Stalling
((You get one last warning, and I am sure by the looks of what is below you’re probably hitting the x at the top right hand corner of your screen right now, haha, I didn’t think I was going to write so much but I am drunk off my boredom and found myself writing/reminiscing about my first year in college. I thought I’d share this w/ everyone, seeing that some people were well a part of that period of my life. So if you actually read EVERYTHING-even though it could take several days-give yourself a pat on the back))
I am currently sitting at my desk doing everything else possible to elude myself from actually sitting down and studying. I thought, perhaps, if I cleaned off some of the excess scatter on my desk it would create some order amongst all the chaos, and I would be able to settle down and do some studying…but instead that only led to more distractions.
I ended up going through my shoe box full of my memorabilia’s, and found my lanyard from my first year of college….and then I was gone, back... back to the very first day of move-in to the drama filled last days of it all.
It’s crazy how time can really fly, and sometimes I wish I could posses the power to reverse time and re-live every moment of my life. Perhaps even be able to tweak the chain of events and see how it could have been if I had done this instead of that.
It’s kinda sad how everything sort of unraveled in the end, and how fast I left that last day without really giving certain people a proper goodbye, and now that I am looking back…I honestly miss everything. From the first day of move in- lugging things back and forth in the relentless heat of R-side. To the very first time I met so and so while standing lost in the wrong place on our floor-A2. To the first night I spent in the dorms-lingering outside and standing in the hot stagnant air with other fellow college mates-all looking for a party-all looking for companionship and so on and so on. To the first party I attended where I met a boy who wrote on my arm. To the next several nights I spent in absolute refusal to sleep thus leading to something called 'insomnia'. To the nights I spent in other people’s rooms thirsty for adventure and liquor (HA). To all the parties I attended at El Castillo and blasting our theme song ‘where the party at’ by I forget who on the drive there. To that one night my friend and I had to hitch a ride back to the dorms from 5 random asian guys after a party got broken up in God knows where-thus leading to the discovery of the word popo which means cops, and discovering that not being able to sit in your own individual seat in a car is the most uncomfortable experience you could ever endure in a small Honda. To the memories of the cafeteria where I found an insatiable taste for soft self-serve ice-cream, and a profound love for ‘cake’, and the annoyance of the bright orange/ or green trays we all had to carry our food on. To the nights spent till the early morning in someone’s room, or down in the lounge watching re-runs of random music videos all the while talking to so and so about anything and everything-pondering over the mundane and the philosophical. To all the confrontations I had with the opposite sex and the fun memories spent with those individuals. To that one night when we decided to bake and eat an apple pie a la mode, which led to my sudden splurge of hyper ness which then led to my discovery of razor scooters and how fun it is to be in the empty parking lots at the wee hours of the morning. To the whimsical walks around campus and singing at the top of our lungs to Musiq, and talking about my new found crush on so and so.To that one day my close friend biked from Tyler Galleria to my dorms to come see me. To the nights my two best guyfriends drove 40 minutes just to hang out with me when I was feeling down. To that one night I was tipsy and made cookies for so and so. To that one night we drove around to find the perfect hill that overlooked the city/city lights. To the sudden drama filled last months of my first year, where certain people I had never thought I could’ve grown close to became the most significant people in my life (even now). To all the nights I found myself in so and so’s room where I learned how to play a few notes from El Scorcio on his bass. To that one day I let a person see me cry. To those few weeks where I found myself entangled in conspiracies and odd confrontations with specific people-thus leading to a short lived adventure that died out in awkward silences and misconceptions in the end. To the very very end-when I left in my dads old mini-van not looking back and relieved that I would be back in my home town. To all the memories I had in college, without that experience I would’ve missed out on a lot of things.
Through it all, I regret nothing, and despite the fact that I still feel the need to validate myself -and tell so and so that I did care and that I am sorry things didn’t work out, and tell him/her/everyone that I am happy they were all a part of this experience-I suppose it's too late now...and some things are just better left unsaid.
I lived ,lost ,gained, discovered ,endured, professed ,gave up, gave in , and believe it or not-did a bit of growing up. And even though I am sad it had to end…all I can be grateful for is that it happened.