In which I do not like ten pin bowl
Everything's a bit quiet on the online dating front at the moment. Possibly due to me being such a hard-nosed, judgemental, middle-of-the-road drama queen bitch. I just don't know yet.
So, while we wait, let's take a moment to look at what responses my profile on OkCupid has had so far.
"hi huny wat d story how ar u?" - this came from the lyrically named '8inchslong'. This is a man who clearly does not feel bound by the social conventions of correct spelling, or typing out entire words. He's a busy man, he has a lot of things to do and a lot of thoughts in his head. He doesn't have time for entire words. Having an eight inch slong creates a sense of urgency in a man.
"Lovin the hair :)" - this is good. Everybody likes to hear nice things said about their hair. Sadly, his use of smiley face marks him out as a potential serial killer. OkCupid confirms this by telling me this man is "55% enemy". This is what I like about OkCupid. It's good for ordinary people to have enemies.
"do u like ten pin bowl" - no, sir, I do not.
"Hi :)" - it's the Smiley Face Killer again. He's quite keen, but not keen enough to speak in full sentences. And he's still my sworn enemy.
"hi. hows it going? u seem cool :)" - well, yes, I do seem cool, don't I? You don't, though.
"U r really cute" - at this point, I'd like to point out some highlights from own profile. This comes from my profile, for example: "Politics graduate, trained and failed journalist, now spend my time throwing insults at Question Time audience members". Under "Six things you couldn't live without", I have put: "Crowded House and various Finn family musical offshoots, Doctor Who, eyeliner, BBC4, glitter, reading books". Under "You should message me if.." I have put: "You enjoy spending Friday nights watching 3 hour Swedish documentaries about prog rock on BBC4. Or something".
Now, I'm going to be quite controversial here, and suggest that maybe, MAYBE, these men haven't been reading my profile. I know, I know. I have a mind like Sherlock Holmes, and I'm constantly in my Mind Palace.
And then, my most recent message.
"do u like ten pin bowl" - back to my Mind Palace. I believe I have been asked this question before. Cast your mind back a few paragraphs, and I think we established that no, I do not like ten pin bowl. I don't like it. I really, really don't like ten pin bowl.
To confirm: I don't like ten pin bowl.
Alas, I have now exhausted my OkCupid messages. I think in a very real way, I have discovered many things about myself so far. Most importantly, that I don't like ten pin bowl. I really don't like ten pin bowl. Ten pin bowl - I don't like it.
I eagerly await what futher discoveries I make on this very spiritual journey.
So, while we wait, let's take a moment to look at what responses my profile on OkCupid has had so far.
"hi huny wat d story how ar u?" - this came from the lyrically named '8inchslong'. This is a man who clearly does not feel bound by the social conventions of correct spelling, or typing out entire words. He's a busy man, he has a lot of things to do and a lot of thoughts in his head. He doesn't have time for entire words. Having an eight inch slong creates a sense of urgency in a man.
"Lovin the hair :)" - this is good. Everybody likes to hear nice things said about their hair. Sadly, his use of smiley face marks him out as a potential serial killer. OkCupid confirms this by telling me this man is "55% enemy". This is what I like about OkCupid. It's good for ordinary people to have enemies.
"do u like ten pin bowl" - no, sir, I do not.
"Hi :)" - it's the Smiley Face Killer again. He's quite keen, but not keen enough to speak in full sentences. And he's still my sworn enemy.
"hi. hows it going? u seem cool :)" - well, yes, I do seem cool, don't I? You don't, though.
"U r really cute" - at this point, I'd like to point out some highlights from own profile. This comes from my profile, for example: "Politics graduate, trained and failed journalist, now spend my time throwing insults at Question Time audience members". Under "Six things you couldn't live without", I have put: "Crowded House and various Finn family musical offshoots, Doctor Who, eyeliner, BBC4, glitter, reading books". Under "You should message me if.." I have put: "You enjoy spending Friday nights watching 3 hour Swedish documentaries about prog rock on BBC4. Or something".
Now, I'm going to be quite controversial here, and suggest that maybe, MAYBE, these men haven't been reading my profile. I know, I know. I have a mind like Sherlock Holmes, and I'm constantly in my Mind Palace.
And then, my most recent message.
"do u like ten pin bowl" - back to my Mind Palace. I believe I have been asked this question before. Cast your mind back a few paragraphs, and I think we established that no, I do not like ten pin bowl. I don't like it. I really, really don't like ten pin bowl.
To confirm: I don't like ten pin bowl.
Alas, I have now exhausted my OkCupid messages. I think in a very real way, I have discovered many things about myself so far. Most importantly, that I don't like ten pin bowl. I really don't like ten pin bowl. Ten pin bowl - I don't like it.
I eagerly await what futher discoveries I make on this very spiritual journey.