sighs* It hurts to think about at times, but I identify with how you feel towards others.

All of this comes back to questioning my faith... why would god give these women such blessings and rip it away from me?While I was brought up Luthran, I'm now an UU that follows a duality. I follow a personal God and a Goddess at the same time. My personal deity being the head hancho deity of the two because he's the one that is responsible over me. The best way to describe him is that he's like a Guardian Angel. With that said ( ... )

carafbaby October 4 2011, 22:58:42 UTC

i got my BFP 3 days after we went to visit my new nephew in the hospital and i was so excited they would be close in age. we lost the baby when he was about a month old and never once have i tried to avoid him, but my biological cousin's baby makes me break down, i don't know if it is because that is MY family and my nephew is my husbands biological family but i feel completely different about these two babies, i love them both very much i just can't really handle being around my cousin's son... yet anyways the first time i met him i was already vulnerable and it didn't go so well ( ... )

lynn82md October 5 2011, 05:35:24 UTC

Do you follow any boards that discuss this topic in more depth?
Not really, although I occassionally frequent Belief.net just to look up the different beliefs of various faiths (I like to learn about other religions). I'm sure there is probably a lot of info about the worship of Mother Nature (Earth Mother, Mother Earth, etc) where they talk about Pagan and Wiccan beliefs (she's the prominent goddess in Wicca and a good amount of Pagans tend to follow her).

I did happen upon some info about concieving from the Pagan portion where they said if you are trying to make a baby altar by putting pics of babies (particularly of you and hubby/SO) as well as other things related to babies. I don't really have that, although I put part of an eggshell on the alter...which is a symbol of reincarnation as well as the start of a new life. There was other advice, but the baby altar was the only one I remembered.

I've only been following Mother Nature as a goddess for a year now. I've been following my Personal Deity longer.

I don't think mother ( ... )

magicpointeshoe October 5 2011, 03:41:14 UTC

The arguing with God about fairness is a part of the grief process for sure. I had it out with God many years ago about a loss of a child (in a different kind of loss) and gosh I was so furious about seeing other women with similar aged children doing such a shitty job of parenting. Oh the resentment I had that here were these women not knowing what they were taking for granted. Furious. Anyway, it took time and the realization that free will is to blame more than God is. If one were to take the whole preordained lifetime idea, then what is the point of free will? Horrible things happen every day, and that's a lot of blaming God if I'm gonna go whole hog on being mad at God. Versus the idea of hands off what happens, but there as a guide, support, or love when the worst is happening.

And gosh, I don't think Lutheran 101 is going to cover this topic. But it's been a couple years since I've looked in that book.