x

[miseryland]

you are like an x rated movie with the most beautiful song playing softly between the sheets.
how much can one person love when they don't really love themselves.

Comments

[subtexts]

i think they are capable of loving, only they struggle more & they may lose themselves in the process. but still, i think that love can rescue the two people in it, even if they began needing another person to save them. what love is capable of doing is allowing not only love for one another, but love for self & the ability to be happier, stand a little straighter, look at the world through a renewed perspective.

xoxo

[miseryland]

i just want to love more than just him. i want to love myself maybe not as much but more. and i don't think i ever could. love is so hard to explain. its gut wrenching.

[subtexts]

why don't you think you are capable of loving yourself the way you want to love yourself? you are a wonderful person, jess. generous & kind & understanding & empathetic & hard-working & such a precious friend. i wish you could see within you all the qualities that glow from the inside.

[miseryland]

i wish i could see those things but i can't. nevermind. i guess its sort of like seeing the scasr reminds me constantly of how much hate i had for myself...i dont hate myself like i used to. i just dont know how to love myself when i havent in so long. i cant understand how others can love me when i cant. ugh.

[deviantways]

aw. well, i love you oodles, jess! and forever, too. :D

[miseryland]

i love you too. i feel like shit today. today is the first time in ages i want to hurt myself.

[deviantways]

:/ i'm sorry, darling. it can be so hard and it seems like it never goes away.. i still think about it everyday. :( what's wrong? i hope you feel better. maybe it's your hormones, love.

[miseryland]

im late for my period by a week and a half. that's one problem. i have been having constant thoughts about weird things that i don't want to think about it. i keep getting this slight cramping that makes me think im going to get my period for the past week or more but it never comes...and in some way i think im going to be disappointed if it comes.
i miss kieran already and we've only been apart two hours...i wish i could spend the whole day with him today. im taking a pregnancy test tonight if i dont get my period today...